November 1014 - thread 5 - the rainbow collective romping (and limping) into 2nd trimester!

[weeonion]

hi folks - thought we should have a new thread!

I have a scan next week, 16 week scan to check for growth. Also seeing the consultant the next day for thyroid. Will ask loads of questions then and I'll decide after that if I want a nifty test.

((Huge Hugs)) for amy

2boys am training to be a Nurse, final few months now then I'm done! That lady who had 5 was about 43 I think on her last one, so don't worry too much about your age! It is true that 3 is the recommended limit, but as one midwife said to me "If No.4 walks in the door, whaddya gonna do? Refuse to do a section cos there was only meant to be 3??!!" They were elective sections though, no way would they have let her go into labour.

I also have a colleague who's just gone on Mat leave with no.3 and it'll be a section like the others and she has to have an elective too. But she doesn't really mind as she can organise childcare and her DH knew when to book annual leave.

I do know one woman who had 3 sections but the last one was twins, so she decided 4 kids was enough. She asked the consultant to to a tubal ligation whilst he was in there i.e all in one go. It was dead handy.

just caught up
2boys that's horrendous to talk about sterilization.

i found midwifes overly pushy about contraption when i had my first and i repeated got asked if it was planned (might have been my age 21). i havnt had any of them questions this time round yet.

regards period type pain get that too and 'symptoms' i usually would get back back same type of head aches. its just hormones though sometimes petrified i will suddenly 'come on'

movements - lots of them yay! i can feel them loads as for hubby few and far between he manages to miss all the good bumps.

can't wear my normal clothes now so in maturity clothes... under bumps as overs dont fit right yet
i love wearing tops that's show off bump and avoid loose ones hehe.

9 sections!!!!! Wooah!!!! anyone gonna stop at 2?? i seem families of 4/5 and think its more like herding children rather then going for a family walk.

We're going to wait and see what no 2 is like. The original plan was 3, but there are a lot of reasons two is more practical, plus I must admit to being a bit paranoid that the more we have the harder it'll be figure wise to get back to normal. Interested in people's arguments for sticking/going for more on both sides really..

This is my second and last. DH keeps joking that we need to see what flavour this one is yet and we might need to go again for a boy but I'm not!
I've really enjoyed having one and still having a life of my own, I'm part of a sports team and I enjoy working part time and I think I can still maintain that with 2 children.
For me 3 would be too many, I know that I would be overwhelmed!!

mismy maturity clothes?!
On the clothes front though we're off to a christening tomorrow and really struggling to find anything to wear as normal stuff makes me look fat and maternity stuff makes me look frumpy!

Gosh definitely haven't thought about looking for nurseries yet! Even buying the stuff we have has felt somewhat premature.....

oh... Haha damn predictive text

I would have used the same nursery as we used for DD but it closed down which is a real shame because it was a lovely place! I am starting to panic a little about this one and money when s/he comes along, I'm kind of a jack of all trades, semi qualified in everything, and not happy in any of it. There's a few options I could go for - either full time office job, high stress Mon - Fri 9-5 with job security, regular set wage and bonus package but means DC is in a nursery 45 hours a week with someone else raising him/her which breaks my heart, or I can do home based work, high hourly rate even at a reduced rate while baby is around, with other mums where they can bring their little ones, then eventually hire a childminder or use a nursery for less time per week at a higher hourly rate so should even out, but I really don't want the pressure of running my own business again and I never think I'm good enough. The only job I was really happy in that was potentially a good earner once I got properly established and which I could do around children and even take my children with me if I had to my ex husband destroyed. Regardless I really hate the thought of leaving DC with someone else till they are older, DD didn't start nursery till 2.5 which was perfect for us both but not sure I can get away with that with this one. Oh well I'll sort something out. I have a habit of landing on my feet at the 11th hour...!

My mother is still seriously stressing me out. I really really don't like her and really wish I could get myself and my kids away from her but it's impossible at the moment. But I really don't want her in my life and haven't done for the last 20 years. Dad tried to tell me the other day that she's not been slagging me off and saying really nasty stuff about the baby but he doesn't realise I've read it in black and white on her emails and I know exactly what she's been saying and who to. I also know what she's been saying about him and she really is a nasty toxic bitch. She is as always a huge problem I can never solve. It's draining.

Had the scan for the weird lump on my neck, all looks fine, just a benign nothing. Then was exhausted and slept the whole afternoon! I'm so tired the last week!

18 weeks today. Nearly half way. In all honesty I'll be glad when this pg is over and I have the bundle in my arms. I still feel constantly generally crap!

My other half surprised me with a private scan today so have found out we are having another little boy! So excited!! Feels nice being able to say he. I don't want to wish life away but can't wait till he's born!

Anyone else not finding much out at all? We've declined downs testing and won't find out the sex either. Could be carrying a kitten or an alien. Adds to the mystery?!?

Also we have a name for a boy but only a tentative one for a girl so keep on assuming it's a boy. Think we'll get a shock if it's a girl!

we're not finding out either amy

Random, it's a real dilemma what to do with work! I too wouldn't want to have my child in daycare the whole week. My oh makes a decent wage, but I have just started to build my career and am wondering if I'm out for a few years, I'll never get back in. The extra money is welcome as well. But I don't want to miss out on raising my own child. So I have no idea what I'll decide to do yet, I'll figure that out during maternity leave!

Maths, how exciting! Congrats!

Aah. Winter lover, is everyone surprised? No-one can believe we don't want to know. Anyone else opted out of downs screening? I find it weird that everyone's very respectful of our decision re DS screening but very vocal about finding out gender when surely the gender thing doesn't matter whereas health things are important? Does that even make sense???

I'm a control freak and have to know everything. Definitely need to find out the sex. I want to get ready with names and clothes and I think it would help DD bond and prepare for it. As for downs I found out just as a matter of course but I knew before I went that unless the child was going to be born a vegetable, live in pain and endure painful operations and treatment just to die very young then nothing they could say would make me abort so I only wanted to know to research it and be prepared to look after him/her as best I could with a bit of a basic knowledge & a relevant support system already. Wouldn't have stopped me continuing with the pg and as she was doing the measurements I was thinking it's a bit pointless.

12 month wait for nurseries? Now that's scary! The thought of looking at nurseries hadn't even entered my mind! I can't imagine giving over my little bundle to anyone when they're so young. I wish I could be a SAHM but my DP couldn't manage all outgoings on his own. Such a shame, my mum stayed at home til I went to school and I would have loved to have done the same

SAHM is the dream, but also unaffordable for us. My SIL is a SAHM and does an awesome job of it too. Her kids are amazing and so happy. Fingers crossed for lottery win.

Amy Not really, DS was team yellow, my niece was team yellow. Our families seem to love the suprise. I can see why it would be nice to find out. Part of me really wants too, but i will be so deflated once I've found out so just need to hold my nerve

I'm going to be a SAHM for the first time, I'm a bit daunted by it tbh. It starts Monday when DS will be using his free hours at nursery I can relax and put my feet up when he's there but I have lots planned for when he's home with me.

I even asked nursery for what they were doing so I can still teach his numbers and messy play so in effect getting him ready for school in September.

I have my 16 week appointment tomorrow, it's really flying by now.

On another tmi note I havr had terrible constipation and ending up gassing the place last night when I went for a poo eventually after a week! what a relief but DP said I smell worse than a man !

Amy-we r having a surprise aswell, we found out with our 1st DD as I was super hoping for a little girl & wanted to get myself excited and mentally ready for a boy if she hadn't been a girl. Then 2nd we had the surprise for DS, don't know why I was so nervous I wouldn't be as excited for a boy cause I just adore him more then I thought I could. DP had trouble bonding with him as he really thought (& hoped) for another little girl & I think was a bit shell shocked so took him a while, while I had bonded with baby growing in me already. The one thing that is swaying me to not find out again is, well I did love that final "it's a ...." & knowing id get to find out if we have a boy/girl helped getting though that last bit of pregnancy !

The one thing I was super nervous about with no 2 was that I couldn't love them as much as I adored DD as I just couldn't imagine that I could love someone as much as I did her as I thought she was just amazing ! But I fell in love with him just as hard & can't wait to do that again !! Sorry that was all a bit mushy !!

Well 2 weeks of work down & I've actually enjoyed it, it's nice to not be mum for the day and spend an entire day having adult conversation ! Plus my brain feel like its getting a bit of exercise again which feels good ! So hasn't been half as bad as I expected and of course it's only till November so not long, plus got my 1st pay check & it's so much better then maternity pay !

Had 16week check & heard baby's heartbeat, DP thinks its another boy but I'm feeling like its a girl. I did the bicarbonate test which didnt fizz and when I was pregnant with DS my body hair just stopped growing but it's growing normal like it did with DD & it's my first instinct but who knows !!

I will need to go back to work after this one but will have another year or so off, we r moving home to Australia in March (hopefully) so may take a little longer off, but as we want another 2 after this one, will need to make some money at some stage !

Maths- what a lovely DP u have organising a private scan !

2boys-your midwife didnt sound very helpful, I think they would have better people skills if this kind of job !

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend, I'm making a decadent chocolate cake to take to work tomorrow (stops me eating the whole cake myself !!)

Any advice on finally telling my manager tomorrow. At 16+4, I have a very noticeable bump and can't hide any longer even in big cardigans. I'm not sure how it will go down saying something after all this time! Tbh, I'm a little scared as I was off sick most of last year and am still working part-time on a 'phased return' to work after downgrading my job role.

So what do you say.....

I can't use the 'I've just found out' line

Btw, good news for me, not so good
for you.

No, I'm not fat, theres a baby in here.

Any ideas would be most welcome.
Thanks in advance

Brandsnob - I just went with "hi, I wanted to let you know that I'm pregnant".

You don't have to explain your reason for not telling them earlier, they still have months to arrange maternity cover etc. And don't make it a negative thing. If you feel you need to 'soften the blow', perhaps have a think about when you'd like to start maternity leave, and offer to do a full handover to whoever does your maternity cover when the time comes. That should reassure your manager a bit?

I have my '16 week' midwife appointment tomorrow, although I'll be 18 weeks by their calculations. I think I'll need to ask them to change the due date by a few days, as if I use their dates it was an immaculate conception!

I don't know the exact date of conception, but I know it was on or after a certain date (14 feb - classy!) and at the 12 week scan they changed my due date by 10 days. It must just be a slightly bigger than average baby.

I didn't think it mattered at first, but if they will induce if I am 2 weeks past the due date, I'd rather have the extra four or five days. Or am I being silly?

Bunny - they moved my dates by 8 days at the scan and I suspect the real due date is halfway between the two. I share your concerns about going ovedue, but haven't made a thing of it yet. This will be my second VBAC (hopefully) and that means that if I do go overdue they are likely to want to intervene sooner (+7) rather than at +14. I will cross that bridge if/when I come to it I suppose.

Maths - congratulations.

I am getting irrationally freaked out about not being able to feel the baby move yet (17+5). It's really panicking me that something might be wrong. I am wondering whether I should buy a doppler as it might reassure me as I am having all kinds of thoughts right now. I keep imagining going to the next scan and being told the worst.

Is it normal not to feel anything yet? Is it possible that I just don't know what to look for and I am 'missing movements'? I don't know if it's a very obvious thing or very subtle.

Hopeful, I've been told that most women don't feel anything until around 20 weeks. I think with a second or third some women are able to feel it earlier but I'm not expecting to feel anything til then.

The fluttering sensations that are felt around then used to be called "quickening" (from the old English 'quick' meaning 'alive') and the medieval church believed that was when the baby acquired a soul. Which I think is rather sweet.