Due in July Part FOUR - gather here!

[Cyee]

Can't believe we need more space... again...

36 week check in morning. Need to get some forms signed and hope I can remember. I really could do with my SureStart maternity grant right about now:S

Hope everyone is okay and feeling well. I'm feeling stretched. Think the spawn has decided sideways is good again. Either that it 'tis bigger that the elder spawn:s

Take care all.

Agnes

Yay my muslin cloths and teeny tiny nappy wraps arrived today. Had a mad panic in the early hours of tuesday morning, when I woke up with a headache, went to the loo and found I had leaked. Couldn't tell if it was wee or amniotic fluid . Anyway took my bp and it was fine. I wouldn't have worried, had I not had swollen ankles and hands the night before. Anyway to cut a long story short, Midwives weren't bothered as swelling had reduced, bp not high and headache gone by time I woke when it was late enough to contact the day unit. It made me think think 'oops not got a bag packed, no clothes out for newborn, no newborn nappies or anything' so I spent an hour on line at 4am ordering stuff. Didn't get to see a midwife or get urine tested, so will have the opportunity to tomorrow at appointment tomorrow.

I know lots of you have had serious worries so feel bad about posting this but am feeling emotionally low so sorry for long post. When I saw my midwife last week she had a real downer on me for still working and told me the baby was small because of it. She also said that because I had a small bleed at 27 wks there was no way I could use the pool and would have to have continuous monitoring. As a result I?ve felt pretty low: both guilty about potential growth problems (though rationally it makes little sense ? I?m mainly working from home and not stressed) and out of control on options for birth. I?m seeing her tomorrow to check growth, whether I need a scan and to go through birth plan. I?m pretty stressed about it and have been constantly worrying about reduced movements (linked to growth problem?) and finding the birth plan difficult as she?s essentially said I can?t do what I wanted to anyway?

I was trying to write the birth plan with DH tonight. He can?t really see the point as we?ll just ?do what the Dr says at the time?. Essentially had a row about that which ended when, in response to me explaining that it wasn?t a rigid plan but I needed to feel some control and forethought about something that would have such a profound effect on me emotionally and physically, he said ?you don?t care about what?s best for the baby?. I just feel shattered (though he now says he ?didn?t mean it??) I?m feeling so low, still don?t have a birth plan (which will no doubt confirm to the midwife that I have no interest in the baby) and feel that no-one will be supporting me in labour. I also feel utterly out of control over the whole birth and that unless I lie down and do what the Dr says I?m being selfish? Sorry for long post just needed to get it off my chest.

(hugs) Catz. I know exactly what you are getting at and how hurtful your dhs comments are. Hope somebody else can make you feel a bit better. I'm rubbish at this sort of thing.

And small baby because you are still working? FFS is your midwife being serious?

Catz - your midwife sounds a charmer. In my opinion a birthplan is just a set of parameters that you would like put into play if all goes to plan, in "ideal birth land". Put your pool in your birthplan and tell your midwife that it is your birthplan not the American Constitution. (I think you will find that it is not her who makes the decision as to whether you get your wish anyway - so she should shut up). If you are later told that the pool is not possible then it is easy to amend your plan, but she has no right to start ruling things out for you. I very much doubt you have anything to worry about re growth - if you are really worried why not consider a private growth scan/colour doppler scan (Fetalmedicinecentre in Harley St are excellent and non profit making). Your dh is probably trying to steer you away from the birth plan because he can see it is upsetting you. I should think he wants you to take it easy and relax. Men just want everything to go back to normal, even keeled emotions, a healthy baby and their fun loving wives/partners back. For eight months they remain the same whilst around them their world morphs into something totally unrecognisable. You will be able to laugh about it very soon!
My sister called me tonight and said "How long to go?" I told her in weeks and she said "It has gone so quickly, I can't believe he will be here in a few short weeks". I was rather quick to point out that it may have gone quickly for her and everyone else as they have all been going about their lives enjoying themselves, buying new clothes, going to the gym, and binge drinking at home on bottles of New Zealand Sauvignon whilst I had no energy and no sense of humour . She was laughing so much at the end of the phone! Grrrr.

Catz - Palpating someone's abdomen or measuring fundal height is notoriously inaccurate for size/weight. Ask your mw tomorrow how accurate her assessment of size is, if she has any decency she should blush. Her comments about your work causing growth retardation are gross (does she think you are a hod carrier or something?). A lot of people on here are now saying that movement is reducing as the babies are running out of space.
When you see her tomorrow be firm (but polite) with her and tell her, her comments are freaking you out.
Outraged from Herts! lol

Catz, I also think that growth will have little to do with you still working, especially like you say if your job is not manual. If she is that concerned about baby's growth, she should refer you to the hospital for a scan, which is a much more accurate way to measure baby's size, which is what happened to a friend of mine, and she had a 7lb 12 baby which is not exactly small!

I have known people to work right up to due date and no problems with baby. She should not make you feel guilty about still being at work, particularly if you want to maximise the amount of time you have off work with LO after delivery, and also since most first babies are late too! If you still feel fine, then work is not an issue.

Also, I don't understand why a bleed at 27 weeks would rule out a water birth, so please list it in your plan as something you would like, and the hospital will review your notes and let you know if its not an option when the time comes.

I can see your DHs point about the plan needing to be flexible, as in the end, the most important thing is for the baby to come out healthy, but the plan is more a "wish list" and also to do with pain relief options. I had a birth plan last time, and it helps the midwifes understand your feelings and wishes, so they know how you will react if things need to be done differently e.g. episiotomy. It is also good for putting down things like whether you want to check the baby's sex for yourself or whether you want them to tell you, whether your DH wants to cut the cord etc, so hopefully you can get some input from him, if you want to try again. But in the end, if he doesn't want to help you, then you should consider what you want.

Hope you feel more positive and empowered soon. Hugs.

PS Can you tell I am having difficulty sleeping- its 3 in the morning!

There you go Catz. Some excellent opinions put much better than I could have done!

Sorry to hear some of you sare having a hard time a t the moment.

Inlaws have gone back now.. I can now realx and dont have two extra people to run about after, it has totally knackered me out. We told them as well that we a re defo not going back to the uk in august.. I said they are welcome to come here after the baby has been born.. but to come for a couple days.. as we are going to be having lots of visitors.. But MIL still keeps saying I can havve 7days compassionate leave so we will come for week!!!!.. Going to have to be firm but gentle.. I dont think I can cope with them for a week.. after the birth.. although they play with DS they do sweet fa around the house.. when we went to the hospital the other day we were all day from 9am till 3pm as went to ikea as well,, when I returned home, the glasses from the night before, breakfast and lunch plates where all still there form me to do before I started the trea for everyone!!!.. I was slighlty peed to say the least.. am I over reacting!!!

I have had enough of the heat too, I am sat downstairs with a fan, feet and ankles are like puddings..

Sorry whinge over.. xx

I have noticed a slow down in movements too, also extremely hungry.. and craving sweet stuff.. think lo may be having a growth spurt. I have anther scan on the 18th June.. (day before ds 3rd bday)

Catz...just to let you know, i dont have a birth plan either, and dont intend to have one, with this being my second im taken it all as it comes...dont care what mw or anyone thinks (sorry if this sounds selfish) but i personally dont see the need for a birth plan (nothing ever goes to plan) Everything else is ready and planned so your not the only one with no birth plan. Hope you a feeling better xxxxxx Thinking of you.

My birthplan is this:
I want as many medical experts in the room as possible
I don't care what is on the CD player
Bean bags are for teenagers playing playstation
Ylang Ylang candles no thanks
Epidural yes please

Weekly stats:

Date Name
23-Jun Auntymandy 37 +6
27-Jun Beart ime 37 +2
29-Jun 3flightsofstairs 37 +0
29-Jun Cakehead 37 +0
29-Jun Justbeme 37 +0
29-Jun Foxybrown 37 +0
30-Jun S wift1 36 +6
30-Jun Dophus 36 +6
30-Jun Trimum2 36 +6
01-J ul Gingertoo 36 +5
02-Jul Pulapula 36 +4
02-Jul Becks08 36 +4
04-Jul Theprecious 36 +2
05-Jul Relax 36 +1
05-Jul Cu pcakesgalore 36 +1
05-Jul Stigaloid 36 +1
06-Jul Abgirl 36 +0
06-Jul Emmyb 36 +0
06-Jul Berrysmum 36 +0
07-Jul Pook ey 35 +6
07-Jul Greyclay 35 +6
07-Jul Mousemole 35 +6
08- Jul Helenmumof2 35 +5
08-Jul Cyee 35 +5
09-Jul Flipflop 35 +4
09-Jul Nadinetd 35 +4
09-Jul Catstar 35 +4
09-Jul Mel issaM 35 +4
11-Jul Catz 35 +2
12-Jul Dorisofdevon 35 +1
1 3-Jul Loujay 35 +0
13-Jul Breadandroses 35 +0
13-Jul Mrswa ggsnapps 35 +0
13-Jul Mum2boys3 35 +0
14-Jul Firsttimer40 34 +6
14-Jul Hamptonnewbie 34 +6
14-Jul Weddingcake 34 +6
15-Jul Bodkin 34 +5
15-Jul Twoplusone 34 +5
15-Jul newby2 9 34 +5
15-Jul MarchBunny 34 +5
15-Jul Jamantha 34 +5
15- Jul Jendos 34 +5
16-Jul Cutiebabies 34 +4
16-Jul Earlyrise r 34 +4
16-Jul Gingerbics 34 +4
16-Jul Icklegem 34 +4
17- Jul fido 34 +3
18-Jul Keiralou 34 +2
18-Jul Saf1 34 +2
18 -Jul Bertieboo 34 +2
19-Jul Kyte 34 +1
19-Jul Vicky55 34 + 1
19-Jul Biblio 34 +1
20-Jul Faby 34 +0
20-Jul MissusC 34 +0
20-Jul Princesspowersparkle 34 +0
20-Jul Agnesnitt 34 +0
21-Jul Miaou 33 +6
22-Jul Jennster 33 +5
22-Jul Baysmu m 33 +5
22-Jul Tutter 33 +5
22-Jul Madmumnika 33 +5
22-Ju l Chooster 33 +5
22-Jul Beyonceen 33 +5
23-Jul Dewmeadow 3 3 +4
24-Jul Twink123 33 +3
24-Jul Huskygirl 33 +3
25-Jul Groveregg 33 +2
25-Jul Caroline1852 33 +2
26-Jul Firststar 33 +1
26-Jul Bubble78 33 +1
26-Jul Weepiglet2 33 +1
27-J ul Lynneclynne 33 +0
27-Jul Leiselvontrapp 33 +0
27-Jul Gl ittercaz 33 +0
29-Jul Tallysmummy 32 +5
29-Jul Myfairone 3 2 +5
29-Jul Typhoonsmum 32 +5
30-Jul Giulia 32 +4
31-Jul Littlepiggie 32 +3
31-Jul Justaboutmanaging 32 +3

Catz - some ace advice has already been posted from the ever-wise women of the July thread. I esp agree with Justaboutmanaging re: men being much more about safety. I'm sure your DH didn't remotely intend to belittle your desire/need for some control. They just tend to be terrified that something will go wrong with you or the baby. Not having had their emotions and hormone wreak havoc they can't really 'get' where we all are emotionally.

The women on this thread are strong, independent and are used to having control over their lives (most of the time!!). Pregnancy is in many ways a complete nightmare for us!

I've commented before on your m/wife and her comments. Bloody outrageous IMHO.

Agree with everyone that you should be firm and don't remotely worry about what other people think. You have a RIGHT to be selfish. It's your body, your baby, your life. You're not suggesting doing anything risky or bizarre.

I hope things settle down for you - keep coming on here if you're feeling wobbly.

Huskygirl - really sorry to hear how grim you're feeling. Hope you manage to get some help/sympathy/support.

Hi to everyone else - take care and have a good weekend. I am spending my last weekend away from home... for probably a rather long time!

hi Catz,

Would you consider trying to get a doula on board? It might be late in the day but honestly, I think the relief you'd feel would be worth the effort. I know I just booked mine and I feel SOO much safer.

They are really not horribly expensive and as your DH will probably be on the doctor's side of every issue, you might benefit from someone who has your personal well being in mind as well. They are NOT mutually exclusive, you know! Sometimes what is convenient for doctors or mws can be presented as the safest option. A doula can quietly point out when that is the case.

Of course we all want healthy babies above all but (say it loud) We are NOT expendable vessels from which our babies must be rescued!!!

Hi Abgirl,

could I possibly be added to the list?

July 27

Thanks!

Oh God, did I kill yet another thread?

Sorry if I offended anyone!

Thanks everyone for all the replies and the reassurance, I really appreciate it. It's easy to know what is rational in the back of your mind but not to realise it until other people tell you that IYKWIM! Feeling much better now. DH knows my nickname and read the thread (which was probably good) so we had a long chat about it. He was just being a bit of a muppet in what he said but as Cyee and JAM guessed, is very focused on 'safety' and a bit freaked out about the idea of 'standing up' for what I want if the Drs want to do something else (which is a bit silly as I clearly don't want him to fight the Drs off if forceps are the only way of saving the baby etc just don't want things to happen automatically). Thinking about the doula Diva ? do you know how much they are?

Midwife better today. Did as suggested and was quite firm about work (I agree with what JAM says about having toddlers ? all I do is sit about at a desk for a few hours!) still measuring a bit small though so she?s booking me in for scan and doppler test next week. She?d double booked the appointment so after all that didn?t have time to go through the non-existent birth plan anyway!@£$£@

Thanks again for listening to me stress.

Catz,

Mind charges between 300 and 500 pounds but won't turn someone away if they can't even afford that. And many are keen to do homebirths so be sure you say that up front when you start calling. www.doula.co.uk I think. Start calling right away since many will be booked. The consultation appt is free and you'll get an idea of what they offer and if they're someone you'll feel good about having in your home and sharing this amazing experience with!

Good luck and well done with the midwife today!

Message withdrawn

(((hugs)))) to Catz - am sorry you are feeling unsupported and hope that you feel better soon.

Had my 36 week midwife appointment today and it turns our i can't have my home birth as hoped for, which is a bit disappointing. I have had previous surgery on my cervix due to an earlier cancer scare where they did a biopsy and loop excision and as such they don't know how my cervix will react to birth. Worst case scenario the scar tissue to tear and i could heammorage and as that isn't ideal they have suggested a hospital birth for this one. Am gutted as really wanted a home birth too but appreciate it's probably for the best.

Our car has also died - been playing up for ages so took it in to be serviced and turns out that there are serious faults with it and it has been leaking carbon monoxide into the car when we drive it Have spent the afternoon in fits worried senseless that i may have damaged my unborn child and don't know what to do. Have left message with mid-wife for advice/reassurance but not heard back yet. Am petrified i have caused damage to my baby and can't do anything about it. Am also now in the position of not having transport to the hospital for when i go into labour and no way of getting home either.

Been a very stressful pregnancy as we moved house in the middle of it and DH has been out of work for over 3 months. He has finally been offered a job but no start date as yet as they are doing all the reference checks etc so i am now going on Mat Leave and DH has no income and we have a new huge mortgage to pay.

Sometimes when it rains, it truly feels like it pours

Message withdrawn

Thanks Firststar. Shall try to focus on the positive side of things. Am starting maternity leave and able to rest for a few weeks before the big day arrives so that is all good.

Sorry to hear about all that Stigaloid, really puts my moan into perspective! Glad to hear that your DH has been offered the job. Hope it all comes through quickly. Hope that the mw is in touch soon, surely it would have affected you too if it was in your system enough to cross the placenta? Best of luck with it all and thinking of you.