October 2013 - Who is the least prepared?

[GTbaby]

just made it in time for last post on old thread... i hope

Go to triage nat thats what o did and they arranged a scan xx

I don't think we have a triage, we have our midwives then if necessary they send u to day assessment unit which is where they put u on a monitor and of necessary do a scan so if the midwife thinks necessary when I see her at 1.30 she will send me over there straight away

hope it all goes well with the mw natalie!

I am not feeling good today. its my mum's 60th birthday this week and we're all going away for the weekend and I've been stressing about the money for it all day. my sister's have organised presents, food etc for the weekend and really havent spent a lot at all, but its still a huge chunk of my monthly budget gone. at the moment mine and dp's finances are seperte and i'm really sturggleing with the idea of expecting him to let me spend his money that he works so hard for (he earns a lot more than me). i've always been so independant, but betwen not working much at the moment and expecting lo i hardly have any money. i feel rubbish about it. I also know i'm way over reacting over it, as i have got myself so so upset over it, to the point where I feel like dp and the baby will be no better off with me around, they would cope great on their own, I just don't feel like i'm going to be bringing anything else the baby needs. I know its silly, but thats honeslty how i feel. I'll obviouly talk to dp about all this when I he gets home later, i just feel guilty and rubbish about the whole thing.
Thanks ladies, i really needed to get that off my chest. didn't mean to get all doom and gloom on you!!

hope all is well at the mw natalie
roofio dont feel bad about being able to let feelings out on here. Sorry dont have any helpful advise but sounds like you know that you and baby will depend on your partner more especially if he earns more than you. Definitely think you should speak to him tonight so he knows. I had the same wobble last week as am no longer working until baby arrives.
we have set up a standing order to my account has made me feel alot better now I dont have to physically ask for money. hope dp can make you feel better x

Just checking in during lunchbreak and found this post roofio!
Don't even say they would be better off without you! You will give this baby everything he / she will need. Babies don't need material things and don't need high-achieving mums - but they need a lot of love, understanding and attention. Noone will be able to give it better than you. When I was small I grew up with very very little and was not worse off for it - quite the contrary, it made me more driven and made my childhood full of the things that matter, instead of toys and dresses my parents couldn't afford. It's really not about money at all. Money helps in everyday life, no denying this, but it's also so true that the most important things can never be bought.

And as to relying on your partner financially and giving up your independence, I will be doing the same soon and I know a few others on this thread will too. Partners contribute to relationships and families in many different ways. And most can't be and shouldn't be measured in terms of money. You are not milking it or taking advantage. And relationships are very rarely equal on all levels - there is usually someone who earns more, someone who contributes more with their time, someone who gives more emotionally etc... so look at everything, the full picture, and please let him pay for things if money is causing you so much stress. You are a family now, not just two people dating. Things have changed. And trust me, you never know how life will go - the tables can turn at some point like they did for me and you may end up in reversed roles one day.

I really hope this is a one off and you don't feel like this very often? xxx

Natalie....((hugs))

Good luck Natalie let us know how you get on.

Roofio I'm sorry you're feeling like this, I think Clapham is spot on. My memories of being a child don't involve expensive things, they are all about the time I spent with my family. The contribution you make to your baby's life is no less than your DP- it's different but definitely not less. I understand how difficult it must be to feel reliant on someone if you're not used to it, but you're a family and so you all rely on each other for different things. I hope you feel much better after speaking to him, and you can put your wobble down to pesky hormones. In any case, feel free to vent here

Thinking of Natalie and Roofio today xx

thanks so much ladies. I know its probably mostly hormones. I know they wouldn't be better off without me, but much the same. dp is so amazing and will be an amazing dad, I just feel like he'll provide baby with everything he'll ever need, financially and emotionally, I just don't feel like I'll bring much extra to the mix. I'm being silly, I'm just a bit of a mess today!!

Hope all is well Natalie (sure it will be!) xx

roofio i earn very little atm...... but without me doing what i do dh couldn't work the hours he works! Childcare for more than 2 dc seems ridiculous if you are not on a v. high wage, hence me not doing more than i do.

He gets paid into his account. I leave enough in there to cover his mobile phone payments, and car insurance and then I take the rest!!!

I sort all household stuff, bills etc.

If he needs any cash he asks for it! not much need for it in a farmyard though

May sound v.unfair to some, but it works for us, and we share everything - aways have done.

When you have a baby lots of things change - this is just one of them xx

Thinking of you Natalie - not long until the clinic now x

Flyer - DP is a true caving obsessive (it's like a third person in our relationship) and it doesn't help that he's a workaholic too. Honestly, he's fantastic when he's around, unfortunately it's just not as much as DD and I would like.

Roofio - I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so down and I would echo everything clapham has said (very wise words)

I have been a SAHM since I went on maternity leave at the end of October 2006 and one of the hardest things to adjust to was the financial dependence on DP. I won't lie, even now there are still odd moments when I feel like I'm the 'free-rider' in the relationship or guilty for not contributing in a monetary sense.

However, the vast majority of the time, it isn't an issue. We are a family and DP and I are contributing in different - but equally important - ways. I suspect how you are feeling is completely normal and just part of the transition from a couple to a new family unit.

Being pregnant, and when your baby first arrives, can be a rather scary time with previous roles, identities and relationship dynamics changing dramatically...I think the odd 'wobble' and down day is pretty much inevitable..

I second what caz says I earn nothing obviously all the tax credits come to me but i don't earn anything but i don't see me as anything but as important as DH without me being a mummy he would find it hard to work the hours he does and we share every penny and he loves as do I to know that i'm always there for the kids no need for childcare and i'm always home for him coming home we are not passing ships in the night so to speak, chin up roofio xxx

hope all is well nat xxx

Roofio - long-term I'm sure you'll come up with a system that works for you and your DP. In our household DP pays all the main bills (mortgage, utilities etc) from his account and then a small-ish standing order goes into my current account each month.

Any large ticket items for the house, DD, the dog or myself, I slap on the credit card, which DP then pays at the end of the month.

My mum thinks it's shocking that we don't have a joint account, but we've never felt the need to set one up.

Hope everything's ok natalie and roofio, all babies need their mummies so you will very much be needed!

Bridget Dp out a lot? Is that why you've taken to "self pleasuring" in the bath?

Hope all is well Natalie and baby is just being lazy.

Roofio At the grand old age of 32 I have never worked apart from in the voluntary sector. I'm completely reliant on Dp but I do all the things he won't do with them like make cakes, arts and crafts, and read stories and because I'm home all day I'm less stressed and more easy going than he is so the dc's feel they can talk to me about their worries. I'm sure you've got loads to offer.

Hope all is going well natalie!

roofio I know how you feel. When DH and I first moved in together (back when he was DBoyfriend), I didn't have a job or any money and it took me a couple of months to find work, so I had to keep asking DB for money all of the time. I remember one day when he was away when I didn't eat or do anything because we had no food in the house and I didn't have any money to buy any!

Now that I've got a job we each put in enough money to our joint account to pay for the bills and the food etc. DH puts in more than me each month as he earns more, and then as a result we end up with the same amount of disposable income each. We'll obviously have to rethink this once baby is here and I am earning naff all!

This sounds really fair roxvox and I love your style caz :-)

Hope natalie will be back soon with good news!

On a totally unrelated note, Backstreet Boys are in the office today. Just went to look them up with the girls. As a geriatric mum remembering their hay days, I find it vaguely exciting. However, I can exclusively reveal that they are much shorter in real life than I thought they would be and they've aged as much as everyone else.

Lol thanks for the insider knowledge on backstreet boys clapham loved them when i was a kid :)

All is well in the baby department. Heart rate was 150bpm and she felt the top of my uterus all though she didn't measure it she said it felt perfect for 25 weeks and that if he still isn't active over the next few days then to contact them again so I can go to day assessment for a trace to be done just to make doubley sure again. Phew what a relief x thanks for the support ladies (he still hasn't moved though the little pest)

Glad all is well nat have a nap or try too usually wakes this one up

That's fab news natalie

Roofio....... You are growing a whole new life! That has way more value in a relationship than any monetary value. In my marriage, there have been times when DH was the main earner and there have been times when I have been the main earner. As long as you both contribute something (emotional, physical, money, support, love etc), it doesn't need to be in equal amounts

Hi all, I'm back from holiday. Quite happy to be getting back into a normal routine.

I'm having a bit of a freak out though, it might be the hormones, but I'm suddenly totally overwhelmed by all the stuff that I have to find space for.

We did the nursery all nice, painted it white, I took the day off to clean it and chuck everything I didn't want clogging up space out which was fab. But now It's full to the brim with baby crap. The buggy and carrycot is in there with the rocking chair and foot stall. There's hardly any floor space left.

The massive chest of drawers (it's got four HUGE drawers and four square ones at the top) is literally full to the brim with clothes that are probably only going to fit for a few weeks, nappies and wipes.

Now we're looking at moses baskets, which means more crap to have for a few weeks and then find somewhere to stash away. God knows where I'm going to put the cot.

I just want to sit in the middle of it all and cry (sorry to be dramatic). What the hell am I meant to do with all this stuff that is only going to be used for the first few weeks until it's all been outgrown? Why is it all so expensive and bloody huge and bulky so I can't stash it away neatly anywhere.

I've also been looking at reusable nappies as I think they are a good idea, but I've been totally put off by the amount of brands to choose from and they all seem to have different pros and cons. I can't keep buying so much stuff constantly. I'm seriously running out of space and it's driving me insane.

It all seems so wasteful.

Am I being a crazy lady? I just can't cope with it all at the moment.

Good news Natalie - I'm finding mine is becoming noise sensitive, too; first the surround sound of the cinema set them off in to acrobatics, and today hundreds of screaming children at sports day had the same effect. So put on a favourite album and crank up the volume?

Roofio - different but same issue here; for the last six-seven years, I've been the main earner, supporting DH through multiple redundances and returning to college to retrain. In many ways it's really nice that our positions are soon to be reversed, and he's really keen "to pay back" my faith and money. But I'd be lying if I didn't say I was very apprehensive, both about becoming dependent on him but also about whether his wage will be sufficient, because then he may feel he's failed in some way (not from me, but he has set his heart on making it work, ifyswim).

That's great news Natalie.

Great news Natalie

Roxvox your arrangement sounds strangely like me and DP!

Hope you feel better about it all soon Shire my current worry is how I fit a cot and Moses basket into our bedroom. Think the Moses basket may have to live in the cot