Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Birth clubs

Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

Original poster

The rainbow cave - where we can remember our angels and pray for our rainbow.

510 replies

3littlebadgers · 20/01/2016 07:30

Hello ladies, the other thread was full, so welcome to the rainbow cave. A place where we can hide away together as we remember our beautiful angel babies, and pray for our tiny rainbows.

Introducing myself and my babies for anyone new,

Name: 3littlebadgers
Angel: DD2, Azra stillborn at 40+5 March 2015
Rainbow: badger boy currently 36+1
Other DCs: ds1, ds2, dd1

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
earthmoon · 09/04/2016 10:23

Thank you ladies for the warm welcome you have given me. I still can't help it feeling like a fraud, but I truly appreciate your kind words.

Ducky, yes I do get extra care already because of the diabetes and I attend diabetes pregnancy clinic every Friday. I also have my diabetes dr email so I could email her if I get any questions within the week as well as the diabetic team numbers. I will get three growth scans at 28, 32 and 36 weeks, if I'm still pregnant by then. Because of your history we might decide to induce you earlier I been told. Which also means I'm gonna get steroid injection at 28weeks. So yes, my care has been excellent. In fact I feel greedy for having so many appointment with the nhs having so many financial constraints already.

BadlyWrittenPoem · 09/04/2016 10:59

I'm glad you're getting good care earth.

hopinghopefullyagain · 09/04/2016 18:19

Hi and welcome earth and many fingers and toes crossed for chat. We've been away for a few days and booked a holiday for end of July. Got a little bit swept along in making plans and then had a bit of a panic that we were getting carried away when there is still so much that could go wrong. Don't think I'll ever truly be able to relax and enjoy the pregnancy but I'm just lucky to be pregnant at all I guess.

duckyisback · 09/04/2016 20:35

Sounds like your getting good care earth Smile

I'm still feeling very in limbo. Have had quite bad on off nausea. My boobs were very sore but now they aren't, then my nausea stopped and I just convinced myself that that was it. Nausea came back though but I'm still worried. These two weeks are going so slow.

ChatEnOeuf · 11/04/2016 19:50

I'm bowing out of the cave for now ladies. An initial scan at 7+5 was promising but after a heavy bleed a second scan shows I've miscarried again. I wish you all the very best for peaceful pregnancies and I hope I'll be back one day.

duckyisback · 11/04/2016 19:53

Oh chat ThanksThanksThanks I'm so sorry to hear that. Sending you lots of love X

BadlyWrittenPoem · 11/04/2016 20:10

Thanks I'm so sorry to hear that Chat.

OwlinaTree · 11/04/2016 20:34

Sorry chat. Flowers thinking of you.

FoggyBlue · 12/04/2016 18:01

So sorry to hear your update Chat, be kind to yourself x

figsandalmonds · 13/04/2016 12:05

Oh I'm so sorry Chat .... that's such terrible news!

figsandalmonds · 13/04/2016 12:15

I've not been around for a while...

We're doing ok. I'm now 16weeks and feeling better physically and emotionally than the first trimester for now... though I don't know how long this will last.

Thought about going back to pregnancy yoga this morning and emailed the teacher who taught the last class I attended (I also did baby yoga with her til Sophie was 6months and I went back to work). Just before Sophie died (she was 18months) I sent the teacher a video of Sophie in the bath singing and gesticulating to the baby yoga songs we learnt there... I'd like to go back to a yoga class where I would be supported (the teacher knows of course and she's very lovely) but I'm also really worried about freaking out about all the other (happy) pregnant women.... at the beginning of the class she used to ask all of us to introduce ourselves, say how far along we were and how we were feeling that week. I'm not sure how I'd cope with that now... maybe it's just the anticipation and the first week will be the first. But what if I don't feel part of the group? What if someone comes to talk to me and asks if it's my first (I've not yet had these conversations which I know I'll eventually have to confront).... it all makes me very anxious though part of me really wants to go back too.... I've been crying in the library this morning (I'm doing a PhD). It's so hard navigating the fall out from the loss of a child on top of all the grief...

X

BadlyWrittenPoem · 13/04/2016 12:52

Figs, could you ask the teacher (in advance) not to ask you or would not being asked feel more awkward/conspicuous? Or rehearse in advance what you are going to say?

It's always so awkward when people ask those questions where it's hard to answer truthfully without explaining. I sometimes say, "I've got" and then list my children's ages when people ask how many I've got or if asked if its my first say, "I've got x children at home." It must be so much harder when you're left with no living children.

OwlinaTree · 13/04/2016 22:04

Tricky one figs, I must admit that's the reason I didn't do pregnancy yoga the second time around. Felt awkward about what I would say to other expectant mums. Didn't want to lie about it but equally didn't want to worry other women and also thought it would effect how they viewed me. I still feel like I don't want to be known as 'the woman with the dead baby', like I don't want her death to define me. It's kind of private anyway. Sorry, I've no practical advice on this one, but sympathy for the situation.

I found the questions very difficult when pg with my son, it's easier this time with all the 'is it your first?' type questions, 'no, my son is 2'. When expecting my son, I would try to evade a bit, as badly said. When people said 'is it your first?' 'It's my only one at the moment' was my favourite answer, upbeat though. People don't really care about the answers to these questions, they are making small talk half the time, so I didn't feel too bad about lying if necessary, especially if it was a checkout assistant asking when shopping. Bit different if it's a potential friend at a group though.

OwlinaTree · 13/04/2016 22:16

Another weird one I've noticed is sometimes when I've told a person about my daughter, they then will tell me about their terrible birth experience. I think they are trying to sort of empathise, oh look, it wasn't easy for me either sort of thing. Anyone else had this or is it because my daughter died during the actual birth?

duckyisback · 14/04/2016 06:31

Figs Thanks** I must have missed when you joined, I agree with maybe speaking to the teacher and telling her what your comfortable with?

Owl, I have noticed that too. I was out once and a friend of a friend came up to me and said they had heard about what happened and were sorry, they then went on to tell me how awful their niece was treated whilst giving birth, apparently the nurses were rude to her because she was a heroin addict who was using during pregnancy Angry I went off on one at him.

BadlyWrittenPoem · 14/04/2016 07:47

Owlina that is terrible and I'm appalled that people do that. I acknowledge that birth can be a traumatic event but it is totally inappropriate to share that with someone who's just told you their daughter died at birth! I wonder if it is partly that losing a child is such an awful thing to contemplate that they want to somehow classify it as another type of bad birth experience so that it doesn't seem so big and scary?

figsandalmonds · 14/04/2016 12:27

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and reassurance on questions. Just something to get through I suppose and after the first time I'm sure it gets easier.

People do say all sorts of funny (odd) things.... it's never ending. It's also the side of things I never expected. I knew the grief would be so hard to cope with, but the extra pain caused by people took me by surprise and I didn't realise there'd be so much of it. I know people are trying to empathise and I've been reminded constantly that people mean well... but I've found I have had to prioritise my feelings to protect myself, and not worry what people intended... But it has meant cutting some people off.

earthmoon · 14/04/2016 21:52

I'm very sorry chat (flowers) please take good care of yourself.

Figs, I also agree with others about speaking to the teacher in advance. The answer I give when people ask how many children do you have? Is "I have one son with me." People generally tend to give me a raised eyebrow after that answer and only one person has asked me to explain what I meant by it.

DS2 didn't die during labour and I had to be induced as he had died. My very close cousin visited me during the induction and baby sat DS1 on day three as my sister had an exam that day and mom didn't want to leave me. Just this January she said to me "I went through more than you with my DS1 than you did with that baby " I was Shock and my mind shut down, we were like best friends and very close until then. It came out of the blue, just as we were clearing the table after our children had eaten lunch. Just to clarify, her DS1 is alive and well, but she had a terrible birth experience with him that lead to a third degree tear and regular panic attacks just before she gave birth to her DC2. But in her mind just because I didn't tear, DS2 is fair game to refer to as that baby. She knows his name and I'm ok people referring to him as my son or by his given name, but NOT as that baby.

ChatEnOeuf · 14/04/2016 22:49

Yes, 'just one right now' is my stock answer.

Earth that is outrageous. What an awful thing to say Sad Angry

Thanks for the love - I would love to be back here one day. All the best x

OwlinaTree · 14/04/2016 23:10

earth that's so awful. What a thing to say.

BadlyWrittenPoem · 15/04/2016 08:42

Earth I have no words! I'm sorry you had anybody say that never mind someone close enough to you to really know better.

duckyisback · 15/04/2016 09:21

Earth AngryAngry that is awful!!! Absolutely horrible.

I have my scan today, am very nervous and can't help but expect the worst.

earthmoon · 15/04/2016 10:22

I have tried to excuse her but I can't find anything to explain or help me understand why she would feel ok to say that. I do agree that she got of worse physically with her son, but our birth stories are not comparable. I only had pregnancy and birth with him and he will never be anything less than my son.

Ducky what time is your scan, hope it's early so you have less time for worry. Fingers crossed for good news

duckyisback · 15/04/2016 10:26

I have no words earth. She must be crazy to compare any live birth to a still birth!

My scan isn't until 1.50, and they're usually running late, although I don't really understand that as I've only ever been in the waiting room with one other person Hmm

earthmoon · 15/04/2016 11:30

They get a lot of paper work to fill after seeing each person. Is that a reasonable amount of excuse to explain the delay or like many nhs hospitals they are under staffed? I hope they see you soon today. I had few early scans with this pregnancy and the first scan which i waited for more than 1hr, put me back three weeks. For the next scan I didn't need to wait very long, in fact I was seen before my appointment time.