Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Birth clubs

Connect with mums-to-be with similar due dates to share experiences and support.

March 2013 VII: Our little pumpkins are getting fatter

957 replies

Sheldonella · 16/10/2012 08:31

Old thread here

Stats thread here

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
OoooOoooOoood · 30/10/2012 14:38

mrsR listen to rainbow look at entitledto.co.uk and check out money. Speak to MW about the stress and they will support you in leaving & moving on. It is possible. I know lots who do. Next year a lot of what you describe will be counted as domestic abuse legally but at present it is recognised by professionals.

OoooOoooOoood · 30/10/2012 14:39

Oh and get over to relationships on here. Lots of wise women there!

MrsRigby · 30/10/2012 14:48

Thanks OoooOoooOoood I'm looking at the relationships section now.

JoJoBella84 · 30/10/2012 14:58

pink I found that when I thought I was having a girl I had a boys name, now I know he's a boy I'm stumped, I have loads of nice girls names :) sigh!!

pinkpeony4 · 30/10/2012 15:21

JoJo it's so hard!! I thought it would be the other way around but choosing a 4th boys name was so much easier. I have about 4 boys names I would have been happy with and hardly any girls!!! Have you got a short list?

StealthToddler · 30/10/2012 15:38

Hi all
Thanks for the thoughts!
Got an appt for amnio tomorrow with the feral medicine consultant at Chelsea & Westminster. Told DH he HAS to be there or I will kill him (I went on my own yesterday and then he wanted to play his stupid game on his iPhone rather than talk about the issues last night so I ended up sobbing in the loo whilst he slept).
Keep telling myself still more chance bsby is fine than not.
I did find out that this is ds4 and I am delighted at the thought of 4 little boys. Particularly now I have been thru this it reminds you that gender is actually the least important issue!
Welcome back mrsR

MrsRigby · 30/10/2012 15:44

Thanks StealthToddler fingers crossed you get good news tomorrow. We had the fear of god put up us when the sonographer announced at 11 weeks and 2 days that bunny's tummy contents were still outside his tummy.

All I can say is stay away from Google.

JoJoBella84 · 30/10/2012 15:51

pink we started with 3 boys names and 7 girls names. We now have 30 boys names!! Ha! I think we're going to whittle it down to 3 boys names again and then decide when he arrives! OH loves Luke and I love Lucas but he isn't keen on Lucas and I have a git of a cousin called Luke so wouldn't be happy with that name unless it was Lucas!! Oh the silly things we get worked up over!!

JoJoBella84 · 30/10/2012 15:58

PS stealth I hope everything is okay, definitely stay away from Dr Google. Ask the experts not the web there is far too much conflicting info out there and it's far too easy to get worked up over the worst bits which may not even be relevant to your situation.

backwardpossom · 30/10/2012 16:05

Will be thinking of you tomorrow, stealth

Sorry MrsR I had to go out and have just got back in. The others have given you some great advice, but I just wanted to ask you, you know you are worth so much more than this, right? You DO NOT deserve to be spoken to or treated the way your husband speaks to/treats you. It's domestic abuse, yes? It doesn't have to be physical. Tell me to feck off and mind my own business, but I'm getting the impression that the only reason you're with him is because of money/not being able to afford to go it alone? Can you speak to citizens' advice etc to see what you would actually be entitled to? You may find you're better off without him in more ways than one. He would have to pay you maintenance etc. You'd get the child benefit, tax credits etc. If you were made redundant, you'll get other benefits. You'd maybe be entitled to housing benefit, etc. You'd get reduced council tax and things, too. Please look into it if that's all that's keeping you together as you and your children are too important. x

JoJoBella84 · 30/10/2012 16:06

So in an afternoon of Dissertation proposal writing I have achieved no more than the 500 words previously written. 2500 words due in on Friday at 12 noon.
I have however, drawn up a timetable of all qualifications gained to date, all certificates of courses which can bulk up my CPD, and a list of courses I'm planning to attend in the next year and whilst on maternity break - none of which is relevant to my Dissertation.
I've also cleaned the kitchen AGAIN... students are filthy creatures, sorted out all unorganised paperwork on my desk, thrown away more junk that will not be moving to Aberdeen with me, done two loads of washing, had a meeting with my Dyspraxia tutor about organising my workload, washed all baby blankets and Moses basket bedding and dressed the basket and thought about taking a nap.
Hmmmmm, how the heck do I keep on track, I need 2000 words of research by Friday :(

MrsRigby · 30/10/2012 16:06

JoJoBella84 thats what I'd like to call this one if its a boy - Lucas. DH wants Alexander and as he knows it's a bit of a mouthful for me, he says we can shorten it down to Alex.

I hate the name, and absolutely hate shortening names. Why give a child a name if you're going to have to shorten it?

DS1 and DS2 both have names ending in an S and they are also 5 letters long so I think Lucas would be really nice. I've even said to DH we can use Alexander as a middle name, so

Lucas Alexander Benjamin Rigby

As with most things, it's a no.

He says we should just call this one Thomas as it's what we were going to call DS2 until he changed his mind when he was born. The problem is, neither of us like the name anymore or think it suits this child.

Realisticly, this one, if it's a boy will be Thomas Benjamin Rigby.

You'd think as how a) I was the one who wanted a 3rd child, b) I'm the one who has to carry it, c) I'm the one who is going to go through the pain of childbirth and d) I'm the one who will be looking after it the most and giving up more for it, you'd think my choice would be given a bit more consideration than just an outright no.

JoJoBella84 · 30/10/2012 16:10

Oh and my scar.... OWWWWW!
It's starting to stretch faster than it's healing!! It's so tender to touch even if it's just my clothes touching it! One bit at the bottom keeps healing and re tearing a little so I'm finding tiny blood spots or gunk on my knickers (at the top) I'm a bit concerned it's going to get infected and honestly don't know whether to hold on for my MW appt on Monday or get in to see the nurse sooner!

MrsRigby · 30/10/2012 16:13

backwardpossom I know I don't deserve to be treated like this. I don't know if I'd go as far as to say it's domestic abuse though. I'm afraid I've grown up with the old fashioned view that if a husband hits you, then its domestic abuse.

Yes, you're right the only reason I'm with him is because of money and I think the only reason he is with me is so he can see the children, not that I would stop him if/when we divorce. I have already told him I would agree to share the children.

To be honest, when I say I'm staying because of the money I have to laugh as there isn't that much money now. He gives me a £200 a month allowance which I have to use for toiletries and lunch, so it doesn't go very far, plus I've had to start using it to pay for stuff for the house and doing the house up. He always goes on about how we have no money even though he is paid £80,000 a year, plus car allowance, plus bonuses.

Em2010 · 30/10/2012 16:43

Jojo I would try and see the nurse this week, they can assess your scar and maybe offer some advice to make it more comfortable?

Stealth stay positive, you're right, odds are that they are just being cautious. I'm sorry you dh wasn't as supportive as he could have been last night. Glad you have a quick date for the amnio, how quickly will they be able to tell you the results? Lovely to hear it is a little boy.

MrsR Really hope you can find some RL support, hope you can talk to your MW or GP. Please be reassured that the stress won't hurt your baby (but it can hurt you!) I'm afraid i'm not a good person to advise on marriage as my own is rather dysfunctional, but I hope you can find a solution that works for you and your boys.

Like a lot of you we had a boys name picked out and then when we found it was a DD we were totally stumped! Last time, with DS it was the other way round and we had no boys names! However, think we may have a girl's name but going to wait and see if it suits her first. Or maybe the sonographer got it wrong in which case we definitely won't be using it!

OoooOoooOoood · 30/10/2012 16:44

mrsR do you want to stay until he does hit you?

pinkpeony4 · 30/10/2012 16:57

Stealth lots of luck for tomorrow. It's great they have managed to give you an apt so quickly. When do you get the results? Fab news that its ds4 too. I would have loved 4 boys, I think that there is something special about a large, single sex family.

MrsR lots of good advice on here so I hope that things will get better for you and that you can make a decision one way or the other. Would you consider counselling?

Tramp are you seeing my Chiro tomorrow? I went again last night and she is fab [hsmile]

Jojo I hope you agree on a name soon, it would be so much easier if it was only up to one person wouldn't it?!

zoeymlucas · 30/10/2012 17:01

That sounds awful about your scar Jojo def keep an eye on it for infection - My blinking mole removal is infected and its horrible not only is it agony its weeping TMI alert, it stinks I so need to go to doctors its just finding a spare min and to be honest this was my only appointment free week so was hoping to actually do a whole week at work [hgrin]

Domestic abuse covers verbal, pyhsical and metal abuse MrsRigby so please dont sit and take it your children see and hear it and will one day believe this is the way it should be and thats not right - you will get alot of help and to be honest be better off (I work in finance and benefits) so take a breathe and do what you need to do to be happy and enjoy your life you only get one shot at it!!!!!

Well DH has texted to say he has babysitters sorted and is me meeting at the lovely pub a few miles away so date night - I have researched the menu and they have creme brulee so am even more excited and rather plased he has taken it upon his self to have some us time as its normally something I organise now need to get out of work on time as he booked an early table as he knows I get tired after being at work all day :)

GummiberryJuice · 30/10/2012 17:27

Hi all great scan, baby wriggling loads, so much so I have to go back in 2 weeks just to get some better pics but everything fine and nothing to worry about. Got loads of brilliant pics still team yellow

sundaesundae · 30/10/2012 17:29

Hurrah Gummi!

backwardpossom · 30/10/2012 17:33

Yay to great scan, Gummi! Mine is tomorrow and am nervous, but also excited [hsmile]

GummiberryJuice · 30/10/2012 18:01

Oh and my date is moved to 17th

theTramp · 30/10/2012 18:15

Gummi - hurrah! :)

JoJo - go to DR re scar ASAP. Seriously you do not want an infection. Also invest in some tea tree oil and was it with said oil plus water every night, it's great stuff.
Same for weeping mole sore - get it sorted now woman. Only you can make time for yourself so I don't wish to hear any excuses! (I know easier said than done but come on).

MrsR, lord where to start? Ok... First of all you're in an emotional quagmire, you feel trapped and it's clearly overwhelming. It may not feel like it right now but you're not trapped and there is always light, even if it seems dreadfully dim, at the end of that tunnel.

Secondly; divorce is tough on everyone and you need to make a decision based on what you want. Which means, are you ready to walk away yet or do you want to try and sort things out? Only you can answer this. So be honest with yourself.

Thirdly; let's be practical. Has he actually said, in these words or similar - I don't love you, I don't want you? Have you had counselling of any kind as a couple? To what extent are you playing a role in the marital issues? I don't mean by this that you deserve any of this by the way, far bloody from it. What I mean is what is the cause of the friction you have with him and family? You say you walked out & it was two hours before he came to find you - why did you walk out? There are two people in a relationship, if there are issues on both sides and it's not wholly that he's an unreasonable mentally abusive controlling twat - then what is your role in the communication issues & friction? Again it may be that in all honesty you're blameless here and he is that much of a twat. But you've several kids together and choose to have another kid together this year despite issues so my Spidey senses tell me you're hurt & disappointed by him but not perhaps out of love. Again, my impressions not answers - only you know truth of it all.

Fourthly; let's look at a few other practical points. A) get legal advice re: childcare support & financials ASAP. That salary in Liverpool, gees princely. B) schedule a meeting, just the two of you. Arrange a childminder for the evening or day if at weekend. Make sure you're not in the house but in neutral ground. Pretend it's a date night if you must. Make notes for yourself before this meet and make them RATIONAL. You need to start discussing problems practically. So strip out accusative language (this takes bucket loads of courage & self control I know, believe me I know). Start by saying, calmly - I think our marriage is in trouble and I'd like to know if you would agree with this? Do not react to any scathing or emotionally hurtful comments, just make your way down your list. Said list should include - if yes agree what do we need to consider practically? Eg. His moving out, childcare support. If no- counselling, areas which need to be addressed that are causing issues, points of action for both of you to help get through the problems.

And just as an FYI - locks can be changed quite easily and suitcases of clothing and toiletries with a note explaining why a break is required and he needs todo honourable thing and hole up in a hotel for a couple of weeks is v easily sorted. First resort, no. But as a means of dealing with someone abusive - v effective. But sort out legal counsel first, know yours and your children's as well as his rights. And you can report abusive spousal behaviour to the police too.

Sorry - rather a lot to say for someone who is basically saying only you can do and know what is right for you. Just remeber money is a concern but it's not an acceptable excuse for doing nothing.

Sheldonella · 30/10/2012 18:24

Glad you are back posting MrsR but sorry you have been so unhappy. I agree with the others - you don't need to be. Also what pink says - have you thought about counselling? I like your names.

stealth glad you got a speedy appointment. Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Congrats gummi!

jojo definitely get the scar checked out. Could they put some sort of dressing on it so it doesn't rub?

Have a lovely date night zoey.

Been feeling some lovely lovely kicks today while I've been sat at my desk. I find I don't need to concentrate to feel them now, they distract me.

OP posts:
HermioneBoo · 30/10/2012 18:59

I bought a second hand Angel Sounds Doppler and heard BabyBoo kicking about and her heartbeat, hugely reassuring as like many of you I was having some time with not much movement. I would really recommend it! So glad you were able to get a scan manda and your babies were happy and healthy :)
I felt a definite kick from the outside last night, she'd been moving about a fair bit (wasn't sure whether it was wind tho!) and then I just got this big kick, told DH and he tried to feel for half an hour but she didn't kick again while DH was trying - made me laugh as I'm sure she'll be a right daddy's girl but for this little bit of time she's just kicking for me :)

stealth will be thinking of you tomorrow, hope your DH goes with you too. I would have thrown my DH's iPhone through the window if he was playing on that instead of talking to me about something like that! Hope everything is ok x

Welcome back mrsr sorry to hear things are bad at home, I've nothing to add to the advice on here but as a child of a family relying on benefits I rarely went without anything, my cousin has two children and when she first divorced we all worried about how she'd cope on benefits and a part time job, she does really well and her children are happy and there's nothing they want for. I think the main thing is that she's happy and her children pick up on that, a life on benefits isn't as dire as you may think.

Swipe left for the next trending thread