The 'Umm newbie'/ 'Thread maxed out' lovely ladies!

[mrshjb]

Hey everyone, as discussed here is our brand spanking new antenatal club thread! I thought I'd start with the stat's....

Kiki- due 23rd September
Weebairn- due 30th September
Binky- due 10th October
Misskgb- due 8th November
Ladymillion- due 11th November
Lolly- due 28th November
Chillychicken- due 10th December
mrshjb- due 28th January (awaiting confirmation of date from first scan)

Awaiting update:
mrsb87
Gennz

Great news all round mrsh. Have you stopped feeling sick? I felt much better by 14 weeks, just occasional green days.

Hearing the heartbeat for the first time is one of the best moments ever.

I dunno if it helps knowing loads about labour to be honest. If anything gets complicated, there will be people helping and advising you, and if it doesn't, well sometimes I think ignorance is bliss and it's better to just go into your own little zone and let your body do its thing without your mind getting involved! I deliberately avoided any bad/scary/worrying birth stories when I was pregnant last time, obviously bad things can happen but I just tried to focus on it being likely to go ok, and that if it wasn't there would be someone to help me. 9 months is too long to be anxious about it all!

By the time the placenta comes out you won't give a shit about anything. Honest.

In my area you do a "birth plan" with your midwife at about 34-36 weeks. You can change your mind at any time though, including when you're in labour. I'd have just gone to hospital if I'd decided I'd rather be there on the day, that wouldn't have been an issue. So I'm saying I'll plan for another home birth for now, but if anything changes or if I decide I want an epidural this time thanks I'll just go in like anyone else would.

I know exactly what you mean about counting your life away. I do the same. You kind of do the reverse on maternity leave I think, count up how long you've got left!

26 weeks- pregnancy is so long!!!

My midwife said to talk about our birth plan around 36 weeks. 1) I'm too inpatient & 3) I'm convinced she'll come early so printed one off the Internet so that I've got things in my head at least

My midwife knows I want a water birth as it was on that basis I chose which hospital to book in at. I like the idea of having the option-I'll probably end up on the bed with my tens machine!!!

I heard her heartbeat at the scan with the consultant but otherwise they don't listen to it around here until 24/25 weeks!

Why do you think you'll be early misskgb? Ooh I really wanted to be early last time… well not premature or anything, but 38 weeks would have been nice! The last few weeks are a right slog. But nope…

So no hopes for being early this time

Hi girls

Sad news, gave birth to Lenny Stephen Cross at 5am yesterday morning at 25+3 weighing 2lb 1oz. He was alive until around 2pm and then died peacefully in our arms. Absolutely devastated xx

I'm so so sorry lady. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Sending lots of virtual hugs your way xx

Lady I'm so sorry. massive hugs to you I can't imagine what you are going through. xxx

Lady, I'm so unbelievably sorry, I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Take care of yourself xxx

Lady I don't have words. My heart is breaking for you. I hope you have the ones you love and need with you right now .... I am so so sorry.

Oh lady. So sorry to hear that. Sending huge hugs to u xxx

My waters broke in the end, I had to have an emergency c-section as he was breech. Was the most traumatic experience of my life. Very rushed and I lost lots of blood which caused me to pass out. I felt suffocated, very nauseous and very dizzy. It felt like people were jumping up and down on my chest. It took around an hour but felt like three. They got Lenny out and wheeled him past in the incubator (he did cry briefly when he came out which was so lovely but heart wrenching at the same time). He was taken straight to the neonatal care unit. They tried to stabilise him for hours but to no avail. At first it looked promising but then it all went downhill. They wheeled my bed up to him and my partner and I held him in our arms whilst they took the breathing tube out. I don't know how people move on from these tragedies but hopefully one day we will. I feel comfort from talking about this whole thing so please, ask questions if you're curious about anything.

I don't want you girls to think you can't carry on being excited in this thread about your pregnancies, and I'd really love to stay in touch in the background just keeping up to date with all your stories if that's okay

Lady I am so very sorry to hear your sad news.

In time, if you need additional support, www.uk-sands.org/ is a charity I have heard such wonderful things about.

Take care of yourself, and of course, I think I speak for all of us when I say we would love you to stay in touch xxx

Lady that really does sound so very traumatic. You're so lovely and brave to come on here and tell us all about it and want to stay in touch. Chilly definitely does speak for me too. I just really hope I don't say the wrong thing or ask a question you don't want to answer, because I just really can't imagine how you feel.

Were you still in hospital when it happened? Will you be having a funeral for Lenny? Are you back home now? Do you feel like you know why it happened?xxx

Don't worry there's no wrong thing anyone can say right now, we're at rock bottom. I was discharged from hospital yesterday afternoon - we had to say goodbye to Lenny (he was in a cool cot since Friday in the room next door to us so we could wheel him in any time we wanted to look at him etc). Saying goodbye was sickening, I felt heartbroken and torn like I didn't wanna go but by then his appearance was changing so I really needed to let him go before my memory of him was tarnished.

I don't know why it happened which is all the more agonising. A post mortem will be carried out on Lenny in the next few days where they'll look for genetic issues and other stuff and I think they test the placenta etc for infections but in a lot of cases nothing is found. I'm really hoping they find something so we have something to go on IF and WHEN I get pregnant again. I will be a nervous wreck. I was a nervous wreck this time until around 20 weeks so how will I cope next time?

The thought of having to start at the beginning again (TTC, ovulation etc) depresses me. I feel cheated out of the happy future we had planned for our little family. The dream of a wonderful Xmas with a newborn is now gone and I just don't know how I'm gonna cope. I won't fill your days with messages of misery and woe I promise, I just want you all to know the whole story and then I'll pop back from time to time just to let you know how I'm getting on.

I will post a pic of Lenny at some point too, he was so handsome and everything we could've hoped for our child to be. Perfectly formed, just born too soon xx

Sorry H, yeah there'll definitely be a funeral and a burial - somewhere to go to visit him etc

Lady honestly don't feel like you're putting a dampener on the thread at all, I'm glad you've come back to talk to us about it and feel free to do so as often as you want.

I really hope you get some answers as to why it happened. Like you say it may help to give you some reassurance for next time. Especially if there are steps they can take to try and prevent it from happening again.

I'm so sorry you're not going to get the Christmas you wanted. It really is so cruel. Did the hospital give you some advice on where to seek bereavement support? It might help to talk to others who have been through the same thing, especially if and when you get to the stage where you're thinking of trying again. To be honest I think it would be impossible not to worry again, I just hope you get some answers to help.

Are you able to take plenty of time off work to try and recover? When are you having the funeral?

I'd love to see a picture of Lenny, he sounds perfect.xxx

Lady I'm so pleased you feel able to talk to us- please do so, especially after hearing horrible stories about negative people on other threads. I feel like we're a good group of people now and you should be able to talk to us about anything. It's also really good of you to be positive about the rest of us and our pregnancies- it's nice to hear you want to know how we're all getting on.

I worked in a neonatal unit for a short while many years ago and the strength you see parents go through at the most difficult times is amazing.

Don't rush in to making decisions about the future just yet- take time to grieve for Lenny and cherish those few hours you did have with him, and that you got to hold him and you have memories of him that will never go away. Noone can take those from you. If and when the time comes, be positive and go for it. Of course you'll be nervous, but unless the medics come up with a reason, there's no saying that you can't have a full term pregnancy next time.

Have you thought about how much time you'll take off work? I believe you are entitled to a full maternity leave after 24 weeks. Make sure you take time to recover!

Lady I've been thinking about you all day. Incredibly brave and generous of you to share your story and even think about us in the midst of all this. It just is so unbelievably cruel and unfair.

Of course we would love to stay in touch; but equally if you feel you need to take some space at any time we will all completely understand that too. I'm sure we will go back to chatting randomly in a bit, but I expect I speak for us all when I say we just want to take some time to support you first and talk about Lenny with you if that's in any way helpful.

The future must seem so daunting and it is just so cruel to have your plans and christmas taken away. But I agree with the others that it would be good to take your time to just look after yourself and store up your memories of Lenny. Let us know how the funeral goes. And yes you are entitled to full maternity leave so make sure you give yourself all the time you need.

I would love to see a picture of Lenny. Talk to us about him any time.

lady I just want to echo what everyone else has said already. Thank you for sharing what happened I just can't imagine it and please do stay in touch if you feel able . I think you are incredibly brave and strong for even coming back on here. Make sure you take your time to grieve properly as well as remembering those precious few moments you had with Lenny. We're more than happy to chat on here but make sure you remember to talk to DP too as you'll need each other to get through this xxx

Thanks for your kind words... I'll post a pic when I can be bothered to get my lap top out. I haven't even gotten washed or dressed today, everything just seems pointless.

I will take the full 9 months maternity leave as we are due to move house in a couple of weeks. Hopefully concentrating on decorating the house will be something to focus on. The nursery will just have to be put on hold for now.

We've had so much support from the hospital and also the follow up - community midwife came out today, bereavement midwife tomorrow, was also given lots of information about contacting SANDS and other support groups.

I find hearing other peoples experiences of this kinda thing is helping me at the mo, so been hooked on google reading lots xx

I really can't imagine how you must be feeling. Don't worry you're not putting a downer on anything. We're all here for you as and when you need us. I'd love to see a picture of your little Lenny, I bet he is a handsome chap. Please share with us as often or as little as you need. I'm sorry I'm so awful at trying to find the right words in these situations so um going to keep it short.

A friend of mine found SANDS really helpful after she lost her little one. I hope they can help you out too xx

Lady glad to hear the hospital have offered you plenty of support, I really hope that in some way it's helping.

I hope your house move goes well too and it gives you a tiny bit of distraction at least.

Look forward to seeing Lenny's picture when you're ready. Take care of yourself xxx

Sorry Lady if the above seems a bit short and final, it wasn't the way I intended it at all. I'm just really struggling with what to say and I don't want to patronise you or pretend I know how you feel. I just hope you feel like you can come on here and talk as often as you want and I'm sure we'll all try and support you the best way we can.xxx

Thinking of you a lot, ladymillion.

Even if everything is absolutely fine, most women feel terrible and weepy a few days after birth as all the hormones leave their system. I guess it's worth knowing that… the sadness and grieving are all your own, but some of the hormonal and physical bits will pass.

I'd like to believe, though it will never be "ok", it won't always be as black and terrible for you as it is right now. I don't know that it's true but I'd like to believe it.

Moving house sounds like a good distraction, but you need to take it easy too. Stay in bed if you want. Try to eat if you can... I'm glad you're getting good support.

I wish I had better words...

Thinking of the rest of you on the this thread as well and what a lovely bunch of ladies you are. I know any other complaints seem a bit trivial right now, but I hope you're all doing ok.

Hi all, hope everyone's doing ok on here? Lady if you're still reading I really hope you have managed to get some help and someone to speak to in the RW?

Weebairn nice to hear from you. EDD can't be too far away now? I have 9 weeks til EDD but keep trying to think of it as 11 so I'm prepared if/when I go over.

3rd tri discomfort is really kicking in. Horrendous back and hip ache, little or no sleep and constant heart burn so it's hard not to count the weeks!

At least I don't have another full week to work now. 12 working days to go

I do have my sister's wedding in 2 weeks though and finally found a dress to wear. I'm going to try wearing heels for church and photos but don't think I'll last long before I'm in sandals!