September crew - baby bumps are appearing and we're emerging as team blue, pink or yellow! Thread 8 :)

[Treaclepie19]

Stats sheet here

ambient I'll be back at work full time after 5 months, as the maternity leave is crap here. My family are back in the UK, and the OH family are too far away and too old and not mobile to be able to regularly help out with daily / weekly childcare.

The plan is to put pfb in day care 5 days a week as the OH and I both work full time, and similar schedules (we actually work at the same office!) Tbh, right from day 1, I have had massive guilt about this but I don't see another option, apart from a child minder, and I don't feel confident as a first time parent atm to know what to look for in a minder and feel that I've made the right decision.

I have had a shit load of anxiety already along the lines of "what happens if he doesn't recognize me when I go to pick him up at the end of the day?" "will I miss all the important bits (crawling, words etc) ?" "am I bad parent for doing this (that's usually a 2am thought..)

The only other option is one of us not return to work, and that's not an option financially atm. As the lesser earner I have thought about aiming for a 4 day week at work, but obviously that means loss of income so am not inclined to do that unless we can work out finances. I think more realistically I might weigh up the options of a career break or a 3 day week or similar once pfb is a bit older (18months - 2 years) as that will enable us to put some cash away and I really want to be around especially as he transitions towards school. In addition, I actually think finding a job working around school hours is way harder than now due to shorter days.

In short - am stressing about what the right thing to do is. One of MANY things that I'm currently mulling over...

Ambient I'm having the same concerns.

I'm the higher wage earner but DHs job comes with certain perks that are worth quite a bit - we're currently living in housing they own at heavily subsidised rent (boarding school). I'm lucky in that I hold a reasonably senior position so am entitled to up to three years off. I'm currently aiming to take about a year as I think it will be hard to go back if longer and we'd also like a dc2 at some point.

When I return I'm going to initially go back 3 days a week before upping this to 4. I currently work a 9 day fortnight anyway (in exchange for an extra hour each day) so the 4 day week would only be just over a 10% pay cut.

The big concern with me is my commute - it's currently about 90 mins each way so when I go up to 4 days a week I'm going to request that one of those is from home. There's a precedent for this with other staff so hopefully not an issue - dc would still be in nursery that day but it means I could drop off/pick-up earlier. DH working locally, and of course having school holidays off, is a big plus for us in terms of the 'guilt' factor and I like that he will have his own one-on-one time with them.

I went back to work full time after DS1 (who is now 19 months), and he went to a childminder (I have no family local and I wouldn't trust DH's family with a budgie never mind a child). It has been fine, he loves going and has a brilliant social life with great opportunities, and is always happy to see me/DH. One thing I will say is try to get as much mundane stuff (eg housework, shopping) done during the week, so weekends can be for fun stuff with baby.
This time round I'm hoping to go back part time, purely because I do struggle with getting things done at home, but I'd still be looking at 4 days a week. DH works shifts which change regularly so he does as much as he can but we can't plan anything around him.

Wont lie, its the hardest thing in the world working full time. We're incredibly lucky and DS is with my parents during the week, god kniws how we would afford nursery. Found it harder to begin with, it does get easier in time tho never really happy about the situation. But have no choice so have to keep plodding on. As sunshinesmum said, its great to see how happy he is at preschool and Grandma & Grandad are fabulous with him.
This time round looks like im only having 4mths off (gutted) but fingers crossed my company will pay full wage and ill prob go in on 2 half days to 'keep in touch'. Would be fabulous having 9+ months off but financially not possible.
Come on lotto numbers, enough to pay off the mortgage would be nice! Lol

Ambient I'll definitely be going back full time, and no one has asked my wife if she is going part time! I'm hoping to get promoted next year so the extra will hopefully allow her to drop one day at work - we won't be any better off financially but at least one of us should hopefully then be there for when s/he wakes up and for bedtime every night (we both work shifts).

Im going to go back 4 days a week and baby will be with Mil 3 days and childminder 1 day I think. Took me a while to make my peace with it esp as I will be a long commute away from home those 4 days but it's just what we have to do.

On the happier note I felt baby move loads yesterday and I had a good day with dh getting an education in car seats lol.

20+6 (7 days til scan!)

maths I wouldn't worry about the language thing. DS has been in nursery since he was 1yr they only speak Norwegian and me and DH only speak English. His progress was a little different, he was behind for 4 months or so but then made a massive leap in both languages and at 2 and a half he is on a par with his peers in both languages. (just me and DH that need help !!)

I also felt guilt for the first 2 months when DS went to nursery and I went to work FT but now we really like the situation. It helps that here the work day is shorter and we have more holidays, plus 13 days of child days each year for when DS is ill.

Now I feel no guilt at all and will be going back to work FT after 13 months maternity. Nursery here is different to the UK though, less structured (classes are mixed ages up to 6 yrs old) massively focused on outdoor play. Perhaps most importantly DS loves it and it's a quarter of the price of the UK so actually available as an option for everyone.

I'm only highlighting the differences because I don't know if I would have made the same choice if I was in the UK.

I am a teacher so will take a year off (sept to sept but will work a week in July). We have always considered one of us working part time and initially it was going to be DH as I have the long school holidays. We both earn similar amounts but I have much more work outside of school hours (marking, planning extra meetings and stress etc) so we agreed that wouldn't quite be fair.
I think we are leaning towards both working 4 days (DH spreading hours across 4 days so only losing a few hours a week pay) so we each have one day a week at home. It will still mean 3 days a week in nursery as there is no family we can trust nearby.
Now we just need to get both of our employers to agree to our demands! Any idea when we should raise this as obviously it wouldn't kick in until sept 2016!

Pigriver I want to ask the same question - I hope to do a flexible working request and drop down to 3/4 days a week but would rather do it whilst I'm on maternity leave, simply bc I don't know how I'm going to feel then! Does anyone know when you should do it? I've read it takes up to 3 months to be processed so could do it 3 months before I'm expected to go back?

lastnight there are some lovely nurseries where you are - the Montessori in Kennington is v well regarded and I have friends with DC at your local primary school who rave about it.

I'm 3 days per week at the moment which works really well but I am not nor have I ever been the highest earner in my family. Planning to take a year again but I'll hopefully do KIT days, unlike last job where I point blank refused to do them. Not sure what we'll do in terms of nursery as - assuming we get the place! - DD is moving to pre-school nearer our house in September and they only take from 3 yrs. I'd be more than happy to send DD2 to DD1's current nursery but getting across the ring road in rush hour traffic is a complete pain. Plenty of time to think, though.

Flexible working: I had a meeting with work when DD was 3 months old and went back at a year. Other friends arranged it with a couple of weeks to go.

Thinking about work post-maternity leave makes me feel incredibly overwhelmed.

Currently, I commute for an hour each way to teach in an inner city school. It's long hours. I've been in my post for a fair while now and had been thinking about moving on before TTC. Realistically, there isn't a part time post there for me - all other flexible working requests in the last 5 years or so have been turned down. I don't see why mine would be granted.

DH commutes for 45 mins in the opposite direction. He may be able to compress his hours into 4 days. We have no family nearby who aren't in full time work.

Gah. Thinking about it makes me want to burst into tears.

I'm glad it seems to be the norm them, my commute is only 30 mins & 9-5 office work but it will hopefully all be OK. It's good to see that people think their DC's love nursery/child minders - I might look at putting him in a nursery once a week maybe so he will learn to socialise more with other children. I can't work a 4 day week due to "business needs" (a couple of others have been turned down) so that's out the window - it's a bloody minefield! But it's good to see how other families do it & gives me hope that my DC won't think I'm terrible for working! Half of me thinks I'm just being silly because of course most people need to work & I do remember as a child all the cool kids went to after school clubs, etc & loved it but I always had my mum their so I didn't know the other side.
definitely oh no I hope you're OK - didn't mean to cause upset.It is overwhelming I agree x

Thanks ambient, that's sweet of you. I'm fine - just a bit overwhelmed. DH is incredibly supportive and says we can do whatever I choose or feel comfortable with. I just don't know what that is yet!

commander I hadn't even thought about looking in kennington, that would make much more sense! I think I may need to convince DH about Montessori. I think he sometimes confuses it with Steiner... Looks great to me though! Don't suppose you (or anyone you know) has any insider info on fees and things? They never make that easy to find and I'd feel a bit daft enquiring just now...?

We're lucky in that the local primary is very good and very over subscribed....but we we're actually in the village we're pretty much a dead cert. Most of the frustration seems to come from people in North Abingdon where there are simply too many people for our little school to cope with.

commander I hadn't even thought about looking in kennington, that would make much more sense! I think I may need to convince DH about Montessori. I think he sometimes confuses it with Steiner... Looks great to me though! Don't suppose you (or anyone you know) has any insider info on fees and things? They never make that easy to find and I'd feel a bit daft enquiring just now...?

We're lucky in that the local primary is very good and very over subscribed....but we we're actually in the village we're pretty much a dead cert. Most of the frustration seems to come from people in North Abingdon where there are simply too many people for our little school to cope with.

Just got back from my 20 week scan, and pleased to say that everything is looking good which is a massive relief he's head down so she couldn't get a good heart pic first time, but they got the consultant in and managed to measure it. Did the transvaginal u/s and the placenta, cervix etc all look good.

Am STILL amazed to see how perfectly formed everything is at just less than 20 weeks.

I had a bit of an episode tho as I was lieing down flat and suddenly felt sick and dizzy due to being too flat and compressing whatever nerve it is you shouldn't lie on. The sonographer was excellent tho and helped me out (after me taking vritually all my clothes off.. - the lack of care about who sees what starts here )

Been quiet on the board for awhile, I'm sorry!
To add to the return to work conversation, my boss told me when I first told him I was pg (6 weeks) that there would be no PT option. I work 8.30-6 based on the road with on call duties every 3 weekends...how on earth could I do that FT? So I will be asking for 3-4 days a week but not holding out hope. Is anyone planning on looking for a new (more flexible!) job post maternity leave? SO stressful!

I'm feeling uncomfortable... just got out the bath and my stomach right by my ribs is aching and I'm breathless. Wondering if little boy is moving up?

I don't feel uncomfortable I'm just so tired and fed up at work and my back aches. I feel like I've mentally 'checked out' of work and just can't be bothered with it! Got about 16 weeks to get through before maternity leave!! lol

yes to being bloated, it's usually worse in the evening and looks like someone has shoved a beachball up my shirt!

I look pregnant but possibly fat still as my stomach still has a dint in the middle where my belly button is - i.e. it just looks like two rolls

choccy in the past two weeks I have been the same. I don't really like my job atm and am bored but the upside as it's quiet is flexi hours and no real stress. The OH says I should make the most of it but mentally I think I've given up already, and I've 19 weeks to go!

DP and I are both self-employed, which is great as we can essentially approve our own time off (if we bust a gut now to afford it...)

However, I'm getting a little aggravated by how many people are assuming I'll take 9-12 months but actively suggesting DP shouldn't take more than 2-4 weeks. I will have to go back (part time) after 3 months, so why shouldn't he take the rest of the shared leave?

Is anyone else looking at using shared leave? It seems like a good system.

Boo to you all. Been missing in action on here as no internet or 3G in new house at the moment! Had 20 week scan today, they couldn't get all the measurements so have to go back in two weeks. Bump is being v awkward just like me!

I have the two-stage bump, though it's starting to even out a bit. (Or is that just cake?)
I feel bloody awful today. DD has a miserable cold which I seem to have caught. Boo.
I have also been informed today that the open house thing our estate agents organised was a wash out so have to do another one. Pissedoff is not quite describing what I feel.