Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

You were right cavort he's not happy about it. He woke up early & got up & when I asked what was up he said that his baby couldn't even have his name. I went back to sleep & he's gone off to work without saying goodbye.

Bizarrely when we get married I will have no problem taking his name but I want baby to have both. I don't want to D-B but do the middle name compromise which you can then just not use later when we're married. I tried to explain to DP that when I was booking our hols I just felt like the spare part on the booking form as there were two obvious families & me. I don't want to feel like that with my own child too & want both names used as a 'bridging mechanism' for want of a better phrase! He's just being so old fashioned & macho about it!

Ah frog sounds tricky, I have to say, my DH would be exactly the same even if we weren't married. Trying to imagine what I'd do if we weren't married - I think I'd be more than happy for the baby to just have his name as long as marriage was on the cards post baby at some point and i was planning to take DH's name. Make sure you're happy though - what does DP think of the 'using your name as the middle name' compromise?

DH actually also wanted to have his dad's name or a family first name as the middle name if it's a boy as apparently that's traditional which I wouldn't have minded at all actually IF the name was nice - it's not. So I thought actually maybe the baby could have my dad's first name as a middle name which is quite nice. Also thought that's a way of me keeping my family history in the name. The name is Bradley - what do you guys think honestly? We haven't decided for sure so won't be offended! We def won't have it as a first name for a boy, we've already decided on that too though. Haven't decided on girl's names yet so might have a think now!

Well marriage not in immediate future as he's only just going through divorce from Ex. That makes me sound like a home wrecker but in fact they've been separated over 7 years just never formally divorced! He promised it would be done by the time baby is born.

I just don't like the idea of him, SS, our baby & his ex all having one name, me a different one & nothing to show that my baby is not a step-child too!

I like that idea Alex. Personally wouldn't use it as a first name but its fine as a middle name esp when your dad will be so touched.

Oh yes I totally forgot about the ex having the same name/SS situ, that would affect how I feel about it. Does your surname work well as a middle name? That does sound like a good compromise.

I D-Bd when we got married and the baby will have the D-B name as well. (of course I secretly hope he will mainly be using mine )
Odd that your DP would rather have just your name than both, what's the reasoning here?

In other news, I'm now so big that when I was putting on make up this morning, I couldn't help thinking that this is like planting flowers around a nuclear reactor.

hazle that really, really made me laugh!

I've realised that I totally don't account for the size I am now - I keep bumping into things. Last weekend DP was following me around B&Q picking up all the things I'd accidentally knocked off shelves with my belly Also keep banging the bump when opening doors towards myself? Idiot.

alex you're making me feel bad that you've chosen names, we're nowhere near. Oops. Three weeks to make a decision... Think using your Dad's name as a middle name is a lovely idea.

frog I feel your pain. I love my surname, and think DP's is a bit boring. My suggestion of using my surname has not gone down well, so I've caved in and agreed to his. However I'm really struggling to to get my head around the idea of changing mine once we get married, not quite sure how to break it to him that I don't think I can....

Frog I totally get where you're coming from with the SS/Ex having his name thing. I know I would feel exactly the same. Married or not, I would absolutely not be willing to have a different name from my child. We took DSD to Spain last year and we were interrogated for quite a while at passport control because I had a different name to DH and DSD (I was waiting for passport to expire before changing it to married name but now I will be changing it before taking baby abroad).

Alex I can't be objective about Bradley because of name association. I have friend called Bradley who is Civil Partnered to another friend Steve and they are both lovely, hilarious and camper than a row of tents.

To you 3rd trimester ladies; isn't the bump supposed to drop lower about now? Have any of your bumps dropped? Mine's as high as ever (photo uploaded). Also, I keep having very vivid dreams that my waters have broken or that i'm having contractions and when i'm coming round to get up for a wee they seem really real and I end up feeling round the bed to see if my waters really have gone.

Cavort yes, mine has noticeably dropped. At some point it was like a shelf, I could balance a cup on top of the bump when sitting (way, way bigger than yours, of course). Now it's a lot lower.

Still balancing tea on mine I think she's in there for a while yet then.

cavort that's really making me laugh because my DH is massively into sports and keeps saying he can't wait to get the child into sports, and I'm now imagining a really camp little Bradley saying he'd rather play hairdressers indoors! I always think of the guy from the Hangover (as well as my dad) so I do quite like it but def think I'd only want it as a middle name.

It's funny how much name association affects things, there's another boy's name I love (other than the one we're having as a first name) but DH didn't like someone in school with that name so has vetoed it!

Your bump is teeny! Argh how are you further ahead than me and so much smaller?! Will try to upload a pic later today to demonstrate what a heffer I am

Last day in the office, and, well, we don't think my boss realises. He basically hasn't spoken to me for a few weeks (since he asked me to find a replacement). I've tried to speak to him, and sent him a detailed e-mail about what I think should happen with my handover (which he has told me he hasn't read) and I think somehow he's not realised it's my last week. I am quite liking the thought of just disappearing out at 4pm, and him asking in a week or two where I've gone...

Thankfully everyone else knows and has been panicking like mad, so have been doing handovers for the past two weeks and written extensive notes. Good job or I'd feel very unappreciated!

Alex I know what you mean.
When we found out it was a boy, I thought that well, at least we won't have the "You're not going out with that make up and such a short skirt!" moments. Then I thought about our (married to each other) friends Mark and Larry and their parties and realised that no, we still might have that conversation..

hazle he wouldn't really rather it was just my name than both. He was just being a petulant child & trying to guilt me into accepting his name

my DP is also into sport. He took it quite well really when SS chose to go to after school knitting club over football practice.

Your bump is so cute cavort! I had a 'twang' in my belly first thing this morning and DH and I got a bit excited that it was the first kick but I'm not sure as it was quite sharp so could be round ligament pain or wind

Last day though janey and then baby gap year woop!

Ah Frog I do feel your pain. I've been in a very similar situation. We're unmarried as yet, but have plans in a couple of years and I will definitely be taking his name - his name is quite unusual and I've had a very very common name for far too long!

I wanted BabyBear to have my surname as an extra middle name, to have some association with me and my family (and to avoid passport control dramas). DP has refused. He says it'll be too confusing for the sproglet and everyone will end up D-Bing it.

I don't agree, but he's simply not shifting on it. Part of this stems from the fact that his son had a similar arrangement at birth, but just used his surname. However, when they split up, DSS's mum changed the name to her name (they weren't married) out of spite.

This means that, since mum has since married and has two children with hubby, DSS has no connection with anyone at all.

My family have freaked out - literally - about baby having the father's surname, and actually got quite mean and nasty about it. They say Baby should have my surname and we should change it by deedpoll when we get married - but what they don't know is, it's not a very simple process as I understand it. And whatever happens, DP will always be the father - even if we do split up.

It doesn't help that when my parents have cited examples of babies having mum's name, every example pertains to someone where the parentage was in question. I know that's not always the case, but seems an unfortunate backfire of 'evidence'!

Anyway... I think a concession has been made that he will allow one of my family first names as a middle name, either my nan's or my dad's. My nan never had any girls so had no opportunity to pass on her name, while my dad only had girls, so I'm pretty sure would love to have his name taken into the next generation. Plus it's the first next generation baby in the family, so it has extra significance.

So I really think the Bradley thing is a fab idea - it's not really a bad name at all! I think of Bradley Cooper and Brad Pitt... and a former Kiwi housemate who was a chef

Also full of admiration for Cavort's cute bump.

DP and I are just going to D-B I think. My surname is also a (very unfashionable) first name so it only really works as the last name otherwise it looks like a rubbish middle name iyswim. It's a good surname and fairly unusual and for me me it's important that baby feels part of my large extended family. We both want to keep our own names even if we marry.

So I think my 8-week hangover is wearing off (hurrah!) but has now been replaced by a weird symptom of feeling like I've got too much blood! Has anyone else had this? It feels like my cardiovascular fitness has nosedived - can't walk fast and get out mildly puffed out climbing stairs, plus I can actually see my pulse in my neck even when I'm at rest. Is this just my body getting used to the increased blood volume? Is it going to get better?!

Janey it must feel amazing to be on your last day - or perhaps it'll feel more amazing on Monday when your hands will be washed of it all.

Yes to the blood thing! And my ears ring now and again, I googled and that's also the increased blood flow, sometimes if I get up quickly I can literally hear blood rushing!

Oh, and in other news... My ridiculous illusion ambition of being a quiet and stoic labourer has gone out the window.

Woke up this morning at about 5.30 yelling in pain after my leg had gone into the worst cramp I can ever remember. Poor DP was like 'what's wrong' and I couldn't even say the words 'cramp in leg' at first it was so painful. It took literally 5 minutes to be able to straighten the muscle out, by which point my body went into a bit of an adrenaline shock mode and I nearly fainted. I still feel a bit woozy now...

Oh the bloody surname thing, honestly it's doing my head in, you all seem far closer to a diplomatic solution than I am I can't see any way of doing it which doesn't thoroughly piss one of us off.

Quod and Alex - I remember getting quite bad heart palpitations in early pregnancy as well as the other 'too much blood' symptoms so try not to panic if you do - Dr Google says it's very common.

Bear - I sympathise on the calf cramps, it's bloody painful and I regularly wake the entire household myself up screaming with it. Labour isn't going to hurt as much as that though...right?

In other news, if you picked me up and shook me, I'd rattle. I just counted today how many bloody pills I'm swallowing daily and it is frankly ridiculous: 2 x tablets that stop my liver poisoning me, 1 x vitamin D (when I remember to take it!), 1 x vitamin K so I don't bleed to death, 8 x paracetamol...not sure what those ones do, BLOODY NOTHING from the feel of it, 6-8 x Rennies a day and now 3-6 x raspberry leaf capsules a day I'm a walking chemistry experiment!

eeesh Bear, sounds nasty!

I also have the blood thing, I thought I was just really unfit but when I did an exercise class I coped fine. Very odd!

I've been breathless pretty much since getting BFP and it hasn't got any better, but hasn't got worse either.

Janey just waltz out at 4 and leave your boss to face the shit realise slowly that he should have paid more attention to your obvious efforts to smooth the transition. Moron.

Yes Janey I agree, sometimes it's best to allow people to learn the hard way!

Right, off to drag myself to the swimming pool in an attempt to move some of this enormous quantity of blood around. Glad it's not just me - and good to hear you managed in an exercise class mother, I really need to put Operation Fitness into gear.

I'm with Cavort, Janey, sod the lot of them! Just leave. I'm also very envious that you're finishing work today, four more days to go for me. My manager has booked my last day off as annual leave - charming!

Purple I did read somewhere here that labour's not as bad because it's more productive or some such nonsense. But dear god, it was torture. Sorry to hear you've been waking everyone else up as well as me...

Your tablet intake is quite impressive btw

The blood thing is weird, I remember feeling extra pulses in my belly quite early on!

Sometimes I get a bit flaky if I stand up too quick, but usually make a note to drink more water and that helps regulate the blood pressure a bit.

Have been getting really breathless, but generally only on stairs - can still walk a fair distance and have run for a number of buses in the last couple of weeks with surprising ease.

And I agree with Cavort Janey, leave at 4, if your boss still hasn't cottoned on that's not your problem!