Thanks for the reassurance gobbo that does help. Well, after weeping copiously over my best friend, I pulled myself together and rang MLU for info. If I start induction, I can't use the unit even if I don't get so far as the drip, which sounds like bad news, but bizarrely has sort of sorted out my head, resolved some of th millions of questions! She also confirmed that all the things we've tried (sex, curry, walking, pineapple, clary sage, RLT, relaxing) are good. Then she offered me another sweep, and laughed like a drain when I practically bit her hand off and said 'YES PLEASE RIGHT NOW THANK YOU'.
Went in an hour later, she was ace, really kind and talked me through induction, saying it's not strapped to a bed monitoring, and that the ward is nice. She did a v vigorous sweep, and asked if the student mw could try too, which obvs I said yes to 
. Student had never done an internal and was practically crying as she thought she was hurting me, despite me saying 'honestly I can barely feel it'! Bless her.
Walked home (check), having super spicy chilli beef for supper (check), and have bounced on ball, (check). Now relaxing (check), and will attempt to haul my elephantine bulk on top of DH later (check and LUCKY HIM emoticon). That way we've covered all the bases.
Also, I think I might be getting some ctx. Quite painful ones. Not holding my breath, and haven't told DH as don't want to get his hopes up, but we shall see.
Mememe post, sorry, hugs to those who need them, promise to be less self focused next time I post.