April 2015 Thread 11: The finish line is in sight as we get closer to maternity leave and our babies!

[BrixtonBunny]

Old thread getting full xx

smogs he has been there 6 yrs and is going through promotion boards, he's good at what he does and they want to keep him. His comment was that they have almost tailor made the project to fit the time he has, but they haven't really considered the fact that he will not want to be there until d day... He has told them that he wants to be allowed to work from home towards the end and has to wait to see what they say. Can't stop crying and I need to go downstairs and be with dh, what is the point of crying about it?! Don't want to be on my own though. And it's going to completely throw dd at just the worst time for her. I'm devastated really. It sucks.

Oh Daholster chin up poppet. Hopefully he will get the go ahead to work from home a bit. DC's are resilient little things so despite the timing I'm sure she will bounce back from not seeing her daddy as much. You'll have to treat yourselves to something nice every week to break up the time and help her count down till everything is back to normal again.

Can't help you with finishing the house but try not to worry too much it will get done eventually. Houses are a never ending cycle of maintenance anyway

Hugs daholster
Horrible to be hit with news like that when you weren't expecting it and have enough on your plate.
I'm sure there will be a solution, but have a good cry if you need to!!! Xxx

Glad you're ok Moomin and Squatting and hope things get better for you holster.

Moomin I can empathise a bit with you as I moved out of my home town (in Grtr London) to where I am now. About a hours drive away. How far did you move? I'm lucky to have ILs round the corner but it does occasionally get lonely. I think when you go to the classes you might get a boost. I've been to two so far. Can't say if I'll make friends yet but it was reassuring to chat to ladies in the same boat. It cheered me up a lot so I hope you will feel the same.

My best mate said she felt the same when preg so she joined everything she could. Once the baby is with you it's easier to connect with people and there are so many activities. She met lots of couples through stuff at the local library!

Daholster is there scope for this project being the last one where he has to go away? Can he agree to this but insist that his wife and family need him home after pat leave? Or is he a consultant - my DH used to do consultancy and there is always the risk of being sent here there and everywhere on client projects in fact it was written into contracts so you know what you're signing up for. He's in-house now.

Of course you're upset though, don't worry about having a cry. I'm sure family will rally around and make sure that DD is well looked after

Good news moominmama22!

Hope all ok SquattingNeville! Oh good, glad there's no worry and enjoy the scan :)

Good luck with the completion going ahead on time Squidge14!

6 weeks is long EbwyIsUpTheDuff, we went 4 weeks after ds1 and 3 after ds2 but had done other things before then. Dh is much happier with once a week tbh, I am more tired so not asking as much but usually I initiate most of the time.

My Dh never has a day off without being on the phone and/or emailing someone daholster but he does get quite a bit of holiday so is home frequently even if he's not fully home when he is. Sorry to hear Dh is going to have to be so far away :(

Busy day today and one monster mindee who was actually throwing beech nuts at me because I wouldn't let him do what he wanted! Been for a run that I didn't want to go on and of course felt better! Have eaten loads since back though and now uncomfortable!!! Got my legs up on dh's lap and he's tickling them so that helps

He's an IT test management consultant for IBM. IBM UK has just become IBM Europe so he was offered 2 new long term roles today. One in Glasgow and one in Amsterdam - so he took the short term one in Edinburgh!

We'll have to see how it pans out. Maybe he can wrangle 2 nights (3 days) a week in Edinburgh and 2 days working from home... In which case it might not be too bad and if it's ok he'd angle for something like that. If not he might be job hunting I think.

Argh! It is the nature of the consulting beast. Pros and cons to working for a big company as a consultant, and as a freelance consultant. Or maybe doing something else entirely...

I came downstairs and he asked if I was alright, and I said upset etc and explained my worries, to which he said "please don't" so of course that pissed me off!!! Don't ask if you don't want to know! I suggested I went back upstairs because I had come down to be with him and we seemed to just be cross, and he said I missed the time he wasn't working while he was working and he wondered where I was. I told him a) I thought his risotto wrap (eh?!) he made when he got home WAS his dinner so I thought he'd eaten and b) I was upset and didn't think it would be helpful to sit with him upset like that.

After the above chat re days a week etc things have settled into comfortable silence but I wish I could just hide on my own somewhere and not have to face any of it!!!

Sorry - I missed the time he was not working when he was eating...

And also I wasn't clear - he isn't freelance. But I suppose it's an alternative career option he could consider - not sure if it would be any better and there would be new stresses I think.

Anyway...

hi everyone. feeling proud that I've finally finished DD2's nursery. The curtains have been in there and too long, since Aug 2012 and I've finally shortened them!! Hurrah. v pleased. Need changing mat to come but it's done.

Made the batter too for the little kids pancake day party we are having tomorrow. I'm excited. Hope they bloody eat it now!

daholster that is pants. I hope they can agree on some WFH. at least on a trial basis, surely? my DH is off on a cycling holiday next week and I will really miss his mojo in the mornings (he's not usually home by bedtime but I am not a morning person so his morning energy is v v helpful). But it's just a week. So I have a small sense of how that might feel. boo.

chicken I moved about 100miles/about 2half-3hrs drive away from parents and ILs and friends. I've wanted to join stuff in preg but there's nothing... There arent even any NCT classes. We are pretty rural.
Have zero social life. Hoping motherhood will prove to be less lonely.

Glad all is well squatting!

And ebwy... Its not from not wanting to

Oh that is quite tough Moomin. It does sound isolating. I am still such a Londoner..you take stuff for granted. It's less cultured where I am now but I didn't realise how few facilities there are in proper rural areas. I hope you can find something once the baby is here. Fingers xd for decent people in your classes.

Agreed moomin - but having a baby does open up new social circles, discovered by attending such things as rhyme time at the library or a local stay and play!!! Evolving into a coffee afterwards etc. Good luck, I hope you find some other mums and dads to connect with.

So dh and I had an argument in bed cos he didn't finish his work til midnight then nagged me to get ready for bed quicker cos I was putting away washing that was on the bed instead of dumping it til the next day. I told him he had left stuff out and made a mess since he was home that I had tidied in an effort to try to keep things nice and another 5 minutes when we were so late to sort the washing I had forgotten about wouldn't matter.

Problem is my I am seeing this selfishly and so is he. He's annoyedim not sympathetic about how he will miss dd and how stressed he is. Fair enough. I told him he is not seeing things from my point if view either and genuinely seems to have no clue just how hard it is being very pregnant and a hands on mummy to a toddler, how my stress about out of hours is redoubled because I don't want to leave dd not seeing either parent for 24hrs at a time, so no idea how to cope with that yet, and how I can't physically be at work for my duty days on time to start my shift when I have to drop dd off at nursery. How I am worried how to cope with it all without him. Stalemate... Then he said I shouldn't be so pissed off with him, I should be more reasonable!!!

So ensues an argument about how we will get the house finished, how we will never get what we wanted done, how he thinks it's not the end of the world because we could just dump everything from the study into the front bedroom and get the nursery done and how I should have concentrated on that room instead of decorating the cloakroom. I responded by suggesting that if he was around more to help with the difficult sorting etc in there then I probably would have but I just want the whole house finished and thought I could do it myself in a weekend while he was away. I wanted to do the nursery when there was space to move things. We had said the guest bedroom would be done too not filled with stuff.

I then pointed out that the golf weekend with the lads in 2 weekends was not a priority (he knows I think this already) and would mean we miss him for 2 weeks. Silence. It's not booked yet but I still think he might go despite all this. Shame on him if he does I think.

I acquiesced a little and said we would be coping with this much better if we'd had any time at all together in the last month. He agreed and said we haven't becayse he shouldn't have socialised as much... And that I shouldn't have had family round helping with things like the cloakroom!!! Argh!

So I cried myself to sleep and he took ages to sleep too. He woke early and is gone, he was lovely and gave me a kiss then hot frustrated that I have put the door keys somewhere and left without another goodbye. We are just under so much pressure and not working together with this at all.

Best get up before I'm late. Not sure how ill manage today without more crying! I really really hope dd is an angel when I force her put of bed and to nursery this morning...

Thanks for letting me vent

32 weeks today

Aw daholster that sounds stressful. I can't really give much advice but my partner has been working lots too whereas I have gone part time (before christmas now) and I just feel guilty that I'm knackered and there's a huge pile of washing and I can't keep up with the tidying. And I'm making an effort to cook from scratch every night for us because sometimes he's not getting back til after 8pm and I want him to have a good dinner seeing as he's the main breadwinner and is keeping the roof over our heads. It's all making me feel a bit useless.
I've just woke from a horrible weird dream that he was cheating on me and I can't seem to get back to sleep now. I've had similar dreams a few times and I think it's down to the fact that I've not let us be 'intimate' for ages and I feel really guilty. Obviously we go to bed together every night but as I'm trying to avoid laying on my right side, we rarely cuddle and I just feel like I'm being a bit distant ?? not really sure how to solve it either?

Yes fingers crossed Squidge. Great to have a date.

Daholster is it worth hanging on until he gets promoted - might that mean more say over where he is/ fewer far-flung postings?

My DH says IT contractors can make loads more money than permanent staff as long as they organise their tax efficiently (you need an accountant) so that could be an option.

Vent away obviously that's what MN is for. It's v hard to find time for each other's POV when you're both knackered. I will say that downstairs loo when you're home with little ones is a godsend.

Well done London. Now feeling it really is time to sort wardrobes out in DD's new room!

Moomin just to echo what the others have said - go to absolutely anything and everything once baby's here I'm sure you'll find some mums you hit it off with even if they're not on your doorstep.

Oh ladies, I hope things improve for everyone. Other than having the same problem as Squatting (although i'd not thought of suggesting swapping sides) i'm so lucky with DH. I think his parents argued a lot before they split up when he was little, so he's quite non-confrontal but it does mean he never vents. Makes things interesting!

moomin you will be surprised, I think, at what's on. A good friend of mine lives somewhere v v rural and she's found that every church hall has a mother and baby group once a week (there's no church in her tiny village but it's only a five min drive to the nearest one) so she went to two of those. Then there was a singing thing at the library, as others have suggested, so she went (though it's 15 min drive) once a week. Once you start going to one or two events you will hear about others by word of mouth. Most will be term time only though so do get in there during the summer term

Oh my days just remembered this which might make everyone laugh.

Cinnamon - I dreamt that I broke into your house last night! Don't know quite how we gained access - we didn't smash a window or anything. We were nearby and in need of night time nappies for DD and for some reason I thought that a) you'd have loads and b) you wouldn't mind. Then you came back - with two teenaged daughters - and quite understandably wanted to know what was going on but I had forgotten the urgent need for night time nappies so made up this crap story about needing to charge my phone. I can't quite remember the details but I think DH had had a rummage through your fridge for a snack too. It was all horribly embarrassing.

WTF?!

Sounds like you do see it from his side daholster but you're also defending your side too! And he is probably the same. Is your dd going to nursery just while you're at work? Most nurseries are find if you're late so if you're struggling to get her up and it's not a work day just take your time and remove that stress. Make a date that neither of you can break to do something together, even if it's going for a stroll around the park and coffee. Try not to talk about big stuff just almost catch up with each other and hopefully that will help you to connect a bit and be able to talk more calmly about the big stuff.

I agree about going to everything, that was something my hv did when I had ds1, gave me a list of places and times of groups. I lost touch with a lot of them when I went back to work and find that although people will casually chat to me I don't have mummy friend groups being a childminder, it seems to out people off or maybe I do. There are always little groups within the groups I go to that obviously do other things together outside of the groups which is lovely but they always chat to everyone too and although sometimes you have to be a bit brave you generally find people you get on with.

Your side of the bed dilemma made me smile SquattinNeville! We have 'sides' which is totally down to me and my weirdness. Dh suggested we swap once due to something I can't quite remember and said I was ridiculous so in the end I did. It last one night because it felt too weird to him and he could sleep

Plenty of ways to be intimate FiRaffe but perhaps talk to him if you're feeling bad. We are quite a cuddly couple and Dh will always cuddle behind me if we can't get comfy any other way. His previous wife wouldn't cuddle, hold hands etc and despite us being together 10 years I think he's still making up for it, not that I'll complain I love a good cuddle!

I have a day off, yay!!!!! Kids woke me up at 7.45 but not bad and the sun is shining. Off to hospital for next scan at 3.30 and feeling more positive which is probably dangerous!

smogs lol!

He works for IBM full time, he's pretty senior though and expensive to charge out so that means only big clients with bog projects can afford him really, which limits options.

He will ask again towards the end of the 6 weeks and see if anything is coming back up in the south. We have been lucky so far, its just a pain in the arse that he got moved so far right now!!!

Sorry post about being intimate was for RL20 not FiRaffe

X-posts smogsville, thats a funny dream! You're welcome for nappies, phone charging and a snack any time

Daholster that's not a great situation to be in it must be so hard for both of you. Unfortunately it's sometimes required to keep the roof over heads and food on the table at least it's only a short term thing. Hope it all sorts itself out.

Smog that dream is hysterical would love to see an 'expert' pull that apart.

30 weeks today and despite anterior placenta have been booted lots it's probably the discovery of using all 4 limbs at same time plus the banana and crunchy nut cornflake sugar rush. That Duchy whole milk though ?? proper cream on the top like milk used to be before homogenising the damn stuff.