Martians 2014, thread 11. KEGELS!

[LyraSilvertongue]

Shiny new thread, ladies :)

Can somebody give me a kick up the arse?

I have been self-employed for 1 week and I have no motivation to do anything whatsoever. I wake up with good intentions of getting through my to-do list and then do feck all. I feel so guilty sitting about all day when my DP is out working his arse off and saving for our baby. I've said to him that maybe self-employment isn't for me and perhaps I should get a part-time job to supplement my income. He thinks I should stick at it and not give up after a week.

I know we are a team, but I feel like such a dick because he already pays for everything as it is. Now I've given up full-time work I can't even buy food shopping for us like I used to. My head is telling me to stop being so daft, to get off Mumsnet and start working on my business. But everytime I start I just get disheartened/distracted.

Sorry for the rant

hot I'm in pretty much the same boat - maybe have one or two tasks to do a day will break it down a bit easier?

Your dp obviously has a lot of faith in you and seems like he's not really bothered as long as you're happy and doing what you want to do not stressing yourself out, I'm in the same position with that where I feel a bit useless but they genuinely don't mind

is it worth having a break it's quite a lot of pressure and may be worth having a few days without any deadlines before slowly getting back on it where you know you don't have work to do? It's easy to fret more than you should be when you have to bring work home with you and it's all your responsibility, but it'll still be ready for you to get stuck in after a short rest from the pressure

Morning, gourmet weirdos. Paté, camembert, wine, thirty-wquid steaks, sushi..do you realise how entitled, middle-class and downright First World you sound? Think about the starving people on Africa for fuck's sake. Think about Pride of Britain awards last night. Think about the elderly only getting their yellow, thickened toenails clipped once a year. Fucking ingrates!

Also hot - forgot to say, I've tried so many different ways of working and being productive and the way that worked for me was having only specific days I work so on those days you have to be productive and it goes very quickly, you get very into it etc - most others I know find it better to spread it out - the most difficult thing about starting your own business is finding out your own work style and what works for you I think which can take a long time!

I've lost interest in work because I'm bumbling along at the moment - I have end of year accounts to do then will probably pack it in for a bit (bar accounts) just because I have lost interest in the particular industry - emotionally it's been draining so I feel for you starting it up properly now, I do think just do what you can and give yourself a chance to figure yourself out

Sorry for the essay !

I have to confess that in pregnancy I am particularly thankful not to live in Africa as I likely would have starved to death in my first pregnancy due to lack of medical treatment.

I need a bit of a moan - so please just skip passed this and carry on, but I just have to get it out

I'm fed up, I'm tired, and I'm too hot and I'm sick to the back teeth of everything reasons below...

My core temperature seems to have risen significantly this week - I'm a sweaty fucker, and yet because I'm surrounded by idiots with colds I'm not allowed to open the window as they're all claiming man flu, while coughing all over me

I'm sick of living out of boxes, yes we only moved the big stuff a few days ago, but everything has been stacked in rooms that are now inaccessible due to the level of crap we own and I can't get clothes out to fit me

Clothes! another moan, I was gifted a load of maternity wear by a friend, but it's all casual stuff, so despite having literally 20 t-shirts I have 2 tops I can wear for work

Fucking cats! the youngest cat just will not settle in the new house, and therefore keeps me up all night mewing and scratching, I eventually resorted to locking him the garage (it's been carpeted and made comfy for the cats) and the fucker pisses on the floor, and then as soon as he's out craps 3 turds in the shower!!! he's used the litter tray in the last 24 hours, so he knows where it is

I haven't had a decent nights sleep (more than 4 hours) in 2 weeks due to DD waking, DP snoring, no curtains and the cats (pick one, it's always at least one) and I can't even move into the spare bedroom as the legs for the bed are still in the old house

Commute, the move was supposed to reduce my commute by 90 minutes a day, but thanks to train and bus delays it took me the normal 2 hours to get home last night

Bump, after a couple of weeks of movement, I've felt nothing all week, aside from some really bad cramping, my bump hasn't grown at all, I phoned my midwife and as I have an appointment on Monday, she says there's no point in seeing me because it won't change anything by having to wait until Monday

I'm having to wear a halter monitor all week, which has the benefit of everyone looking at the weird electrodes sticking out of my tops (See clothes rant) but they supplied me one with a dogdy clip so it randomly falls off my waistband, tugging at my skin, and in some cases unclipping the electrodes which makes the alarm go off. It itches like buggery and the cable is so long it keeps catching on door/drawer handles desk corners and chairs

And finally work, Ive worked my arse off to put together an interesting presentation on my field at the request of my manager (I have the worlds most snore worthy job - if you ask anyone who doesn't do it)and with a day to go, he cans it - I've spent 3 days working on it - and now he questions what I'm going to deliver at the end of the week!!!!

Thank you for letting me get that out - I'll go back to my corner and sit quietly while rocking and humming to myself

Hello all.

Back from mw. Heard the heartbeat and she recorded it on to my phone for me. Other than that, she chased my consultant appointment and then I left! Anticlimax.

You can do it Hot. It will just take some adjustment. Just give it time.

Hope you get through those accounts Grey

I agree, everything in moderation. I really do fancy some pâté on toast now! With branston on top.

Don't apologise for the essay Moosey I appreciate your advice, especially since you have experience of setting up your own business.

That is a top tip about finding out my working style. At school I did well in my exams, but I couldn't revise for love nor money. I'd always wait until the day before and then cram as much reading in as I possibly could. So maybe that's an idea. I could say that my working hours are 9-1, then I have a bit of pressure to get things done.

Thanks lovey

Withdrawal symptoms - I can't get onto mumsnet via my phone for some reason so I'm risking my work computer to get my fix.

Can go 6 hours without knowing what other people are saying

Food dos and don'ts - yes I can eat sushi??!!! woo hoo!
Can they add cigarettes then I'll be happy

MTB Mummy - rant away babes

whoever put that Halloween costume up - Absolute genius but no , it is too disturbing to wear

For those with no oomph- ask yourself "How will I feel or think once I complete task x (be specific) ? " Motivation is no good without initiative so it helps if you have to have something to focus on - "What results will I , they see if I complete this task x?"

No to take my own advice and try and do some of my own work

Would you be pissed off at this? DH is going round to his mums tonight to see her, and also to help her with stripping a bit of wallpaper. It's nearly 6 months since his dad died, she has only been to visit us twice since it happened (never used to visit before he died), DH has been round about 15 times to see her and calls her every other day.

She looks after 3 of SIL's kids and SIL goes round most days so she's not alone.

Anyway, the whole house are unwell, she is taking the kids to the dr tomorrow apparently but she thinks its just a bad cold. When I got a cold earlier this pregnancy it took about 3 weeks to shake it properly, a week of that was horrendous with no sleep then trying to entertain a bored DS despite feeling awful with it

I've asked him not to go but he's been guilt tripped into it by his mum, so now I've got 2 choices - risk catching it and feeling like shit on a stick again when I've only properly got over my last cold a fortnight ago, or be the evil witch who makes him choose between me and his mum. What should I do??? Apologies for essay!

Prambo - at you, Ms Gourmet home-cooked-from-scratch nosh every night! And I buys me Brie at Aldi, so what does that make me? Eh? Posh or common? Or wannabe?

Hottie I am not self employed but do work independently with long deadlines a lot so have to self motivate. I do daft stuff, habits from long ago student days- I'll do this one thing then have a coffee. Once I've done this tedious task, I am allowed to check FB and MN. Etc. The other thing I'd suggest is that working from home on your own can be very hard. Is there a task you can take to a cafe for a change of scene? Or break up the day with a walk to the post office?

Great news, MaybeIt'sBecauseI'mANortherner

MTB. That all sounds shit. Poor you. Grrrr. Especially grrr to your boss. What will you contribute? A blooming great presentation- oh you don't want it? Well up yours then, boss man. Maybe you could feed DH to the cats- stop the snoring and keep them busy for a while? Here, have a piece of chocolate fridge cake what I copied off of Pram

Hi everyone,
Sorry haven't been on for a bit - hectic few days.

MTB - hope the cats settle soon. Have you got a Feliway diffuser? If there's an electric socket in the garage it might be worth a try.

I'm 19 + 2 now and I've been feeling some wriggling from time to time for the last few days - very weird but I'm getting used to it!

I visited my friend and her 3-month old baby at the weekend and she gave me a nappy-changing lesson, which should come in useful. It probably sounds daft that I've never done it but I've never lived close enough to any friends or relatives with small children to get involved.

I've finally succumbed to the various colds that have been going around the students - hopefully my immune system is still functional enough to get rid of it in a reasonable space of time.

Thanks for letting me vent, it's all just gotten a bit too much recently and I feel like I need to run away and hide

Rock I'd have a word with your DH and maybe try the approach of can he put it off until the kids are well so that you don't get ill again, its not like you can dose yourself up on flu meds when you're feeling crap either

Ooh, just got back from my MW appt.

Indeed I did need a wee sample, you were all right.

Heard the heartbeat! Sounded like a steam train. Pretty weird!

MW told me that antenatal appts are on Monday afternoons (great, so DH can't come) in Jan or Feb but to book soon because they get fully booked quickly. No way would she have told me had I not asked. Also don't know whether to go for Jan or Feb...hmm...

MTB, sounds fucking horrendous. Here's my suggestions:

• Clothes : Why have you no maternity wear? Go on-line and order some.
• Cat : lock the fucker in the garage again but put the litter tray in there, too. Cat shit around the house is enough to piss anyone off, let alone a pregnant women.
• Heat in the office : buy a fan.
• Sleeplessness : you don't need the feet for the bed in the spare room; get the mattress on the floor, at least you won't have to listen to DP's snoring. Snoring partner's are Satan's spawn, which is why I sleep in a separate room from my man and also why I am very, very happy.
• Fetal movement : erm..why are you fretting? Lots of us are feeling nowt. Why are you wearing a halter monitor?
• Commute : sounds like a one-off? Hopefully that won't happen again.
• DD waking : isn't your partner a SAHD? Why isn't he getting up to deal with her? Why are you being disturbed?
• Rejected work presentation : I take it you've asked why it has been binned? Do you agree with the boss's evaluation of it?

I have just registered at what will be my new surgery in Chorley when I move here. I told the receptionist I need a doctor, a midwife and a fetal heart scan in four week's time. I also said I am crippled by the pain I am getting in my foot arches. The little beauty was completely unfazed and has booked me in to see one of the doctors in the morning! I haven't even moved here yet! The chemist opposite the surgery have ordered me some Scholl arch supports which will also arrive in the morning. Bloody beautiful service from both ladies and I told their respective bosses.

Me and mum are having a super time but she is becoming a ghost of the woman she once was. I thank God for her faith in Jesus and for all her friends at church who pray for her and love her.

MTB I can so sympathise on the cat front. Ours was being a total twat a few weeks ago. Thankfully he has calmed down again but he was doing all sorts of unearthly things. I agree with the feliway plug in, it might calm the cats a bit.

Also dd waking, why is she waking? We invariably have one child wake in the night or at the crack of dawn so I feel your pain there. Hope the house is lovely though and you will all be happy there .

Rock I guess if dh is going to go, he is going to go and nothing you can say will stop him, but plead your case that none of you need another cold, so can he put off his visit until everyone is better?

Pram that's the kind of efficiency I like from a gp receptionist!

I had an unintentionally busy morning. I intended to go home at mop the floor, do my ironing and prep dinner. Instead my friend treated me to a cup of tea at the cafe. On my way back I met my dad who asked me to go to my aunts with him to fill in some medical forms and photocopy a medical certificate, then I somehow got roped into going down to the village with him again to put in his prescriptions, one of which hadn't been signed by the dr so I had to run to the surgery and get it signed, then back to the pharmacy.

By the time I got home it was 11.30 and I hadn't eaten a thing. But I didn't have time to eat because I had to go and get dd and a friends dd from school, she then got picked up at 2 and I had to get ds at 3.

I've just sat down after sorting dinner. Bacon pudding, potatoes and broccoli,

A story that epitomises why I should give up on men and go back to sleeping with women:

Division on labour in our currently child-free house hold: I do all cooking. He does most cleaning. We split the rest and split dog duties.

I worked from home yesterday. When OH came home he asked why I hadn't done the cleaning...I stated he doesn't do the cooking when he works from home. We then agreed that whoever works from home will do both.

He worked from home today. Bear in mind, we only made the new agreement yesterday. He messaged me asking me to wake him up at 6:30 as he's off for a nap, forgetting he'd agreed to cook. I reminded him but offered to cook if he wasn't up when I got home.

He was up. He hasn't cooked. He's going out in half an hour. He's also not done a fucking scrap of cleaning. Or walked the dog.

I hate men.

jol how annoying. I don't know what to suggest other than pointing out that the new regime is not working. (Smugly!)

Oh Jolls how frustrating. With mine it's normally cos I have to spell something out. But you have tried that approach. Maybe go on strike?

He does seem to feel like a tit to be fair. And so he bloody should.

One more thing that makes it worse...he's been sleeping all afternoon while he should have been working. We work for the same company in the same team. And it's technically my job to dob in skivers.

I've been mithering him to get to the docs for a diabetes test for ages now. He's tired all the time...it's not affecting work too badly but he's exhausted every night when he gets home so our sex personal life is really suffering and rather than me doing less because I'm pregnant with back problems, I end up doing quite a bit more. And most of the time, I'm sex deprived! though admittedly I have the libido of someone desperately trying to repopulate the planet

Everyone with snoring oh's- have they tried the nasal strips? Mine has piled on a few pounds lately (don't mind that, nice to have someone getting fat with me) but it always makes him snore like a bugger. I couldn't stand it at a time when I NEED my sleep so bought him a bumper pack of nasal strips off amazon, they work brilliantly! He doesn't mind wearing them and I can sleep, amazing!

emza - I've bought a 20 pack of disposable ear plugs...my OH is piling on more than I am right now!

jolls the division of labour chez vous is infinitely more appealing then here! ..This week I've done five of six nursery runs. Dp cant wont cook. After an 8am start I came home at 7 to find fed but fully dressed ds so washed him got him to bed tidied kitchen and made our meal. Dp is on the dishes but I'm predicting no washing of pans sweeping of floor or cooker surface cleaning. Our cleaners saved our relationship! Although we both have high tempo careers the lions share of domestics falls to me. Christ I'm boring myself now..just fancied a rant !

and jolls, I have often joked with my galfriends what a great couple we would make on the domestic front! I don't THINK there's any latent bisexuality going on though..

"Bump, after a couple of weeks of movement, I've felt nothing all week, aside from some really bad cramping, my bump hasn't grown at all, I phoned my midwife and as I have an appointment on Monday, she says there's no point in seeing me because it won't change anything by having to wait until Monday"
MTB I think that is very poor care - of course it makes a difference as she is leaving you worrying for an extra four days! I would suggest phoning your PAU instead who will hopefully have you go in to get checked out.

Rock I think I would be annoyed and not want him to go round. It's one of those difficult things as loads of people don't really seem to get attempting to avoid passing things on. (e.g. when the children had slapped cheek we didn't go to church because they could have given it to me and DH and we didn't to pass it on to the large number of people who could be pregnant and everyone is acting like the children were really ill even though we said they weren't and explained our reasons.) However, given it's something considered bad enough to go to the Drs about then I would say it is reasonable to suggest a postponement until they are recovered.

Pram that sounds like a great Drs surgery. (And I don't know the back story with your mum but I'm glad you are able to spend some good time with her.)

Jolls that sounds very annoying. My DH went on medication just after DD2 was born which made him sleep excessively but because in the early days we had a lot of sleep disturbance we were very slow to cotton on to the fact that a) he was sleeping an abnormal amount and not just normal tired and b) that it was the medication. (And when I say "we" were slow to cotton on I mean me as I think he would have just carried on without thinking about it is I hadn't realised.) When he came off the medication it was amazing the difference it made to how much he could get done and how much time we could spend together so I would say that it is definitely worth getting something like excessive sleeping/tiredness checked out sooner rather than later.