February 2016 Halfway mark: Flutters into kicks into thwacks!

[haquoi123]

New thread, heeeeeeere we go!!

on your behalf rufus , that's shocking.

Thank goodness baby is ok. Take care of yourself today and maybe hold off on making a decision re the doctor for a couple of days. Lots of in order I think

hi everyone,

Rufus I hope everything is OK, take care of yourself

Welcome joleyn, more twins yay!!! Jessie is the other poster who's having twins.

Isla I'm planning to start my mat leave on my EDD (8 Feb) and using annual leave to stop a week before that (29 Jan last day in office). Haven't agreed this with HR yet but that's what I'd like to do.

Had midwife appointment this morning and got to hear the baby's heart beating through a handheld machine. It was amazing and ever so slightly weird!!

Cross post! Happy to hear baby is OK Rufus, sorry you had such a scare

Glad to hear all is ok rufus you'd think the nurses would be a little more professional given how worried you must have been.

goneswimming yay due date buddies! :) hope scan goes well on Monday

Rufus I'm so glad the baby is OK. So sorry to hear you had such a horrible night though, it must have been very frightening. Be gentle with yourself.

Glad to hear baby is OK rufus

Rufus glad to hear you and bubba are OK, Sorry you had such a crappy night.

WRT mat leave I plan on working till the day I go into labour. I work at home currently 1 day a week and will up this as time goes on so by hopefully mid Jan I will be at home full time (due feb 15th). This is my first baby so I want as much mat leave with the little one as possible before coming back o work. If I can get out of bed and turn my laptop on, I can work! If I can't hubby can bring laptop to me!!

rufus Bastards! That's horrid, absolutely horrid. I'm so sorry you experienced that. Why the fuck do these people go into a CARING profession?! Its a woman and her baby, the most precious thing to you, being rude, slow and cavalier is not acceptable.

So my Dr finally called me, I'm off to have an emergency scan as she wants to know why I bled. Will also ask about the blood blisters when there. I did ask the Dr last night but he didn't have a clue what they were.

Good luck rufus They never did find the cause of my bleeding, neither time, despite running every exam and test they possibly could. I do still wonder now what the cause of it could have been. Stupid bodies.

rufus - take care. Hopefully this experience will be more reassuring than more stress for you.

At least the bleeding has stopped and your cervix is closed, you can hang on to that rufus, and definitely feet up for a few days. Sadly that sort of behaviour is not unheard of in Mat wards. Possibly contact PALS in a few days and speak to them?

rufus that's sounds appalling, really sorry you had it from both the private and the NHS - you'd think at least one would get it right! Really relieved to hear you're ok and your doc is getting you in for a scan. Look after yourself.

I've gone into a nesting frenzy (when I should be planning lessons...) and ended up making my own laundry detergent and fabric softener... (even I'm raising my eyes at this, poor DH having to deal with my weird, guilt-ridden and often soon after forgotten environmental schemes) Got the trial run in the washing machine, let's see how it goes!

haquoi I took the seal off from the shower screen earlier and it's currently soaking in the bath.

Cleaning it is no longer sufficient. It needs an 8 hour soak

haquoi I've been trying to remove all chemicals from my environment so may go down the same route as you, particularly fabric softener. If it is any good would you please post the recipe?

Scan was all good, no idea where the bleeding came from. Blood blisters are normal and caused by venous congestion but nothing to do with varicose veins. May get more, probably will never go so if still there on my c-section day they are going to burn them off.

Spent 45mins chatting to my Dr, turns out that there is only 1 hospital including all NHS in the London area that will take a pregnant woman under 28 weeks if they think you are going to deliver. I find that completely shocking! Most hospitals will either refuse entry or transfer.
Dr wants to try and do something about my IBS which I don't understand as I've had it all my life, nothing in particular triggers it and nothing helps except buscopan which I can't take. It has been far less since I've been pregnant anyway.

rufus I've only had 2 IBS attacks since getting pregnant but they've been absolutely horrendous each time. Same here with Buscopan/Immodium, GP has prescribed it and its sat on my bathroom shelf but so far I've resisted taking it. After this latest attack I'm going back to the Atkins40 way of eating, I had one attack in the year I was following that and it was very mild.

Re hospitals: thats shocking. There are 3 major hospitals in my area. One takes 30 weeks upwards only, the other two take 24 weeks upwards, SIL has worked at both of those and says they're brilliant

Need a bit of British perspective on this..

We found out this afternoon that a close friend of my husband lost their baby at 38 weeks last night. Naturally they are absolutely devastated as are we for them. Although they are mostly my DH's friends we have had dinner a few times as a couple and seen each other at social gatherings and even attended their wedding a few years ago. I still feel a bit of an outsider around them but the wife is the nicest person I've ever met. Not a bad word towards anyone and so loving and kind. My heart absolutely breaks for them.

DH called me in tears when he found out and said the funeral would be held this Monday. I do want to attend and show my love and support for them at this time- however when my MIL found out she said it would be hugely inappropriate for me to attend being 21 weeks and obviously showing. This threw me a bit. I don't want to create a situation where I cause them more pain and upset if they see me and my belly. Not as much as I think they would feel like I was rubbing my pregnancy in their face, but sometimes people just react in grief and that is something I want to avoid.

I have asked this question on an a forum for American women in the UK as I know a lot of them personally. All of them saw no reason why I wouldn't be anything but welcome and that the couple would appreciate our presence there. However my MIL's reaction has me hugely doubting myself and wondering if this may be a cultural difference? My DH wants me to go (mostly to help him through) so he's not much help.

What do you think ladies? This is such an emotive issue. If you were all in my place would you attend or would you maybe just send DH alone with a card explaining your absence and that you wanted to be sensitive to what they might be feeling?

Also sorry for the novel.

Glad all ok rufus.

Not been on for ages - too tired to do anything other than start at the TV blindly in the evenings at the moment!

Can't believe how hard some of the kicks are already, don't remember them being this strong with DS even when I was further along. Some are almost painful!

Smashley: they invited you (?). That says quite a lot.
Do they know you're pregnant?
Could DH perhaps speak to someone else slightly closer to them, to ask that question?
Personally I feel any acknowledgement and show of support would be massively appreciated. I've not experienced such a late loss, so my take is probably naive.

(I'd want to check out the above before deciding to attend).
How are you feeling about their loss? It's a fear at the back of so many women's minds (certainly mine). for you and DH

I'm not sure- DH only found out because his friend texted him that something horrible had happened but didn't reply to any of DH's texts back. DH was sure it was his father that had passed (he hasn't been well) So he went round unexpected and that's when he found out what really had happened. He said he had a cuppa with him and let him unload all his feelings. DH was crying when he left and called me.

I'm not sure if we both were invited.. or maybe DH just asked when the funeral was. They do know we are expecting as we ran into them not long ago and we were comparing bumps and talking names. DH has actually just shown me that he's been included in a group message from his friend giving the info for the funeral... Still I feel a bit- confused.

TBH my first reaction was wanting to pretend I never knew and just hide away. After just finding out we are having another girl, which is what they lost, the idea of seeing them living what would be my worst nightmare is just so so hard. It's made me so hyper aware of my babies own movements and although I know it happens, it's just so close to home.

Very tough for you. So hard to know the 'right thing' (though clearly your DH has already done a very good supportive thing for his friend). Perhaps attend the service but leave DH to attend any following event?

Smashley Oh how tragic. A good friend of mines sister lost her baby at 40 weeks last year. However I have no idea if there were any pregnant women or tiny babies at the funeral. DH has said that he doesn't remember who was/wasn't at his baby sons funeral and so can't offer any advice. How close are you to the couple? Your DH may want you there for support, (and I say this as gently as possible) but its not about him, it's about the grieving parents, and he may well have to go alone to be sensitive to them. My DH suggests asking them, as he wouldn't have wanted people to come/not come based on being pregnant, but that's entirely his reaction, and may well not be the reaction of your friends.

Thanks ladies- It's actually really good advice. DH plans to get in touch with his friend's mom. She would be very straight about what the current mood is and would let us know if my being there would make things upsetting. If things are a go- we decided I would attend the church service with DH (wearing a loose fitting dress and perhaps a coat to help not stand out) and DH would attend the crematorium afterwards on his own.

TillI I completely agree. It is about their feelings first and I think DH is starting to see that. He did say that he only spoke to his friend and not friends wife so he has no idea what state she may be in.

It is so, so hard to know what to do in these situations, there's no blanket rule and everyone reacts so differently to this. You don't go; it could be seen as a snub. You do go; could cause more pain. And then theres the option of not remembering who was or wasn't there like my DH. And probably a few more reactions we haven't thought of.

I find pregnancy incredibly worrying and won't relax until baby is born, but that's when the terror sets in for DH