TTC 10+++ Months Grads Thread

[sweetgrouch]

Decided to start the new thread seeing as the old one is filling up.

sea did I mention that you can take Domperidone to help increase your supply, its an over the counter anti sickness tablet but best to get in on prescription, agree with doll that the pumping can get very time consuming. I admire euro for sticking it out this long. We did mix feeding I could express 600 to 700mls of BM which is what the average baby would have but she was on around 900 mls and I just couldn't produce that, I got to the stage where I hated it, it was constant and really interfered with enjoying BB and going out as you had to be back to express etc. BB also had tongue tie and MW/BFC got me to see someone at Epsom Hospital that day.

sweet how are you ??

free how is going :)

doll lovely to hear from you :)

We have had a busy week, BB has had really high temps and then a viral rash, along with D & V and teething, I have to say the 111 service and my GP have been great.
BB is enjoying cruising around the furniture and climbing stairs when she can although still like the kamikaze face plant coming down. We have had the odd mamama, usually when she is screaming

I have had a major bust up with the Inlaws and now I won't leave BB with them, Barry will take her on Sunday, It has caused problems for us

I get about 700-900 per day, depending on how often I manage it and how well I am eating and drinking. It was a slow build up though. The first time I tried (at 3 days post partum) I got 20ml from both boobs combined. It has built up from there.

Sorry about the inlaw bust up. Do you think there is any way back from it?

Thanks doll, euro and buzzy.
I thought it was just me. To be honest I really didn't love bfing. I prefer pumping which I have done all day today. I'm already mix feeding - I get between 50ml to 100ml every time I pump. I top up with formula and give mini sea 90ml every feed and a couple of times a day he gets only formula. I think I could try harder to get even more b milk. Buzz I will def look into the anti sickness medicine and see if I can increase production. I'm hoping once the tongue tied gets sorted I will actually like feeding him from the breast but I'm really not sure. He does have a decent latch once he gets on but he is v impatient and scratch me with his little hands and the worst time it took 45mins to get him on the boob and than one and a half hours to feed him. I so want to give him as much b milk as possible but I have to say that the mix feeding and pumping has made life more bearable. I always thought b feeding would be a really beautiful experience but so far it just hasn't been that way for me. Can't help but feel there is something wrong with me for not feeling that way.

I feel like I can't go out for more Than 30 mins at the moment as have to come home to pump.

Buzz - sorry to hear about bust up with in laws. Was it over mini? In law relationships are so hard. My mil is here at the moment. She has kind of taken over but I'm biting my tongue as she has been v helpful and I'm actually worried not to have her help when she leaves next week. Sorry to hear mini has been unwell. That must be worrying.

Euro - take my hat off to you that you have managed this long to exclusively pump for C and not use formula. I felt really bad when the midwife march me into the kitchen to top him up with formula but deep down I think a part of me was also relieved. I have such mixed feelings about it. I guess I really don't like to bf but I really want him to have breast milk. I really hope the tongue tied treatment improve the bf experience. I don't have to love it but it was getting really bad for me. Fingers crossed. Thanks for the offer of your mw's contact details. I have an appt already with a really good lactation consultant who also treats tongue tied. I'm hopeful it will be the answer to our problems.

Sorry for the selfish post ladies. Thanks for your advice and support. This is much tougher than I thought. Mini sea is amazing but I really had no clue it would be like this.

Sea, get a manual pump to use when out. I have the medala one and can get a reasonable amount quickly with it. I just take myself off to a bedroom or something if at a friend's place. I even pumped n dumped in the loos in the middle of an assessment day for a new job. If I'm shopping or something I just try not to be out too long and do it before I go and when I get back. I take a cool pack in my changing bag if I plan to pump when out.

C did have some formula for a day or so in hospital before my milk came in.

It sounds like you are doing really well. Don't beat yourself up about not loving it. I think a lot of women don't. I hope getting the tie snipped makes it easier anyway.

buzz - sorry about the bust up. Does bb have roseola? Mini had it a few months ago and the high fever scared me to death. That's how the mum's started for me.

sea - breastfeeding has been mostly utilitarian on my part. I find it useful and convenient (no stuff to carry around), but never loved it. We got the ok to start cows milk and I am weaning mini. I pumped quite a bit and after I got the hang of it could get 12-14 oz (360-420 ml) at a time. I was using an electric medela pump. The beginning was really hard for me too. Try not to beat yourself up, everyone feels differently about bfding

euro - I have been loving the pics of your little one on the other place, her cheeks are so squeezable!

doll - so nice to hear from you!

bunny - hope all is well.

AFM it's been busy and hectic in the household. Hopefully I will have time for a proper catchup soon.

sea that is how they sell bf to you, that it will be this amazing bonding experience, you will lose weight your baby will get all.it needs etc. they never actually tell you how hard it can be, how sore your. books will be, how painful latching can be, how tiring and.time.consuming it will be. if they were more honest about it I think some women would have better expectations and would feel less demoralised by it. I get like I had failed to.start with now I.don't give it a.second thought, I certainly wouldn't encourage any woman to do.it either, I don't believe it's the bee all and end all to your baby and their health, inthink.it's just a cog in a wheel. our mothers were most likely encouraged to formula feed and it also depends on where you live in the country to how keen they are on bf. hopefully the.tongue tie will help but honestly if makes you unhappy then he will pick up on that and get won't.be.happy. Bb used to scream as soon as I got my boobs out

I am not really interested in patching things up with the inlaws, o don't think.they mean to be over bearing and undermining but they are, they literally have no insight into.anything, last Sunday was the final straw for me. Fil does what suits him no matter what is said and i find his over enthusiasm really creepy and unnatural.

Buzz demoralised is the right word. I'm on the verge of giving up I think. Have been up since 2am - pumping, bottle feeding mini sea, topping up with formula and trying to settle him and back to pumping...it's the same cycle. The pumping and feeding is hard enough but between 2am and mid-day he pretty much refuses to settle and nap in between feeds - it doesn't matter what I do. I'm only free to pump now for the next feed because MIL is tending to his fussiness.

It's even more demoralising that whatever I'm pumping I'm having to top him up with formula. His appetite seems to be growing by the day. The ratio of b milk v formula is shifting in favour of formula. I just can't help but wonder if I should give it up. My chronic hayfever is the only thing that is keeping me in this vicious nightmare. I feel I cant really enjoy mini sea. I'm struggling to get out of the house and beginning to resent mr sea who gets the best of him - in the afternoon when he does sleep he takes him out while I stay home to pump and try to catch 30min nap. I am resentful that mr sea still has time to go to the gym and only does feeds where mini falls straight back to sleep afterwards.

Buzz - in law relationships are a maze. My mil drive me mad but at the moment I really need her and willing to overlook anything. For the first time ever I'm dreading her leaving.

Euro - I'm using a medela swing electric pump. If the tongue tied resolves the pain issue I hope not to have to pump round the clock like I'm doing now but only now and again so someone else can feed him. I really admire how you have managed to keep pumping for so long and without having to top up with formula.

Mini sea screaming to be fed now and I haven't finish pumping yet.

Just popping in quickly to say sea we had very similar issues, except I got very little from pumping. I was made to top up with formula, which meant my supply didn't get going. It was only when I found a brilliant BF support group and MW there, who told me to stop the formula as M was healthy and ok weight-wise (if not gaining as the charts demanded) to make my supply catch up, that we really go going with the BF. It was hard work, with mini G constantly wanting to be on the boob, but it did eventually work and she's now a 91st percentile beast! The baby can get much more milk than the pump and is much more effective at upping your supply. The eye watering pain when they latch on is normal I think and something no one really warns you about. It honestly goes after about a month, when the nips harden up! I HATED BF to start with, the stressful weigh ins etc and only did it as M loved the boob so much and it was one of the few things that calmed her. However I now totally love it (I did after a couple of months) and feel sad at the thought baby G will probably self wean soonish. Please don't think I'm saying you should continue if you don't want to, but I just wanted to share my similar experiences and let you know it can work out. As Buzz has said happy mum, happy baby and I'd probably have been happier those first few months if we'd FF. We did continue with 1 bottle of formula as the last feed, so DH could give it and I got some sleep!

seaHave the tongue tie done, be prepared for a blood when they do it, and tears too, from baby not you :) then set a date, say 10 days or two weeks that you will try bfing. See how the latch goes, if it works great if it doesn't then give him formula, what you need is a happy fed baby, trust me the demoralised/ guilty feeling does pass and you realise just how happy and enjoyable motherhood is when you take the pressure off yourself.
You have been through too much to not enjoy this time, trust me he isn't going to turn around in 20 years time and ask why you didn't persevere :)

I really don't care about the inlaws, Barry took BB round there, FIL didn't spend much time with her and MIL complained about my emails, she said I had called her obnoxious to her sister in an email, completely untrue and happily showed Barry the emails I did send, mine to her were honest and abrupt, how she took it is her problem, I think she is more pissed off that she won't be getting her own way. This is a woman who has never once in 6.5 years said lets meet up a coffee/tea sometime she really doesn't know a thing about me.

ah lots of missed posts i will read and catch up

buzz sorry about the inlaw trouble - do you live near them? or can you limit the time you have to spend together?

sea so sorry about the tongue tie. hope it is on its way to being sorted now. re: Breast feeding, this is just my experience so far to say - you are not alone at not finding it this amazing easy motherearth experience - I also had to top up from the start. I also didn't really enjoy it. I pumped at night in a bid to stop my supply drying up completely. once I recovered a bit from the birth and first weeks, I decided to have another go at at BF more when mini was 7 weeks. I am following this plan -
kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/basics/decrease-formula/
kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/low-supply/ the how to increase bit is at the bottom
I do breast compression when she falls asleep on the the breast. google dr jack newman on youtube.

I go to a breast feeding consultant once a week to check latch and weight gain and basically get a pep talk. I also take fenugreek (hope that is right - i used an internet translation tool) We got to a point at 7 weeks where minifree was on 850ml a day formula with just the odd little breast feed here and there. So minifree is 9 weeks now and we are on formula top up of 260ml over 4 feeds, and also a 80ml top up which I express at night and the rest is direct breast feeding. Total feeds - about 8 I think. So, like others have said, just do what's best for you. I am 2 weeks into trying to increase supply and it is going ok. But I am not going to beat myself up if I don't get to 100% breastmilk. I also felt very resentful of Mrfree in the first weeks and also cried every day and also got sunday night blues about the week ahead alone. I was pissed that Mr got to sit around reading the paper, go to work, do the nice bits with mini with no pain or exhaustion or stress. I told him about it and he said some stupid stuff about how I needed to be more efficient - I ignored that and shouted loudly and cried but I did take on what he said about, taking more me time. I just took every opportunity after that where I didn't have to see to mini to sleep, do a sitzbath, eat, read and rest. You are not alone is what I am saying.

euro I am amazed at how much you get out of the pump and that you have perservered with the expressing. I really don't like the pump.

Thanks ladies for your words of support and encouragement. Gin I can only hope I manage to do what you have done.
Buzz I think you are right about setting a time limit. I think I will give it another 10 days to a fortnight. We did the tongue tied procedure yesterday. The afternoon and evening was okay and manageable but I wouldn't say bfing now is completely painless. Is it normal to feel some discomfort or does it always indication you are doing something wrong?

Early morning and all today today until 30mins ago was really tough going. He had been on and off the breast every half hour and crying pretty much none stop. The only place where he doesn't cry is on the boob but surely I cannot have him on the boob all day?

I'm not a purest and would be happy to mix feed like free but I think I have got to the place where I'm not sure continuing will do me any good. I admitted to mr sea last night that I'm struggling to really enjoy motherhood. He was surprised and I feel ashamed to admit it. Don't get me wrong I love mini sea I look at him and just feel an immense feeling of pure love - partly why I'm continuing this bf as I do think on balance it's better but I'm struggling because I never know why he is crying (always think it is hunger related even when he has just eaten) and how to make it better. It makes me feel helpless and completely useless as a mother.

sea I think it was gin who said it hurts to start with, if you are not happy then do what you have to do to be happy, its such a big change in your life, as for crying you will work out what it is for, it could be that he is hungry still or wind, BB still has a little moan/cry when she finishes the bottle then realises that she has something in her tummy :) I think it took me until about 4 months before I felt we were in tune with as mum and baby

free yes they live about 12 minutes up the road by car

Just a quick one from me! Have been off mn for ages. Just returned to see sea is having some of the troubles I had too.
I found stuff v hard going in the beginning. I got terrible mastitis after a week, which landed me in hospital for a night, when temps started dropping we were allowed home. Lembie has reflux which meant from week 3-6 he screamed for hours after feeds. I then saw an amazing lactation consultant who sent us to the peds with his reflux and gave me good tips as well as the offer to make a plan to switch to formula. I gave it three days. Lembie settled on meds and more food. He turned out to be very happy and cheery, just didn't have the chance to show it before. And from later that week I started loving being a mum as well as living him (which happened a little earlier)!

What I should have done earlier was: not be so hard on myself. I kept beating myself up about not loving it, about lembie's crying, about failing at bfing etc. all a waste of time. Second, get help from a non-judgemental specialist. I had seen a lactation type before but she was happy about lembie feeding 10x a day at 6weeks, which I wasn't and neither was the wonderful one.

Incidentally 20 weeks tomorrow, we're knackered but happy and he's exclusively bf.

Take from this what you can use and ignore the rest. Thus goes for all well-meaning advice. Even when you've paid for it!

Waves at the others! Lembie's napping so a brief sofa spell :)

Thanks for all your words of encouragement and support ladies.
I made the decision to stop breastfeeding mini sea in the end - I felt I was v close to falling into depression. Mr Sea was desperate for me to stop too. The mastitis kind of helped me with the decision.
What's odd is that almost as soon as I decided to stop mini sea stopped screaming and has become much calmer. I'm still expressing but he is now predominately formula fed and only gets about 20pc breast milk. I still feel a little sad about not being about to bf exclusively - I really don't know why I became so obsessed with this. I guess it doesn't help that it's pretty much the first thing people ask and I had a man on the street ask me if I didn't fancy bfing when I was preparing mini's bottle.
Anyway we are all much happier now. Looking back dreading every feed when it's something you have to do 10 x a day or more is no way to live.

sea glad you are feeling better,its a very emotive subject, the feelings about stopping do fade, you will get odd comments from men and women, I did have one woman who went on and on about it and how great it made her feel yada yada knowing full well that myself and an NCT friend had both stopped, 'I said thats great for YOU as you are quite a needy and insecure person and need to go on about it to make yourself feel better about yourself' she has never mentioned it since, if another man comments on the bfing thing just say 'no boobs no opinion' like he would have any fecking idea about it everyone loves to share their opinion on it, just remember what works for some doesn't work for others, its a bit like the co sleeping debate, you have to do what works for you and you baby, mini sea sounsd quite happy with the decision. As long as he is gaining weight and is cared for he isn't going to mind.

lemon hope lembie is feeling better

free how are things with you??

sweet are you still crazy crazy crazy in your household??

euro How is centime, loving the pics on the other place :)

bunny hope you are feeling better

I'm having a wobble about leaving BB in someone elses care, the guilt has set in, I want to go back to work part time and really want her to go to nursery I think it will be great for her but do feel awful about it.

So sorry, no real time but - sea great job, you found the right way for you. No regrets.
buz she will love it, they all go somewhere at some point, it has to happen and there is a good argument that earlier is easier for them. In the real world it happens when it happens; dependant on all kinds of stuff that's unique to your own family.

Hello after a long long time ladies :-) sure no-one will remember me but I used to post on the TTC for 10 months+ probably 3 years ago

Proper thrilled to see a graduates thread with some names I remember :-)

Graduate myself now I guess though in a round about as I am now divorced from my husband, we separated n 2011. Long story but essentially I started my PGCE he started his new job and we drifted apart- there just wasn't enough feelings or common ground do work with and it ended very ammicably really! The only sadness I feel is that he decided not to remain in contact with my children who he had been an involved stepdad with- very sad all round but probably better to be honest from the beginning and have no contact than make a half hearted attempt I guess.

Now I'm with a lovely bloke who I'd known of for a while as we have friends in common. We both ended up doing a community project together and got on really well. we bought a house together and started to renovate it this year and I'm now 11 weeks pregnant. Hasn't been a smooth journey as I miscarried at 7 weeks in August and this pregnancy was origionaly twins when I was scanned at 7 weeks and just one baby when they looked again at 9 weeks. Really hoping everything is ok. Also signed off work at he moment due to hyperemisis.

Going to read the thread now and catch up on where everyone is but wanted to say hello first.

Buzz - sorry to hear you are having wobbles about sending mini to nursery. It's natural to feel that way but most kids I know just love nursery and playing with other kids. I am sure it will be a great experience for mini. You just need to find a place you are happy with. I have already been to see 2 nurseries and mini Sea is only 5 wks old.

Hello Doll! Nice to see you!

Skeleton - Welcome to the thread. I am sorry to hear about mc and losing of one of the twins. I had the same with my pregnancy with mini sea. We found out at the 12 week scan and it was just devastating. I still think about what would have been if the other twin had made it. Glad you have a new man who you are happy with?

sea and doll thank you I do like the nursery we have chosen and I'm sure she will like it and I think it will be good for her but I can't shake the feeling that she is still young and I feel I palming her off to someone else

skeleton welcome and sorry to hear about your twin, fingers crossed for the rest of your pregnancy

Hello all!

Sea it's so important to do what's right for you. You tried bf, mini sea has had some bf and it didn't work out to be the best thing for either of you. Please don't feel guilty. Motherhood is wracked with guilt, I feel it every day over lots of things, so I know how terrible it can feel. I think I'm right in remembering that you were ff, I too was ff from 10 weeks, whereas my sister was exclusively bf (guess who was the naughty baby and had more childhood illnesses...) i know loads of super healthy, bright little and big people who were all ff and I've never been able to spot the difference between those ff and bf. I'm so glad you are happier and your baby is happy. The most important thing after all :) And on the flip side, I've had a lot of faces if I've fed mini bunny in public as a toddler and tonnes of relies told me I couldn't feed a big baby with boobs and I needed to measure what I was giving her or she would starve And then there were the relatives that walked out of the room if I fed her, yes, even if under a scarf. You really can't win any which way. I just try to think everyone has an opinion, and also an arsehole!!

buzz I'm fully recovered, thanks for asking. I'm just permanantly knackered and dare I say, grumpy! The 20 week scan went well. I'm sorry you're having wobbles overs daycare. Doll has wise words. I think mini bunny would love nursery. I feel bad that we dont send her because she has a very grumpy mum who is a little on the snippy side at the moment. Again, it's so personal. I've given up work but our circumstances changed whilst I was on maternity and I wasn't happy with the options around here (I've only heard horror stories from our local nursery and we live in a fairly rural area so it would be a faff to get her to a different nursery). We've always planned to send her to the local pre-school at 2.5, which has an excellent rep. I'm probably massively pfb, a friend rolled her eyes at me today when I said I didn't think I would be send mini bunny to nursery before bunny2 arrives. Again, in my hormonal state it made me cry today because yet again, I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing by being a boring pregnnat SAHM.

skeleton welcome! Congrats on your pregnancy but I'm so sorry you lost a twin.

doll waves and hugs, lovely to see you.

Right, master chef, rooibos tea and peace and quiet beckon! Waves and puffs to everyone I've missed xxx

caught up now- congratulations on all the babies and bumps ladies. So happy to see names I remember with now one or even two children. Remember feeling as I got to the year point of TTC last time and so many of us were wondering around that point if it would ever happen. Had just got to tests stage with my ex last time where he had been told his sperm count was low but not worryingly so. With my new partner we conceived very quickly but then I have miscarried 2 out of the 3 times we have conceived. Anyway it makes me think how complicated it all is and how lucky i am to have this baby growing (and then by extension worrying all the time its ok! 12 week scan next week)

Eurochick
congratulations on your little girl :-) sounds like a really scary time with her being born early and havign to be in different hospitals! Glad shes home now and you are both doing well.

Buzzy bee- congratulations also- my friend is going through chosing a nursery at the moment and leaving her son for his induction. the nursery she has chosen looks great and i'm sure he will love it but its a big inital worry isnt it?

Sea sorry to hear you lost a twin too- your the first person that I've spoke to its happened to also. Big congratualtions on mini sea though :-)

It was such a sad experience really- we were so happy to see both of them on the first scan in their seperate sacs. i thought they both looked the same size but one measured smaller. As the scan when i miscarried in summer had shown a clearly not viable pregnancy- tiny empty sac in the wrong place I felt much more optimistic about the twin as it had looked like a 'real baby' it had a fetal pole and yolk sack ect but no heart beat. i read everything and convinced myself that it was just slow growing and would have caught up by the next scan. By the next scan it had grown but only by 1.5mm and still no heartbeat. I found the hospital not great at dealing with it also. the scan midwife was very good but then i got sent to a room with the same nurse as the last time i miscarried who said she was very sorry and gave me the miscarriage leaflet. she said i would definately have to miscarry the lost twin as my body couldnt absorb the amount of fluid. then she spoke to her collegue who said i wouldn't miscarry and it would be reabsorbed, then they sent me downstairs to anti natal where they didnt know much either but took the miscarriage leaflet off me again 'what have they given you that for' and the consultant was nice enough but not very reasuring.

buzz - things haven't slowed here in the least. Mr grouch got a job offer so we had to find a nursery in less than a week (we did). I was really worried about mini there and it turns out it was for nothing, he loves playing with the other children. How are you doing with BB? She looks adorable in all her pictures. I love her chubby little cheeks!

sea - I'm glad you are so much happier. I really think that everyone needs to do what's best for their own family units.

bunny - It's funny how things are, I wish I could be a boring SAHM . Even though I know that right now it just isn't feasible for us. I think motherhood will be full of guilt and doubt, it's probably because we are all trying to hard to be good parents.

skeleton - welcome. Sorry to hear you lost a twin. Good luck for the scan this week.

doll - waves. Happy to see you again. I hope all is well with your family.

skeleton sorry you haven't had the best experience with your lose, it really does vary from place to place, hoping the sickness is getting a little better for you

sweet I went to fill in some paperwork at the nursery with the manager and cried about it all, I know BB will love it, it will be a great experience for her and I doubt she will be bothered by me leaving her there as she is quite and independent sole, has never been clingy and she loves the older kids at soft play, so I know it will be me crying when I leave her, I'm ready to go back to work, I'm not SAHM material, I'm ready for adult conversation and not having to sort out domestic stuff and entertain BB everyday with classes and soft plays, her little mate is in the nursery next door so will see each other from time to time :), we looked at a few in our area but this one had a lovely feeling about it, I'm impressed you managed to get a nursery in a week, the waiting lists around my way are months and months long, we looked in May but only had her place confirmed last week, hope things are going well for Mr S and his new job :)

buzz - we got lucky, the nursery had just opened. They now have a waitlist extending until 2016! Good luck with it. I cried in the days leading up to leaving him and was surprisingly fine the day of. I hope the transition goes smoothly for you and BB, mini now has diarrhea