Graduated Elderberries. Thread 9

[Cavort]

The over 30's expecting or just had their first baby.

we're flying back on 23rd and spending xmas with PILs, so haven't done anything at home, not there to see it.

Hello Amanda! Yep we finally got there. And DP is (of course) the most smitten daddy (for the rest of you I went through a loooooooong time of waiting to conceive too).

Today's been rather testing. Turns out Pamela is a bitch and my new breasts are absolute rock hard agony today, BF taken a big step backwards as my latch is now gone to shit as baby can't get onto my rock hard boobs. Had a very useful appointment today with a specialist BF midwife who showed me how to latch her properly (I've been doing it wrong), but what with the desperate attempts today to express to reduce the engorgement, and frustrating attempts to teach little one new latch, it feels like today has just been one long stretch of having my painful tits fucked about with. Slightly want to run away.

purple we put our xmas tree up the night before Sophia was born and thank god we did it then as hard to get anything done now Sophia also went xmas shopping with us twice and was really good and slept both times, milk drunk. I haven't done xmas cards this year - am hoping people will forgive me!

My mum wants me to stay at hers for nearly the whole week of xmas, but I think it might be better to be at home more - am trying to say that without offending her.

I'm home alone tonight as DH went into work for one day and his xmas do is tonight which is at a hotel quite far away (I said he could go when he asked how I feel as he gets another two weeks off now for xmas so I'll have support again from tomorrow). We've had three hours sleep, a nappy change and a feed and now she's asleep on me and I'm terrified to move her to her bed in case she kicks off! Had a really rough night last night so hoping for a better one tonight!

quod it's hard to feed when they're rock hard comedy boobs isn't it! Are you able to describe what was different about the latch? I've just been told point the nipple upwards and make sure she takes as much as poss below the nipple in her mouth.

Also does anyone know how you wind a baby without them getting all woken up after a feed at night?!

sigh. So first he was awake pretty much every 20 minutes. Then put him in our bed and luckily then he slept a little, but is up for the day now. Happy as a clam. I have a head ache of course. Must be teething, I think.

Alex yep it's basically that with the latch, but my little monster keeps fighting having a deep latch and pushing her tongue up behind to block the nipple I think. Latching on and off is agony, but it's OK once she's on. We are working on it.

A small victory here, little W slept in her own bed ALL NIGHT* (well, for 2 X 2.5hr stretches which kind of counts as 'all night' now). I think she was too cold before as having heating on more seems to make her stay asleep. She's a pretty good sleeper when she's on someone but doesn't like being put down anywhere - only natural I suppose.

We had our first excursion into the real world yesterday (to boobie school and Tesco) and I had to pop into Mothercare to get some emergency bras to get the Pamelas under control while DP took sleeping baby round the supermarket with my dad. I felt like I was supposed to feel funny about being away from the baby but actually I felt fine about it, as she was in the very capable hands of DP, who is actually better than me at ALL the baby-related stuff bar feeding. But he had a woman come up to him and say 'ooh your wife's brave, isn't she, letting you out with her on your own with the baby!'. Errr, no, his 'wife' is really glad she can double-team it with another competent adult.. No wonder lots of men are useless when people automatically expect them to be crap at baby stuff.

Oh Hazle Yes it does sound like teething doesn't it.

Purple I am knackered just thinking about that! I am currently offering solids twice a day at no set times and it's increasingly occurring to me how much hassle it's going to be to feed her 3 times a day at roughly the same times. It's going to make getting out and about very difficult at mealtimes and the fact that she still naps 3 times a day means I may well end up stuck in the house for a while. I am 50/50 prepared for Christmas here. Tree is up and presents all bought online so just need to find several spare hours to wrap them all now. Of course DH, being a typical man, has not started his shopping yet and will end up in a shopping centre on Christmas Eve as per usual.

Quod I think that feeling of having your tits fucked about with lasts for the whole time you are BFing. My DH keeps saying he is looking forward to having mine back from loan. I hope things are better for you today.

Janey I also don't know where the last 6 months have gone. Let's hope in 6 months time we are all actually having some sleep!

Our drama here is that I am due to go on a girls' night out tonight and despite scoffing absolutely every solid we have presented her with so far without even the slightest hint of fussiness, she has decided that formula isn't for her. I haven't expressed because it is a massive PITA and now she's on solids had decided to supplement with formula on the rare occasions we are apart. This is not good!! I will see what I can express today and will probably get enough for one feed but when she wakes in the night DH might have to put her in the high chair and give her porridge at 3am. Bloody babies!

Completely agree Quod. Yes, lots of men are crap/aren't interested, but many men are very good with babies and more than capable of giving the mother a break. My DH is great with E

In January, Dh will probably close his business til V goes to school and be full time SAHD. He's perfectly capable of taking care of the baby. Well, depending on if I manage not to murder some of my colleagues before - how bloody useless can one be? I do all their work, so all they have to do is forward the bloody email, and they flap around and whine that they have no time. Forwarding the mail would have been 10 times faster than whining about it.

I feel like a zombie - too tired to sleep, so can't nap right now either. Well that will be a fun wedding, me asleep face down in my salad.

Hazle just get someone to put a sign on your head while you're asleep - "New(ish) Mother" and everyone will understand. They always time it perfectly, don't they? Boring Tuesday with nothing to do = good night's sleep. Important day/night out = up every 5 minutes and 2 hours total sleep. We can exact our revenge when they are nocturnal teenagers by banging pans and playing loud music at 8am.

How do I explain to the dog that we do not do dog walks in this shitty monsoon weather??

Today is definitely a hibernation day I think....especially when I was up at 4.30, 5.30, 7 an 8.30 with a very unhappy snotty/mucus filled baby we had a layin as H didnt get to sleep till 1ish and I thought extra rest would help him fight the germs. It was an unsuccessful layin!

Hazel I hope you manage to enjoy the wedding in your zombie state

mother, normally we het ready to walk the dog, open the front door, kick him out and wait for him to shoot straight back in!

ahh much better night here, no poo explosions either. During the wedding, V happily slept in his car seat under the table and didn't seem to mind that it was massively loud. If you need to do the same, a blanket over the seat, in parrot cage style, worked like magic.

Regarding dogs, mine unfortunately love cold weather, so no escape there. Well, for DH, who mostly walks them. But to get V to nap, it's either walk or car ride, so it's 2 birds with 1 stone.

Much better night here as got OH on night duty, H got him up at 3,5 and 7, bad but by no means horrendous! But my OH is now laying it on super thick and refuses to get up as hes sooo tired. God, I've been doing this for 6 weeks and have to get up each day and get on with it. Why are men such wimps?
He also thinks he should be able to hand H over at 7am (when night duty finishes???) and go to sleep, errm when he was at work 5 days (hes off for xmas now) and gyming on Saturday I didnt get to hand H over so where he got that idea from I dont know?

On the feeding front we are having to top up with formula now, H is well into his 6 week growth spurt and I just cant keep up with the milk demands Gutted as I wanted to get to 3 months I'm hoping we can mix feed to 3 months though, I'm not giving up just yet!!! Just wish he would support my expressing more, he sees it as a pain, but I see it as one good thing I can offer H. I just feel like my body failed me with the birth and ending up with the section, then I didnt get to breast feed as I hoped, expressing at least makes me feel like I am achieving something, I've said that to him and he still doesnt get it. Grrr.

I've been debating starting to express a bottle in the morning to fill her up in the evening before bed, but don't want to get her or my boobs confused so not sure when to do it and whether to do it gradually. Would be good to know what other people did with expressing and when.

mother why's he against expressing? People have told my DH it means he can be involved in feeding and it might fill her up more before bed?

We've had two brilliant nights of long sleeps (10:30pm to 8:30am) with 4 wake ups in between for feeding. She was really fussy for a couple of hours before bed and cried quite a bit but with some sleep, I feel human!

Ahh good girl Sophia

Alex, he's against it because it takes longer for me to express than to make a bottle of formula and he doesnt like the fact that I need to express before we go out etc. I've gotten into a routine but he finds it limiting I think. Just cant please him at times! He was all for it in the beginning as he wanted to feed H, but think the novelty has worn off now. He used to love giving him a bottle so its a bit sad really.

Babies are much better at getting milk from you than a pump is so Sophia should always be able to get enough from you without an extra bottle of expressed. If you do want to try expressing though I would say to try after she has fed initially and see what you get, if that doesnt work, try expressing 2oz before a feed, it will be easier before a feed as you'll be more engorged but Sophia will be better at getting milk out so it should make no difference to her.

I had to use nipple shields to get H to BF so never had any issue with nipple confusion as they probably felt similar, he would go between bottle and shield without issue, an still will. He will also latch breifly after I've expressed as the pump has by then given me mammoth nips

They do say to leave it till 6 weeks to introduce a bottle but I know people who have done it before without issue. If it is one bottle a day or every other day I doubt it would cause an issue, I dont have much to base that on though.

Glad you are feeling better, I find I can function pretty well on 4 hours sleep now where as a few months back that would have been torture. If its 4 hours unbroken that is, waking every 1.5/2 hours is still a bit of a killer.

Good news on the sleep Alex, I hope she keeps it up for you. I first gave a bottle of expressed at 3 weeks and she took it fine and has never had any confusion issues. The consistency of your milk varies throughout the day so if you want to give a bedtime bottle you should ideally express it at the same time the night before. Evening/night milk has a higher fat content and contains sleep-inducing nucleotides. Info here.

Mother now he's off for Christmas I think your OH should absolutely be doing half of the night duties, it's only fair.

We have had conflicting advice on the expressing/bottlefeeding thing here. Most of the midwives insisting EBF and ideally no bottles til 6 months (!) if possible, but the one today said we should give the milk I've been expressing off to relieve engorged boobs now, and that (like Mother says) the odd bottle won't hurt her. It's hard to know what to do isn't it? Leave it too late and they might not take a bottle at all and then you are really stuck.

We are feeling a bit besieged with visitors here. It's lovely to see people, and we have been trying to keep it down to one visit a day but people just kind of keep inviting themselves. Today I thought we had my aunt coming over (fine) but it ended up being my aunt, uncle, sister, dad and 18m old niece for a couple of hours right when I was crashing in the middle of the afternoon. Our house isn't very big so it feels like quite a crowd and we have to run about finding extra chairs etc.

Argh Sophia has just been crying for three and a half hours, really don't know what's wrong with her, I think maybe it's silent reflux and have been googling as her cry sounds so distressed, like she's in pain. She'll stop crying when I feed her but apparently reflux can cause them to keep feeding to take the acid taste away?! Has anyone else's cried for this long and could it just be normal? The sound of her crying is making me feel really distressed!

Oh no Alex that sounds horrid :(
No advice but lots of sympathy.

No alex, poor her and poor you, sorry you're going through it! Harvey has had times where he's cried for a couple of hours but its not been continuous and I can tell its wind as it will be stop and start and if I hold him upright it lessens or stops and then he screams blue murder if we try to lay him down. Really hope you find some help and get some rest.

oh and quod, I dont miss those days. Its tough as you want to welcome and show off the gorgeous wee one you made but you also just want them to sod off so you can relax and feed bubs in peace!

another one of those nights when V just whines and wriggles and wants to eat all the time - so I basically haven't slept. And travelling back today, hopefully won't forget the baby somewhere..

Oh Alex how long until she stopped? One of my NCT friend's babies had reflux, do you want me to ask her about it? Another of my Nct friends thought her baby had it too. Turned out she just cried a lot for the first few weeks! She doesn't now if that's any consolation?

Quod - tell them to bugger off. I keep telling Alex the same! You need to relax and nap in the day when you can, not run around looking after guests...

Hazle - gah. Hope the journey back isn't too horrific. And that you don't lose any babies!

Bad night here, M up every hour. Am hoping it's just being in a new place and that tonight will be infinitely better

Was about 4 hours of crying Poor little sweetheart, am still praying it was wind (she just trumped twice as I wrote that!) rather than reflux. She seemed so distressed, screaming with her little body all rigid and her hands seemed to be fussing around her throat. She then fell asleep and slept for 6 hours which sounds great but I'd def take the broken nights sleep over that crying session especially when she seems to be so uncomfortable/in pain. Yes pls ask your NCT friend what it was like. Am still hoping it isn't reflux and just a baby crying but she can't tell me what it felt like and surely they wouldn't cry that long unless something was hurting?!