April 2015 Thread 11: The finish line is in sight as we get closer to maternity leave and our babies!

[BrixtonBunny]

Old thread getting full xx

Thanks for that little list Tiny. I'm hoping my partner doesn't feel too left out because, as some of you know our financial situation isn't great at the moment as I lost one of my part time jobs just before Christmas, so I've been going to my midwife appointments alone and it was always going to be that way as we agreed that he'd be at work as he's the main breadwinner. I have no problem with going to appointments etc alone as I'm quite independent, but it means I will also be going to antenatal classes alone too when I start them in March. This situation also means he won't be able to take much leave when the baby is here, because we cant afford to, which I suppose is a pretty normal situation anyway? So I'll try and involve him with all of the things that you've mentioned!

RL I think it's really normal. I was shocked when I found out that pat leave pay can be so low. Somehow I'd always assumed it was two weeks on full pay. Maybe I'm just being naive about what some employers can afford though.

DH won't get pat leave as too new at his new company so he's taking annual leave, at least they are letting him do that - strictly speaking they could have said no holiday during first 3 month probationary period although that would have been fairly heartless.

I go to all my mw appts (except scans) by myself I don't think it's unusual esp when there are older DC to be looked after. I didn't take DH with me first time around either. That's a shame re antenatal but tbh I bet there are loads of men who don't make it for work reasons. Well done on keeping your chin up

Mmm stuffed my face full of pancakes baby approved of them and is wiggling away.

Been really good today and finished the cardigan I've been knitting. It's so cute I'm really proud of myself. I'll try and post a pic later.

Thank you Smog your post has made me feel better knowing I'm possibly not the only one out there with a partner but relatively going alone! The truth is were not sure exactly what time he's going to get off as he's currently working for an agency. With agency work I don't think you get parental/paternity leave as such, but hopefully he might be able to take some holiday leave. He's determined to get some sort of time off anyway, although in my mind I'm trying to think that it might be just me and baby for the majority of the time just incase he doesn't manage to get a lot of time off. So if he doesn't, it won't come as a massive surprise to me then and I can start getting my head around it now. Anyway, it's only the day time he works and he'll be hopefully home at a reasonable time! I think I was probably naive with the whole thing too.

Yeah I go to MW alone RL. OH wouldnt get time off for that. Shame about the classes though isn't it? I had to go to one class alone cos of his work too. But luckily it was just the one.

I go to all my appointments alone... DH only came to the big scans 12, 20 and 23

Great ideas for DH getting involved, thanks Ladies. He does rub cream on bump each night though, but he feels odd talking to baby though I think!

Yep I go to most things alone too. DH has come to most scans (not all the early ones) and the odd midwife appointment that has happened when he's been off work - eg over Christmas. I'm off to NCT on my own tonight too as he's away with work this week. Can't really be helped.

DH came with me to mine with ds1 but only because we drove to work together and worked 40miles from home so he'd have been stranded of not. He comes to the hospital ones now but not regular antenatal ones.

Ds1 had terrible colic ChickenMe and Dh was amazing when he got in from work he would take him and walk around with him. Feeding him made no difference so I couldn't do anything that Dh couldnt and it gave me a break from crying baby. Feeding is a big part but by no means the only part. I agree about babies falling asleep on daddies chests and he can still cuddle and talk to the baby, bath baby and change nappies if he so desires. Dh had a terrible time with dss as his ex couldn't bf him and soon didn't want to do anything so although he did a lot with our boys he loved that he didn't have the pressure to have to do it iyswim. I think just make sure he's not only dashing off getting things for you in the early days and that he's getting some of the chilled out snuggly cuddly time too and you'll be fine. Up to about 4 months old mine were happy for cuddles from whoever was giving them, unless they were hungry of course!

Children's centres/sure start centres should be avaialble in most places (although not sure about Scotland) and often have sensory baby groups. The group I go to is run by a local gospel church so not avaialble everywhere and probably a long way to visit for a lot of you

Scan went well, I think! Left kidney still normal and bladder normal today although the wall was slightly brighter if not thickened. The urethra was not visible and no keyhole today so she is now not convinced it's partial urethral valve but possibly a blockage on the right only or even possibly a duplication of the kidney this means that although it looks larger its actually 1 1/2 kidneys and the ureta looks enlarged because there are two of them. There's no way to know this until the baby himself has a scan post birth and because of what they saw before it could still be the original diagnosis so they still want to induce at 40weeks at addenbrookes and I'm back for another scan 13th March for final decision. She said if it is urethral valves we've done the right thing if it's not be glad that I can have my baby and take him home! I feel thankful that he may not have to have the surgery, slightly freaked out by the possibility that he has an extra half a kidney that he doesn't need and also slightly annoyed at all the stress we've been through that may have been for nothing. Had midwife booking apt and she was next to useless! Couldn't answer any of my questions and had bloods taken straight away apparently before she realised how far along I was doesn't fill me with confidence!!!!

Thanks cinnamon. I think unwittingly some DHs may think bf-ing is womens stuff and that they may be required to make themselves scarce when actually there's nothing stopping them sitting with us and being cosy.
Glad your scan went well although it does sound a bit confusing but generally positive. What a load of worrying you have had.

chicken our NCT teacher was v encouraging for dads to do skin to skin after the birth. After DD was born, I held her and fed her, then he put a nappy on her, took off his shirt and cuddled her for ages. I was pretty tired so glad to hand over for a bit.

Absolutely agree re soothing of unsettled baby. if I'd just fed DD and she was still crying and unhappy and we'd done the usual winding and nappy change then he had more chance of soothing her as he didn't smell of milk, which was confusing to her sometimes I think. As in she then thought she wanted milk, so I offered it, and then she drank for two mins and then howled some more.

I expressed and DH gave her a bottle at 10pm (from about 3 months in) and then I could go to bed at 830 and sleep through til she woke at 2 or 3. it made a huge difference.

I have a friend whose husband used to do the night shifts on weekends. So when the baby woke, he'd bring it to her, she'd feed and go back to sleep, whilst he'd do the changing of nappy, settling etc (depending on the baby this can be an extra 30-90 mins) whilst she slept. He then brought the baby in to her at 6 or 7 and had a long lie to recover.

I bought DH the Fatherhood book by Marcus someone and it was great for preparing him a bit.

rats moomin. perhaps young farmers network might have suggestions? or local church?

you'll be grand, you will.

Cinnamon - glad everything seems to be going ok, I think I must of missed he introduction to your hospital visits story but glad your starting to get proper answers, hopefully!

Banana, Tiny and Chicken - Yes he came to all of my hospital scans and wouldn't of missed them for anything as he never had the chance to go to any with his other child who he has with his ex (she was very awkward and wouldn't allow him access or much to do with anything). So I do have faith that he's wanting to do as much as he physically can whilst also keeping the roof over our heads.

Well, is been having thoughts of moving my maternity leave date back a bit as in my mind it seems quite early (I'll be 33 weeks) but after today's shift which is not yet finished, I'm remembering why I chose for it to be earlier! I'm feeling really achey (I work as a cleaner), tired and grumpy. I definitely feel ready for maternity leave now Only a week and a half to go

DH comes to all the scans, and he comes to antenatal appointments if he happens to be off. Tbh there's little point him being there. Could have done with him coming to my anaesthetic review as there was so much to take in but he decided last minute to stay at home and do diy with his dad we didn't talk for days because I was so cross about that he's so impatient at the scans though, there's a lot of waiting around because we also see the consultant, he always convinces himself it's going to take half an hour and is shocked when it takes 2. Every. Bloody. Time.

Blimey, it's half way through Feb and the March ladies have only had 2 babies so far.

RL, I'm going to midwife appts alone too - DH has only been along to two of the scans (the third was an extra 12 week one as they scanned me too early, and mum came along to that instead). He'll be coming to the NCT classes, but otherwise I'm quite happy to go and talk about my body and what it's doing solo.

We're thinking about childcare already... two nursery visits scheduled on Friday. Very Odd to be going to scope out a place for a small person who doesn't exist outside me yet.

cinammon, glad to hear your scan went well, and fingers crossed that whatever happens in the end turns out well for your tiny one!

Nowt wrong with that Annia, we (well just me) started looking at different nurseries as the one DD goes to is subsidised by DH's work, but they have cut the funding and added about £6 per session to it. I contacted a few different ones in the area but they never got back to me so I just think sod them! If they wanted my custom they should be bending over backwards for me. So in the end we have decided to take the hit and put this one in the same nursery DD currently resides in. We like the place and the people. Plus they have reduced the age in which the fees drop. It used to be 0-2 higher rate but now it's 0-1 higher rate so it drops by a couple of quid, doesn't sound like a lot but helpful when you add it up over the month.

Evening all,

Good news on your apt cinnamon, it sounds like everything is looking more positive with your little one.

I'm with One to One Midwives this time around, so all of my appointments are at home. DH has been here for a couple but they do tend to be when he is at work, which I'm sure isn't unusual. He's been to both my scans and we're attending a hypnobirthing workshop this weekend. His place of work only offers 2 weeks stat paternity pay, but he's a solicitor so the drop in income is pretty huge - although we could take the financial hit we don't really want to! So I think he will take 1 week paternity and 1 week holiday and depending on how things fall, he might split the weeks so he takes one when baby is born and one in early summer. We're hoping I give birth just before Easter so he can take advantage of the bank holidays!! Due 11th April and DS1 was 4 weeks early so who knows...

I'm 32+3 and have just negotiated to bring my finish date forward to this Friday!! I was off sick last week so rather than just abandon ship I am trying to get some stuff finished off and handed over and then go on leave a week earlier than planned. I've got pelvic pain as well as hip and back pain that I was managing through osteopathy, and it's all just taking it out of me. I think the fact that DS2 could be here in 3 weeks if it's similar to last time is causing me to feel a bit anxious that I'm not ready too! I'm aiming for a home birth so if he is early, it will mess that plan up!

I posted on one of the very early threads that work is going through a massive restructure and I've been told that there will hardly be anyone in the company unaffected - most likely my role will be under consultation whilst I am on leave. Whilst I will be afforded a certain level of protection and they are obliged to offer me a "suitable alternative" if my role is made redundant, I have been there 10 years, would get a pretty decent payout and would like something nearer home, so I wouldn't actually fight too hard against being made redundant! So it's really difficult to stay motivated given that I'll probably never see a lot of the people I work with again - either I won't be going back or a lot of them won't be there in 12 months! Glad to be finishing and focussing on what's important in the short term!

cinnamon glad the scan was ok - all sounds a bit complicated but you're going to be in the safest place either way.
Wine hope you're feeling better this evening.
Daholster hope your day has been ok and that you're feeling a little better too.
bernerana jealous of you finishing this Friday! I'm so ready to finish work now. Second day in a row I've come home with massively swollen ankles - they don't look like mine anymore! I'm finishing a week on thurs so not long to go.

Day off work tomorrow - going for my OC bloods in the morning then hopefully to a breast feeding work shop at sure start centre. I rang again today as they never got back to me when I phoned last week to see if there was space. the woman didn't know but told me to just turn up! Suppose the worst they can say is that they are full. Hopefully not as the next one is in 4 weeks and I'm expecting baby might be here by then

Have another load of little clothes and blankets washing at the moment so getting there with getting things sorted!

Just had my token pancake - don't really like them that much so going to make some 'proper' food now!

Very jealous of you ladies that are finishing so soon. I've got 5 weeks left on Friday. We're getting a new computer system this week so I'll be spending the next 5 weeks trying to get to grips with it. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. It'll be a nice challenge but it's pretty quiet in my library so not sure I'm going to get much practice with the new system. Least Monday is staff development day so it's a bit of a skive got the mandatory principles address and then I'm doing some basic coding which I'm rather excited about.

grumble grumble cock grumble grumble. DH kept DD up as she's got a cold, so I ended up eating dinner with her on my lap. I finally insisted that it was time for bed and he said "who's putting her to bed and who's doing the kitchen?" A small squabble later, I took her to bed, given that he's not touched the kitchen for weeks and I'm a bit sick of doing the cooking and being stuck with all the washing up from it to do the next day. He followed me up and tried to mussle in on bedtime to avoid the kitchen and is now throwing himself round the kitchen in a sulk as I've left him to it. And he who runs the dishwasher all weekend to avoid having to empty it actually had the audacity to complain that the dishwasher was full of clean stuff that had only finished cycling before I started cooking dinner!

penguin but pancakes are an institution, surely you have to have pancakes as your entire dinner on pancake day? Or is that just my family... also ooh! breast-feeding workshop wants

berb welcome back! Ohh, possible redundancy must be a bit nerve-wracking, but at least you have a good package if it does happen! It's crazy, I forget that some people are on a decent wage so paternity leave isn't always a no brainer, DH will take barely any hit at all by taking the whole lot, which is just as well as I don't know how DD is going to take to her baby sister, she doesn't mind the abstract concept of mummys tummy that jumps about is a baby, but an actual crying baby who steals precious mummy time I can see being unpopular, so she's going to need the hot and cold running daddy to help with that transition!

That sounds lovely london re the skin to skin. He said s/t about skin to skin the other day and I was that he must've picked it up from somewhere! We do nct so hoping they do a section on dads and on feeling. He's been painting the nursery today (green) so hopefully he feels more useful. Bless em.

RL your job must be tiring. cleaning is good exercise. I'm going off same time as you but I'm sooo indecisive. I'll be 35w. I'm office bound though..I just can't decide whether to do a few days a week!

bern you sound in pain and you defo need that time to nest while you're still able to. I felt really active today and was charging around. But then other days I'm like UGH. I managed to avoid working in central London and instead I work in Grtr London so my train journey is 45min..

Cinnamon that's good scan news. Shame about the dozy midwife! Keeping you on your toes rather more than you might like.

RL - you're welcome. That was the idea

Oh but I did read that husbands are allowed paid time off to attend up to two antenatal appts, scans included so no ones partners should be losing any money at all to go to 12 and 20 wk scans. A bit late now perhaps.

The other thing partners can do is make sure we all have water to hand as soon as a feed starts. If I start feeding without water to drink immediately I feel absolutely parched. The number of times I barked at poor DH to hurry the eff up with the water...

Here's the cardi I knitted. It still needs buttons but it's super cute.

Pancakes are an institution and must be consumed for dinner. Plus you have to eat them standing up in the kitchen. (They cannot leave the kitchen area.) Shame they are like Chinese though, super filling at the time but a good burp and your starving again. I had 5 pancakes before and have just stuck some if DDs chicken dippers in as I feel like something savoury now.