Dec 2014 Thread #5 - Battered and bruised we limp through the second trimester

[SassehMonsta]

Here we go again, the thrills & spills of leaky boobs, and feeling baby move for the first time - Lets go!

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I'm so glad that I don't have to worry about maternity leave this time. I took mine quite early with DS as I knew I wouldn't be going back

Hi all, I've been lurking around, reading the thread for a few weeks. So I thought it was about time I said hi!
I'm due Dec 8th with our first and had my 20 week scan yesterday. Everything was fine but didn't really how worried I was. Didn't find out baby's sex as it our Christmas surprise.

Hi toria

polythene I'd say that worrying is pretty natural. Unfortunately worrying won't do anyone much good. Hopefully you'll feel better on Monday.

bighairy no way are you a failure. You're sorting stuff out which is the opposite of failing! I'm still struggling with my emotions etc, but feel better for actually trying to do something about it!

Thanks Catface.

I just feel like I wont be a good enough mum if I cant even do pregnancy. My mum walked out on me when I was 6 and my dad didbthe same when I was 12 so I am worried about my genetic ability to be a good parent. I cant see any positives to having a baby, just that my life will stop being mine. I feel guilty for feeling this. I was fine a few weeks ago now I feel like its happening to someone else.

I know this is depression as I know depression. I have been prescribed citilopram. Dr says its safe. I want to breast feed. Dr google gives me mixed messages.

Ask about switching to Sertraline if you're at all worried, BigHairy. Unless you've had a bad reaction to it in the past. My best friend is supposedly allergic to something in it?!
I promise I don't work for a drugs company, haha, I seem to be pushing Sertraline a lot.
I totally 100% get you on anxiety over being a bad mum because of the experience you had with your own. Mine was and still is fucking awful, and put me through some very traumatic experiences, and it's bloody hard to let go of; society places a very strong importance on the relationship between mothers and daughters which, a lot of the time, just doesn't exist. This is real life, not the movies. Sometimes mums are shit and it's not really anyone's fault, least of all the child's. My mum had a terrible relationship with her own parents (her mum was not affectionate and her dad died very young), and she never sought help for the way it made her feel, so she took it out on me, and her parenting style was not healthy. In contrast, I have worked my arse off getting help for my problems, and confronting them, rather than pretending they don't exist, so, when I'm feeling good, I'm pretty confident that I can be a healthy, attentive, affectionate mother. It's difficult when I'm wobbly, because I get quite irrational, but I imagine you're the same. Take it easy on yourself, give yourself time to rest, and time for the medication to take effect. You'll be alright.

BigHairy well done for getting some help. I was on Citalopram when I fell pregnant with DS. I told my mw I was struggling and she sent me to a special clinic where I was a psychiatrist (Dr Beresford) from the Barbury @ the QE. He was very good, changed me to Sertraline as it's better when breast feeding and referred me on to a support group at the Barbury with other depressed and anxious Moms. I got picked up in a taxi every week, went to group where we discussed our problems/worries (many of which sound just like yours), did some relaxation exercises, then got taken home. It really helped to know I wasn't the only one feeling these things.

Anyway, I thought it was worth telling you about as it's in your area and it really helped me. Maybe you could ask your mw about it? Try not to feel guilty, you're not doing anything wrong and the fact that you do feel guilty proves that you do care about your little one and will be a good Mom.

Put that Dr Google away! >__> (thats me scowling at you across the internet!). Sorry that I don't have much positive to say as I am feeling smiliar, but know that I read!

As for prams and wanting colourful, have a search for "made with mummy love" on facebook. Ignore her ranting about daft people (shes a nutjob, but a lovely one, I know her IRL) and have a look through some of the pics of things she makes - and pretty much universal so they fit anything!!

A nice 3-in-1 for a decent price seems to be the mothercare Xpedior. 200 (+50 for a nice colourful version). Was going to buy it when I was gifted a travel system by family members. If this travel system doesn't work out, I'm totally getting one! Folds small & easily, adjustable height handle, and has pram, seat and buggy

In more positive news, 20 week scantoday went well, aside from a very uncooperative baby who insisted on leaving its head in my pelvis/under my right hip! got a pic or 2 but not great quality, so heres the best! Everything healthy looking, we even glimpsed some toes in there ;) DH and I are leaning towards it being a girl, as he saw no testicles (I was more worried about not being able to check brain/face!) and hes just got this feeling :) I'll take that!

Going to aquanatal for the first time tonight. A friends sister also goes (but I have never met her sister!!) but my close friend can't make it. Will let you all know how it goes later on.

19+5

Hi everyone,
Has anyone else had a high risk of downs given on bloods? I have today had amino recommended, but multiple mcs in past, including 3 in 2nd trimester.
Scared doesn't cover it, and could do with some reassurance.

Hello ladies,
I've also been lurking/stalking this post for a few weeks. Had my scan now and all is well so finally feel ready to say hello. Due 3rd December and it's a girl
Commuting in this heat is killing me and counting down the weeks until I can give up work. Had a bit of a tantrum and tears at the station on my way home today because the ticket office was closed and I missed my train. Reading this thread on the (later) train has cheered me up though. It's good to know that we're all in the same boat and feeling this rubbish is actually normal(ish)!

Scan here today too, all is well which is a huge relief. And we are joining Team Blue!

Sonographer said 'this baby is super active'...she is the third health professional to tell me this, I have a feeling this one is going to be as anti-sleep as DD. I was so hoping for a nb that slept all the time, oh well.

catface don't listen to your boring friend and get whatever pram you want. Think about being at a mum and baby group or theme park with all the black prams parked up, you'll be able to spot yours easily and it won't get mistaken for anyone else's!

Aquanatal was nice and relaxing. lots of ladies there, but I'm the one with the due date longest away! ;) One lady was 3 days overdue, so doesn't want to be coming back next week or she'll be killing somone. They seem like a lovely group, and theres a lady due 9th Dec but shes having twins, so more like Nov babies. (Im due 13th, so would have been close if she was having a singleton!) It was pretty cool to see the range of bump sizes and shapes :)

I have a Graco sterling travel system (minus car seat because we'll need that) of anyone local (or not if you're willing to travel) if anyone's interested.

Hi chupa, we had a high risk for downs from quad blood test, a 1:60 chance. We had an early anomaly scan to look for downs markers, eg flat face heart problem etc and was told there were none. We were then offered an amnio which we declined because of the miscarriage risk and decided that if anything was found at 20 weeks to give an indication there might be a problem then we would reconsider. I have taken the view that there are 59 chances of my baby being perfect which is 98% ratio and I'm not going to worry about it. Whatever happens I wouldn't terminate anyway so why put myself through the worry of a possible miscarriage. Happy to talk more if you want to pm me.

Having a bad day today. Have had a stinking cold all week and this morning my sinuses started hurting, so much so I have been holding my cheek most of the day. Phoned drs whose first appt was next thurs. Then had a consultation over the phone with the dr who told me to get on with it basically for a few days and then if bad go see them and they might give me some antibiotics.

Just had a meltdown on hubby's shoulder as I feel so pathetic and should be able to cope with a cold. Can't take any time of sick as I have no cover of my role and this week and next week are my busy period so no one to do the work instead of me. Work have done nothing about getting me any cover for holidays, sick or maternity and that's stressing me out.

Am now in bed, where I have been for the past 15 mins trying to rest to make sure I am ok for work tomorrow.

I shut the shop early and came home and slept until 9pm. Whoops. I vaguely remember DH coming home and telling him to make his own dinner.

cuppa i can't begin to imagine how you must feel, so sorry to hear about your previous losses. Have you looked into the harmony test? it's pricey but it's a simple blood test with no risk of mc. Maybe it's worth it to get you out of limbo land. Thinking of you, and fx all is fine.

well done to all who had their scans today!

Hi ladies
Sorry to hear about your depression spider- you are in good hands with the docs and the medication will help. You sound very strong and you're definitely coping well. I know what depression is like so, like a couple of us here, so please feel free to share your thoughts here all the time.\

I've been offline for a while as i have been having problems too. I started getting really bad kidney pains , almost if i was passing a stone or giving labour but on Weds the monographer said the problem was that my urine was going back up to my kidneys- this damages your kidneys and is not good at all. After some online research, I believe I have Hydronephrosis, which can be caused by pregnancy and should get better after birth. Anyhow, i'm seeing my consultant tomorrow to find out.

Trying to stay positive like you all but dreading it inside too.

Love to all and congratulations to all who are having their scans.
Sx

Sasseh we are due date buddies :)
I went to antenatal yoga this week and was definitely the odd one out with no obvious bump (I'm overweight anyway so not really showing yet).

Travel systems... I quite fancy the Oyster 2 - but the cheapish Mothercare and Mamas and Papas ones seem OK and good for the price. Any thoughts?

I got given 5 carrier bags full of baby clothes today! Just been sorting them roughly into sizes. Where on earth am I going to put it all until we get organised?!

DH has decided to go and sleep on the sofa bed in the other room tonight. He said he'd rather I was comfy and plus he won't get shoved out of bed by my pillow mountain. Feels strange though :/

Went to a fit steps class tonight. And it seems to have really helped my back and hips (hope it's not a different story tomorrow though) my fitness levels weren't too bad pre-pregnancy but a 45 class nearly killed me off and I wasn't going anywhere near full out

I've recently sorted through all of DS' clothes and sorted them into piles by size and then packed them into boxes with the boys stuff at the bottom and neutral at the top.

Taura Ive been looking at the cheaper m&p and mothercare travel systems and they look alright, I always see alot of them around town anyway. Think we might go for the m&p zoom, its simple but does the job and fits in the car.

This past week Ive been getting quite bad pain at the top of my bump, it mainly comes on after Ive been walking / standing for a while and feels like a kind of cross between stabbing, bruising and pulling / stretching. Was in tears with it on Wednesday night but eased off once I laid down for a while and was fine in the morning. It seems to build up throughout the day and by tea time im really struggling. Anyone else had anything like this? Im assuming its some kind of stretching going on but bloody hell does it ever hurt! Its not like I was a super slim jim in the first place so didnt expect anything like this.

Glad all is going well miraculous!

spider dont beat yourself up or give yourself a hard time, you are not on your own in the way you feel, dont hesitiate to ask for help. I came off my antidepressants when I found out I was pregnant as I was starting to feel not too bad but I think it may be time for me to revisit as Ive been starting to feel a bit overwhelmed again recently. Ive been up and down with things since Ive been pregnant, going from feeling totally elated to wondering how the hell I will cope and if Im going to be the worlds worst parent. Ive been used to 34 years of doing whatever I want, when I want and being as selfish as I like and now I have moments of panic when I wonder how I will adapt to this new life.. other days I cant wait for him to be here and feel super positive. Ive had many days when Ive had thoughts going round in my head and then thought..wow I must be the worst person ever for thinking those things but at the end of the day I know Im not the first person to have felt like this and I know that there is help available and ways through it.. it just sometimes feels like a huge effort to get through those days. Anyway, am thinking of you and dont suffer alone x

Wahey I managed fifteen hours sleep last night, and I almost feel human again

Just adding my vote for the m&p sola travel system which we still have from DD and was really good - nice colour choices too! I think they have bought a new version of it out which looks even nicer! Our friends - who live in London - have the m&p zoom and it's fab, would have probably got that if not sola.

Thinking of all of you having a hard time at the moment, I've had my own anxiety issues in the past and the most important thing I have learnt is to identify when I'm being too hard on myself and to turn those thoughts around as best I can. I know that's easier said than done sometimes but the best thing you can do is get help and support and remember it's 100% normal to be anxious and worried about what you're going through.

In other news my pelvic floor prolapse remains much the same, so much so that I'm quite used to it now but I do have days where I worry what sort of state I'll be in after the birth!!! It's worse when I have been on my feet and busy all day but then seems to help it to get the exercise in a weird sort of way - hey ho the joys of pregnancy!

Still waiting to enjoy the 2nd trimester just feel like a whale at the moment!!

Mummies, is it usual to get bump pain a lot higher than you know baby to be? Baby is still right down in my pelvis (can find heartbeat & hear & feel movement) but getting pain above my belly button and sometimes off to the sides. Is this normal? Its achey with the odd stab, and I'm pretty sure its not wind. :/

Woke up last night from the pain, ended up rocking on all fours to try and solve it. Didnt work so pillows under bump and tried to get back to sleep. Its a lot less this morning mind you.

Busy day ahead, so chilling now while I can.

19+6

thanks for the info about the m&p systems pickly, good to know they are recommended! ps am also feeling like a total whale at the mo, a very knackered out, aching whale!