June 2015 - thread 5 - second trimester fast approaching

[jazzyjenbo]

New thread

Caught up a bit but think I have not been on for a week so hope everyone is ok and that there has been good news - thought if I read all pages I would never get round to posting. Had a good week. Told my Mum last Friday about the baby and then was taken away for weekend by DH for my birthday. This week been busy with work, Christmas parties and shopping - so all nice things!

Fascinated by all the gender guessing. Going to go back and have a look at 12 week scan to check.

Orville congrats on last flight. Must be weird but exciting!

Detective - sorry to hear DH has been rubbish and you have had to throw him out. Hope you are as ok as you can be.

Teenie hope all is ok and no more spotting.

I don't want to do this all alone :( I'm so scared. How do things go so badly wrong? I wish I could understand. I've now got 2 failed relationships under my belt. And 3 children between them. And I've only just turned 30.

How the fuck did I let this happen to myself?

Oh detective, love - you didn't let this happen. If you'd seen any of this coming you'd have done something about it! (Not that there's anything wrong with your situation. It'll be tough but I'm positive you're a fantastic mum and those three are lucky to have you)

It's natural to be scared. What kind of real life support do you have? Are your family local?

You seem so strong. Don't doubt yourself. We're all right behind you.

My mum has made it clear she won't support me if I have this baby. She hasn't supported me with my last one. She did with my first because I was 16 and wanted me to go through uni etc.

My dad has just moved back from Switzerland, but he still lives part of the year there. He moved 200 miles down south from here.

I have no siblings.

My only friends are colleagues. I'm not that close to any of them to lean on for support.

I pretty much have no one, but my children. And now I'm sobbing my heart out because I just feel so fucking alone.

Thank you Sun

teenie grown blood around 8 and 12 weeks is very common as it's when a period would've ordinarily been due but the pregnancy are stronger. The body just realises a bit of old blood/lining it doesn't need. Hopefully all will be just fine x

*brown

Awwww Detective, where do you live hun?

Detective - none of this is your fault. You didn't ask to be treated so badly. It's a shame your mum won't support you, that's so cruel. Although it'll be hard, there's no denying it, you're children will love you unconditionally, I'm sure you're doing the very best you can right now and that's all you can do.

Although he may not be with you, your ex still needs to provide for his child/children.

Opps cuphat, of course you were the first sorry! Forgot to check the scans i'd already signed off

Yes 3 boys/3 girls so far.. Lovely balance

Detective - there are afew if us in the same area, maybe in the new year we could arrange a meet up... We are all here to support you and can't speak for everyone but i certainly share more with you girls than i do with most friends in RL.

Need to pay a visit to pharmacy tomorrow, think i have thrush .. Believe it or not i've never had it before, whats best and safest to use in pregnancy please.

All those updates are added now x

Insomnia back with a vengeance.

Detective I'm so sorry you are going through this now. Honestly my xh was an arse and I knew I deserved better. We had 4dc and I promise you now that break up was the making of me. I look at what I have now and it far out weighs what I'd have had we'd stayed together. He was also an untrustworthy toe rag who had one night stands, prostitutes, threw his own guilt onto me, I was model wife material. He was charming and the life and soul of the party to everyone else but a manipulating bully to me. Our relationship finally ended when I was early pregnant with dc4. I've always worked and in fact just found a way I could work with my children along side. I've not stopped my kids from having a relationship with their dad as although he's a pain he's their dad and it's down to them to make that choice. They are more than aware of his limitations. He's paid maintenance and sees them every other wkd despite only living around the corner. Do not reproach yourself. This is sadly life's rich pattern. I hope in 10 years you can look back and realise although terribly hard at the time, good can come from bad. I didn't have lots of friends and family also lived at a distance so it was just me and the kids there wasn't help, but I did get there and it was ok. I hired a doula for the birth as I wanted support. Baby4 had the calmest most beautiful entrance into the world and i had him at home and never left my Childrens side. I had him on Friday and did the school run Monday. I felt on top of the world. He was diagnosed with acute reflux at 3 weeks but hey Id already done that once so I knew what to do. I co slept some of the time cut corners where I could but it was all good. I didn't just manage i flourished. You can do this. You're stronger than you realise. Thankfully working for the nhs you've got a good amount of maternity leave so you've got time to plan and organise. Each day at a time. You won't have all the answers today but you'll get there I promise.

MrsE that's a lovely post.

thedetective I just want to add that my mum brought 3 of us up on her own (my dad finally left when she was pg with no 3). I don't really know my dad. She had no support to speak of from family and she coped one day at a time. Now I am a mum I realise it was hard for her but I admire her so much. You will cope too, and one day your kids will look up to you like I do to my mum.

I second that, lovely post MrsE.

detective, there are loads of us on here willing to support you through this tough time. I think it's a myth we all have wonderful support systems & close friends & family able to help in times of need, so you are not alone in feeling alone. My family can't/won't help, ditto (in spades) DP's family. But one thing I can say is you will muddle through, whatever life throws at you.

As an already disabled mum, now with a second very limiting condition which I didn't have last pregnancy (& which is likely to worsen with a vengeance once baby is born), I totally get why you are anxious how you will cope, but we will hon, by putting one weary foot in front of the other. Asking for help on mumsnet when we struggle or want to share our feelings.

We will be fine, I have decided :)
Big hugs, you definitely have people on here and are not alone. Xxx

Detective, not much to say, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. You sound really strong x

Exciting that we only have a couple more scans then we can all hopefully try to relax a bit.

Got my cervix scan tomorrow. I just want it over with and gutted that I can't avoid an internal scan, which I really wanted to do with this pregnancy (I know they are safe, I keep trying to tell myself this, just from my experience with my mc earlier in the year, I don't trust them). But I know that I need to know that my cervix will keep this little one in, so it has to be done.

Thanks for the stats jazzy. Please could you add my 16 week apt on 19th Dec and my 20 week scan on 19th jan. Thanks.

mrse agreed, that truly was a lovely post and puts a lot of things in perspective.

detective I'm not sure I can add much more to what's been very eloquently already said, but echo that MN will always be here as a sounding board / safe place to shout if you need it

I'm sorry you're going through this, detective.

Morning folks

Thinking of you detective. MrsE talks a lot of sense. Keep rereading her post and remember we're all here for you.

I've got my consultant appointment today to talk about my hypermobility syndrome (all ligaments are loose - not good when ligaments loosen in pregnancy and the pelvis opens), bad back and their potential impact on pregnancy and the birth. Not sure how it's going to go but am pleased that they are giving me some pointers early. But I expect the outcome maybe "we'll have to wait and see what your body does to an extent" because from stuff I've read women with hypermobility syndrome range from having a tendency to have SPD or PGP to it being so bad that they end up in a wheelchair for the last bit of pregnancy . Really hope I avoid that!

Detective - keep strong. The ladies on here have given some great advice but just want to say I'm thinking of you.

Phryn- I've just been diagnosed with hypermobility syndrome (Ehlers-Danlos type as get lots of other symptoms like palpitations, dodgy knee joints to name but a few). I haven't got appointment with obstetric consultant until next week but geneticist who diagnosed me said it can actually often be a benefit as you can have quicker labours - sadly I won't benefit from that as need an ELCS.

Good luck to all of you having scans this week.

Hi all. I've not had a chance to read back but wanted to update you about last night. The blood turned red at about 6pm, I panicked and we went to A&E. It took 5 hours to be seen(!) and I was given an internal examination to check as to whether my cervix was open or closed and if there was more blood inside. Thankfully, we got the answer we hoped for, there was more blood but it was brown and my cervix was still tightly closed. The doctor said sometimes when the placenta is taking over there can be a small bleed and can be quite common. I was assured I did the right thing by getting checked out though. I got sent home with the number for the early pregnancy unit and was advised to call them for an appointment today and get a scan for reassurance so just waiting on them calling me back. Trying to take the positives from last night but just want my scan now to know everything is ok. Feels like a nightmare.

Teenie sounds like reassuring news! I can fully understand you still feeling on edge until your scan - thinking of you this morning, hope it all goes well & you get seen quickly.

Detective what a tough time to be going through - the other ladies are right, stay strong, take it one day at a time and you will get through it x

Another slow start for me this morning, trying to feel organised in the chaos of our flat...

Hope the scan goes well, teenie.

Thanks ladies, they called me back and basically echoed what the doctor said last night. I got the feeling they didn't really want me to come in as my booking scan is tomorrow, but I persevered and managed to get an appointment for 3.45pm today but was told they will only be having 'a quick look' for reassurance. I presume checking for heartbeat etc.

Just popping on quickly to say take care teenie really hope it is good news for you. Glad you got seen by a dr yesterday, even if it did take a while