Graduated Elerberries - 30+ and expecting DC1 (thread no 4)

[HazleNutt]

Welcome old and new graduates and everybody else who wants to join us, elderly primigravidas aka Elderberries.

cavort - sorry, but properly laughing at my desk about ant and dec. That's hilarious. sorry

brave - you have my utter sympathy. I am drinking magnesium trisilcate like it's water and it's not working as well as it used to. Was up again last night as I thought I was going to be sick from the acid. It kind of makes sense as my bump does seem to be very high up (lots of people comment on that) so I'm hoping at some point it might ease if/when the baby 'drops', but in the meantime it's pretty damn unpleasant. Have to say I found the first 30 weeks of pregnancy pretty bloody easy and sailed through it comparatively (sorry to those of you with MS! I was lucky!) but since then I've had the BP scare and awful heartburn, so not finding being knocked up quite as easy as it was. I can understand why women do NOT want to go overdue so well now!

I have also read that BF book Brave. It was really easy to read and should be good to refer back to in the hellish difficult early days of BF.

Boo to nighttime vomming!

Oh and thanks for the tip brave, I might buy that. Weirdly I'm not panicking about anything yet except breastfeeding. I guess that's because everything else DP and I can muddle our way through together, but that's just down to me. I will truly do my absolute best, but have always said I'm determined not to let it ruin the early months if for any reason I'm unable to do it (as my cousin and Mum couldn't, despite wanting to). However as the date nears I'm starting to worry about letting DP and babyjaney down if I do fail to do it...

Janey I also worry but none of us will be letting anyone down if we can't BF for whatever reason. Of course BF is best for baby but formula isn't poison. I really hope I can BF but I am absolutely not going to beat myself up about it if I can't.

Oh you have all cheered me up immensely this morning with your tales of the PJ & Duncan birthing experience & in-sleep vomming. Sorry - I'm sure it is actually very unpleasant when you're suffering & when I get to that stage it will all come back to bite me. No MS here (6+3) but just extreme tiredness & teariness so that spend a lot of time at my desk trying not to cry.

Not helped by an appraisal at work yesterday in which I took every development point as a criticism (cue tears ) & a conversation which has made me worry that they don't actually want my current role in a satellite office to exist anymore as they want me to concentrate on building work in the main south-east hub instead. Obviously a lot less feasible to commute to that office & service clients in that area when childcare issues need to be factored in. For the first time I am seriously considering taking all the money I can when off then not going back but doing something completely different from home. I was so upset that I ended up telling a colleague (a peer not a boss & with 3 young kids) & it was such a relief as she totally understood how knackered & emotional I felt.

On the positive side persuaded DP to DTD for first time in weeks. He still thinks it's weird though & when I said that it is recommended to bring on labour if overdue his response was not on your nelly when there was actually a proper head there!

Oh & a friend of mine was struggling to BF & found her baby had a tongue tie. Apparently this varies but luckily her dr was one who believed in cutting it & it resolved it. Some drs don't believe you should.

Oh & sorry brave if I sounded totally unsympathetic to the vomming but it made me realise that there are much worse problems to come than constantly wanting to cry & I should just get a grip. I did have this great mental picture if it was me potentially failing to prevent it & vomming all over DP in bed too.

Nowt to apologise for Frog - it will be one of those things I'll find much more amusing in hindsight... and (haven't told DP this) but I have a feeling some of the early splutters may have projected 'bits' in his direction

I'm definitely finding things tougher now... but at least being obviously big means that DP finally has the message that if I'm tired, I'm not playing on it. First timester was horrendous though. However, I think my brain did a bit of a brainwipe when I hit about 20 weeks - for the first 13 I kept telling everyone how in awe I was of anyone who would go through this more than once as I felt shocking. It's also hard cos you can't tell everyone why you're a pale zombie so you have to soldier on.

Congrats on DTD. Am very of that. Although I'm now just so knackered that I don't have the energy! Actually said in a sleepy haze the other night to DP 'you know that if I wasn't so sleepy I'd be seducing you right now' to which he murmured (also sleepy) 'i know...'

Oh and Janey I have to agree. Induction is no longer the thing of evil I had in my mind at the start of this adventure. I'd still rather avoid it, but will be very keen to encourage BabyBear to do its disrupting from teh outside rather than in!

Hm, I was just thinking about the hospital bag (no, still not packed) and realised I need tons of stuff as they are keeping me there for so long. The list only talks about bath robes, but if I have a straightforward delivery, I don't see a reason to walk around in my nightwear for 5 days, especially during visiting hours. So would make sense to pack some actual clothes as well. Starting to look like I need a hospital suitcase and not a bag..

I used to think that I don't want any visitors at the hospital, that they can just wait til we get home. But after reading the thread about post-birth visitors, I've changed my mind and will tell everybody to come to hospital. At least hospitals have visiting hours and you don't have to cry at home in the bedroom, as some relatives are demanding to be fed and entertain and won't leave.

Glad you got to dtd frog but I'm finding it so interesting that it's the women who want to dtd, not the guys, I would have been sure it was the other way round! It's also weird that I'm in the men's camp and would find it too freaky! We're not doing it anyway because of my cervix but even if it wasn't for that, I think I'd still be in the guy's camp! How funny

I am not soldiering on - I am lying on sofa in dressing gown 'working from home' again having sacked off my morning commitment. Feel properly ill now, not helped by inexplicable waking at 5 or 6 every day recently! Moan moan moan - sorry! The idea that this might continue for who knows how many months is a bit depressing. I am clinging to the possibility that if I am like my sister I will see an improvement at around 13 weeks (and then a brief respite before SPD sets in if I get her luck).

Brave, not at all envious of your nocturnal chunk blowing - grim grim grim.

quod - I was exactly like that in the first trimester. Would wake at about 4am every day, then fall back asleep at about six, for the alarm to then go off at half past. It does get easier until you reach 33 or so weeks, when you wake up in the middle of the night with acid-related vom incidents

Hazle I am with you on the hospital visiting logic. Of course there is the possibility that I won't be there long enough for visitors, but if I am I will definitely be shipping them all in so we can get some time to ourselves once we get home.

Alex I am the oddball in this group in that it's me that hasn't wanted to DTD. My libido has completely left the building. DH on the other hand seems to be hornier than ever so it's an ongoing daily joke as to whether he's going to get any action. He keeps joking, 'Are you feeling horny yet?' to which I reply along the lines of with my SPD, heartburn, massive belly, panty liner and breast pads in place due to dampness and leakage and general feeling of knackeredness that unsurprisingly I am effing well NOT feeling horny!

Oh dear Quod you really do sound like you're having a miserable time of things. I know it's hard to visualise now but you will look back and laugh at this in a few months.

Oh well at least I'm not the only oddball not wanting any action! It's not a libido thing with me as could def be in the mood if I wanted to be and have had some steamy dreams but it's the whole guy thing about it being freaky/not wanting to bang around down there!

quod I'm 13 weeks today and even though I was moaning about exhaustion just yesterday, I'm feeling quite good today! Ok that's a lie, but I'm not feeling quite as horrendous as I have been feeling! Am working from home too which is sooo nice when pregnant.

Quod I don't blame you at all... I was 'lucky' in a way that my full-blown ms coincided with first the emergency op scenario and then Christmas, so I was off work one way or the other for nearly a month. I genuinely don't think I would have coped if I was at work.

I promise you it gets better!

Am impressed at your packing logic Hazle - I still keep having mini panic attacks whenever I get that far... lists used to be my friend, now they freak me out!

Quod - it gets better, it really does then it gets a bit crap again the middle bit really isn't so bad, honest!

I have to say, I AM struggling a bit at work now, feel shamed by Hazle's Superwoman status but between the bad back (and I'm not going on but it really is pretty bad) and the fact that I have to get up at least three times a night for a wee and get woken up with cramp in my calves and/or heartburn at least once or twice means I'm knackered AND in pain and sitting at a desk all day isn't proving to be quite as easy as I thought. Three weeks to go but I think I am going to find it a bit of a challenge.

Is it bad that my OH keeps going on about not wanting any more children already before this one is even born?

DTD? No idea what you're talking about, don't remember. Libido packed up and left and it would feel a bit odd now that the baby is kicking and jumping all the time. Nobody wants to catch their parents having sex, after all

Purple can't you bring your ML forward or just get signed off sick? There's no point in suffering unnecessarily just to stick to a date.

My DH has said a few times that he thinks he will be quite happy if we just have the one (meaning he will have 2 in total), but this is met by a raised eyebrow from me and I just say I am keeping an open mind to another based on how this one goes. I have always assumed I would have 2 as I don't like the thought of having an only child (DSD is only around every other weekend and with big age difference I can't see their relationship being that of actual siblings), but if this one's a nightmare I may well stop at one!

purple not having many complaints has its consequences - DH is already talking about DC2!

Exactly the same position here Cavort, I have always said I wanted two but with DSS that would make OH a father of 3 and the thought is clearly freaking him out. With 13 years between this baby and stepson, baby will effectively be an only child and as an only child myself I really didn't want that for mine. Will have to see what happens, I think his main concern is finances.

I KNOW it's stupid but bringing ML forward feels like being a wimp/failure, I'm being bloody minded and hoping that my current levels of tiredness are mostly due to them making me work ridiculous hours this week and that next week will be easier. Thank goodness for the bank holiday!

Hazle - he might stop that once you get to the sleep deprivation stage

Purple I can't see how the financial leap from having 1 to 2 is that big? Not compared to the leap from having 0 to 1 anyway. Especially if DC1 is 3+ and getting free childcare by the time DC2 arrives. I think DH will get his head around us having another but there's no point even talking about it until we've got this one.

I know what you mean about bringing ML forward but if I had your bingo card I definitely think I would be considering it!

purple I'm stopping on 7th June, mainly because I can't face the commute on the tube much longer. Am v.impressed it sounds like you're working later than me!
One thing I considered in my decision on the date is that it's very unlikely I will go overdue one way or another, and it's looking like I might have a baby at 39 weeks, which would only leave me with 3 weeks at home beforehand. Given the house is an UTTER TIP, I thought that would be useful - I can clean and tidy and nap on the sofa so we're (hopefully) ready by the time baby comes home...

Thanks Cavort, I feel a bit less wimpy now, I'm sure I'll be fine to tough it out, it has just been a long week!

I totally get all the people who are freaking out about the birth or the realities of coping with a newborn when you don't know what you're doing, they both seem like reasonable things to be worying about but stupidly, the one thing that's really freaking me out this week is the idea of being stuck in the hospital overnight and OH going home and leaving me.

I have NO idea where this sudden hospital phobia has come from, it's not like I've had a bad experience but when I think about him going home and leaving me there I feel quite panicky and tearful. It's RIDICULOUS and I have no idea what it's all about!

Purple I'm the same - I'm not some kind of dependent wallflower, but the thought of DP leaving me at night is killing me. Means I'm totally torn - stay in, get help with breastfeeding, accommodate visitors (which means we'll get some respite at home) but be abandoned by DP or get a quick discharge (godwilling), hope breastfeeding is easier than it sounds and have DP's support at home... but have to fend off visitors from the off.

It sucks massively. The other option is homebirth, but that ain't happening for me.

I'm planning to reach 37+4 at work but that's expecting BabyBear to come late. However, seeing as junior is still transverse and still not had all-clear on low placenta, there's still a possibility there's an early eviction notice by sunroof on the cards, but I won't know that for a while. I think the rules are that you can go on ML earlier than planned, but not later, so hopefully I can always go off earlier if I get a definite eviction notice served...

I am not the slightest bit bothered by the thought of DH going home and leaving me in hospital as I will have our new arrival to gaze at all night, which I am reliably informed is what you do on the first night rather than actually sleeping. In fact people have told me that immediately after baby arrives you adopt the attitude 'DH who?' After my Sis's EMCS she had her own room and they turned a blind eye to her DH staying in with her so long as he didn't leave the room until morning. They even found him a reclining armchair to kip in.