November 2017 #5. You wait ages for a baby, then 3 come along at once. Ante/post-natal chat ...

[Zampa]

No specific post-natal category so I've added it to the normal ante-natal category ...

J is going through 10 bottles a day at the moment even though the RDA is 6!!!

Iris has had 640ml already today & is likely to have another 120. She should be having 540! We were doing 90ml per feed but then she was screaming because she wanted more so we’d open some ready made formula & she’s only have 10ml. So we started making 120ml yesterday & she is now drinking all that & still looking for that little bit extra! She is having lots of wet & dirty nappies so think a lot of it is going straight through her & she tends to have one projectile vomit if most of a bottle every day like she’s making room for more! I might try her with a dummy after a feed to see if it’s the comfort from sucking that she’s after rather than actual milk.

In the day he is fine but come 8pm he is wide awake and just wants feeding constantly. It’s taken me from 8.40pm to now (10.28pm) and two 4oz bottles to get him to sleep and it’s like this every night! I just feel that from 8pm I don’t get a break so have to eat my dinner while feeding him, don’t get to spend any time with my OH because constantly feeding J and then we go to bed and it’s another day gone.

@DuRezidal you have just described my evenings to a T. I find it hard as I don’t get any time to myself. I have afterwards to make sure section scar is clean then it’s straight to bed awaiting the next demands for food.

Bea has started to try and smile, her lips are starting to twitch and her eyes light up. Makes my heart melt 😍

I haven't posted for a few weeks because I was a bit overwhelmed towards the end. Warning - this is long.

TL;DR successful 38 week delivery with epidural. Shit week since. Mother on the edge.

First things first, baby Felicity Rose arrived safe and sound last Sunday night. We had a planned induction at 38 weeks due to GD, which was started off at 8am on Saturday with nothing happening till 9am on Sunday when they managed to break my waters with the knitting needle looking thing. After that I was put on the syntocin drip. I think I managed till about 1pm with gas and air before it all got a bit too much and I was only 3cm dilated. I was already hooked up to that many drips and monitors I couldn't get comfortable so figured I may as well go the whole hog and get an epidural. The first one didn't work, so after a while it was all taken out and a new one put in. Once it worked it was amazing. I could still feel pressure from contractions but no pain at all, so I could relax and just doze.

I pretty much slept from 3cm till they checked again at 8pm and I was fully dilated. They left me another 50 minutes to let the baby come down, then started pushing at 20:50 and the baby arrived at 21:10. Not being able feel it, I just pushed when I was told to by the midwife, and it was all remarkably easy. I had a small post party mum haemorrhage and it took ages to deliver the placenta, but only had a minor second degree tear which was in the muscle rather than the skin so hasn't really given me any trouble since.

She was 8lb 8oz which is a little bigger than predicted by my growth scans but not a surprise to me as everyone in my family seems to have massive babies, and I was 9lbs born at 38 weeks. She's squishy and has chubby cheeks and lots of dark hair at the back.

So far so good. But then we were discharged from hospital on Tuesday and had possibly the worst night of our lives as she screamed all night. In hindsight she was clearly starving as my milk hadn't come in yet and I'd struggled with getting any colostrum.

By Wednesday morning when the community midwife arrived she had lost 12% of her birth weight in less than 3 days, so we were sent back to the hospital where her bilirubin levels were also much too high and blood sugar too low. So she was put on phototherapy and I was started off pumping with an electric pump and supplementing her feeds with this and a top up of formula, on a 3-4 hour schedule.

Discharged again on Thursday, and then on Friday she was really lethargic and wouldn't feed during the day, even from a syringe. So we were summoned back to the ward, where her bilirubin had shot right up again. We've just had another 2 nights in there, still fighting with breastfeeding, and with me expressing after every attempted feed. The staff are wonderful but it's a difficult environment and I'm exhausted. We were released back home today although she hadn't gained any weight back yet, and just will not feed. I'm not getting as much from my pump as I was from the hospital one, so my supply will run out tonight.

I'm really, really struggling. I can't stop crying. We haven't even left the house yet apart from going to and coming back from hospital. We haven't given her a bath at home yet. The pram is completely unused.

I think I'm going to just admit defeat and switch to formula, with some expressed milk. I don't feel like we've been able to bond or interact with her at all yet because I've been in a 3 hour cycle of trying and mostly failing to feed her, trying to stop her crying, pumping, and by the time that's all done it's time to start again. I'm exhausted and emotional, and it's mentally so draining. It can't be good for my baby to have me in this state (and my DH, he's stressed to all hell too!)

Community midwife comes in the morning and I'll no doubt be in floods of tears again as soon as she arrived. I feel like I need someone to tell me it's ok to move to formula. I've tried so hard this week but I can't comprehend continuing with this schedule for much longer.

Thanks for reading, if anyone has made it to the end. It's been lovely sitting reading through your birth announcements. For those still pregnant I'm a little bit jealous! My baby bear wasn't even due till next weekend, and I was better at looking after her while she was still inside me.

@AccrualIntentions firstly congratulations on your baby, Felicity is a beautiful name.

Secondly, it’s ok to cry! You have had a tough start to motherhood. It’s bloody hard! You will be fine though, and the gang here will be here to listen to you.

Thirdly, I’ll be the first to tell you that it’s ok to formula feed. As long as you feed your baby it doesn’t matter which way you feed them.

And as I always say, be kind to yourself!! Enjoy your little girl 💐 xxx

Wow, Accrual, that sounds really tough! We had issues getting DS1 to breastfeed. It was about 5 days before he'd latch on properly. It was incredibly stressful but we got there in the end. Have you tried finding an IBCLC? I saw one with DS2 & she was the first person to diagnose his TT at about 12w. Having it cut made feeding much easier.

I'm a huge supporter of breastfeeding but there is nothing wrong with formula if that works better for you and your baby. It could be that the formula is only needed for a few days to get her strength up & she'll figure out how to breastfeed after that, or it could be that you'll find formula is easier to get into her & thus better for your mental health. I know it seems like a huge deal right now, really, I've been there! but formula isn't toxic, it's better than her not feeding at all & you being back & forth to the hospital! Give yourself a break & do whatever it takes to get enough time to enjoy your baby!

@AccrualIntentions congratulations on the arrival of Felicity. Sounds like you’ve been having a tough old time of it. Everything seems so much harder when you’re on the hospital. It’s not the easiest of environments to cope in with a fit & healthy newborn never mind one that needs extra care. It’s definitely easier at home, you can relax more & felicity will pick up on that. Without the pressure for you to bf / express you’ll hopefully find it easier to feed her no matter which way you do it.

You need to do what is best for all of you when it comes to feeding. I did the same feed - try breast first, then formula & then pump cycle as you for 2 weeks with DS after he lost 15% of body weight at his 5 day check. It was sending me insane. A combination of an undiagnosed tongue tie & my milk never really coming in just made it a fruitless exercise & I wish I’d never started on the expressing & just been more confident to switch to 100% formula earlier as it was so much better for DS & I. With Iris I knew the signs to look for in terms of her not getting enough & so asked for formula in hospital as soon as I saw them. They were quite insistent on me continuing to bf despite the history with DS. I tried for another 8 hours but then insisted on formula & she was instantly happier so in turn so was I.

Even as a first time mum you know your baby better than anyone else & you’ll soon work out a method & routine that works best for you. It is worth getting felicity checked for tongue tie to see if that helps. Hopefully now her bilirubin levels are back up she’ll want to feed more anyway. Hope things start improving for you both soon. We are all here to listen & support.

@accrualintentions Congratulations on the birth of Felicity. Well done.

I can only echo PPs comments on formula. It is not the work of the devil and if it makes you both happier, switch. IME with DD I found the experience of feeding, expressing and sterilising so time consuming and monotonous that I stopped after 10 weeks. The quantities I was expressing were so small that I was having to top up with formula anyway. As soon as we feed her on formula exclusively, the time I had back to spend with DD and also to relax made the experience much better.

If you want to carry on trying to establish breast feeding (and it's worth a try), how about hiring a medical grade breast pump, like a Medela, via Mothercare or another provider? I'd also recommend going to your local breastfeeding café - they're a brilliant source of support.

Felicity will have benefitted enormously from the milk which you have been able to provide so feel like you've let her down in any way.

Lastly, with all the time that Felicity has spent in hospital, do see if your partner's workplace will allow him any more time off for paternity leave. DP was encouraged to be signed off work whilst DD was in NICU and a friend's workplace simply said have an extra week to account for the time before his baby was discharged. It's certainly worth asking.

Good luck and come back to us if you need anything!

Don't feel ...

Can anyone recommend a baby carrier that I can use for walking the dog? I want to get walking again but we have so many gates etc it’s hard with the pram.

He is 3 weeks old this Wednesday b

@AccrualIntentions I feel your stress but please don’t feel bad for moving to formula. I too have been in the endless feeding / pumping cycle and Liliana never seems to take enough from me but will happily be topped up with a bottle. Maybe I’m not producing enough? Either way you have tried your best and that’s all you can do, so now you just need to save your own sanity and use what is available to you. Well done it sounds like you’ve had a rough time xx

@DuRezidal we got mama ruga zen sling after trying on a load at local sling library. It’s soft and can wear around house/ wherever but easy to use as well x

Thanks for the words of support everyone,!8 really appreciate it and felt slightly better just writing that down. We had another terrible night. It's a good job she's cute.

It's a good job she's cute.

@durezidal I have a Connecta Baby which is easy to use, a Baby Bjorn Classic which feels very secure and have just borrowed a Caboo, which feels very light and cosy and I'm hopefully going to use around the house.

Have you got a sling library near you?

@AccrualIntentions congratulations on felicity's arrival but sorry to hear you've been having such a tough time. It's absolutely ok to give formula a try - maybe it'll be what you both need to gather your strength and relax a little. Keep posting and talking to us if it helps - we're all here to support you. I'm sure you're doing an amazing job of looking after felicity but make sure you look after yourself too.

@durezidal I have a babybjorn active from my first baby, but they can't go in it until they're 8lbs ish and I found baby's head could flop about a bit. It was really useful as baby got older (great for days out walking cross country courses when she was 3 months plus!).
This time I've bought a close caboo and so far it's fab, really comfy and soft and F goes straight to sleep in it. I'll be using it for dog walks - it's useful in that it goes over baby's head and holds it still, so if you need to lean forward to put leads on, pick up poo etc, baby doesn't flop about. I'm now tempted to buy the nice waterproof cover they sell too!

Today Bea was sick for the first time, it smelt horrible, but I believe it makes me officially a mum as I still gave her a kiss.

Those who remember my tumble dryer drama... I’m using my new tumble dryer for the first time. I’m during here with tightly clenched buttocks, terrified something will happen.

Yay for new tumble dryer @theotherendofthesockportal

I am officially fed up with it all. Feeding has been erratic today - I tried to get him to nurse more on the boob and less bottle but made a mistake and put him down too soon, so he woke up demanding food after 1.5 hours. I am sick and tired of pumping after every feed and topping up with a bottle (of expressed milk) each time. I am sick of my whole life revolving around 3-4 hour cycles of feed, change nappy, get settled to sleep, pump, potter/jobs/sleep self and repeat. I feel like I have lost all sense of self.

He's started to stay awake after some feeds now but I don't know what to do with him! He loves his playpen and the mobile there but should I be stimulating him in some other way? I have a gym but never seem to get round to using it. I have no idea when or how to play with him and to be honest don't know how I'm going to cope when I don't have that time to do house stuff.

We went out Thursday and Friday and it totally screwed with that nights sleep as he was so out of it whilst we were out that he wasn't so tired at night, so now I don't want to go out but am going crazy.

Oh, and he screams in his sleep so you think he is waking up but actually he isn't. Okay during the day as you can leave him and watch a bit but at night when it wakes you up and he does it on/off every five minutes or so for half an hour... screwed then. Plus you're not so awake so think he is waking up and therefore get him up but realised today that he can actually go another hour with a bit of shhhing and reassuring. How am I meant to do that at 03:00?

Sorry for the long rant. There is more but I don't want to scare all those still waiting to drop! I just feel so thoroughly fed up and DH's attitude is to put him in a sling and get on with stuff and it'll all be okay.

@GingerHanna I don't think that you need to worry about playing with him yet. Just being with you, talking/reading to him etc. will be stimulating enough in the early months. Time with Mummy is very valuable

Please don't feel that you need to do house stuff. I know that's easy to say but something has to give when you have a newborn.

Can your DH help with a bottle to give you some respite?

@GingerHanna hand holdfkr you and I am feeling your pain. Baby that cries all the time for no obvious reason and won’t sleep. She’s 3 wks old tomorrow and hoping it’s just a phase. DH thinks we can implement Gina Fords routine (we have her book) but seems ridiculous at this young age.

@Zampa is right you don’t need to play at this age. If baby is awake and not crying I’d put your sling on and get some things done if you want to. Good effort on the pumping I’ve been lazy with that. Still paranoid she’s not feeding enough because a) she always falls asleep whilst feeding (but cries when I take her off) and b) my mum has made comments that she is crying due to hunger :(

On my second week of antibiotics and concerned about effect they will have on milk supply :-/

@GingerHanna my little boy is an absolute super star when it comes to sleeping other than 8pm until 10pm! This is usually the time we want to sit down and have our dinner which obviously isn’t easy if he is a bit grumbly! So I then feel that one of us is trying to settle him while the other wolfs their dinner down so we can swap. It puts me off making a nice dinner because I don’t think either of us enjoy it.

So what I am trying to say is that even when babies are easy 90% of the time, you still feel like you have described so do not be hard on yourself as I think this is completely normal. After the euphoria of them being born starts to wear off, I think mummies start to get this sense of gloom

@GingerHanna I could have written parts of your post. I’ve tied myself up in tangles thinking that I don’t talk to Bea enough, I have no idea how to play with either. Plus half the time I’m too exhausted to talk to her properly, then end up beating myself up thinking I’m holding back her development.

I told my husband yesterday that I hated him, which is why he ended up buying me a costa coffee as a way of trying to make me be his friend again. Some of my feelings are irrational but I do resent him, he has no idea how I feel. I could write a novel about it all.

@theotherendofthesockportal I was really trying for an argument with my husband last night then felt awful afterwards because he hadn’t done anything wrong.

@GingerHanna

I am sick of my whole life revolving around 3-4 hour cycles of feed, change nappy, get settled to sleep, pump, potter/jobs/sleep self and repeat. I feel like I have lost all sense of self.

I can relate to this so much! The cycle is so draining. I cried yesterday because my DH said I was like an orangutan with my boobs hanging out all the time, and I said I didn't want to be an orangutan I wanted to be a person.

@DuRezidal The only people who understand are other mums who are at the same stage. I want to take out; my tiredness, my loss of freedom, my slow recovery, my self doubts and much more on my husband.