June 2014: New Year, new trimester, new thread! June bugs no 7!!

[hackneybird]

Ding dong!

First day back in work today since 20th dec and im struggling!
Want to be at home eating chocolate and watching Christmas films still!!! Haha.

My 20 week scan was booked for 20th jan but it's been changed to 17th jan... Yay! 2 weeks to go! Not finding out the gender though

Hope everyone is doing well!

I'm visiting my family and sister this weekend and her new baby who was born on 30th dec... Can't wait to meet him!!!

Coming up to halfway already Gilly!

Ladies, What pregnancy week will everyone be starting their maternity leave in?
(Gets a bit confusing talking dates as everyone's EDD is different)

I'm writing my letter to give to work on Monday and would appreciate knowing what the general consensus is. Thanks!

All being well I'm not going to start maternity leave until the due date, but I intend to use up my annual leave...so finish work maybe 2-3weeks before the due date.

I've got an HR meeting next week to discuss my options

Clever it is very normal to lose weight especially if you are overweight & now conscious of healthy eating & avoiding alcohol etc. I have lost almost a stone. They will only be concerned if you are getting enough nutrition ie balanced diet enough calories (2,000ish) but accidental weight loss (as long as not rapid in short space) isn't a concern

Bee my friend asked me to post that ad - they live in a posh part of Sussex so perhaps £500 realistic - god knows I know absolutely nothing about dogs. I donated £50 for my rescue cat & kitten! :)

I've not been on in a little while. I've been diagnosed with a psychological trauma resulting from the experiences at my 1st birth. They believe it has been repressed but now triggered by the pregnancy (nightmares sweats flashbacks several times a night - can't go in to the hospital with palpitations & raised BP etc). I have been assessed as moderate/severe a similar diagnosis to PTSD & have to undergo therapy. If they make me draw pictures or do role plays I think I will go nuts though - I was never into that sort of nonsense at school I'll feel a right tool if they make me do it now! There are a large number of factors some of them unfortunate, some of them bad decisions & some unavoidable scary experiences that all add up to a very unusual situation that is very far from the norm & many things that I can also ensure do not happen next time. If anyone is curious / interested / concerned I don't mind answering any questions but directly as I don't think it is fair on others to post on the thread. Too many women are keen to share negative stories with pregnant women (particularly the friend of a friend types that get blown to extremes for added drama) & all the lovely births never get mentioned again. Anyway I wasn't sure what to post here as I don't want to scare 1st timers but it's obviously on my mind a lot at the moment so hope wha I have written hasn't caused anyone any additional stress.

Bumblebeesmum- I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like you're having a hard time, glad to hear that you're getting support.

Not much useful advice I can offer for you as I have no experience, but maybe there's another MN group for those who have experienced similar.

Sending positive thoughts your way :)

Thanks Summer good idea I'll have a search

Bumble, sorry to hear about your experiences, and it's very thoughtful of you to be so considerate of the feelings of others on here. I hope the therapy goes well (and there is no role play - that's the sort of thing I'd dread too!)

Re. Mat leave - I had planned to go about 36 weeks, then when I found out I was having twins thought maybe about 32, but I've read in a few places that due to bump enormity and tiredness, mothers of twins should consider finishing at about 28 weeks. It seems awfully early to me but who knows how I (or any of us) will feel further down the line. Tbh it is very tempting as work is seriously hacking me off these days and since I'm not planning to go back (beyond the 3 months to ensure I keep my mat pay) I won't be fussed about trying to keep as much leave as poss until after they're born. Ooh, could be going in March, that's such a nice thought...

I'll be 35+2 when I finish work but will take 3 weeks holiday so actually 38+2 when I start maternity leave providing lo stays put that long!

bumble also another who is sorry to hear re experience, and glad you are getting support. Appreciate you don't want to scare first timers but as a first timer I also appreciate you mentioning this, even in passing, as birth can be great, as well as not so great and its a fact of life unfortunately. I really hope that the support you get is what you need and you can concentrate on getting in the best place possible for this one.

Re Mat leave - going to go when baby is due 40 weeks but will take two weeks annual leave before so in theory off at 38 weeks. Am lucky that my commute is short and I can work from home / dictate my hours as I need so think unless things go wrong that I should be ok with this. although speak to me in another 14 weeks and I may have a different story to tell!

BB - I really hope the counselling helps you. I get very tearful/emotional talking about DS's birth and am not thinking about how it's going to go down second time round until after 20 week scan. It's reassuring to hear how seriously they seem to take it though. A friend of mine had a very positive, and surprisingly useful meeting a with the consultant after a difficult first birth. Maybe that seems obvious but I sort of expect an 'oh get on with it' attitude from medical staff.

Also re mat leave I am vaguely thinking that I will take 3 weeks annual leave before due date and then go ML from due date. And hope I don't go 2 weeks over again!

Bumble that sounds hard. From my experience of therapy there was no picture drawing or role playing, just lots of questions and encouragement. Nobody ever forced me to talk about anything I didn't want to. Hope it goes well for you.

I'm planning to start ML as near to the due date as possible but have leave first - I'd like to go off at 36wks so ML start date depends on how much leave I take between now and then. I reckon I'll end up taking three weeks' leave then starting ML at 39 weeks.

Thanks for all reassurance re weight loss.

Bumble, sending positive thoughts your way and hope the support you have helps you.

Re mat leave, my plan is about 37.5 weeks as that is when school holidays fall so it makes sense for me but obviously will see how things go.

Bumble, if you want to talk, either here or on FB, let me know. It sounds stressful and I strongly believe all the hormones coursing through your body make all those latent triggers slumbering inside us very active.

It will very likely be CBT which can help a lot as you get a chance to talk it out with someone sympathetic and unbiased who might be able to help you and give you strategies to cope with the memories and put them into perspective so they don't burden you during this birth.

MAT leave, now remember I only get my official EDD on Monday but atm I'm planning on taking 2 weeks of leave in weeks 32 & 33 and then go on maternity leave in week 34.

bumble that sounds very stressful but I am another who can only recommend counselling. I found CBT changed my life back as a very anxious student. Fairly sure I would never have qualified without it. Nothing silly about it just lots of talking. And if you don't feel comfortable with your therapist then you should change as being comfortable makes such a difference.

Maternity leave I am hoping to start on my DD but take 4 weeks leave before so be off from 36 weeks. Really frustrated as we were hoping for a week away at Easter but Dh can't get time off work. Or in February the only other school holidays either.

Bumble sorry you've had a really traumatic experience. Hope you get help that means you feel In a better this time around.

With mat leave I'm going to finish up at 36 weeks but hoping to use a few weeks of A/L then start Mat Leave about 39 weeks. This is my third and I know I couldn't work the last few weeks so going to be off whether mat leave or A/L.

My dh is up for healthy eating but he has 2 weeks off and going to start on jan so think that will help me to be healthier. Going to see if there is a pregnancy fitness class or aqua natal local

Bumble sorry you've had a really traumatic experience. Hope you get help that means you feel In a better this time around.

With mat leave I'm going to finish up at 36 weeks but hoping to use a few weeks of A/L then start Mat Leave about 39 weeks. This is my third and I know I couldn't work the last few weeks so going to be off whether mat leave or A/L.

My dh is up for healthy eating but he has 2 weeks off and going to start on jan so think that will help me to be healthier. Going to see if there is a pregnancy fitness class or aqua natal local

Thanks so much for the supportive messages what a lovely bunch you all are & thanks Bee will speak to you on fbk! :)

Nosey - yes I had considered myself being silly & needing to get on with it. I even said it felt like a huge waste of their resource & they were extremely supportive & said mental health is as important as physical & it affects 7% of women so I'm far from alone.

Re the maternity leave decisions. I really think (especially Riblet considering so early) - make the decision that you are comfortable & happy with. If you are physically unable to work towards the end then you should be signed off not forced to waste maternity leave (assuming you get sick pay) - at 36 weeks you'll be forced on to mat leave anyway. So if you want to to at 32 I'd plan for that & if physically unable to work be sick - but I didn't do that with no 1 I've learnt to put myself 1st a lot more this time

I had bad back problems towards the end of my pregnancy but I have to say I preferred the 1st trimester to the 1st two as I felt up beat not emotional could sleep ok & could eat properly - but then I always prefer pain to miserableness

Thanks again for all the supportive messages it really does mean a lot

Preferred the last trimester even! Plus lovely weather made it easier too which hopefully we'll get too :)

Bumble sorry to hear about you experience, and I hope you get the support that you need.

Re: maternity leave - the thing is that i feel pretty good right up until the very end, plus my job isn't physically demanding - however i do commute on the tube. With DD1 - started maternity leave on the Monday had her on the Thursday (3 weeks early). DD2 was supposed to finish work at 39 weeks, had her at 38 weeks - luckily the Sunday and not at work.
There are no issues rolling over my leave to next holiday year, so I wanted to save as much as possible to tag onto the end of my maternity leave .
Does anyone know exactly how long they are planning to be on ML, or are you playing it by ear?

I'm taking my full allotment and then will either go part time + term time only or take another few years career break.

I'll definitely take 9 months and then would really like to take the year but will have to budget big time to be able to afford 3 months unpaid.

I think I'll be back to work soonest out of the bunch. Taking 3 months then part time for a month and back full time on October. financially I have to go back as my DP doesn't earn enough. It's funny as I'm the high earner it makes sense that he becomes a SAHD but he doesn't want to do that either . That said we are fortunate we have good childcare choices, Nd my work can be fairly flexible so am comfortable with this.

I want to be on ml for as long as possible so planning to take 4 wks of parental leave after ml (if they allow me). Reaaaally don't want to go back to work before September, as dh is a teacher and I want another summer at home all together. Still some weeks short though, even with parental leave and lots of a/l.. :-/ Need to find a way...!

I am back from our holidays. It was hard to say goodbye to everyone :( Now that I am pregnant it made it even more difficult. It made me realised that none of them will see my tummy growing and that I can't really share my pregnancy with them. My mum is coming to see me twice before my EDD, but even so it's hard.

Bumble I am so sorry to hear that you had a traumatic experience. But above all it seems that you will get the right support from an early start this time and that will make all the difference. I was border line with PND and had counseling. I still have private weekly sessions and it makes all the difference to be able to speak to a professional and tell all my fears and anxieties (from day to day, to my previous pregnancy with DS). If you wish just PM or Fb me. Happy to share my experience.

Re maternity leave. Hmmm... I know I am having a year off. Not sure when exactly I will start. I think I will play it by ear but because DS was born at 35weeks perhaps I should have some time off before than just to avoid the stress.

I am seeing my MW tomorrow. I don't think she will check the heartbeat as they have changed the rules in my practice. Sometimes they couldn't find the heartbeat and that was very stressful for mums and some of them had to go to the hospital and in the great majority of cases everything was okay.

Welcome to the newbies :)