October 2016 (thread number four). Entering the second trimester.

[FuzzyOwl]

Last thread can be found here

Feeling stupid this morning

"Dp" and I have separated a few times over the years, we have been reconciled for about a year, I thought we were moving forward. Turns out we aren't. Previous shit behaviour is resurfacing, I feel disrespected and naive.

He doesn't cheat on me. He doesn't hurt me. But he can't prioritise me. His priorities involve socialising like he's 18 and carefree.

I feel awful for having taken him back. For having brought him back in to the house with me and the DC. And for having conceived another child to what is essentially a broken home.

Last night I tried to issue him an ultimatum, that he needed to come home. He never did. He doesn't give a shit.

I'm not upset for me. I'm upset for the DC. I'm embarrassed that people are going to see what has happened again and think how stupid I must be.

I'm not worried about being alone.
I'm not worried about money or looking after the DC alone. I can sort all that out.

I just don't want people to pity me, or think I'm stupid.

Last night I was upset, I'm not anymore. I'm pissed off. I just want him out of my life.

Anyway sorry for bringing the tone of the thread down to a depressing low I just wanted somewhere to vent. Since I don't want to talk to people in rl right now.

On a brighter note, 15+4 today. Plenty of movement going on

Freshstart I'm sorry you're going through such a rubbish time with your Partner. I completely understand where your feelings of feeling embarrassed come from but you should not feel that way, anyone who has been in a relationship should know how difficult it is. I imagine you wouldn't have taken him back if you thought he was going to act the same way again. It's not your fault at all, and anyone who would actually judge you in RL isn't worth worrying about. When your new baby arrives you won't be wishing you hadn't conceived with him either, you'll be glad you did. You sound like you're strong, you'll get through this - whatever you decide is best for you and your DC. MN hugs

Thanks for the reply blue

Just feel I'm turning things over in my mind and kicking myself for ending up in same position I was in four years ago

I am strong. I think that's maybe why I feel so stupid. Because I am strong and people know I am strong, I am resilient and I bounce back full force so why the hell have I let it happen again.

I'm thinking of looking into moving, not too far but far enough I think he won't be able to be arsed with trying to get it back. But then I don't want to disrupt the older DC who are settled in school.

Oh Afresh, I don't pity you or think you are stupid. You have clearly tried to make a go of things and whilst some women would just put up with this kind of behaviour, especially when pregnant, I think it takes a stronger person to not accept it and to set a better example to their children. I have a friend who was in a similar situation and admits things are easier for her without him and knowing the only person she can rely on is herself is far better for the children. It's good you are strong but don't forget to look after yourself as well in all of this.

Thanks fuzzy , I an looking after me don't worry about that.

Baby is keeping me positive today with lots of movements, they're getting much stronger now too I do wonder how long til they can be felt from the outside!

Had a 16 week gender scan yesterday so we could tell DS (3) and it would mean a bit more to him if we knew it was a brother or a sister, and it's a boy! Can't believe how clear the scan is now!

Fresh I think people have a lot more respect for ladies bringing up children well and alone, than for sticking out an unhappy and disrespectful relationship. Sorry you are going through tough times. Glad you have a wriggly baby to distract you a little bit.

Thanks bigpig, luckily I have things to pin forward to this week! 16 week midwife app and then gender scan!

Taffeta how did your ds take the news!

Fresh I just wanted to second how much guts it takes to make the decision to end things, especially when pregnant. Either way, we're all here for support and zero judgement.

Taffeta that's exciting, congratulations! I was so tempted to get an early sex scan, I'm trying to be patient, waiting for my scan date. I'm 17+2 so the letter should arrive next week!

Fresh he didn't really understand fully, but keeps asking to talk to the baby, yanking up my top and speaking into my belly button. Is very cute!

Fresh sorry to hear you're going through all that. Being constantly let down in a relationship is soul destroying. I ended it with a former fiancé for similar reasons and am so pleased I did as I would never have met (and got preggo!) with such a lovely man as my now dp. You deserve better

After the 20 week scan I have to make an appt to see the gp ( for the 1st time) at 25 weeks and then the MW not til 28. Is that the same for everyone?

Last night I woke up in quite a bit of pain. It was like the worst menstrual cramps I've ever had. It lasted at least 30 mins if not longer and was fading in and out maybe every two minutes or so. I thought it was Branston Hicks because it seemed to have a rhythm but I've read this morning that they are usually no more than four times an hour whereas this was constantly fading in and out for a good half hour.

I'm 16 weeks tomorrow and the pain has vanished now but what could it have been? I haven't felt any movements today yet, in fact no definite ones all weekend though I did Thurs and Fri so getting a bit worried :(

It's probably fine Kariana is this your first pg? 16 weeks is quite early to feel regular movements, I'm 15 weeks with my second and I only feel the odd kick. I would phone your midwife though, she will know better than us and may call you in to be checked over just to be safe.

Braxton Hicks can be more frequent than 4 times an hour but it is probably quite unusual and worth checking if it happens.

Get on the phone and let us know how you get on xx

I think movements are really sporadic early on Kariana and stomach pains are normal but that sounds like something it is worth checking with your midwife about. It could just be the baby moved position and at the same time already sore stomach muscles had to stretch further.

Fraggle is this your first pregnancy? I see the midwife at 16 weeks and then not until 28 weeks.

Lovely news Taff and we are having one in three weeks to find out!

Kariana I would try not to worry too much about the movements.

I am 15+5 and now feeling baby daily however this is pregnancy four for me , I've been feeling movements on and off since before 12 weeks but again think this is due to being baby four and possibly a larger baby.

A couple of weeks ago I felt nothing for days and days!

As for the pain it's likely just stretching but if you are concerned call your midwife

Just seen your post Fresh

Better to be pitied because you gave him another chance than to be pitied for being in a bad relationship, I think it shows how lovely you must be since you gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed he could grow up and be different. Besides, this way you won't wonder "what if..." you gave him a last chance and he blew it. If you have kids together there is more than just yourself to consider but you also need to draw the line for everyone's sake.

Don't worry too much about the kids, they are resilient and will settle in a new school if it comes to that.

Sorry to hear your news fresh.

Kariana, I've had braxton Hicks much more frequently than 4/hour but they've never been painful and certainly never anything like period pains. I'd definitely get yourself checked if it happens again.

Thanks all for the kind words

People (even medical people) say braxton hicks shouldn't be painful but they can be. I ended up on all fours over unable to move from BH and called hubby home from work because I thought it must be labour. Labour was actually less painful... or a more manageable/bearable pain. I think they are usually painless though

Anything that worries you is worth a call to the midwife for advice or a drop in center if you have one near you.

I hope that hasn't come across as bitchy towards you badly I don't mean it that way but more as reassurance to anyone else who does have or may have painful BH.

I'm wondering whether to get an early sex scan in two weeks, don't think I can wait until the 15th June for my hospital appointment!!

Haha! Anyone else find out early?
Found a place called Window to the Womb which is costing £55 which doesn't seem to bad

I'm finding out next weekend! I'll be 16+3