Thread 13. TTC #1 Grads. Some of us still remember that thing called "a full nights sleep" for most, it's a mere memory.

[AudreyBradshaw]

Behold, the wonder of birth! Members from 6 weeks bfp to post-partum wonder Mamas! No question to grotty or minging.

We've come full circle from obsessing about cervical mucus to now obsessing if it's our vagina baby plug going! What larks!

Lots of talk about poo, ours and now babies too! Baby brain is REAL! From morning sickness in the first trimester to the third trimester struggle of getting out of bed ( "walrus-ing"in our house), to actual real babies who are growing so fast! Discussion on the merits of sleepyhead and Ewan the dream sheep.

Sooo many gorgeous babies now! And equally lovely Mummy's! We are amazing! What a year! Can you believe it's been a year since our first tentative TTC thread!? Look how far we've come!

Roll up, literally, in my case, cause I'm practically rotund! for TTC #1 Grads!

Nev and miley sorry about your OHs. Do they have friends with babies? My DH has quite a few friends with babies and he has 2 nephews aged 2 and 4 who he's helped out with quite a lot so I think he knew a little of what to expect - although you never get the full picture until you have a baby of your own! I think some frank conversations are needed - perhaps even showing them your posts on here about how you're doubting your relationships? That should give them a kick!

I'm feeling a bit down today. My family live nowhere near me, none of my close friends are on maternity leave land DH is mad at work at the moment (not home til 9ish) and frankly I'm bored and a bit lonely. I leave the house every day and walk around, I meet NCT girls once or twice a week, I've joined other classes (went to baby sensory today which was nice) but they're only a hour or so long - what do I do with the rest of the day? I'm terrified that the weather is getting worse too - what do j do then? Any advice?

Nev/miley sorry about your uncooperative OH's. I think you'll just have to keep reminding nagging them until they get it in to their heads that you need help and more support.
Hope you're feeling better nev, I've still got a snotty nose and a bad cough but I don't feel as rough as I did the other day.

Going to have a proper read through now as I'm currently BF in a random Asda carpark as Autumn was going mental on the way home from a walk. Fun times.
Oh also I DTD yesterday..only 19 days PP but felt fine and my bleeding has pretty much finished now. Of course Dr google has said that it's far too soon etc but I've not bled since so hoping I'll be ok. Stupidly we didn't use any condoms as we didn't have any in, I'm now panicking I'll get pregnant but I am exclusively BF and no sign of period yet. Please someone tell me it's unlikely I'll have another baby in 9months time?! DH is off buying condoms as we speak.

I'm really lonely too, Soda. I miss going to work. I have no friends locally. I see my NCT girls once a week or so too. I go to a baby massage class - by myself from now on as there were only 2 of us but the other mum's baby has meningitis. I went to a play group but baby T was far too young. I feel quite low and miserable. You're not alone. I'm trying my best. I'm so tired all the time.

Happy Birthday for yesterday, Canters! October people are the best ;) I turned 30 back on the 2nd, and Quinn was born on the 1st.

It's going to be great having landmark birthdays with our babies - just think, in 30 years they'll have their 30ths while we have our 60ths!

Soda - frustrating that your DH is working so late. I'm only 3.5 weeks into parenthood and I can already see I'm going to need to focus on doing things to avoid loneliness. At the moment I'm happy to have lots of sofa and duvet days while we get used to feeding and getting to know each other, but I really feel relieved when DH gets home. He's got a few late meetings this week and I'm a bit stressed about basically being alone for so long.

Can you go visit family for a few days?

Indi - so a summer baby next year then? You'll have to call it Summer, surely! ;) (Sorry, too soon for jokes?)

Sorry about the DH stress, Nev and Miley. That sounds incredibly frustrating. Agree with others that a frank word might be needed.

Oh Leonie, I'm sorry. Where do you live? If it's not far, I'll come see you!

Haha Lisa oh but I'm seriously a bit worried now that I may be pregnant by my 6 week GP check up, BF should mean I'm period free for a while though praying and hoping. Oh and I actually really like the name Winter/Wynter too but maybe it would be seasonal overkill

Soda/leonie I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. Are there any coffee groups you could join? Or can you visit any family weekly/fornightly to give you something to look forward to? I'm really lucky my mum is here atm but when I first moved to Scotland and DH was working away a lot I was terribly lonely. I used to phone my mum crying most days. I didn't have a baby then so couldn't even join baby groups to make friends. I hope you find more groups to join, maybe speak to a couple of the other mums at the groups you're at now? I'm sure other people will be in the same boat as you and want the company.

Happy birthday for yesterday canters! I agree with Lisa, October people really are the best

Stardrey I am a MASSIVE control freak too. Don't worry once baby is here you'll be delegating a lot of jobs to DH without thinking about it twice (especially night time nappy changes)

Miley Harrison is such a cutie. Can't believe he's getting big for his 0-3 clothes now!

Hope all mummies and preggos are doing well x

It's really tough isn't it leonie? At the baby sensory class today the next youngest baby was 5 months old. All the other mums there had already made their friends I think so weren't bothered about getting to know me.

Lisa thanks. Yes, I'm actually going up next week to stay Monday-Friday. It's tricky because my dad isn't well so can't travel and my mum can't leave him. It's too far in the car to travel with her so I'm going on the train but am a bit apprehensive about all the baby stuff I need to carry!

I love Alexa so much and I'm not finding her that hard in all honesty, she's a pretty good baby. I make sure I leave the house every day and do something, even if it's just walking to shops on my own, but so hard to fill 12 hours just me and her until DH comes home.

Indi I think you'll be fine. I had my 6 week check yesterday and the GP asked about contraception and I said I wasn't planning on using any! I'm exclusively breastfeeding and don't want a big age gap so if it happened really soon then, while it wouldn't be ideal, we'd cope. It took ages for my cycles to come back to normal when I came off pill before so don't want to go back on it again. GP said if I was just breastfeeding it was 'v unlikely' i'd get pregnant but not foolproof. I'll take my chances

Cross post indi - thanks. I'm going to visit next week and really looking forward to it. I'd like to go more regularly and stay during the week but DH isn't keen - he says the only thing that keeps him going when work is so awful is the excitement of coming home and seeing Alexa. And me Which I do understand but I have hours of boredom so he has an hour with her? I don't really know what he solution is. I guess I just have to hope I make more friends. I think it's just even if I do something every day ( and I usually do) it's only for an hour or 2 so what do I do the rest of the time? There is only so much daytime tv I can handle!!

jan he's lovely. So caring and genuinely cannot do enough for me which is why it's such a surprise he isn't as hands on as I expected!

soda and leonie that sounds so tough I'm sorry you feel lonely

indi I still haven't had a period and Harrison is 6 weeks. You'll be fine! We're using condoms when OH isn't being a cock himself but I hate them! They tend to give me some form of itchiness/thrush

Thanks for the kind words ladies, he had the house gleaming by 9am so I got ready and we went through to town and had a word over a coffee. Long story short, he agreed he was a dick and that he hadn't been pulling his weight so he's staying up til 11 tonight and I'm going to bed at half 8.

He is obviously sorry as I now have a new pair of gym trainers and a new coat. He briefly mentioned DTD but he's definitely on a sex ban. Plus I really have no energy for it. Has anyone had any issues with reflux? I think my poor little boy has it and other than keep him upright, raise his crib and burp him a lot etc I dunno what I can do. OH is away to ASDA to talk to the pharmacist so hopefully we get something that might help him. Failing that, we have our 6 week check tomorrow anyway.

Soda - I get the exact same from DH. He hated going back to work after pat leave and says he now just tries to get through the day to get back to us (and he likes his job).

And I do like it when he's home. But the days do drag.

Miley - that is some good making up from your DH! Sounds like he knows how to apologise!

Evening all !

Miley glad you got a decent apology! I won't sit and bitch anymore as OH still hasn't improved here!

I don't find mat leave lonely Bodhi is so fussy all day all I do is look after him I wish we could get out everyday or that I could even clean the house etc!

Anyone local to essex/ suffolk would be happy to meet. I believe canters we are in the same town from another thread?

nev I'm hoping he means it though we've had words before now, too. I put Harrison in the sling if I want to do housework or have a hot cuppa and it seems to do the trick.

lisa yup! I should have asked for a new mulberry! I think after last night I may have been lucky.. OH has Harrison downstairs and I'm in bed. It'll be a real test as he's so unsettled tonight with his self diagnosed reflux bless him

Whereabouts are you marmite ? I'm already trying to find/plan activities and whatever for when baby is born. I don't drive but even if I did dh is out at work either 6am-7:30am or 6pm-7:30am so the car wouldn't be helpful anyway. And I've no NCT groups or anything as the nearest one was ages away and I couldn't justify the cost so I'm hoping to be walking to the near nicer village for baby stuff there! I reckon i can do it in about 45 mins to an hour on foot.

Tamsin has both reflux and colic Miley. If Harrison has reflux you should be able to smell the acidity on his breath. Pharmacist probably won't be able to do anything but the GP will probably prescribe Gaviscon infant. It does help, but is a thickener rather than antacid so do watch out for constipation. Tam's really struggling with that now.

Tried Tamsin in the sling for the first time tonight as she was grizzling. No clothes underneath the sling so perfect skin to skin as well ☺

We have had an interesting experience. During a nappy change with OH shock horror Bodhi managed to wee inside his own clothes drawer. The vast majority of his clothes are in the machine now!

Miley if you are breastfeeding exclusively you often won't get periods so in theory you shouldn't be fertile but it's not 100%! Glad your OH has made it up to you.

Audrey not sure where you are but hoop is a brilliant free app - you just put in your post code and baby's age (when they arrive!) and it tells you everything going on around you.

I'm in north London if anyone would like to meet in real life?

Indi, Nev hope you feel better soon.

Marmite I've got very little family support too but I see it as a good thing. I'm a control freak so they'd just drive me mad.

Jan don't worry, for me the excitement only really kicked in after Arya was born but it did come. When people ask it's easiest just to agree that you're terribly excited. They don't want to hear the truth

Mayo in our house it was the humidifier we needed as Arya's little nose gets dried out and then dry bogies effect her breathing

Miley the situation with your OH sounds really frustrating, I hope you had a word.

I think men just aren't as attentive to baby needs as women are. I don't know if they just don't understand that this little creature is completely dependant on you knowing what they need before they do or whether they're just to lazy. Either way it can be maddening when they don't react in the way you would to your baby's needs.

Argh! Look how cute Harrison is.

Nev sorry your OH is being rubbish too

Audrey I'm a control freak too, OH messed up my night time routine last night and I nearly killed him. At the weekend FIL is going to watch Arya while I help put a cabin up in the garden. I'm dreading it as I usually hover over people holding Arya.

Soda, Leonie sorry you're feeling lonely. I count myself luck that in quite a loner so the isolation doesn't bother me. I do miss being able to vent though as I have no friends or appropriate family near by either and while OH and I chat a lot I can't talk about my life with him to him lol

Irregular Tamsin looks really snuggly.

Had a really annoying day today. OH asked me why I wasn't wearing the ring he bought me last year, I told him it was too tight at the moment but joked that he could buy me a ring for my other hand engagement ring he told me that he wouldn't buy me an engagement ring until I lose weight which made me feel like crap then I finally got my car jump started and the engine is smoking and making a burning smell. I had to drive it 10 minutes down the road and I honestly was worried it was going to catch fire.
If it's anything that requires much work it won't be worth fixing and OH wants us to just have the one car if that the case because he wants to change his car he has a bmw which is expensive to maintain and we can't afford finance on two cars

Miley I hope your DH will start pulling his weight more after a frank discussion. I got a bit frustrated with DH last night, I asked him to get Edward's sleeping bag out of the dryer and he came back with it saying he'd just left the rest of the stuff in there, I asked him to sort it as it would be harder for me in the morning with Edward on my own and he grumbled a bit about getting a break. I pointed out that I was now feeding Edward to sleep and all evening I'd either been feeding him, trying to stop him screaming or doing chores, I was now going to sleep as soon as he did, be up several times in the night then start all over again in the morning and it was hard not to resent him getting a break. He did t say anything but when I went into the garage he'd emptied the dryer, put the clothes away, put another wash load on and arranged things so we could get the car in, which has been on his jobs list since I was pregnant! I think he just needed it spelling out.
I had a hideous day today, a bad night then found DH had locked my car keys in the car last night while helping me in with shopping and baby and then taken his keys to work so I couldn't get to my breastfeeding group this morning and because the pram and sling were in the boot couldn't even walk round the village! I had a meltdown on the phone to him when I realised and another one when he told me they'd sprung a meeting on him at work and he wouldn't be able to get back with the keys at lunchtime. He was supposed to be out this evening but instead came home early and took Edward - he's done all nappy changes, held him all evening because he won't be put down and given him an expressed bottle, I went out and got takeaway! It's the first time I've left them and it was great 🙂 I really felt like I was off duty and they were both fine. DH is sleeping in the spare room so he's nowhere near as tired as me and I had been a bit irritated that he'd give me Edward whenever he grizzled claiming he was hungry but he really didn't do that this evening and I think he was quite proud of how he did so hopefully we'll have a repeat!

Edward has been quite sick and unsettled this week and not gained as much weight as last week. The health visitor's suggestion was for me to give up dairy, not ideal when I an almost veggie! She also told me I could see the GP and they might give me infant gaviscon for him. I've made the GP appointment and I'll ask them whether it's really likely to be dairy, it's going to make it really hard to eat out as the veggie option is almost always cheese.

Very impressed by the folks who are already DTD! Edward is 6 weeks old tomorrow and I'm still bleeding a bit and my tear isn't healed yet (DH has been checking hopefully!) - no chance it will be happening for a while yet, plus Edward is always around and usually crying!

Leeonie/Soda/Lisa I seem to have the opposite problem to you, I don't know what happens to my days! I tend to try to sleep as late as I can to catch up a bit so I'm rarely ready before 10am. I then see my NCT folk at least once a week and my NHS ante-natal group once a week, plus there's a church toddler group, I start swimming with him this week and baby massage next week, maybe post-natal yoga too. Then I have an assortment of friends who are on mat leave, part time or have just been made redundant who I try to see. Plus health visitor/clinic. Given that I spend roughly one hour in three feeding him and I'm utterly disorganised at getting us anywhere I seem to have no down time. I wanted to express a bottle a day for DH to give him but I struggle to find time. Even if I'm home he will only settle on me so I get nothing done. I was hoping to make my Christmas cards this year and to compile photo books of Edward's first few months for the grandparents for Christmas- no chance!!
I guess I'm busier because I've been living in the area a while but you could always suggest more frequent meets or going to some groups together to your ante-natal friends? I'm also newish to my neighbourhood but found I bumped into neighbours when I was very pregnant then with the pram. A couple of them dropped off cards for us so I took Edward round to visit, they were delighted and I now have 4 lots of stand in grandmas available! I'd never met them until 2 months ago That said, the same wouldn't have happened at my flat so I guess it depends on the area - maybe worth a try to strike up conversation if you see the neighbours though.

Potatoes that's an awful thing for your DP to say!! I'd have been furious with him! Your body is recovering from growing his daughter - I suggest you point this out to him in no uncertain terms!!

Thanks for the suggestions dr. Where I live in London I think if I struck up conversations with neighbours they'd think I was a weirdo I miss the north!

I guess I just feel lonely as any NCT people etc don't feel like proper friends - we haven't really got past just baby talk yet and I don't think we've got anything else in common except babies!

I'm just not used to spending so much time on my own. DH came home at 7.30 tonight to spend time and help with Alexa. He then had to get his laptop out and start work at 9 again

Potato that's a really mean thing to say. Was he being serious?

I'm planning on trying to DTD this week or weekend if we have a chance. I feel healed and I don't want to leave it too long or I reckon I'll get worried about it! I already feel a bit nervous about it!

potato kick him in the bollocks and while he's writhing around around on the floor tell him the best get on with manning up!!

Soda that does sound really hard, DH is usually home by 6 and often earlier which definitely helps. I'm up in Scotland and was pleasantly surprised that no-one took against me being English!

Yeah I find the evenings really tough dr. Alexa goes into desperate feeding frenzy from about 4.30 and I literally can't move from sofa so could really use some help - or just some company!

I'm sorry so many of us seem to be having a rough time. We've had a fab day (first trip out to town and out of town shopping and first public breastfeeding episode) but with all the motion in the car and pram, LO slept all afternoon and we're now in cluster feeding hell with him trying to catch up and reusing to settle.