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Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

December 2013 - part 3

999 replies

Holly1977 · 05/06/2013 14:06

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1740732-December-2013-part-2

Starting yet another thread as us chatterboxes have filled up 2 already!

Jucy, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Big hugs, wish there was something more I could say. Flowers

Frouby, if you're feeling crap just fuck the housework off, I do! It'll keep.

I'm scared and excited in equal measures about the scan on Friday. Looking forward to seeing bean and being able to get on with things. But obviously scared of getting bad news like Jucy... 2 days, 1 hour and 50 minutes to go!

My friend has offered to be a birthing partner too. I may well take her up on it, I suspect she'll be more help than OH. And as I'm planning on having a home water birth and OH has already invited his bloody mum (!) think it'll be good to have a friend there. I'm not private at all, have zero issues with people seeing me naked (as my neighbours will tell you) and she's seen me throw up enough times from our party days (though never shit myself to be fair) that I'm not too fussed about that.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TakingTheStairs · 04/07/2013 22:36

puddeycat welcome and congratulations

Futterby · 04/07/2013 23:15

Congratulations puddeycat :D that's fantastic!

holly, antenatal depression is actually relatively common (1/10 women get it) and as someone upthread said, it's a recognised medical condition. Good on you for speaking to someone, it's so difficult taking that first step. I have no experience of antenatal depression but I did, and still do suffer from clinical depression so if you want to chat feel free to message me. Flowers

froubylou · 05/07/2013 07:15

Hello puddeycat!

Holly, darling, you must go and talk to someone.

I spent my first PGy 9 years ago miserable. My not so darling DP was an absolute nob. We spilt up (or I booted him out) when I was 4 months PG. He moved himself back in when I was 8 months and vunerable. We worked together so I had to see him every day regardless of whether we lived together or not.

He ruined the first and last parts of my Pgy, and most of the middle bit as well, and those precious first weeks with my DD.

My advice would be to concentrate on you and your bean. Put all your energy into being happy about being pg and enjoying it and trying to bond with your baby now. I was in denial all the way through PGy, didn't buy a thing until about 2 weeks before I had her and then only because a good friend came and dragged me to mothercare lol.

Your relationship with your DP will be tested, both now and when the baby comes. If you don't think it will stand the test then take a temporary break now. If its just little things he is doing then pull him on them. Tell him you are finding his behaviour unacceptable and he has to change. I think the problem with some menfolk is that once we are up the duff, they lower their standards as they think we are stuck with them.

If you had stopped TTC before then just because you are PG it doesn't mean that it is right for either you or him or the bump to limp on in a relationship that won't work. I promise you being a single pg woman is easier than being a pg woman in a shitty relationship. And being a single parent is hard. But easier than coping with someone who you don't want to be with.

And with regards to that cow you work with tell her next time she comments that for a doctor (she is a dr isn't she?) she is incredibly rude and unprofessional. Remind her that you are equal partners in the firm and that you do not have to listen to her shite day in day out, thank you very much. And that her bedside manner leaves a great deal to be desired.

And then have a cream bun.

But find someone to talk to. You may have antenatal depression, but it may just be the pressure of everything else in your life, combined with being PG that is mounting up.

If your fellar is worth anything he will change. And if he isn't or won't then he's not worth spoiling your pgy for. Dump the fecker and move on. It will feel like the end of the world but for me, looking back now I wish so much I had done it and stuck to it from the beginning.

9 years on and he is still a fecking wanker lol. So I know it wasn't just me being hormonal but although I wasted a bit of time with him, I enjoyed by DD much more when he had gone (or when I had gone should I say) and my only regret is not doing it sooner.

I'm not saying your DP is a fecking wanker btw, just saying that you need to decide if your relationship will last through the pgy and over the first months. And if you think not then change something now. xxxxx

Alyssa1978 · 05/07/2013 09:18

Welcome puddeycat
You must be super excited, congrats Hun.

holly
My first ds is with a different partner, he was horrible and I stuck around wanting that perfect family and he ended up leaving me while pg for his best friends wife, he wasn't there emotionally or financially throughout entire pregnancy and saw ds until he was 4 weeks old then took off completely, while playing daddy to his new partners 2 kids...... and the ex before had a son who he also still looked after while wanting nothing to do with his own flesh and blood.
He ruined my first pg and I was stressed through it all, the only thing that helped was talking to someone as after the first 2 weeks of ds being here i was very clearly still depressed.

I am now with a lovely man who dotes on me and his kids and took my ds on as his own legally changing his last name to his and my last pg and this one are free from stress (apart from the usual crap lol) and just how I imagined being pg would be like, I love being pregnant now lol.

I'm not saying your dp is anything like my ex, I just wanted to share my story as I think a lot can trigger depression in pregnancy and also it can stem from nothing at all and make everything around you seem that must harder. Please look after yourself and talk to someone Hun, I hope you feel better soon. Xx

violetbean · 05/07/2013 09:21

Great advice from frouby, hope you're ok holly. I found that taking to my GP when I was feeling down really helped, but then I have a lovely GP and I know they are not all so understanding. She didn't suggest pills, just referred me to a counselling service that has been an amazing help. Having 'stress/anxiety/depression' on my notes hasn't been a problem so far, it actually helped when I needed an extension on a university deadline and I now have fab support from the well-being team at work. I know it might not be the same for everyone though.

I had such an awful night's sleep. Last night was chatting to DH about stuff we need to do before moving house in 2 weeks and he said 'oh, would be great if you could do the post redirect' and then I totally freaked and started wailing! Just a massive combination of things piling up on me and then that one was the straw that broke the camel's back. Couldn't get to sleep until about 2.30am and then all in fits and starts. Felt so overwhelmed, with moving house, finishing my job at end of July, having to knuckle down and finish PhD before baby arrives, various admin things, volunteering stuff, etc etc. Argh!

Actually feel better having written that all down. Need to get a grip. Anyone got one they could lend me? Wink

violetbean · 05/07/2013 09:26

Alyssa, cross-posted Smile So glad to hear that your new partner is supportive - gave me a warm fuzzy feeling!

Big hello to all who recently joined (or rejoined) us too. Welcome!

Featherbag · 05/07/2013 09:48

Mildred I've just emailed my boss yesterday saying I'd rather not do my nights rotation next month as working nights slightly increases risk of prem birth and I have more than enough risk factors already! I doubt she'll try and force me as there's an email trail of my request and the official advice from occ health is that doing night shifts or not is my choice. Could you get your GP to write you a fit note, saying he/she certifies you as fit for daytime shifts of no more than 8 hours in length? I know that's not the way you'd like to do it, but hospital bosses, whether medical or nursing, always seem to be very demanding and unsympathetic when it comes to pregnancy, so I know talking to your boss will probably have zero effect other than adding to your stress levels by affecting your working relationship.

My boss was hounding me again yesterday to give her my leaving date. I know she was hoping I'd say around 30 weeks, given my history, but I'm not tempting fate so said I would only commit to going off at 36 weeks and told her to put that down as my official mat leave start date. I've got a week's AL in October and another 4 weeks to book in before I go on leave, plus the last 2 weeks of July are AL, so even if I make it to 36 weeks I've only got 32 shifts left, or 10 working weeks not counting what's left of this one! How amazing is that?!

Featherbag · 05/07/2013 09:51

Hi Puddeycat, lovely to have you here!

QueenofWhispers · 05/07/2013 10:53

Hi girls!

was there someone who mentioned they had sciatica pain? I do too, so I looked this up:

itsliz · 05/07/2013 10:59

Aww Alyssa, I'm so glad your new partner is so lovely. Sounds like you really deserve it!

And puddeycat, that's amazing news! Congratulations! Looks like we share the exact same due date so it'll be interesting to compare notes along the way Smile

b0nker5Mum · 05/07/2013 13:32

Hi All

I've being lurking a bit over the past few weeks, busy with work and our new house.

thinking of everyone who are having problems medically and with partners.

Today has been an emotional day.... I have my 16 week midwife appointment in a bit which the receptionist at the doctors said I didn't need! I'm actually 18 weeks on Sunday! had to push to get it!.

We have our private scan tomorrow so my daughter can see the progress before the anomaly scan on 22nd.

Dropped my daughter off at her last day in her school this morning... very sad and of an era :(

And after 14 years of being separated from her Dad he has bundled me with a five figure debt and wont take any responsibility! I should be at the happiest time of my life and he is making sure I can't be! I have to decide whether it'll cost more to pursue through the courts or pay the debt (I have a strong case)!

grrrr!

Hope everyone enjoys the sunshine. Welcome and congratz to the new pregnancies.

xx

MrsShrubs · 05/07/2013 13:38

Just been catching up with the messages!

Hello itsliz and puddeycat welcome welcome!!

Really sorry that some people are having a hard time at the moment either at work or at home Sad and Holly really glad you're taking steps to taking to someone about it and hopefully they are able to give you some advice & help quickly. At least you know you can come on here and vent at anytime day or night just to get some of it out somewhere!

violetbean moving is stressful enough at any time let alone when pregnancy & babies are involved (as well as a PHD!) so don't be too hard on yourself for feeling overwhelmed.

We had our 16week (well practically 17weeks) meet with the midwife yesterday & she managed to track down baby Shrubs heartbeat (and it kicking me) a couple of times so was a great reassurance that hopefully alls cooking away nicely in there Smile

MildredH · 05/07/2013 16:03

Thanks Feather.. It's helpful to know I'm not asking to reduce ridiculously early.. Although I don't have your concerns over prem birth ( that I know of!)

You're right- hosp managers have only one interest at heart. Covering shifts. It's tough.. I think I have to go occ health route first as I saw them early on. I've heard they make you see a trust obstetrician which is irritating as I'm midwife led and didn't otherwise need to. My main argument is I was so tired I didn't feel safe to make decisions so I'd be surprised if they then ignored my request to reduce hours as if I went on to make a mistake they could be liable.

Will keep GP/ fit note as last resort I think..

Tbh I don't mind doing the next set if they can make them shorter. Next set after that is another 3-4 weeks on. Will see how I'm doing then.

A friend who's an A&E SHO at my Hosp is 22 wks now and seeing the trust obstetrician today to try & come off nights so ill be interested to see how she gets on!

2Labradors · 05/07/2013 18:07

puddeycat welcome

mildred hope you manage to reduce your night shifts. I can't imagine how tired you must feel afterwards, I'm so tired after a day in work and I have a job where I mostly sit at a desk.

Feeling so nervous about 20 week scan on Monday, although I can't wait to see baby and maybe find out the sex. I've got a lovely weekend planned though so I'm sure Monday will soon be here, so I'm going to try and not worry.

DH felt baby kicking for the 1st time last night, every time he tried previously baby had stopped kicking but last night he got a kick in the hand so is very pleased. I've got a real kicker, shocks me in work sometimes when I'm concentrating and have temporarily forgotten I'm pregnant, then get a kick. Love that baby's in work with me every day Grin

Futterby · 05/07/2013 18:50

I was kicked in the fanjo today. Never been so shocked in my life! Dp still hasn't felt baby kicking and he's pretty gutted about it but it'll happen in time! Good luck for your scan on Monday labrador :)

Thanks for the link Queen!

mejypoo · 05/07/2013 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mejypoo · 05/07/2013 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Futterby · 05/07/2013 21:33

I have no idea how to respond to that.

Welcome mejypoo!

b0nker5Mum · 05/07/2013 22:46

I may have asked before but is anyone considering a home birth?

QueenofWhispers · 05/07/2013 22:52

I would love a home birth, but unfortunately for me too many people have a say in my life.

Guess what everyone?! Soo as you all know, I'm an American married to a British...but what you may all not have known was that I had applied for an 'indefinite leave to remain' status because I finally gave up hope of ever going back home...so I sent off my application in OCTOBER of 2012 and I got my passport and 'indefinite leave to remain' status TODAY at 3:30pm!

I can finally go on holiday!!! I can gooooooooo somewhere. It. FEEELS. GLORIOUS!

this is all. x

QueenofWhispers · 05/07/2013 22:52

sorry I meant to say 'british man' not just 'british'

QueenofWhispers · 05/07/2013 22:53

but I'm also Indian by ethnicity...with a very thick texan accent.

QueenofWhispers · 05/07/2013 22:53

...and I am soo very happy.

violetbean · 05/07/2013 23:15

Congrats Queen! Great news! Smile

froubylou · 06/07/2013 08:23

Morning all

Congrats Queen, you must be thrilled. Must admit this country's laws on immigration etc bamboozle me. May be a bit un-pc to say but I get peed off with folk who think they have a right to everything this country has to offer cos they come from some shit hole in the EU but hard working, decent folk who are married to british citizens get a hard time being able to stay and contribute. I'd start a thread on the AIBU bit but darent lol.

Hope you are ok Holly? xx

Well went maternity shopping yesterday and was completely underwhelmed lol. I could have gone with £1000 and not found much I liked. Sigh. Its all stripes or flowers or black pmsl. Couldn't find any leggings in any colour than black, couldn't find any combat style shorts (which I live in over summer) at all and wasn't impressed with the choice of tops. Ended up with 2 quite twee tops from New Look, which say Baby Love and Hands Off the Bump, which I don't particulry like and 2 pairs of cropped black leggings.

Must admit when I got changed and put them on I 1) felt so much more comfortable and 2) looked huuuuggggeeeee pmsl. So what I have been wearing must have been tighter than what I thought on poor little bump. So I will have to go again and get some more stuff or scour Ebay or something.

Thing is I am not particularly trendy or out there with my dress sense. I wear skinny jeans and a top with a hoodie most of the time,with the odd pair of leggings and sparkly top for going out. Nothing too funky or bizarre. But I hate flowery stuff. Love my diesel and firetrap for funkier stuff and would live in O'Neil and Roxy stuff the rest of the time so more sporty spice than baby spice I think.

Oh well, long way to go yet so I best just suck it up I suppose.

Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine this weekend. We're at a pony show tomorrow so pony and gear to get ready this afternoon and out early doors tomorrow. Packing the suncream and lots of drinks!

Its a pain not being able to drink though. Sigh. I did have half a lager shandy last night though and it was lovely!