Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

Not a fan of hospitals either, especially considering that my French is still horrible. But will manage and DH will have to go take care of the pets anyway - we have a sitter that we use, but I'm always worrying that she will forget or something (she never has).

On a totally different topic, was reading some parenting websites and someone described that her Dh bought her Cartier Love bracelet when her DD was born. So out of curiositly, I checked what that is. According to Cartier website description:

The bracelet, created in the 1970s in New York, is the symbol of genuine loving attachment, a discreet token of passionate love. Your loved one will lock it firmly onto your wrist with the aid of a golden screwdriver of which he will remain the guardian.

Now, is it me or does that sound a bit..creepy?

Purple this is probably a bit nosy but how is your SS with the idea of a new sibling? DP was sounding out 8 yr old SS the other day (as we don't intend to actually tell him till 12 wks) & he said he didn't want one. DP thinks he'll love it when it happens but I'm not so sure. He got v jealous of his mum's new boyfriend when he appeared on the scene. I think he'll go through that again when we tell him & he finds out he's going to have to share his dad & then possibly again when the baby is born. He lives with us half the week so it will have quite an impact on him but the age gap is too big for a proper sibling relationship. Practically he's going to have to learn to do things like put away his Wii if he doesn't want it broken by small hands in the future!

hazle Yes, i agree that could sound a bit stalkerish! I think baby bling was the thing when I lived in London - lots of people used to come back from maternity leave with a second diamond ring on their finger. Personally I'd just like the first one to turn DP into DF!!

WTF hazle? That's horrendous, and really REALLY weird. Why would you want to have something attached to you that no-one can remove apart from your DP/DH, like you're their possession or something, and they can dictate what jewellery you wear. ODD.

I'm not worried about being left on my own in hospital (although I was when DP started saying (I THINK he was joking) that he would take the baby home and leave me there properly on my own) but I do worry about other annoying babies all around me making a load of noise....

Frog I don't envy the SS situation - it's challenging with full siblings, so adding the "step" part will probably not make it any easier. I was 6 when my sister was born and felt like I became invisible overnight. Your DP should certainly make the effort to spend more time with him, especially right after you bring the baby home and not just assume that SS will love the baby.

janey sorry don't know how it works there, but any private/family rooms available, if you're willing to pay? I can't really imagine you'll get much sleep with 10 newborns around.

It would be lovely if DH bought me some jewelry as a thank you for these 40 weeks of sobriety pregnancy, but definitely not a Cartier handcuff! Not that he will buy me anything, he struggles at birthdays and Christmas let alone when it's optional!

Hazle that is very creepy indeed... And, dareIsay, somewhat impractical too? how would one do the washing up for fear of damaging it?

If I get a bunch of flowers from DP I'll be amazed. Tho he did get me a pram charm for my Pandora bracelet after the 12 week scan (v late Xmas present) which was sweet and very romantic for him.

Frog I'm obviously not Purple but I have a soon-to-be 11-year-old DSS. He lives with his mum and stepdad and has two younger siblings courtesy of them, stays with us occasionally. I wasn't there when DP told him about upcoming additional sproglet, but he seems to have taken it well, tho he did say 'cool, can I see it next week then?' when he was told. I was 18 weeks gone!

He's a very sweet kid though, so I think we're lucky with that. I would say, though, that it's very important to get XW on board and, if possible, tell her before telling DSS. It depends on DP's/your relationship with her, but I think it is good courtesy, especially if 8yo suddenly starts asking how babies are made etc.

I was very cross with DP for not telling the X personally, and more so when she had heard it from DSS and then texted congrats, when's it due etc and he just ignored it! He says it's none of her business but I really don't agree. But I can't get involved.

We're lucky that she is happy with her hubby and kids and she's been very supportive - the pressie I had from DSS for my birthday were stretchmark creams, and at mother's day she got a 'For the Mum to Be on Mother's Day' card for DSS 'and baby' to sign.

I don't think I'll get anything off DP. But he did just buy me a massive diamond engagement ring, so I'm not sure I'm in a position to moan really! If I'd been married for a few years, I would definitely be dropping some very unsubtle hints.

Also Frog if he stays with you that often, maybe it's worth treating him like as a regular sibling as in, not asking if he'd like a brother or sister, but asking how much he'd like to .

What I mean is, my DSS will be affected by BabyBear, but nowhere near as much as yours will. Therefore, it may be better not to present it as an either-or situation, and instead add a special gloss to it, while also making him feel special and loved too.

I'm not sure I'll get anything of DH, I think he'll be so caught up in it all so I don't want to get my hopes up about a pressie in case I don't get anything and then I'd be disappointed! Also don't want to get it just because I've hinted loads so won't keep mentioning it or anything. Bearing in mind I might not be able to go back to work and he might support all of us for a while, I certainly won't be hinting for diamonds! I'm still enjoying my engagement rock even though I've been wearing it years!

Thanks all. Yes, DP has a v good relationship with exW so is planning to tell her in person just before he tells SS. They separated not that long after SS was born but were together from their teenage years so you can imagine how worried that makes me feel about us having a child so there is a lot of water under bridge now. She is happy with her partner & (massive assumption & generalisation here!) probably unlikely to have any more kids as she's 39 now.

Oh & Alex can we swap SS? Whilst he can be sweet he can also be a spoilt brat challenging at times and his mum has been known to drop him off in tears. I once offered in jest to take all 3 of DP's niece's children in return for babysitting SS & she seriously declined so that just shows what a reputation he has in his own family!! And I know I shouldn't but I resent the fact that DP is struggling to pay for him to go to a fancy school that him & ex decided on when he had a bit more money coming in which means that our child will definitely not be going anywhere other than the local primary & all the luxuries in life are paid for by my salary. I hope that doesn't seem too bitter but our life would be so much easier if he wasn't paying out for OTT school fees every month.

My DSD (7) is quite indifferent to the imminent arrival of a baby, although she will say she is pleased about it when asked. Personally I think she will have a few issues once the baby is actually here as she is quite clingy on DH and gets jealous when his attention isn't fully on her. We have always just humoured it because she doesn't get to see her Dad as much as she'd like, but I think it will do her a great deal of good to have a sibling competing for his attention. She is quite adaptable to new situations so I can't see any issues being major but we will see!

I have just seen the MW and all is well - BP, urine and baby's heartbeat all normal and I am measuring about a week behind but still within the normal range. Baby is still head down but not engaged. I had a chat to her about water retention and swelling which she said is normal and should disappear within a few weeks of the birth, but she recommended that flat shoes would reduce any swelling in my feet and cankles. Pah!!! I hate flat shoes! I am too short with wide hips to get away with flats This is almost worse news than if she'd said my BP was up!

I can't wear flats, I'll look like a waddling duck! Flight socks maybe? I'm wearing them daily now.

I live in flats now. At 5'11 that's not terrible news, but it doesn't help with the swelling. My ankles are bad today actually, to the point of feeling a bit tingly when I walk. Oddly, my left ankle isn't bad at all - it's always just my right!?

Hi Frog, sorry, bloody work making me actually do work
My SS is 13 so from what I can tell couldn't care less about the baby, he's also got 3 other half siblings at home (one of which is only a few weeks old) so I think he's quite used to new siblings coming along and is a pretty laid back kid anyway. If we took his playstation away he might be bothered but otherwise I'm afraid he's the kind of teenager who speaks in monosyllables and doesn't look away from whatever game he's playing. We did promise him a bigger room because of the baby which I think elicited a 'cool' and that's about all he's said on the subject. I think the fact that he's that much older and he only visits once a fortnight at the weekend means it just wont have the same kind of impact on him as your stepchild. Your situation does sound a bit more fraught so I hope it all works out ok for you.

Hazle I have been wearing flight socks when not at work but I can't get any of my work shoes on over them. Not a problem after next week as won't be at work (hooray!) but I think I'm just going to persevere with the swelling in heels for the next week. I just can't bring myself to wear flats.

Cavort try those:
www.amazon.co.uk/Scholl-Footwear-Flight-Socks-Sheer/dp/B001DZPV1E/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1369320582&sr=8-4&keywords=flight+socks
Thin just like normal knee-high stockings so should be wearable with your work shoes.

Thanks Hazle I think I will get some of those. I've only got a week left at work but I want to carry on wearing them until the birth to keep the swelling down as much as possible.

Oh and Bear, 'eviction via sunroof' made me actually snort at my desk. I seem to have a sideways/diagonal baby again today after I got all excited at the wriggling yesterday meaning she was going to magically turn around and behave.

Argh I'm so sick today! Been sick twice - and I'm now in week 14 so should be feeling "amazing" by now?! That will teach me for being smug about feeling quite good yesterday!

Hope everyone has a great bank holiday!

(Bleurgh)

poor Alex! Hopefully you'll feel better soon.
(no bank holiday here, of course)

Hope you feel better soon Alex, I'm afraid 'amazing' might be a lot to hope for, I don't think I ever did get that pregnancy glow that everyone bangs on about. For some people it's more on a scale of 'really bad' 'bad' and 'less bad' rather than amazing! Saying that, I'm hoping you perk up soon and get your glow. I promise not to be jealous if you do

My day so far has mostly been someone at work ringing me every ten minutes and asking me really fucking stupid questions. This would be the person who is going to end up 'training' my replacement. God help them, she couldn't think her way out of a paper bag.

Thanks feel a bit better now i.e not amazing/glowing, far from it, but not awful anymore.

My boss is calling me as she's trying to look at a spreadsheet but can't use them and is confused by the tabs. janey you love a spreadsheet, you would NOT be impressed!

Oh and I just booked my NCT classes woop! Makes it all feel very real and exciting!