TTC 10+++ Months Grads Thread

[sweetgrouch]

Decided to start the new thread seeing as the old one is filling up.

Oh gosh oh gosh please give muddy and Mr muddy a fair at this. Everything that um allowed ti cross is crossed. Thanks for back pain sympathy but I can walk again now - very slowly- after 4-6 weeks of immobility so I'm happy as Larry

Nelly! Oh I'm so pleased to see you here. I know it must be daunting - those early scans are so scary. Handhold to you. Seriously delighted with your BFP.

Sweet - wow. Amazing news! Are you happy about it? It is soon but it's nice to have siblings close in age! Have you heard back from job?

Frosty - how's your back? I hope it's less painful and you are feeling much more mobile now.

Euro - how's the move?

Buzz - 15 yrs is a long time. Happy for you that things seem to be working out okay so far. It can't be easy. Yes I think expectations has a lot to do with it. I know my parents will never be what I want then to be but it still hurts. My father who I haven't seen for a few years came to see mini sea the day I came out of hospital. He did something so disrespectful and I was so upset. The lack of sleep and crazy hormones didn't help I'm sure. My mother is the most unmaternal mum I know. She didn't help at all with mini sea and questions everything I do. She still tells me she didn't want kids - charming!

I got the okay to start back at work in a couple of months on a part time basis. I'm happy in a sense as I miss my work but I feel really sad and guilty at the same time.

Sometimes motherhood just feels like an endless emotion of guilt, worry and of course pure love. I have just been watching mini sea sleep for the last 10 mins and it brought tears to my eyes.

Ladies I have a question. Do any of your babies sleep through the night? By that I mean 11pm ish to morning. My friends in RL fall into 2 camps - those who have babies that sleep through by 8/9 weeks and those who have babies still waking up multiple times at close to a year old.

Nope. She's in our room n one of those side bed things. Put her down about 8.pm. Wakes regularly at 4:30 am. She's On Dh's side since my heavy drugs and illness. But she doesn't shout out either so we just stay still when she wakes up and try to ignore her sucking on her fingers. Sometimes she'll fall back to sleep. Between 6-7 am she'll start screaming request milk.

I heard this v likely to change so just enjoying now and hopefully be off valium by the time her teeth come

nelly - glad to see you here, I only joined at the end of the third trimester last year. I understand how scary and nerve wracking the whole process is. We can all be here for handholds, I definitely needed more than my fair share. As for being diffed I agree, it is so soon.

sea - Now that the shock has eased, Mr and I find ourselves happy, excited and just as terrified as the first time around. Mini slept through the night quite early (10/11 pm until 7/9 am). Since teething, starting at nursery and getting more colds he has been getting up once or twice to drink or have tylenol. He seems to be a mix. I'm sorry to hear thing are so hard with your parents.

frosty- Glad you're walking. It must feel so much better to have some mobility back!

AFM - still waiting on the job news. The hospital hasn't called to make the appointment for my dating scan, I just double checked the referral and it says that the scan priority is urgent . Depending how far along I am when I get the scan I might not be able to get an appointment to have a scan to measure NT. So far the complete surprise of the pregnancy has meant that everything has been very rock 'N roll.

frosty glad you are back on your feet as so to speak

sweet hope you find out about the job and tiny sweet soon

nelly good to see you here :)

sea BB now sleeps through but we do have some bad nights, some nights she will stir and I just get up shove her dummy in and put Ewan on
It was around the 5 week stage where she would wake up just once in the night, it was around 15 weeks when we started a bedtime routine and putting her down around 7pm, that did help a bit

So work have not paid me this month, I feel its just a constant bloody battle with them and dread going back now,

Ugh buzz that is just awful. Can you get them to fix the issue before Christmas?

I completely understand dreading going back to a constant battle, I found it exhausting to even think about.

Big squeeze, I hope it gets sorted soon.

Sweet. I can imagine it's scary but so glad you are happy about it. It will be hard having two so close together but at least the chances of then being close will be high. I don't have siblings close on age and always felt I missed out. If we do have a second I would like to do it close in age too but I'm not convinced it will happen.

Buzz - that's awful about your work.
I hope it gets sorted soon

Frost - how's the back?

I was asking about sleeping through and the next day mini sea did 12am till 630am/730am. I hope it stays. I'm really hoping he gets to that elusive 7 to 7 stage soon.

I'm dealing with MIL visit at the moment. She is with us until new year and it's already got a bit frosty in the house. Mr Sea and I had a huge argument last night. I read that the number of marriages that break up in the first year of a baby's life is v high. I always thought mr sea and I had a good relationship but it's been really tough since mini came along. Throw a MIL into the mix and ...

I feel it's going to be a long Xmas.

sweet any more news urgh the work thing has stressed me out today, I cried down the phone to a colleague who got my boss to call me, I think it was an HR fuck up but payroll have been good and had already contacted HR and my boss, I am hoping for an emergency pay, just hope that it is on my full pay and not my new hours

sea I know some women worried about how a baby would affect their relationships, I didn't see it being a problem, but Barry and I have had some humdingers but mainly about his parents, rarely about what he does/doesn't do, if I ask he will do it but he doesn't have the common sense to see that something needs doing, I find that since BB I have little patience and understanding of some things and get annoyed that people can faff about, I find things wind me up quickly. Is it anything in particular that annoys you, not helping etc, maybe write him a letter eplaining what annoys you, why and how you would like to resolve it, Although I don't feel like this about BB just everything else in life, I think you are amazing for having your MIL stay

Buzz tbh mr sea does try to but

Oops post fail

Buzz.
I really hope your pay gets sorted. Not a good time of year for mess ups like this. Mr sea does try to help but I always have to ask and it feels like he never does things properly. He's always been kind of useless around the house and before mini I was okay with him doing things badly but now my tolerance is v low. I think it doesn't help that I sleep with mini in his nursery and mr sea sleeps in our bedroom so he sleeps soundly every night and we are not sleeping together as a couple. MIL is the helpful kind but she questions gets I do with mini constantly - so far she has commented on my making him do tummy time (I shouldn't as she thinks he is too young), my use of a video monitor (I shouldn't as it breeds paranoid parenting), my going to mini too soon after he cries (no harm in letting him cry as long as he is fed and dry) and my not taking him out enough...
It's going to be a long Xmas!

Sweet - any news on bfp and new job?

sea I honestly LOL at the monitor comment, I found it great and made me less paranoid as I didn't have to keep getting up to make sure she was ok, I also like to watch her dance in her cot when she wakes up in the morning :) I have no advice about MIL, its fecking annoying when people give you unwanted advice, I would be tempted to say well things are different with parenting now with parenting a lot more research has been done, actually I would just be rude and say my child my rules but it is exhausting having to justify what you are doing, that is one of the reasons I don't deal with my inlaws, I was fed up of them questioning what I did, I don't think always did it because they thought they knew better, but they just seem to not understand anything about parenting, which is scary as they had 3 kids of their own I think each generation thinks their way was best

I can totally relate to the low tolerance, can I ask why you don't sleep in your own bed, how old is mini now?? It will get better partly because you will lower your standards with some things, Barry once said 'it would be easier to communicate if you didn't speak to me like I was a moron' I felt like saying stop acting like one, but I find if I calm down then talk to him it is easier and he does take some stuff on board,

How long is MIL with you??

Buzz before mini arrived I had this idea that i wanted him to get used to his own bed room from day 1 so that wouldn't be any transition issues when going to his own room. Also mr sea is someone who needs a full 8 hrs otherwise cannot function. We thought it made sense for me to sleep with the baby in his room until SIDs risk subsided ie 6 months. Mini is 2 and a half months at the moment and I honestly am not sure our marriage will survive me sleeping apart for another 3 and a bit months. . Mr sea wants me to move back to our bed but I am worried it's still too young for mini to sleep by himself.

MIL is with until NY. As well as the child rearing advice, she has also taken it upon herself to buy a ton of [tacky] xmas decorations and put them up in my home. . She has always been this way - always buying things for the house and re-organising my cupboards when she visits. In the past I have always bit my tongue and just change things back when she's gone but this time it's driving me up the wall hence the massive fight with Mr Sea. He thinks I need to chillax and his mum is just trying to help! Grrrrrr

Buzz you are right of course about not speaking to hubby like a moron. I don't know why his cluelessness use to be kind of endearing to me. Now I find it annoying. I also suspect that he does things badly so he won't be asked to do them again...
I also realise that I am a massive control freak and perfectionist - pointed out to me by a NCT friend.. I was shocked but it did make me realise that might be why I am finding motherhood such a big challenge.

sea your plan makes sense to me, an NCT friend of mine did the same but they were able to put in a double bed so they all slept in the babies room, Barry is the same he cannot function if has not slept well or been fed and watered regularly, I think we put BB in her own room at 5 months another NCT lady put her baby in her own room from 6 weeks, its a difficult situation, could he not do a Friday or Saturday night so you can have a good rest in your own bed and then when mini is around 5 months maybe do a couple of nights together, I the the SIDs risk drops quite a bit at 4 months, its also hard to say if mini would have trouble with the transition, I think it depends if you co sleep or if he is in his cot, although all babies are different, we never co slept, the fear of smothering her stopped us but she always had her basket/cot, we put the cot up in our room so she was used to it then moved her into her room.

I used to be a perfectionist/control freak but have let the reins slip a bit, I did life coaching a while back and she made me realise that my world would not fall apart if something didn't happen just the way I wanted, it took time, one of the exercises a counsellor gave me years ago was not to make my bed for 2 nights, I have ALWAYS made the bed, so I did this very proud of myself, waited for my flatmate to come home and see, she took one look at it and said 'yeah this doesn't count as you have folded your pj's' so I had to do it again, honestly getting home and seeing the bed unmade gave me heart palpitations and yes I still ALWAYS make the bed.

I suppose its about finding a balance and letting your standards drift. I can assure that you your world will continue as normal and others won't think less of you for letting things slide, you now have more important things to concentrate on, you need to cut yourself some slack and enjoy your little one, these are precious times :)

MIL on the otherhand will not be doing your blood pressure any good, WTAF about re organising cupboards she might be trying to help but she needs to learn boundaries, you ask first surely, although BB constantly rearranges things for me

I suppose my waffle is saying is try and let go of the unimportant things they really don't matter, only mini, you and Mr S matter and letting go of the control is quite nice once you get used to it it does take time to adjust

sea I've got some nice stitches. I can only lie, stand or walk. But at least I can walk again I'm under instructions to do nothing for at least 4 weeks and start physio in 5. I asked but there must be something I can do? Nothing. Nothing. Lie, walk. Rest. Lift nothing. I get tired really quickly and forgetful but I am so happy I can walk again.

free - yay to walking! It must feel so nice to have your mobility back. The time will go faster now that you can move about on your own steam.

Buzz - What a horrible time of the year to be stressed! I hope they sort it out quickly with that emergency pay.

Sea - I'm sorry your MIL is stressing you out so much. I really am not sure how to handle someone who just knows no boundaries, I tend to turtle and wait for them to go away, which isn't very healthy or useful. I am also a bit stubborn and will ignore any advice I don't like, I just smile and say "oh I will consider that" and then promptly ignore them.

Over here, the advice is to keep the baby's cot in your room until 6 months or until you find you need a good night sleep and want some peace. It's considered more important for everyone to be rested and happy than to have the baby in the room.

I also feel you on being a perfectionist/control freak. I have learned to let Mr find his own way of doing things and I just let it go sometimes if it is done wrong umm not my way. He finds it hard to do anything sometimes because I am so particular about how things should be done (ie I have a thing about all the towels, sheets and washcloths being folded in a way so no seams show and they stack neatly with a bit of space between each stack). My sisters are the same and I think it is just in part how we were raised.

AFM - the dating scan is Jan 7 now I just wait nervously. It's amazing how all the same fears have come back for me. Still waiting for news about the job. The potential employer has had positive discussions with all my references, so lets hope it goes in my favor.

Otherwise it is a bit of a sad day over here. My great Aunt died very suddenly last night and it has come as quite a shock to all of us. She was a very lovely woman with a fantastic sense of humor and she will be terribly missed.

sweet Sorry to hear about great aunt, the towels thing made me my mum is like that too

frosty glad you are able to walk, hope your recovery goes well

Merry Christmas to you all :)

Merry Christmas ladies!

Sweet - I can understand the worries and concern. Hope the dating scan goes well. Sorry to hear about your great aunt. It's always tough to lose someone you care about.
I'm similar with towels but over the years I have tried to relax on these things. Mini however is a whole different kettle of fish.

Buzz. You are right of course. I really should let Mr Sea try to take care of mini. He does try but I think I might have sapped away all his confidence with the baby! I would love for him to offer more to take charge rather than wait for me to tell him to do things.

As for MIL I'm just counting the days until the visit is over.

Quick one wishing everyone a Merry Christmas!

Hi everyone. Quick update - I got the job I applied for! Now I have to figure out the childcare system in France for 2 babies. I am delighted and terrified.

How has everyone's holiday been?

Euro - has everything settled a bit since the move?

sweet ohh la la very very exciting just out to see my Canadian friend but will be back

Sweet that's fab news. Happy for you.

I thought French childcare was pretty good and subsidised. Is that not the case? I read that funny book - French children don't throw food and that was the impression I got.

haha Mini will not fit in, he throws food to animals

It is good and subsidized, it can just be challenging to get a spot like here. I think I am just panicking because I will have mini and if things go well, tiny.

buzz - how was the visit with the Canadian friend?

sea - how many days until you get your house back? Has Mr Sea done a night yet?