May 2017 #4

[WishIWasSleeping]

Oh, obviously I do know how!

Lovely to hear many of you can feel some movement. I honestly wouldn't have a clue what it felt like, until it's more obvious. But will be interesting once I know it's happening! What I do have is the feeling of a very full bladder which turns out to be near enough empty during the day which is a little odd.

All this talk of cheese is making me crave all the ones I can't have. I don't eat meat so cheese is a protein go-to. And generally the mouldier the better for me! I don't know how I could resist a cheese board.

I'm having small amounts of alcohol, have so many big events throughout the pregnancy and I think in moderation alcohol is not a problem.

Peach my first movement with my first pregnancy was very odd - it felt like a bubble of wind had popped in my innards somewhere. Had it been a bubble of wind I'd have had to dash to the loo sharpish! The day after that I started feeling 'normal' movements (still have no idea what that first one was, nothing like that ever happened again). The normal movement... it really does feel like movement, nothing else to say really :D you'll know when you feel it. At the moment mine's like slightly rhythmic thumping very low down by my bikini line. Rolls etc feel more like a hamster on the loose....

Maybe your baby is pushing on your bladder instead of outwards to your skin, might explain the full bladder sensation instead of feeling other movements.

Slipper - you sound like me, I don't "feel" pregnant at all and just look like I've had a bit of a big dinner

I'm only 15w so am not feeling any baby movements either and I don't think my midwife believes in Dopplers (she pretty much said that at the first appointment) so I doubt I'll be able to hear a heartbeat at my 16w appointment.

barnes glad I'm not the only one! At least I haven't felt ill though, reading about everyone suffering with terrible sickness etc makes me realise how lucky I have been.

Keep panicking about toxoplasmosis - remembered before I knew I was pregnant I ate (the most delicious) venison in Switzerland - super rare. Also had raw chorizo and haven't been washing salad / fruit etc. Been doing some reading and have freaked myself out!!

That's interesting savagehk perhaps that's what that was! I think I need baby to send me a more obvious message than that, most things I put down to hunger rumbles

Definitely been feeling movement over the past few days, I'm 16 +4 and it's my first so was quite surprised to feel it, but there's not much to me so maybe that's why. Today it's been like bubbles just behind my tummy button, yesterday it was more like fluttering. I still don't recognise that that's what it is straight away so it's a bit off putting when you're mid way through a sentence

Just been to Tesco and come back with some Brie, going to be brave and have some for dinner then leave it for DH to eat.

On the clothes front, I got the bump kit from Seraphine, I can highly recommend it. The leggings are a bit more like thick footless tights so I wouldn't wear them without a long top. The dress will do me for Christmas dos it can be dressed up or down and the skirt and to I can wear with lots of my existing floaty shirts. Definitely versatile!

Love ebay! Have spend the last few days buying some maternity clothes essentials. I feel much less bitter about buying stuff I shall only wear for a short time (hopefully...!!) when it's good quality and practically free . Though, why didn't I know about under the bump topshop maternity jeans... So VERY comfortable! May be tempted to keep them around!!

Ladies... some advice and a tough one...

A friend of mine has recently found out she may not be able to have anymore children sadly. She has a beautiful DD but would have liked another. She's awaiting further tests etc but has been told to wait at least 6 months before trying.

When we first told her and DH that we were expecting, they were over the moon and she has text both myself and DH quite frequently to ask how things are going etc. And we all have a good chat.

I've kept her in the loop after Midwife appointments etc as she seemed like she wanted to know. I text her this morning with a recording of the heartbeat which resulted in some texts going back and forth with general chit chat.

Then her DH texts mine this evening out of the blue basically asking me not to text her as it's upsetting her.

I really do feel for her of course, but I not feel extremely guilty for talking about anything, I'm supposed to be seeing them in a few weeks and feel like things are going to be awkward now.

Any suggestions on how to deal with a situation like this... I'm trying to be sensitive, but also don't want to have to not talk about my pregnancy at all...

Sounds tough raspberry. I would speak to her directly, just be honest & say how you feel, and that you want to support her as best you can. Ask her how she would prefer you to approach it & be guided by her.

That's not an easy situation rasperry, I guess she wants to be supportive of you but hearing a lot of detail might be a little tough on her. Might be best to wait for her to ask you any questions and respond to those, or talking in person might also be best.

Aw raspberry, it's difficult isn't it. I was very sensitive after my miscarriage to people's pregnancy talk so I get some of what she's feeling. I wonder if she actually knows her husband has done that? It's the kind of thing mine might do if I were upset but I would actually be mortified. Given that she's been asking you stuff I mean. It's only natural she'll be upset sometimes but she probably won't want you to feel like you can't talk about it at all.

I think if you're asked how things are going by her then respond in a natural way for you. Just don't let it be the only topic of conversation and it'll be fine. Maybe avoid photos/recordings with her I would have found that too much at the time.

MrsJW 'well done' burgers are fine! Just make sure they're cooked through with no pink meat left and from somewhere reputable.
I actually took an uber to a GBK burger joint at Westfield last week. On my own. Totally not on my way home. Was amazing...

Feel too sodding sick again now to eat in the evenings...argh!!!

Autumn, peached and sipper - thank you for your advice.

It's tough, you're right, her hubby hasn't told her that he text DH, I think she would be upset if she knew.

The reason I messaged her is because I didn't want her finding out things over Facebook. She's too close a friend of ours for that.

Due to living so far away from so many of my friends and family and having quite a select friends list on Facebook - we've opted to share our pregnancy details / milestones so that we can update everyone in one go rather than having to text people individually - other than those who are very close to us (they were part of our bridal party)...

I'll continue to be mindful and see what happens...

We did a big xmas lunch/dinner party yesterday (I had a glass of fizz - def recommend the Emily Oster book for helping anxious me be a little bit less uptight and a little bit better informed). I was so proud of myself for getting through it all with the big turkey and the noise etc...then when everyone left at 6.30 I went STRAIGHT to bed to have a little meltdown! Just got a bit overwhelmed

raspberry that's a tricky one for both of you but as others have said best just ask I think. I've been on both sides and am currently minding what I say with a friend who had to have an early termination after ivf, it's awfully sad. We tend to talk about work, other halves, DIY etc then if she asks me how pregnancy is going I keep it positive (hated hearing preggo people complaining about sickness, exhaustion etc after my mc's) but not too upbeat and I keep it general, nothing specific. I let her lead. I have other friends I can talk to about my pregnancy.

Also as autumn has said I felt a bit sensitive to friends pregnancy talk but I honestly wanted to know if they were OK and I was excited and happy for them I just couldn't hear too many specifics, photos etc. I think honesty is the best policy so if you can ask her how she'd like to proceed then see if this works for both of you that might be good. I'm sure you'll find a way that works :)

Have been waiting and waiting for first glass of crisp white wine to happen at Xmas do this coming Friday. 4 more sleeps...

Nearly caved at village Xmas light switch on yesterday whilst holding friends mulled wine for her, sniffed too vigorously and managed to spill it down lovely and v expensive turquoise coat my mum has leant me as a maternity coat. Doh, massive purple stain for absolutely no reward! (Top tip though, pure water baby wipes got it straight out).

Anyone else really noticing they really can't fit as much dinner in as they used to?

Badger if anything my appetite is BIGGER than it was before! I am so so hungry, and eating the same size dinners as DH now.

Anyone else got really dry flakey skin...? It's everywhere but particularly on my arms and legs... never had it before and it's really unattractive, itchy and annoying.

raspberry my hunch is the fact you're giving this so much careful thought means you're bound to make good, sensitive choices. You sound like a great friend.

badger it's usual for me, also eczema, and having tried every cream going I find that Cetraben in generous quantities really helps reduce the need for steroid cream.

Badger - yes! I used to eat for England and now after a small dinner I'm stuffed for the rest of the night. Same at lunch when I can only manage a small sandwich (it used to be a large sandwich, crisps, chocolate and fruit and I'd still be hungry). I miss eating...

Raspberry - personally I'd be honest with her and tell her that her DH messaged yours. If she's been asking you questions, it sounds like she wants to know. She may get upset later and then may dwell on things but that's not your fault and if it affected her that much she'd stop asking. As for sharing on Facebook, if the update posts upset her she can hide your posts from her newsfeed but remain "friends" so can still look at your profile when she feels up to it.

badger my evening meals have dwindled in size the last few days down to crackers and cheese tonight. I just get what I can in before 6, at which point my digestion seems to give up!

Raspberry, it's a difficult one. Having battled with infertility myself for 4 years and undergoing all manner of treatments I would have found it very difficult to read all your milestones and updates on Facebook which is why I don't personally post things such as that now but as others have said she can hide you from her timeline if she wants to which is what i tended to do with people when it all got a bit much. I wouldn't be messaging her with all the ins and outs and pregnancy info just wait and see if she asks you anymore details and take it from there. She may feel obliged to ask as if you're close friends it's not something you can just ignore but I would just say just try to be a bit mindful with your answers as it is hard.

Thanks to everyone who answered about movement questions. It's good to hear that quite a few didn't feel a lot until a bit later on.

cinnamon i tend to dry skin this time of year anyway, but this year my fingers have also gone all funny where my rings are so I've had to take them off. I'm moisturising now and once they are back to normal I'll try rings again. This never happened last time - almost as if I'm reacting to the metal, which would be unusual as they are 18ct gold (my other hand is just silver).

raspberry I would only tell her stuff is she asks questions. My best friend and I were both due at the end of Jan next year when I miscarried in July. I found it really tough hearing about her pregnancy but I didn't want to avoid seeing her. Even though I am pregnant now I still find it hard hearing about it she is due in less than two months and I am still so anxious about something going wrong. I still asked how she is as I want to know even if it upsets me.