March 2013 VII: Our little pumpkins are getting fatter

[Sheldonella]

Old thread here

Stats thread here

Although if it is a boy, it presents DH and I with a problem as he doesn't like my choice of name and I don't like his. We can't agree on a name we both like.

He seems to have developed a thing about not giving into me/standing up to me and so EVERYTHING is a no. I'm sure this is something his family have been wispering in his ear.

I even offered to compromise by giving the new baby names that we all liked, so my choice of name followed by DH choice and DS1s choice then our surname. Also met with a no.

Unfortunately it looks like I'll have to get used to letting him have everything his own way, including naming our third child.

Sounds tough chum, but if I were you, I'd just try and let a lot of that wash over me - it says a lot more about them than about you x

And in case everyone is wondering, all is not happy in the Rigby household.

backwardpossom not possible. Things are very bad at home. Work isn't great either and mentally I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I've been crying since 4am when DH decided to lay into me again.

Lay in to you? Mentally? Physically?

To sum up:

DH doesn't love or even want me. We have had sex 3 times this year so far.

I'm probably going to lose my job and the hospital has decided on a mass cull of admin staff.

The house is a shithole, not that it's mine.

Mentally.

MrsRigby I am soooo glad you are back and if you saw the other threads a lot of us were constantly asking if anyone had heard from you and where you had gone as we all missed you!! I totally get the baby sex thing as I am having little boy number 3 and and the amount of people that ask if I am disappointed - I am lucky enough to be expecting a beautiful baby what on earth would I have to be disappointed about, but thats only people on RL everyone in here is grateful for being pregnant and having healthy babies on the way
You cant agree to everything someone says esp naming a child thats no life for anyone - you only have 1 life and one chance to be happy so you need to make sure you are as hard as it may be you deserve better!! Also why the heck not the word I wanted to use woudl your DH lay into at 4.00 and also what do you mean by lay into you as that could be a number of things!

I am sorry but you derserve better and can not be with someone who is like to you and its not fair on you children as they will see it and pick up on it regardless of if you think you are hiding it!

MrsR - deep breath, and another.. Right, what is going on? Consider us your invisible people sounding board. Things aren't going well, you're unhappy - some is family, some is work. At the root of it all is...?

We might only be able to listen, but listening can be helpful and it sounds like you've been coping with a lot and a few nonjudgmental ears would help.

zoeymlucas he decided to have a go at me.

DS1 wet the bed sometime round about 4am so after we'd cleaned him up, changed his bedding and got him back into bed, DH decided to have a go at me.

Hence I've been crying since 4am this morning. I feel absolutely miserable.

Mrs R, zoey is right, we have been wondering where you were. Sorry things are not good at the mo. We will all help where we can.

Ood Yeap me today just an hour and half to go

MrsR we were all thinking of you, I'm sorry things are not too good with you at the minute. Zoey is right you can't continue on feeling so bad, can you got to the gp and see if there is someone you can talk too. So did your dh offer any healthy solutions to your problems or just lay all the guilt at your feet. I think from your previous posts you seem to put a lot of pressure on yourself and are maybe trying to "fix" too many things at once, which only leads to more disappointment, like your wading through treacle.
Just realised the time I need to get organised, hope someone else comes along who is more concise than me

stealth hope you're ok today x

theTramp the root of it all is DH doesn't love me, want me or support me and it's effecting every part of my life.

The only reason I'm alive is so that people can have a go at me, laugh at me or otherwise treat me like I'm invisable.

zoeymlucas and theTramp thank you for listening. I've got no family or friends of my own and no money so I feel completely trapped.

I'm scared by what this is doing to the baby.

Good luck Gummi will look forward to your reply

Sorry he had a go at a pregnant lady at 4.00 am and you didnt kick him in the man bits? Dont sell yourself short you derserve better and need to stand up for yourself and either you sit, talk and work it out and he mans up and helps you and supports you not has a go and blames you or you take drastic action - I know I sound a bit harsh but I truely believe life is too short to be unhappy and just 'put up with it'

GummiberryJuice thank you. DH didn't do anything other than defend himself and his family and make everything my fault.

I need to get off the couch and make the boys some lunch. They normally eat at 12noon.

This is effecting how I look after them and I know they must feel it even if they don't see it. Thats why I want to give them such a nice playroom to play in. After 3 months, DH still hasn't finished stripping the paint, so at some point I need to find the willpower to do that, plaster, paint and then go through the trauma of asking if I can take up the carpet and put down wooden flooring. I already know it's a no. The rest of the house I can live with him having as he wants, but when it comes to the boys bedrooms and the playroom I'm putting my foot down and his house or not, they deserve a bedroom and a playroom thats, decorated, clean and full of their things.

He wasn't best pleased when I told him in no uncertain terms that he'd be loosing his room as the baby would need a bedroom.

No zoeymlucas, you don't sound harsh and that's exactely what I think. I had to remind him 4 or 5 times that I was pregnant and to leave me alone as all the stress and upset isn't good for the baby, let alone sleeping on a couch in winter.

I'll be amazed if this baby isn't premature or doesn't have psycholgical/behavioural problems.

Why are you asking him??? You live there as do your children and they deserve the best you can provide as do you and this unborn baby, the world does not evolve around him and if he is able to make 3 children he can grow up and provide for them all dont ask just do!

I would of kicked him out the bed and onto the couch - the more you allow things to slide and his behaviour continue he will think its acceptable when its clearly not - time to make changes to make sure you and your 3 children are happy in the long term!

Go make your boys lunch and give them a big snuggle, that always cheers me up esp when DS2 licks me then find the strength to do what you need to do when you hubby gets home

I've tried doing and not asking, even paying with my money to do up the house, but the result is still the same. I'm not really sure why I ask him anymore because whatever it is the answer is always no. He seems to really have this thing lately about not giving in to me.

When we went to his sisters, the mother and father-in-law were also there, I walked out and sat in the car waiting for DH and the boys. Over 2 hours later, he finally came out and we left. I hadn't had breakfast or lunch that day either so alltogether I was in a right state when I got home.

As I've said, I can compromise by letting the rest of the house be a tip/as he wants it, but the boys and the new baby must have a bedroom each and a playroom, all of which will be clean, tidy and furnished with what they need.

He wouldn't have slept on the couch and if I could have made him, he would have made me pay for it with little comments through the day.

He sent me a txt about an hour ago "how tall are you again".

Anyone know what the response to that is?

Welcome back mrsr any plans to leave the bugger?
How many of your DS's has DH named? If I were you I'd stop discussing names completely now. Still think about them obviously! There sound like there are more pressing issues to discuss right now like your future together.

MrsRigby it sounds like you are really unhappy with your life - and if thats the case the only person who has the power to bring about change is you. Life is too short for petty feuds and arguments with family, friends and neighbors - personally I am more concerned about whether my second daughter is going to die like her sister rather than how my house looks or what stupid comments other people make. To me you sound like you have an amazing life with all your healthy lovely children around you - don't focus on or put up with the bad things!

What a random text I would either reply 'Why' or 'Tall enought to kick you in the crown jewels', lol depending on my hormones/ mood at the time [hgrin]

MrsRigby welcome back [hsmile] i'm sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. Your DH sounds like he is being very childish & unreasonable. Does your house not bother him at all? What are his reasons for not wanting to do any work (apart from money?). I'm sorry that this is impacting on your enjoyment of your pregnancy, that's really sad. Have you had your 20 week scan yet?

Gummi lots of luck for your scan this afternoon. I hope all goes well [hsmile]

Ethel fab news on your scan yesterday. A little boy is lovely [hgrin]

Flowery glad your re-scan was all Ok. Are you going to have more growth scans?

Backward & Manda & everyone else who has a cold/flu. I hope you feel better very soon. Pregnant & ill is rubbish especially because of the lack of things you can take for it.

I hope everyone else is Ok. I have been finding it hard to keep up this week. Still totally stunned that we are having a girl [hshock]. Been looking at names & finding it so much harder than choosing a boys name. Anyone got any nice suggestions?

Looking forward to hearing scan news later

JoJoBella84 I'd like to leave him, but financially I can't. I only have a part-time job, which it looks highly likely I'll lose, one way or the other. I have no savings. I can't see how I could move out and look after 3 children with next to no money. I'd have to not take maternity leave, get a different full-time job and claim benefits and I might just be able to scrape by.

He hasn't really. We both agreed on DS1's name. With DS2 although I really loved a name, we agreed on a different one and he allowed me to have the name I loved as a middle name. However, when DS2 was born he suddenly changed his mind and told me I was allowed to call him by the name I loved and instead of the name we originally both agreed on, I gave DS2 his name as a middle name. He has told me in no uncertain terms that he will not be giving in to me this time. We're no longer talking about names or the baby and haven't told anyone I'm pregnant or brought stuff for the baby or done up the baby's room.

pinkpeony4 money is the reason he gives, though I suspect control has something to do with it to.

Not had the 20 week scan yet, thats next Tuesday. Unfortunately, it won't be a relaxed or happy affair as we're having to bring the 2 DSs with us.

Girls names are EASY.