December 2013 - part 3

[Holly1977]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1740732-December-2013-part-2

Starting yet another thread as us chatterboxes have filled up 2 already!

Jucy, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Big hugs, wish there was something more I could say.

Frouby, if you're feeling crap just fuck the housework off, I do! It'll keep.

I'm scared and excited in equal measures about the scan on Friday. Looking forward to seeing bean and being able to get on with things. But obviously scared of getting bad news like Jucy... 2 days, 1 hour and 50 minutes to go!

My friend has offered to be a birthing partner too. I may well take her up on it, I suspect she'll be more help than OH. And as I'm planning on having a home water birth and OH has already invited his bloody mum (!) think it'll be good to have a friend there. I'm not private at all, have zero issues with people seeing me naked (as my neighbours will tell you) and she's seen me throw up enough times from our party days (though never shit myself to be fair) that I'm not too fussed about that.

Thanks for such a warm welcome, everyone :)
I'm feeling good, still quite tired and achey though... But that might be down to the fact I'm still recovering from a weekend at Glastonbury Festival which, in hindsight, probably wasn't the best idea! I haven't had MS or any other major symptoms though, so I suppose I can't complain too much!

Music - Hope it all goes smoothly, will be thinking of you!

Flutterby - That sounds absolutely amazing! I'm nearly in tears just reading that, so god knows what I'm going to be like when we finally get to hear a heartbeat!

Morning all

Welcome itsliz! You are brave doing glastonbury up the duff, I fell asleep just watching the highlights on tv lol.

Music it all sounds positive but you must be really frightened. Hopefully once its all done and dusted you will be able to relax and enjoy being PG a bit more. Make sure you take as much time off work as you need, I think 6 weeks would be appropriate for something like that lol. At least.

All those with job related stress just tell them to feck off. I went S/E a few years ago and love, love, love having no one to answer too. Its not possible for everyone I know but if you have a talent or an idea or have spotted a hole in the market think about it, especially with having little ones. Its easier than you think to set up your own company (we have 2, though one is DP's building business that I do all the paperwork for) and both were set up with a little help from google, minimum costs and no accountant. Money can be up and down, but the up's outweigh the downs to be honest. I sometimes miss the regular wages coming in but I don't miss stressing about school holidays, putting up with a boss or worrying if DD is off ill or something.

Well nothing normal fits me now. At all. Was making do with jeans held together with a hair bobble but now that won't even work pmsl. Off shopping tomorrow for heat wave fat clothes and hoping that leggings in a bigger size will see me through for the next few weeks. Guaranteed that if I buy proper maternity summer clothes by the time they fit properly summer will have been and gone lol. Going to raid Primarni and H & M. Luckily we live near a huge shopping centre (Meadowhall) so have big stores which will hopefully have enough stuff to see me through to Septemberish.

Enjoy the sunshine everyone, off the bath a pony later lol.

• off to bath a pony. Duh.

Meant to say frouby, thanks for the advice about the insomnia :) think I'm going to have to do some maternity shopping really soon too :p

That sounds really scary Music, fingers crossed for you.

Itsliz, you are crazy! I love Glasto, it's the highlight of my whole year. But I got the bfp just days before the resale of tickets and decided not to go. I wouldn't want to do it sober (where's the fun in that?!) and knowing what I know now, would have found all the walking around, not being able to sit comfortably for 5 days etc just too exhausting. I always come back completely buggered anyway, my right hip's never been right since that really muddy year! How old am I?!! Can't wait to go next year though with bean in a sling, fantastic!

Does anyone here have any experience of depression during pregnancy? I have been feeling really down for ages now and it's starting to get too much. I don't want to see my GP though cos all they can do at the end of the day is give you medication which I definitely don't want, and wouldn't want pg or not. I'm also worried that it'll go on my notes that I'm crazy and I'll be harassed by social services forever more. He could refer me for counselling I suppose but the waiting lists are very long and I don't want to start with a new therapist anyway. And I've heard some really negative feedback about NHS counsellors. I already have a great relationship with mine, though I haven't seen her for a few months now. But that's £40 an hour which I really can't afford at the moment.

OH and I are not getting on at all and I'm also concerned that once I get labelled as depressed, all our problems will be put down as being because of that and not because he's an irresponsible arsehole. He's already trying to do that and trying to get out of taking responsibility for any of our problems. It's all just a huge mess basically. It's supposed to be a happy time and it's not, at all. Not for me anyway. I know the hormones are making me more emotional and that's making things worse but there's nothing I can do about those. And it's hard to tell if I'm upset about something because it's upsetting and I should be upset or because bitches be crazy, especially pg bitches!

our play date cancelled! our play date cancelled!
it's like gold when a play date cancels.

some play dates I really enjoy, mostly though I'd rather shoot myself.

It was only when I got there that I realised how crazy I must be for thinking that Glasto would be a piece of cake this year!

I'm exactly the same - I've been 7 times and always end up knackered after 5 days of trekking backwards and forwards across the site... Turns out it's a lot harder when you can't just drink through the pain though! Camping without my DP and only being 13 weeks at the time (so it wasn't really obvious to other festival-goers that I might need some space or a sit down or a quick dash to the loo!) didn't help things either, but I think the weather, the food and the bands more than made up for it.

I also bought bean a little babygrow that says "I love festivals, music and mud!" on it, so it wasn't all bad

And you'll have to let me know how you get on with taking your little one to Glasto next year, Holly! I'm sure they'll love it!

Sorry to hear you're feeling down in the dumps at the moment, too. It sounds like worrying about how your OH will react etc is only making you more upset, so I'd definitely recommend talking to someone. As you said though, counselling isn't exactly cheap. Have you got a friend or family member or perhaps someone more impartial that you could discuss your worries with? If all else fails, you can always have a bit of a moan here - bitches really do be crazy, but you know we're all just as crazy and will be on your side!

omg queen your comment made me laugh so much. this is my first, but i really feel i will have the exact same reaction. not only do you have the tiring kids running around and getting in trouble, but you also have to do the small talk. i think i will limit play dates to mums who are willing to have a drink while the kids play. ha!

holly hum. i'm so sorry to hear about your depression. is your relationship always like this, or is it just a rough patch? you're going through so much with the pregnancy so it must be hard not having the support of your OH. i'm not sure what i'd do without it. I unfortunately don't have specific advice as I don't know the NHS counselling system. But it seems like you could give it a shot and if you don't like your counselor just change or stop? I get that you don't want to be 'labelled' but it's really worth it to have someone to talk to about this stuff... anyways, I really hope things start improving for you.

Woohoo I have the day off tomorrow. going to southern France for a friend's wedding. bought a couple of cute maternity summer dresses for the days, but just realized I didn't try on the dress I was hoping to wear for the wedding and I have no time to go get something else. it should fit as most of my clothes still fit, but I really should've tried it on! ah well, I have no time with work and everything so it will just have to do.

have a good weekend all !

holly I had antenatal depression with DS. I don't know what support the NHS will give but I would wholeheartedly recommend seeking some because I didn't, as I didn't pick it up until fairly late on, and I regret that. I feel almost like it ruined what should be a special time. Mind you I'm fairly crap at pregnancy I've decided....

Cloth nappies - easypeasy from my POV as long as you get the ones that work for you and what you have available. If you can tumble dry then you're much less limited by what you can choose from. I just chucked then in the nappy bucket and washed every other day. No need to faff with liners until you start weaning, BF poo flushes off easily in the toilet (no experience of FF poo with reusables). I used terry squares plus a mother ease airflow cover for the first month or so until DS's legs chunked up otherwise you can get leakage out the leg holes. Then I went on to birth to potty and a mixture of two parters, pockets and prefixes (well BG flips but they're pract

...practically prefolds.

I don't know why I keep hitting post prematurely. Fat fingers!

Bought 5 maternity tops, 1 monsoon smock thing and a monsoon wrap dress on Monday. That's hopefully my maternity wardrobe sorted when I need it. Still in normal clothes and at that looking pudgy rather than pregnant stage.

I think I've felt movement but rather than nice little flutters or kicks I've been getting those unpleasant stretching/prods that you get towards the end when they try to uncurl and there just isn't enough space. I also suspect baby is already transverse from where I've been feeling the pushing so I won't have a bump for ages, just no waist...

music good luck with your surgery. It shouldn't trigger your maternity leave and hopefully you're past the qualifying month for mat pay do its probably the best time to do it in work terms as well as medically speaking.

Hello itsliz Glasto must have been awesome. The coverage definitely looked it so I'm very jealous that you went!

some mothers are incredibly boring. :( I hope that this baby experience brings forth more excitement and adventure than the last.

Thanks guys. I've found a site which offers helps and support. I'm going to give them a ring and see what they say. I'm still reluctant to have "depressed" written all over my GP notes, though appreciate I might be being paranoid. Roseleu, it's been a pretty long rough patch though it wasn't always so. We'd actually stopped ttc because we weren't getting on, then obviously got pg anyway. Yeah, it's hard feeling like I have zero support from my baby daddy. I have spoken to one friend, just very recently. He's great.

Holly, my lovely, please speak to someone. It won't be held against you and you don't have to tell your OH if you don't want to.
You're having such a rubbish time in work too that if your OH is being mean too, both of those things might be contributing. You need to speak to someone for your sake
xxx

Sorry.
cross post

Well done Holly xx

I've phoned the charity but it went to answer phone, I've left my details. I'm so disappointed and angry and upset with myself that I've waited for this moment all my life and now it's here I can't seem to be happy about it. Maybe things would be different if OH was more supportive (or just supportive at all) but maybe not, don't suppose there's much point in speculating.

:(

gosh holly that's shit.
it's good that you have a close friend to share with. i think a lot of women need to externalize their anxieties, the worst is to keep it bundled up. given the situation with your OH has been rocky for a while, maybe the baby will actually bring the two of you together? I've heard from several people that the arrival of a new child brings couples closer (I don't speak from experience, I have no clue yet since I don't have kids). if anything, think that soon you will have this little person there to take care of and love and who will love you back unconditionally.
gosh just writing this makes me cry. hormones, much?

Thanks Rose but I doubt it. It's my first baby too so I hope I'm wrong but from what I hear from everyone who's had babies, they put a huge strain on your relationship, what with all the night feeds, sleeplessness, stress etc. Friends have told me that things need to be solid between you before baby comes cos it's so hard. It did kind of bring us together for a bit but it's all gone tits up again now. Aww bless, and bless those fucking hormones eh?! We had his 5 year old cousin stay last weekend and tucking him in bed did bring a tear to my eye.

Good for you talking to someone, holly. Antenatal depression is a recognised condition and for done it can just be hormonal and disappear after the birth.

Can you identify what concrete actions would make you feel more supported by your OH? And why behaviours you find particularly troublesome? If you can then you can start to address those areas and keep a watchful eye on them.

Holly I'm glad you're talking to someone. Please re-think speaking to your GP too. I understand your concern about counselling waiting lists but, in our area, a pregnant mum with anxiety/stress should be flagged as a priority referral.

Sorry you're having such an awful time Holly, does your OH know how you feel? It'd do you the world of good to talk to someone, and before you seriously broach the subject with him I reckon. Like you've found I think plenty of organisations can offer an ear if you really don't want to go through the NHS. I seriously hope it gets better for you soon

Hope its not too late to join!
After 8 miscarriages, we had our 1st round of Ivf in march and I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant, due 30th dec.
I am very apprehensive and nervous and have had 5 scans already but I still can't quite believe it!

How weird for about two days I haven't been able to find this thread, disappeared from 'I'm on' and couldn't see it on the board. Thank you pistachio for leading me back to the fold!

Welcome puddeycat, that's wonderful news!

Puddeycat- congratulations! You must be over the flipping moon!

I had just one MC and its made me very appreciative of this PG.

I'm really stressing about my next set of nights- in 2 weeks when ill be almost 22 wks. 4 x 12 hour shifts. Thinking about going to occ health to see if I can get them reduced perhaps to 8 hours? I didn't anticipate doing this so early- thought would be third trimester but the last lot wiped me out for a good 10 days and I felt so knackered in the middle of the night I didn't feel safe making decisions ( am a hosp doctor). Argh. Don't know what to do.. Don't want them to think I'm being a wet lettuce going so early.. Anyone got experience of similar from prev PG's?