October 2013 - Who is the least prepared?

[GTbaby]

just made it in time for last post on old thread... i hope

I would not put up with that treatment if it was me DH would be out on his ear but once again i know thats not always the answer mon I would certainly be explaining to him thats its not on to treat you like that your a mum to 4 as it is thats a job without the housework on top ((hugs)) really

MON my DH goes thro this phase. This ain't clean that ain't clean yell yell yell. I just ignore him now. I used to get very upset and defensive. No I just reply ill do it tomorrow. Or "I asked you to do xyz and its been a month so lay off". Usually he is just in a bad mood and letting off steam.

Some ppl are just a bit ott with being clean/tidy. My x flat mate used to say I was OCD tidy. My DH would laugh if I told him this. But I guess compared to my flat mate I was a neat freak!

DH is a secret slob tho. He is more concerned about living room n kitchen. As his siblings drop by alot. Our room his side is a tip. His stuff everywhere.

Better stop moaning. I'm getting sleepy! Plsplspls no 4am wake up

Hecs the same GT He seems oblivious to all the spilled tobacco in the upstairs loo where he stands smoking at night and the collection of empty juice bottles at his side of the bed.
I've been in tears for over an hour feeling sorry for myself but he's pretending not to notice. I don't usually let it bother me this much but tonight I'm sorely tempted to hand back my engagement ring and tell him to shove it up his ring.

Being a man,he probably wouldn't do it right MoN. You'd be better off doing it yourself to make sure the job's a good'un. Hugs to you & to little Linah,wondering why mummy was crying. Bloody men.

everyone I feel much better now. Bloody hormones & irrational thinking.

soupqueen - it's reassuring to hear that sedate aquanatal exists,honestly it was an hour of running/high knees/heel taps/skipping/lateral leg raises at various speeds. It was absolutely not what I was expecting. Will have to see if there is another class elsewhere I can get to.

jellycurls the class is at Garnock Pool in Kilburnie. It's not exactly handy for me distance wise but it's on a Monday night at 8.30 & if I don't have a meeting in relation to the playgroup committee I'm on (a whole other long & nightmarish story) it suits me to go since I can't make the only other class I know about which is on a Tuesday morning in Greenock. I don't have child care for DS to make that possible & also have my parents's dog staying for the summer. He is a neurotic freak when left without a human in sight & despite the fact that he has our dog & the radio on for company he just barks non stop until you walk back in the door. So I'm reluctant to leave him knowing the state he gets into,and also one time I got home & received a mouthful of abuse on my driveway from some woman who said he barks all the time since we moved in two years ago. Difficult when he doesn't live here for the majority of the year. Anyway,I really don't think I can cope with being shouted at again & then finding a horrible letter through my door. classless biatch (her,not me!)

shooting glad to have enabled you to have some too! I had always heard great things about hot milk bras & admired them but couldn't justify full price ones. But I think they will hold up & hold me up better than the panache ones I had last time that developed holes near the clips very quickly.

roxvox I did use their online measurement guide & was surprised that it gave the same measurement that I was wearing in a mothercare maternity bra (36G). I don't rate the mothercare ones at all. They make me monoboobed & unsupported & cut into my skin around the band under my boobs. But they were better than nothing - which isn't an option with my breasts! I have also always found M&S laughably shite at measuring for bras. They might have felt ok for a while but they offered me no support whatsoever. If you do order some,you cam return them for a refund,or the company I used include a returns form giving the option of exchanging for another size to try... I don't work for them!

So,is your husband hoping that you will sleep in your baby's room allowing him undisturbed full nights of sleep?? That sounds perfect for him but I think it sounds a bit shit for you to have no middle of the night support while bfing your tiny newborn & nobody to help with nappy changes. If you think it'll work for you,then fine but if you don't think it sounds fair then please tell him so. Can I venture a guess that the colleague who shared this brainwave was a bloke??! My partner was a bit crap in the middle of the night with DS as a tiny but there's no way I would have let him get away with not helping at all at some point. Not every feed or even every night,but it's a lot for one person to take on alone. Especially when there is someone else who should love you both enough to want to help & offer support.

orange I accept without reservation that it was my hormones making me go a bit crazy. I've seen some really nice friendships developing here & I'd like to join in!

MoN my partner seems immune to mess. He rarely comments,rarely takes it upon himself to do anything without being asked & I imagine he either really doesn't notice a bit of mess,or just CBA to do anything about it. Which I would tell him to now,after many many months of him being a lazy arse after DS was born (and before but it wasn't such an issue then). I did have a major rant on a previous October thread about his former lazy bastard ways when GT was pissed off with her husband. He is well into his domestication training now & is vastly improved on how he used to be,but it took some very serious conversations about splitting up before he would accept my point of view that I was not 100% responsible for absolutely everything.

clapham ta! Feel a bit of a tit now,but you've all made me feel welcome (and not too kerazzee laydee) so again.

gt my partner's side of the bedroom is a shit tip. I have given up trying to keep it under control & now just turn a blind eye while internally seething. But as previously mentioned,he isn't house proud & thinks that because I sweep the kitchen floor a couple of times a day (toddler & two very messy,very busy dogs) I am OCD. Erm,no,I just don't want to have hair & dog food stuck to everything!

Hugs to all who would benefit.

Here endeth the mahooosive epic. Just wanted to reply where replies were warrented.

jelly is Kilbirnie too far from you for aquanatal? If I am brave enough to go back again,it would be funny if you were there too!

That was an epic post tucking!! Good to see you back, know what you mean though about feeling left out.

Hope you're feeling ok today MON and your dp has apologised or is at least remorseful.

My dp is very good overall with helping around the house but then sometimes he thinks he deserves a medal for it which drives me crazy.....

DH even. It's late here, off to bed

Sorry about your DH MoN. My DH is definitely tidier than me. I like things tidy but not doing it! He would never shout at me, thats just not his character, but he just gets irritable around mess and then I feel bad. As I work full time it can't be just my responsibility and I have been laying groundwork for years that it won't be when I am at home with the baby either, I will still be busy and tired. Hopefully he wont expect it. We tried a cleaner for a few weeks but they were expensive and didn't do much in the time they were here and did things we didn't want like washing up breakfast things not things on the list we wanted doing like dusting. The house currently looks lovely as most stuff is in boxes in the loft or shed from recarpetting still.we are going to sort through it and clear out as much as we can before putting away.

I have been inspired to look for a massage but they cost about £70! Found one in dulwich for half that which I will try but she asks for a midwife to sign a consent form. Is that normal?

No way I could sleep in baby's room tucking, it's 6 ft square! All taken up with cot and two little pieces of furniture. I wouldn't anyway. Might suggest DH slept in guest room next door if he had an early start, but want to be together and I definitely want to be in the comfy bed!

Felt like I maybe wanted sex for the first time in weeks this morning but was turned down as DH had to get an early train away for work which I had forgotton about. Feeling a bit bruised to be rejected even though very gently done.

Have a good day everyone.

Haven't heard from legally in a while. Hope she is ok baking her twins.

I showed my DH my pgp booklet from physio which says no hoovering, lifting wet washing, pushing trolleys etc get your partner to do it! He has been doing the hoovering but will now take over emptying washing and carrying upstairs to tumble dryer which is good as I keep tripping over things now I can't see my feet.

Well tmi Orange but DP and I had sex this morning and now I'm worried that my waters are leaking. There is fluid (soaked through my trouser whilst I was walking the dogs) oh god I can't believe in writing this but it didn't have the smell I expected iykwim....
I've brought my maternity notes to work just in case....

I am sure it is one or other of yours or your DHs normal bodily fluids pseudo! Things smell different when pregnant and more fluid created, .

There are so many opportunities for worry, no wonder we are all knackered!

I wish my Dp was immune to mess sometimes tucking He'll come in from work and say "Oh my God!, what the hell is that all over the table?" I'll look but not see anything at all until he points out the tiniest mark barely visable to the human eye.

I took my engagement ring off and left it at his side of the bed last night. He asked me why and I told him that I had no need for it, that I was sick of his irrational behaviour making me and the children miserable.I needhim to know that this all has to stop.

He admits that he pprobably has OCD but I'd he knows that why can't he just get in with his obsessive cleaninginstead of making us all feel bad.
He's getting ready for work right now and tried to start a conversation by asking what I was going to be doing today like nothing had happened but there's no way I'm engaging in small talk when he's not even bothered to apologise.

Good on you MoN.

Omg tuckingfits I have literally JUST got your username!! 6 months into antenatal chat... Dead slow, me!

Definitely stand up for yourself MoN. You wouldn't expect a paid babysitter to keep the house tidy, so he should be grateful that you do so much already.

My DP occasionally makes a comment on dust etc, and I always reply 'well, knock yourself out, the microfibres cloths are over there'. In my opinion I never complain about how much he earns or how hard he works, we just have to trust each other that we are both doing as much as we can within reason. He isn't my boss just because he works and I'm at home. If his standards are higher than mine then he knows what to do about it!

tucking, I occasionally have whole days or weeks where I lurk and enjoy the chat and don't say anything! Also, I don't usually respond to everyone as I have the memory if a pregnant goldfish.

Sorry you had a hard night MoN but I think youve done the right thing by laying down the rules now. I only have one DS and my house is never spotless so you have my utmost respect even keeping it at all clean with 4 DCs and another one on the way. Heres hoping he comes home from work and realises hes been an arse. Hugs from me xx
pseudo I had a similar thing yesterday, put it down to increased discharge but would definitely call if it carries on throughout the day, mine had stopped after a few toilet trips.
also sorry for your kind rejection orange hopefully the wait will make it better in the end.
l
Glad you had a good time yesterday natalie minus sore bump.

and welcome back tuckingfits its definitely easy to get left behind on this super busy thread but what I have realised is that someone will always answer if your ever in any need of support whether your up to date or not.
Hormones are mad here, in the past few days I have cried 4 times, when andy won, when tesco didn't have the right houmous, when DS fell over yesterday and asked me to sing to him (hes never done that before) and last night at the apprentice... think im going mad!

My DH always moans about mess too but is the same as yours gt just wants downstairs nice for when his family visit but makes a complete mess of our room. He also frequently 'tidies' by putting stuff away except he doesn't put it where it belongs which drives me nuts.
As to babys room yes of course you can do that but as someone said then you get no help in the night. We had ds in with us for ages anyway but it was nice to have his room ready anyway for dressing and nappy changes and playtime on his mats etc. also I had a cs and DH had to pass ds to me in the night in the early weeks as I couldn't get myself in and out of bed without a lot of pain.

Hugs to MON it would have been hard enough dealing with Desperate Dan being difficult without being pregnant which seems to make everything seem much worse. Feel like sometimes I have PMT but its worse as it comes and goes without warning. Had to hold back tears this morning when the bus driver said I had no money on my oyster. Usually I have a travelcard and I hardly ever wait for the bus to the station as its only 2 stops but I felt rough. Then I walked to the back entrance and the ticket machine was out of order and gates closed with no guard. Had to walk round to top up and miss my train. Surprised I managed to hold back tears!

Tuckingfits I just worked out your name only because Umlauf noticed! Glad you're feeling better now, it's very easy to feel left behind when there are so many people on a thread but I have a tendency to listen to other people's conversations and join in in my head without realising iyswim so I just read along!

How did everyone pick their MN names? It took me ages to decide, and mine ended up coming from a longstanding joke between DP and I about how he is more of a Feminist than me. I rant about teach Feminism to A Level kids who sometimes look at me a bit but I'm not in the least bit radical and DP teases me as some of the traditions I'm quite fond of go against some of the Feminist ideas I agree with. So I tell him my Feminism is all about choice and I pick and choose the bits I want to 'live by'. Don't think my sector leader was too impressed that baby will be having DPs surname
So I'm Feminist-In-Training!

My name came about because of my 4 dc's 2 are Scots like me, 1 is half Iraqi Kurdish and little Linah is half Moroccan.

Good Morning from Mykonos October Bus.....it's gloriously sunny, and our hotel is right on the beach, I can see the beautiful Aegean as I type (waiting for dp to finish getting ready)

A lovely breeze here thank goodness.

Mon sorry to here desperate dan is being an arse.....OCD is a hard thing to live with (both parties) dp suffers with it (medically diagnosed and takes meds for it) he had cbt for it last year which has helped somewhat. He tells me he had it from a young child, it just changes throughout life and takes on different forms of obsessions and compulsions. OCD often goes hand in hand with an addictive personality too. DP has addictions (although not harmful) his is work. Although he went through a difficult phase last year (difficult for me then in the end him) he got addicted to trading in oil shares, as a result he lost a huge amount of money (50k) I was so livid we almost broke up.......not my money may I add... Stupid boy and he has learnt his lesson. Try and ask him to go and see someone it really can help.

My username is quite self explanatory I think, I fly for a living and one of the planes I am trained on (my favourite) the Boeing 747 aka jumbo jet. Tuckingfits I only just got your name too. Haha.

Have fun ladies xx.

Thank you for all of the love everyone!

In answer to your question about how DH thinks this is going to work tucking - I think the idea behind having a bed in that room is that I will be able to sleep in there with baby if the baby is having a very restless night/if DH has a very early start the next day.

Your comments about night time nappy changing has got me thinking though; we live in a town house and our bedroom is on the top floor, whereas the nursery will be one level below us. I am now trying to debate whether I will want to be traversing stairs with a newborn in arms at 3am to do a nappy change (nowhere to put a change table in our bedroom). How often do they need to be changed at night?

I appear to be having another emotional day. Can't seem to stop randomly bursting into tears. DH is trying his best to be supportive and come to conclusions for everything I blurt out, but there's no settling my brain. I think it's just the fear of the unknown and feeling like time is running out to get ready for something that, as it turns out, is the unknown thing that I am fearing.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time with Desperate Dan MoN, it does sound as though he is being very unfair. He is basically expecting you to have the house to his standard every day, but he should know that if he has a high standard that he wants met then he'll need to help out to make himself happy (and not be cross with you for not doing it for him).

DH and I have always shared the housework. He does all of the hoovering and I dust/clean the bathrooms. We both go through phases of getting fed up because an area of the house will be not quite clean enough, but never take it out on one another. I can already imagine that this will change though once I am on maternity leave, as DH will probably expect me to keep the place tidy as well as I will be at home twiddling my thumbs all day (he hasn't said anything, I am just predicting that this is what will happen). I guess time will tell

Where did you order your Hot Milk bras from then tucking? Perhaps I should take a leap of faith and order one and hope it fits! I have seen a FigLeaves outlet on eBay which seems to sell them at a reasonable price.

I hope everyone is feeling less emotional today

tuckingfits I don't get your name, can someone explain it to the fluff headed one in the corner?

JellyCurls comes from my favourite hair product "curling jelly" and my curly hair. Not very inventive but fits me fine

It does seem that OCD is likely then Flyer as he used to be a heroin addict. His mum is obsesssive about cleaning too apparently.
He really is a lovely guy it's just this one thing that spoils it.

Wow lots to catch up on here!

MoN good for you for being strong...you need to set some groundrules before the baby comes. There is no way a house can stay tidy with young kids around. When I went back to work I got a cleaner and it makes such a difference. Trying to get housework done with 4 kids must be impossible. Maybe if he wants the house so clean, he should be the one to clean it?

I'm worried on the grocery front....we appear to spend much more than others! I do the weekly shop which is normally around £100- £120 (depending upon whether nappies or razorblades or pregnacare are on the list!!). Then Dh will prob spend another £60 or so at weekends as he does the cooking so I leave weekend meals to him. He always cooks nice things! Then we seem to always top up on essentials etc as there is inevitably nothing in the house for tea! We don't eat much during the week really but we do have expensive taste in fruit...lots of cherries, blueberries, strawberries etc so I guess that adds up. Eek....

On the bra front, I got measured last time by M&S but refused to buy the size she says I was!!! I am normally a 34D and she told me I should be wearing a 40C????? Just didn't seem right. clapham I disagree re the back size. I think it can take months to go back to normal. I really noticed it in tops whenever I had lost most of the weight but none of my fitted tops seemed to fit over my shoulders and back. A lot of my friends have found the same and have said it can take a year for your back size to shrink back down again. I never did get back into those nice clothes before getting pregnant again so haven't tested this theory but I def stayed broader than I was.

Bridget glad the appointment went well and good to get to see your consultant too.

I'm exhausted and emotional too. I'm really struggling in work in this heat and have zero motivation. Think today is going to be a long one

roxvox I would only change ds in the night if he had poo'd, this was rare even when he was newborn and pooing all the time. Think I was lucky with him though as he wasn't sick ever either. This next baby will probably puke and poo all night just so I get my fair share of clothes changes in the middle of the night!