The rainbow cave - where we can remember our angels and pray for our rainbow.

[3littlebadgers]

Hello ladies, the other thread was full, so welcome to the rainbow cave. A place where we can hide away together as we remember our beautiful angel babies, and pray for our tiny rainbows.

Introducing myself and my babies for anyone new,

Name: 3littlebadgers
Angel: DD2, Azra stillborn at 40+5 March 2015
Rainbow: badger boy currently 36+1
Other DCs: ds1, ds2, dd1

Badly is your placenta anterior? Because then the placenta can cushion baby movements, which was true for me. Ds1 had an anterior placenta and I didn't feel his movement until 23weeks, ds2 had posterior placenta and I felt him move at 14weeks. This one has anterior placenta and I only started to feel my first movement just last week at 17weeks +1. Can you call the midwife for reassurance?

figs I changed my hospital as I found to many triggers in my other hospital. My though regarding it was yes I'm gonna have anxiety about this pregnancy no matter where I go, so why not do myself a favour and avoid (hide) from triggers and hopefully reduce anxiety that way. I live in London with a lot of hospital near by, so it was easier for me to change. But if you do go on this route you must be prepared to explain your history all over again, possibly few times if you see different health care professionals.

Just to clarify I'm terrified about labour. Just last week I finally managed to speak to a midwife about my fears and I asked her for counselling. She was like an angle. I love her. She explained that it's normal to fear birth even ladies who have never giving birth fear it, never mind ladies who know exactly what is at stake. She also told me I could make an appointment with supervisor of midwifes & ask if I could get a side room in induction ward, so I could get one birthing partner stay with me for the duration of induction. I find it very hard to trust my body & my dreams take full advantage of this mistrust. I dream of babies who die after birth quite regularly, they have increased & that's why I have asked for counselling. Ds2 died before labour started but I do know the nightmares stem from his birth. I had accidental unattended vbac birth with him in hospital.

Thanks everyone... I don't know if I could change hospital but our local is really an amazing place and we have great support there. So I don't think I'd want to even if I could. The difficult thing with labour is not being able to anticipate how difficult things might be... I mean the baby might drop out of me in a couple of minutes, you never know, right?! We've got an appointment with a consultant obstetrician tomorrow so we'll see what she says.

We're also having several scans tomorrow, including anomaly. I'm also anxious Badly and it took ages for me to feel any movement - it has just started and I'm 19+3 (I can't remember when I started feeling movement with Sophie). I don't know if I have an anterior placenta. I'll find out tomorrow I suppose. The build up to scans is really difficult I find... And it's all the more difficult when lots of people tell you they are feeling things at 14weeks!

Earth thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about your son and sorry the hospital experience was so bad. I'm glad to hear that will provide that side room for induction... how far along are you? I was induced with Sophie, it was long (not above average for a first birth) but it went ok. I wish I could give birth in the midwife lead unit (same hospital, different floor), I feel like it's probably a much more relaxed place than the delivery suite I was in last time... But all in all I think the preparation and support from staff is what makes (or might make) all the difference.

Earth I've been assuming it must be but now I've got to 17 weeks I'm worrying because I did feel movement at 17 weeks with an anterior placenta before. Although now I've written that I've remembered that that particular DC was much more active in the womb than any of the others (and still is now!) so maybe it's a combination of anterior placenta and less active baby.

It's reassuring to hear that you didn't feel anything until 19 weeks figs even though it's not your first pregnancy.

Thank you both, I can easily get myself wound up especially in the run up to scans and I know that I just need to stay positive to avoid a downward spiral.

I'm only 18+3 but since the midwife asked about my birth preference during the booking in appointment some weeks back, I ended up telling her everything. Last week's appointment was just a continuation of it really.

figs I agree perciptitated labour is a real thing that effect some women. I haven't had that (thank God). DM friend had it with her fifth baby & gave birth on a busy shopping centre bus stop. Luckily for her there was a very helpful Dr (oncologists) nearby and he caught the baby. She was on her way to pick up her other DC from school. Instead she called DM and told her to pick her kids up whilst in the ambulance. Mother & baby were fine with the big exception of shock for the mother.

Sorry I keep vanishing from the thread

Owl movement wAs a huge worry, all the way through my pregnancy with ds. It's so hard isn't it, trying to concentrate on it all the time

Figs it's lovely to hear your hospital is so supportive! With my birth with ds 10 months after dd was still born, I found it very difficult. I had a meltdown when I was told I was fully dilated, then when he was born he didn't cry and got taken straight from me to the ressusataire then to scbu and no one told me where/why he went so I convinced myself it had happened again, so had another major meltdown. It took about 1 1/2 hours for someone to tell me he was ok and where he had gone. I'm hoping next time it will go more smoothly I tried hypno birthing but I think I started late and didn't think it had any effect at all. Hope the scans went well.

Badly, I hope you get movement soon, do you have an anterior placenta?

Earth has the counselling been arranged?

I should be 12 weeks tomorrow. I have my scan on Thursday. I'm terrified. I just don't feel pregnant at all and it's starting to worry me I can't remember if I updated but I went for my first scan and couldn't see anything, they said it was probably too early as they put me at 5+4 and gave me all this information about 'pregnancy of uncertain viability' which went on to explain it may be too early or I may be about to miscarry which sent me into a panic. I went back two weeks later and there was a little tiny bean with a heartbeat but that would mean I found out at 3 weeks so this pregnancy feels so long already!

Hi ducky! & everyone else! I felt really nauseated and tired in the first trimester in both my pregnancies and at about 10 weeks symptoms completely disappeared. This time around I even had this odd sensation of being... empty! I kept telling my husband there couldn't possibly be anything inside me. We had to wait til nearly 14weeks to be scanned too bc we were away. The 12/14 week scans were fine both times. It is a really stressful time, but not feeling pregnant doesn't mean anything I think. I hope tomorrow is reassuring and a good experience for you.

We had our 2 scans Friday and all was well. They took a really long time examining everything, told me placenta was anterior so that I'd probably not feel a lot of movement and certainly explains lack of it until now... shame. I like movement! How is movement this week Badly?

We also saw the obstetrician who is amazing. I - along with my husband and all the staff I've spoken to - have a major crush on her. Not only is she an amazing doctor, an incredible communicator who goes above and beyond what's standard she ia glamorous as hell!! Anyway, I digress! The appt went really well, we talked through my first labour and Sophie's death and other hospital experiences I've had for an hour. She is planning a package of care for me and my husband. It might include hypnobirthing bit certainly regular care and appointments. She's also going to work in tandem with the clinical psychologist we're saying. We're very lucky and very grateful. It's amazing the difference it makes just to have someone so present and listening. I hope you all get good hospital care too. It pains me to think of people who have suffered loss experiencing more anguish because of rubbish professionals!

Earth will you see MW very regularly? Glad she's good.

Speaking of hospital care what's local practice where you are re: identifying loss on or in your blue notes? We were given butterfly stickers following our 12 week scan....

Ducky I also meant to say how sorry I am about your son's birth and what happened. It seems incredible that no one said anything! Does that affect how you feel now!

That was meant to be a ? Rather than a !

Figs that's great news about the scans with the notes I was eventually given a sands sticker to put on the front with ds, after I had loads of appointments and saw different people and had to explain what had happened which always ended in tears!

I think what happened with ds really affected me, I didn't tell anyone but I think I had a bit of pnd maybe. I didn't like anyone touching or holding him and had very bad health anxiety for him (which luckily saved his life at 5 weeks old). I was made to feel like an idiot by Drs because I was so terrified every time he got the slightest cold or anything and needed a lot of reassurance but I have since looked this up and found out it is completely normal.

I'm hoping with this one the birth will be a lot less medicated and I will be more rested so it will go 'smoother'. With ds I had a few hours broken sleep over 3 days, plus 2 full days of contractions. I then had a drip and epidural and he got stuck, I can't help but feel it's because of the epidural so I will do anything to avoid that happening this time!

Ducky I'm so sorry you had that experience. My friend had something similar (called MW first night in hospital as baby was floppy and the MW shouted "oh my god" and ran off with him and she didn't hear anything for hours) and I can kind of understand it in that the priority is giving the baby medical attention but in your circumstances I would expect them to make more of an effort on the reassurance and information front!

Figs, in glad your consultant seems good. I had brilliant care my first pregnancy after loss (I was on the "foetal monitoring list and had consultant appointments with consultant doing scans separate from the standard consultant antenatal clinic) but the next time I was just on standard care because my previous pregnancy had been successful.

My hospital had no system as far as I know. I had to explain expectant management to my community midwife as she didn't understand (baby died at 21 weeks and I waited for her to be born naturally which was a couple of weeks later) and when I was admitted antenatally I had to explain why I was on the foetal monitoring list as it did not occur to anyone to turn back one page in my notes to look at the summary of my obstetric history. The special care I received on the foetal monitoring list was great but nobody seemed to have a clue the rest of the time.

Movement: last night when I went to bed I decided to pay attention for a while and I think I felt something. The previous two pregnancies I had insomnia which I think gave me more time to notice movement whereas this pregnancy I mostly just conk out when I go to bed.

Hi, can I join?

I used to be on the rainbow and Angel thread, my previous usernames were Star and EarthWindand9. I think I recognise some of you.

My DS1 was stillborn in Sept 2012 and DS2 was born 18 months later. I'm now 15+5 with what will hopefully be my second rainbow baby.

I suffered with really terrible anxiety during my pregnancy with DS2, it's only now looking back that I realise just how ill I was with it. I'm not feeling too anxious this time, I actually fee strangely detached, which in itself is worrying me a bit-do I not care?! I don't really know how I feel to be honest. Although the pregnancy was planned we were lucky that it happened so quickly, so I don't really think I had time to get my head around it. I'm also very very worried about how DC3 (if they make it) will impact on my DS, he is such a wonderful, happy, kind boy and I love spending time with him, I'm worried about how the dynamics will change and I just hope and pray that DS will still be happy. I am an only child so have no frame of reference for this.

Sorry for a mammoth first post.

I am on the app so can't scroll back, but whoever was worried about no movement yet, my sonographer in my last pregnancy says when you are anxious your stomach muscles tense up (even if you can't feel it/don't consciously do it) and it masks movement. So that, combined with an anterior placenta if you have one, will mean you feel movement a bit later.

I know badly baby is priority, I'm just thankful he was ok. That's great news about the movement. Hope it picks up from here for you!

Cake (earth) I remember you! congratulations on your pregnancy, your a couple of weeks ahead of me but I have been feeling much the same. I've been feeling 'guilty' for ds as well, he's my baby and I don't want him to feel upset or pushed out.

Thanks ducky congratulations on your pregnancy too. How old is your DS now? Mine is 2.

Thank you my ds is 18 months now.

Hi cake, I'm pretty sure you were on the previous threads at the same time as me. Congratulations! I also have a ds who is just 2 and I'm 27 weeks with my 2nd rainbow. We wanted a second too, it all happened quite quickly this time which was a bit of a shock, but we are very pleased. Tbh I'm so busy with work and family life it has just flown by. My brain still can't really compute that another is on its way really.

So pleased to hear from you, wishing you lots of luck with this pg.

Hi owl yes we were on the old threads together. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I'm glad it seems to be going quickly for you.

Ladies, I am 16 weeks today and have started spotting. I noticed a tiny bit when I wiped last night and the same again this morning. I am terrified. I have sobbed all over my GP this morning. I have a consultant and midwife appointment tomorrow and I've just called the hospital and they are going to squeeze me in for a scan first thing in the morning. I'm scared.

Cake how worrying for you, could you not get an epu appointment today because of your history?

Really hope everything is ok X

ducky they would see me today, but I'm trying to be rational in that there has only been a tiny bit of blood and not every time. I'm happy to wait until tomorrow morning at this stage. Obviously if it gets any worse I will go in asap.

Thinking of you cake.

Hope it has stopped now and best of luck tomorrow X

Cake I really hope for good news for you tomorrow. I admire your calmness and hope for the best. Just stay away from Dr Google, it can do more harm than good. That is something I have personally struggled with, whenever I saw any blood during pregnacy. I have low lying placenta with this pregnacy and my first one. It didn't cause any harm (except cause worry & stress) and it fixed itself like in 95% of all the cases before 20weeks scan for the first one and I will find out next week for dc3. I hope it's something simple as that and if it is that, it correct itself asap. Or due to uti, where antibiotics can fix it. They may even say its unexplained bleeding. Hope you don't mind, I'm not trying to give false hope but telling you what epu told me when I first started bleeding randomly.

Thank you earth I have thrush atm so am hoping it is caused by some irritation from that, but I know nothing about thrush having only ever had it once before and as per your advice I have not googled. I have a bit of a dull ache low in my stomach this evening and the odd sharp twinge. Am trying not to think the worst. Scan is nice and early at 9.30am tomorrow so just hoping I can get a bit of sleep tonight.

Everything looked ok at the scan thankfully. Thank you for the support.
Waiting to see consultant now but seems there will be a longer wait than usual as he isn't even at clinic yet due to an emergency, really hope the lady is ok. I hate hearing about emergencies, fills me with dread.