Due February 2017 - Thread 8!

[DottyA]

Sorry all - I accidentally used the last message in thread 7. Hope you can find this one!

Sparkles work is ok, I work in finance so I'm behind a desk most of the time. I don't love it, but I'm taking a few years out after this one is born and I can tolerate it well enough for another three months. It's probably the commute more than anything, as I spend a total of 2h45 a day travelling, with a nursery drop-off or pick-up one way and a lot of walking which is good for me but getting exhausting and is also quite depressing when it's dark on my way home, which will be soon. I can, and do, work from home from time to time, but I have a feeling I'd find that quite isolating if I did it too often as it's quite boring being home alone all day too many days in a row!

I think it's a vicious cycle of being too tired to want to see friends in London in the evenings knowing I have a long commute home, and then feeling more low when I don't get out as I feel like I don't feel like 'me' anymore. Also my stepdad has terminal cancer and I'm having to give emotional support to my family which is draining.

I'll speak to my GP, who is lovely, and see what she suggests. I'm not sure it's pre-natal depression as I'm excited about this baby and don't have particular anxiety around the birth or life with two, but more just being totally fed up with being pregnant and too tired to want to do anything.

Thanks witch, I will give my GP a call. Vit D is a possibility and I have supplements at home which I've not been taking so that could help. I think it's mainly that I don't feel like I have much time for myself so it feels like work-childcare-housework-sleep-repeat these days, and because I'm so tired from the commute I'm not going out much. My social life revolves around seeing mum friends during the day on my day off, which is lovely but I could probably do with some time spent away from babies and toddlers for once!

Two cats sounds like you are feeling a bit isolated. I was thinking yesterday where did all the fun times go? I feel like I never let my hair down anymore! I guess I used to do that with booze and going out clubbing/to pubs! Could you arrange a get together meal with some friends or something? I totally get the tiredness thing though. It's hard xx

Thanks london
Sparkles I feel for you. I work in education and I was just so exhausted until they cut my hours and changed my plan so now I teach 2 classes instead of 3 and a half and I have breaks in between.
Sorry you are struggling and feeling unsupported
Have they done a risk assessment? It is their duty to accommodate your needs
Yes, get signed off, good that you spoke to midwife
I dont have antenatal depression but I have suffered from depression before and it drains your energy so bad. Sorry.
Two cats sorry and take care of yourself, speak to midwife.

Witch that is SO weird. If I were you I would say a) why? B) ok I wont tell you now but since I am not keeping it a secret do not expect to bend over backwards so you dont find out

Yes to Vit D for depression. Mine was very very low and low before

I decided to escalate my issues artwork with HR. Last Tuesday I sent my bosses a list of things I needed to finish by this Friday as priorities and told them I could not finish the work without additional support.

Then today I was basically to,d off for not following up on something not included on the that I'd received no response on a few weeks earlier.

I just felt that was so unfair it really stressed me out as the time to raise it was when we agreed my priorities last Tuesday. I am doing the work of a team of 3 by myself which is ridiculous

Ggrr London that is not good. HR should be able to mediate as it looks like your bosses are not grasping the reality of your workload

Sorry some of us are having a hard week. If it's any consolation on the depression side of things, I went to an interesting event last week where a couple of women talked about their experiences with anti and post natal depression. They made a good comment about how hormones can affect mood for a few days here and there, like PMT I guess (I think I still have mood swings when I would have had PMT weirdly) and depression has nothing to do with hormones and lasts longer than a few days. Maybe keep a journal for a week or so, they're helpful anyway but it could help get some perspective. Journals are a good habit anyway, I should start mine again!

I'm having a weird week on the work front too. I had a meeting with HR and my line manager yesterday expecting to discuss handovers and interviewing replacements as I do a standalone job (marketing) in a team of investment people. My boss made it clear that she and the team head had little intention of getting proper cover for me while I'm off and will "parcel" my job out to a few different people in the investment team to save money. It's making me feel utterly demoralised about my job now and confidence in having one when I come back from maternity leave is low.

I've spent 5 years building a really good marketing function, also doing the job of at least 2 people so to have bits of it farmed off to people who are already stretched fills me with doom about its future.

I told my boss I was concerned about it not being there and the quality of our clients experience dropping but she wasn't interested and assured me I would have a job to come back to. Do I want to come back to pick up the pieces after a year? Not really!! Not sure what else to do apart from co-operate... Any ideas anyone?

Sorry Piano I dont think I can help. it sounds like a pretty shitty attitude from their part. My employer has already hired my mat cover and she starts next week so I will work with her for a few weeks so when I leave she is all settled. And because they are letting me go early and I have a lot less on my plate she will be picking that up.
I wish all employers did this because it is the only way we will ever reach equality in the workplace.
If your boss said you will have a job then dont stress about that, but yes it sounds like you will have to pick up a lot on your return. Not great really. Stressful
Sorry

I meant they let me go home a bit earlier in the eve

Just had a scan through, haven't been on for a while, busy here with all the birthdays and christenings going on!

Those worried about weight. I've gained 12lbs since getting my bfp. I've been actively trying not to gain too much, am eating well and only having treats once (sometimes twice) a week. Looking at the charts my weight gain is pretty bang on for average at this stage so I'm not worried. Those worried about baby getting big. I gained a total of 26lbs (absolutely fine and healthy) with dd1, she was born 10 days early and weighed 9lb2oz. I gained 56lbs with dd2 😳 I know, shocking lol! She was born weighing 9lb3.5oz but was 5 days late so according to centile charts was actually the smaller baby. I've started this pregnancy at a healthy weight and am doing fine with weight gain. Already been told though baby seems on the larger side. I just have big babies. A lot of my family does.

If it makes people feel better my births have gone well and childrens weights are spot on at age 1 (almost 2) and 3 (almost 4). X

I've had similar conversations to Piano re cover: my role is going to be divided amongst an already stretched team. Like you, I don't love the idea of coming back after a year to fix it...

Having problems with my boss anyway, mainly because he's a knob, meaning I'm currently awake at 2am with anxiety burning through my chest.

Me too ceecee re the anxiety. It's awful, DH can't understand why I'm worrying about something that's not going to happen for a year. It's not that, it's the feeling of lack of control over the one thing I usually know where I stand with

He said its their decision, which is true, has yours basically been made already too?

That's exactly it Piano. Yes they've decided not to recruit, so it'll either be a reshuffle or a splitting out of responsibility. Mine is the second biggest area in my department, so it's not something to just divvy out IMO.

My DH says I shouldn't care, but I don't want to come back to a great big mess when it's taken me 2 years to fix the mess that was already here!

Sorry ceecee and piano. You have my sympathy. My stress basically comes from being treated with pure hostility and unreasonableness by one of my superiors nearly constantly.

While the conversation yesterday with him and HR has helped I hope, it's also made me release all my anxiety from the past few months and I haven't been able to stop crying since yesterday.

Sounds as though a few of us are having issues with work!! Let's all leave just now haha...

Got my whooping cough and flu jabs today, how did people feel after theirs? I've never had the flu one before.

Feeling pretty crappy this morning, my DH is out of hospital but still really ill and weak so needs a lot of looking after. DD being difficult and I'm exhausted. Don't really have any family support, I had to beg my mum to help me the other day and her attitude caused me to have a panic attack Heaven forbid I should ask for some help when I'm 24 weeks pregnant, managing a toddler while DH in hospital for the second time in weeks. Really starting to worry what she will be like when the new baby is born. DH thinks I should just stop asking her to help as she always upsets me. He's probably right.

Sending hugs marjory Your mum shouldn't be making you feel like that! Have you spoken to her about it?

Marjory that sounds awful - poor you . To reassure you on the jabs side, I had both of mine on Monday, one in each arm, happy days! I was a bit anxious because I'd heard of folks feeling a bit rubbish after, but other than a slightly numb area where one of the injections was done (maybe flu, I didn't pay attention!) I've been fine. I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine too , don't worry about it.

In work world, I really feel for you guys with difficult employers. Mine has so far been really good, which is great because this is all new to me, too! However, I've a sneaking suspicion they're also going to backfill my role internally rather than recruit any cover. I'm ok with that at the moment, anyway, because I think it'll be a great chance for other people in the team to have a chance to develop, if it all happens that way.

Can I ask... what are people getting second hand?

Shell so far I've got our pram/travel system second hand through someone at work - but ended up needing to replace quite a bit because it'd been left to dry damp and the hoods had gone mouldy (I didn't check properly ).

I have also got a big bundle of boys clothes through a local facebook selling group and will continue to keep an eye out for those sorts of bundles.

The OH wants to get furnishings second hand to save money, but I really want to get at least one or two new things, as as his parents gave us some money I figured it'd be ideal for using on cot/drawers and moses basket....so we're currently arguing about that . I did pay for NCT membership but we missed the local nearly new sale as we were away.

The only other new thing I have so far is a breastfeeding starter kit that was on offer in Boots...it was mentioned here but I can't remember by who .!!

kiki that's a shame about the pram!! Was it you that had someone get them another pram? I can't remember...

I was looking at baby seats etc second hand but I'm sure my best friend will want to get me one... aw I don't know what to do haha! I know that baba will go through things so quickly! I know that people take care of things and most things second hand are practically new... we will get a moses basket/crib new x

Ooh no it was .... Sparkles? maybe, who had the second pram I think....? It was so many threads back now, I've forgotten too!

I just saw another big bundle of boy's clothes on the same local group, all the way from newborn to 12 months, for £30, so I'm going to go for those! I know clothes can be a bit of a weird one if the baby's been sick on them or otherwise, but I'll check them all over properly and rewash/Vanish!

I'm like you Shell, I really want the moses basket to be new. I'm eyeing (i.e. I've fallen in love with) this one, which I know is much pricier than some, but I figure if I want to get at least one or two new things, I'd like them to be really nice

Peter Rabbit mothercare moses basket

Aww kikis that's gorgeous!! There's some gorgeous Peter rabbit things out just now! Think winnie the pooh is my theme for baba!

I have hit my bump when saving a bird from the cat... worried Iv done something 🤕

Marjory that's really rubbish! Without support from friends and family at the moment I think I'd have lost the plot.

Hopefully, you can figure out a way to talk to your mom to let her know how you feel.

I haven't thought about what we can get second hand yet. I think I'll make decisions about that after the baby show. The really expensive stuff we still need to buy are the car seat, sleepy head, snuz pod, baby monitor, pram and breast pump. Not sure I'd fancy a second hand breast pump or car seat but everything else I suppose is possible. However as I want the new Bugaboo Bee3 rather than the older models, I'll probably have to get that new as it was only released this year I think.