June 2015 - thread 5 - second trimester fast approaching

[jazzyjenbo]

New thread

Hope all goes well Teenie

Phryn, IWant - I'm also hypermobile (EDS II - what a coincidence!). I managed really well last time around with minimal aches and pains, kept working etc. I agree it can produce a swift labour(!) but be aware, local anaesthetics don't work well with me unless you give them a long time to work. I've had some spinal surgery as a result, and had an anaesthetics review at 28 weeks. They cheerfully told me that with the amount of metalwork and scarring there an epidural/spinal would be something "a consultant on a good day might have one shot" at. Good thing I didn't need a section. No stretchmarks last time - hoping to be as fortunate this time too

Detective I think you're well shot of him - you will manage. Perhaps initially because you have to, but you will be better without someone like that in your life.

Good luck for everyone who has scans/ appointments today.

detective so sorry you are feeling like this but it's totally natural you have gone through so much and you are hormonal.. You are coping amazingly and you will continue to do so because you are a great mum. That twat has hurt you enough and as time passes you look back in this and realise it was the making of you, yes it will be difficult at first but you will adapt and you and your children will be much happier. Really hope you are feeling a little more positive this morning x

Detective another one here to echo what everyone else on here is saying. I'd thought of you often since what happened last time, and although it is hard, I think you've made the right decision. We are here to look after you.

Thank you for the kind messages.

Having been here before, but with just one (7 year old) child, and knowing how utterly miserable and horrible it all was - I'm terrified. I know what is coming, and it is shit. Dark and shit.

Financially I have not a care in the world. Actually, I'll be better off.

My house is my house, it was before I met him, and as the marriage will be annulled and it's in negative equity he can do one on that score.

But all I ever wanted was to provide my children with a stable 2 parent family. It was my one wish when I met that dickhead. I imagined myself growing old with him. Our grandchildren. Everything.

He was kind, loving, in fact, he made me feel I was his world. I never for a second thought he was the type of person to do this. He never even looked at another woman! He was never abusive in any way.

He was my everything. Even if others didn't see why I would be with him (poorly paid job, works part time, no security, younger than me etc etc) I still loved him because he was a good person. Or so I thought.

He was never perfect, but he tried.

I could forgive many 'mistakes' but not this. I tried to work through it, but he didn't bother to pull all the stops out which is what he should have been doing to prove his commitment to his family! I've given him 5 weeks to show he could grow up and get a grip on his life. He barely tried other than doing the things he used to do anyway such as cleaning, looking after the children etc. He seemed to have stopped playing on his xbox, which is what he said he would do as he had a problem with the amount of time spent on there. Except DS1 told me the truth, he was just doing it behind my back! How can I ever trust him? I can't. And that is it. My husband chose an xbox game over his wife and children!!!

I have seen the love I once had for him disappear bit by bit in the last few weeks. I no longer feel love for him as a husband/partner. But I wanted my children to have their parents together. And I would have kept on trying if he did. But he didn't. Maybe I would have fallen in love with him again one day. I don't know. And now I will never know.

I can't BEAR the thought of him taking my children anywhere. Another woman involved in their lives? My tiny newborn? Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off. I daren't post that anywhere on MN because that would make me totally unreasonable . But right now, I don't care! I want to be unreasonable because he's a cheating, lying cunt!

Erm. Sorry for the thought dump on here. It was theraputic to get that out!

I do have a question though. I am going to give it til christmas to make sure that I don't change my mind on us. But I'd like to make a facebook announcement as given I got married 5 weeks ago and I'm pregnant, it is going to be pretty obvious why we have split up. But I don't want people to think I have cheated on him. I would like to put something simple but that stops the rumor mill. Would this be unreasonable? Would it make me look bitter and twisted? I would come off FB all together, but then I would lose a lot of ability to chat with friends etc, so I'd rather not.

Well If it was me I wouldn't put it in fb. Whatever you say he will probably twist anyway to mutual friends. So hold your head high, give those that care most the real story and sod the rest. It's at times like these you find your real friends. It doesn't matter what others think. What matters is you and your dc.

In the transition of separating I did get xh to agree no girlfriends. We set out a structure for the children which until recently hadn't changed in 8 years. So he would have the children at his mums house and not involve anyone else in his time with them. I only meant it to be until he was in a stable relationship but actually he carried this on for years. For me it was good as they got to see the whole of the family regularly. When it came to dc4, he didn't actually set eyes on him until 7 months and didn't start to have him until a year and then only with expressed milk. So take that one as it comes. It is possible for him to bond with the baby later what's important is that you remain stable in this.

Afternoon all!
Just popping on to say all went well at my scan, everything looks very good and baby measuring 12+5 so due date adjusted to 24/06 as I thought it would (as I knew when I ovulated!).

Low risk for downs/trisomony (sp) - much better odds than first pregnancy due to no nasel bone worries.

I have got a low anterior placenta near my csection scar though so I've got to go to a placenta clinic in a couple of weeks so they can check it. Not sure what that means so need to google!

Teenie, thinking of you, fingers crossed for your scan!

Lovely to see you MrsE and Detective, I think you rock. He's a bloody fool. We are all here when things get dark xx

Detective with regards to the "fuck off coming anywhere near my newborn" just wanted to share my mum has a (fairly recent) bf I feel exactly the same about. I've really taken a dislike to him for many reasons & he is really insinuating himself into our family - HATE the idea that just because he'll (presumably) still be on the scene when the bean is born he'll be visiting with my mum, touching/holding my child and talking to me about them & having opinions & giving advice & GENERALLY BEING INVOLVED IN MY LIFE LIKE HE IS ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME and breathe
I know not all of that is 100% rational, but just wanted to share I know that feeling!

Detective... I dont think anyone would blame u or judge u for having these feelings.. I've not been there but can completely sympathise and think i would be exactly the same.

I'm not sure about the FB thing but can understand how ppl could think u hav cheated, got pregnant, and he has left. Maybe just start with a name change and see what the result is.. If ppl get nosey etc then maybe just post something vague but to the point..... Myself and exh have ended our short marriage due to unresolvable differences?

Jackie - Yay to successful scan
Teenie - thinking of you

jackie congrats on the good scan news!

Iwant and chat - nice to know I'm not alone in super bendy weirdness. I'd heard about the quick labour thing from a friend who's also hypermobile. Sounds like a potential silver lining to me!

Appt with the consultant went well. They are asking rheumatology if they want to assess/formally diagnose hypermobility and rule in/out EDS. They will see me at 34 weeks and give me an extra growth scan then to check if everything is okay with my pelvis and with the baby (yay ). If I need additional support in the meantime the midwife can request another appt or refer to physio. They were supportive of my desire for a water birth and said that would be better than having an epidural and being put into positions that may not be helpful or lead to a hip dislocation (which I'd very much like to avoid). Also heard the babies hb which was lovely.

Detective what about changing your name and sending a private message to those facebook friends you really want to explain things to. You can say more in a message and then you XH can't comment on it or twist it as your longer message will be out of the private domain. Wishing you luck and a supportive reaction whatever you decide to do.

Good stuff Phryn

Glad the scan went well Jackie. Please don't google placenta and section scar, it'll scare the living daylights out of you and most likely for no reason!

Oh great, my placenta is anterior (again) and I have had a section. It wasn't yet anterior at the time of my 12 week scan as it started off at the top but it definitely is now (confirmed at 16 week scan). Will not google.

Glad your scan went Jackie.

I've said it on the other thread too, but congrats Tori!

Chat - that's a very strange coincidence considering how rare EDS is.

Phryn - interesting to hear about consultant app. Will let you know what mine says when I see them next week.

Re placenta and position- this is something I've been worried about due to my additional scaring caused by my previous J-cut (horizontal c-section cut combined with vertical cut too!). Mine is currently low but posterior. I think it's only a cause for concern if low AND anterior- even then it's only a small risk which they will check. In the meantime stay away from Google!!!

Gosh I ve missed loads, serves me right for not logging in for nearly a week. Been a busy week filling bin bags, rearranging furniture (me pointing, friends moving) and sorting through more of my parents things ready for house being on market.
Haven't updated as there was a slight cock up with my scan. We arrived on Thursday for scan at 9.40am to be told that my scan was actually the day before at 9.40am. I showed the scan department my book that mw had written in the date, it turns out she wrote wrong date in.....needless to say I was in tears. I blame hormones but I was needing toilet, had been so excited for getting our photos so we could then go see my brother and tell him the great news, but we walked out gutted.
Luckily, the community mw office managed to get me the last slot before Christmas so getting my scan on Wednesday at 8.10am. I am not normally so teary but I just lost my cool.

Sat here watching a repeat of OBEM and can't believe its going to be all of us in just 5/6 mths!
Whether first timers or to experienced mums that feeling when you hold your newborn is just the most magic moment, getting rather emotional watching it and can't imagine that this is most likely my last pregnancy and i wont experience this again.
I'm so glad i'm on this journey with you lovely ladies!!

elizabeth glad they could fit you in before Xmas!

jazzy I did that last week too.. My dh came home to find me in floods of tears he thought something terrible had happened! I explained it was the emotion of remembering Nellie being born and that we are going to do it again in 5months... He looked at me like this haha

Morning all

Good call on the not googling ladies, I started and then thought I had no idea whether it relates to me or not so probably best to wait until I can go to the placenta clinic!

They wanted to see me on xmas eve but we’re away so I’m going on NYE instead. Another scan to see baby will be nice.

My hospital do two further scans, one at 20 weeks and one at 36, so that’s nice. Still undecided about whether to find out pink or blue. I really enjoyed not knowing last time and I sort of feel the same. Think DH would like to know though.

Jazzy I love OBEM. I made DH watch loads of them last time, poor sod. They make me weep.
This is likely to be my last pregnancy too so I’m trying to treasure every bit. It’s a bit easier now I no longer feel sick all the time.

I think we’ve got some scans today haven’t we? Good luck!

Happy scan day for me. Healthy baby dated at 13+3. Due date changed to 20th june. It was hard to get a proper length ways shot of the baby. I had to release three quarters of my pee. That was hard to guess. It was still hard to get the baby in full view so i had to bend my knees, raise my hips and then shake about. Baby even looked at the camera and waved. Nuchal measurement was fine, got bloods taken then was sick just before we got to the car. Think i have an anterior placenta. I only asked as you guys had been talking about it.
I'm guessing a boy, I'll post a pic on fb later.

Beyond happy

sparkle congrats on the good scan news!!