March 2013 Mk II - anyone for a wotsit?

[tiddleypompom]

Did it work??

Old thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1499521-Due-in-March-2013

Stats:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1499519-March-2013-stats-thread

pipsicles .. Yup, that is my exact thoughts too. Almost like tempting fate. I have decided to just wait until the scheduled scan. I think DH is just worried about my nerves for the time being, but it is only 5 more weeks. I am finding the time is going a bit faster now anyway.

And a scan won't change anything. That is what I need to remember!

Will read the rest of the thread after croissants. DH took a photo go me yesterday and I look so much bigger than normal. Must. Stop. Eating!!!

Hello shieldbug and welcome to the group!

I didn't know about Facebook local, backwardpossom, so thanks for that brilliant tip! ebay is such a faff, and the fees are annoying?

Think my brother's coming down tonight for a couple of days so working through today as yesterday as I'm behind with this stupid book and we're approaching the end of July, argh.

This is fine as DH and I had a big row yesterday. the row itself was about something and nothing but we're still not talking and in the meantime all my long-term unresolved anxieties about how what we're going to do about money when I'm on maternity leave (from what I gather my university just pays statutory mat pay after the first six weeks which will be a big drop from what I normally bring in), how mat leave may impact on my future ability to get a job in my sector (based on having seen many other women fail to get back on the ladder), how we pay for childcare so that I can go back to work when I need to and how we divide things up if we were to split up.

I feel in quite a vulnerable place and I don't think he gets it at all. His position is that if we split up then the lawyers will handle it. I know nothing about it but I fear that lawyers will not be particularly generous about the fact that during family-building years I may have contributed less financially but more in other ways and may have lost earning potential etc. I earn slightly more than DH now but only own about 3% of the house (I put 1% towards the deposit but we pay the mortgage equally), so things are already very off-kilter and if we sell the house and I was a full-time single mum in the future then I'm not sure how I would cope, financially speaking. The legal agreement we have in place means that what we put into the house we get out if we split up - but when I'm unable to contribute much to the mortgage but am contributing massively in other, family-building ways then why isn't that valued, especially when doing so may mean I won't be able to get a decently paid job in the future? I think that before we start a family we should decide - as two rational adults (not that I'm feeling very rational!) - what we think would be fair but he just won't go there. Oh god, I know this must sound really pathetic, especially because at the moment we're in a good position of owning our own place at last and having two good full-time jobs - I know not everyone is so lucky. I just feel really vulnerable and unprepared and unsupported about the changes ahead.

SORRY to go on.

mandasand that sounds very worrying, particularly the fact that he won't discuss any renegotiation now your circumstances are changing. What kind of legal agreement do you have in place? You say you are married - did you enter into the agreement before or after the marriage? I think you should see a solicitor and find out where you stand. DH wouldn't have to know. If there's a local law college near you such as BPP or College of Law, you could get some pro bono advice from the (properly supervised) students there, or try asking on the legal threads on Mumsnet. You shouldn't be worrying about this now, you should be relaxing and enjoying your pg.

This thread moves so fast!
Hi everyone, and welcome shieldbug! Hope everyone is having as worry-free a weekend as possible.

manda I'm thinking of you. I'm sorry you feel you have to think about the prospect of bringing up the LO on your own, especially at this vulnerable moment. I don't know about any of this, but it seems only fair that the judge or whoever would arbitrate on this issue would take all of your circumstances into account. But as I said, I'm completely ignorant on these matters. Breaking up is hard to do no matter what the circumstanceI was divorced a few years ago, and it was heartbreakingbut right now you should just be able to look after yourself and think about the little seed growing inside you! Anyway, I hope you and your DH have made up now.

It is a vulnerable time, no matter how you cut it. I've also been having a real overabundance of emotions lately, thinking about how my life is about to change. I'm so excited at the prospect of being a mother, but on the other hand, I have no idea how I'm going to get back to work, how we're going to pay for childcare, and a host of other things. And although my husband is wonderful, on some level it's happening in my body, and not his, and that creates a difference between us that is sometimes difficult to breach.

But mostly I've been trying to count my blessings.

I hope it's sunny wherever you all are. It's a gorgeous Sunday morning here in Hackney.

Welcome cover, Vic and shieldbug, and any other newbies, Congratulations!

tay we have told our dcs, but my oldest is 11, so was wondering why I was so off for a few days and she is a worrier, if you tell them I think its important to have a date they recognise to say "baby won't be here until after Christmas etc..", dc3 was due on Halloween so my dcs didnt torture me until then iyswim,
this time dd1s birthday is in March so I think dd2 realises how far away it is, we listed all events that have to happen first
Hope that helps

Not as much sickness these days but still sleeping badly, I have a sore hip and I'm not allowed any medication :( gp said paracetamol but I thought you had to be over 12 weeks.

Mandasand

thanks, leftwing, it's good to know that someone else thinks it's worrying that he won't even discuss it. he takes after his father who managed everything in a very traditional way and although he looked after his family financially very well, his mum didn't have a clue about how to set up a bank account or pay a bill when he passed away last year. I am very open about money and like to know where I stand. I also come from a family where everyone has been divorced at least once (!) so I really recognise the value and importance of sorting things out before rather than in the acrimony of divorce. not that I think we will divorce, but I need to have a safety net - for all of us - in place to feel comfortable.

we drew the legal agreement up when we bought the house together 18 months ago, before we were thinking of marriage. that states that we each get out what we have contributed in terms of deposit and mortgage payments. we also have a will that says the house goes to the other in case of death etc. we got married in a rush last summer - his father was dying and we just arranged it quickly in a couple of months without thinking about any ramifications - so we haven't renegotiated what happens to the house if we got married and had a family and he just doesn't want to talk about it. denial, perhaps?!

thanks also for your words, rose. I agree that there's something about the fact that we are carrying the baby that makes pregnancy inevitably an unequal experience. boo!

and thanks for the flowers, gummi. nearly made me cry I'm feeling so emotional this morning!

happy sundays all. tis very sunny here. may go for a walk later xx

Your marriage might override the agreement and may invalidate your wills, so it's worth checking with someone in the know. It's not very 'traditional' to have an agreement like that IYAM!

Mandasand I was thinking that maybe he is in denial too, now your pg he can't imagine why you would want to talk about splitting up or anything like it, it is maybe a subject to be tackled after the baby is born and along the lines of changing your will, if something were to happen to the both of you, not an easy task

It really is an emotional time I can't laugh without crying

thanks so much for your thoughts, gummi and leftwing. sorry if I've put a downer on anyone's day!

Hi ladies, hope you are all enjoying the nicer weather. I have had my parents visiting this weekend and have felt very sick and tired the whole time and found it very hard having people in the house. I had a massive crying session at them this morning over something really trivial, I hate these hormones :(

manda Both times I have been pg I have suddenly started thinking about the practical things and hope to cope with the future. I worry about my career and what happens if I can't find any childcare and the financial side of it all. I suppose the answer is that it will just all get worked out somehow (not great for me as I am obsessively practical). I hope you can sort it out with DH. It does feel like an unequal experience.

I have my booking in with the doctor this week then I get to make a midwife appointment. It seems like I have had to wait ages as I'll be 7 weeks by then.

Hi everyone, just popping in to say hello. I am due on 21st March. I am 6 weeks.

How's everyone been feeling? Had bad nausea last week but seems to have disappeared for the weekend ( in time for the sun). I hope it stays away but not very hopeful!

Looks like there'd be enough of us for an Aberdeen meet!

On phone, so not caught up properly... Just managed a big Sunday dinner, which considering I couldn't even look at my toast this morning, is quite impressive! Don't want to tell my folks yet (I'm at their house) so was worried I would raise suspicions! Phew...

Congrats to you all - March 2013 will be a big one!
It's lovely to see you Backwards - huge congrats to you! ( don't know if you remember me from December 12 thread)

Hey everyone

Been AWOL for a day or two - grimness continued & I didn't feel up to sharing. Anyway - good news is that we will be in our new home this Friday. Still rumbling on with legal crap but am trying to swat that fly away and think positive. My df is going to hospital tomorrow for 3 days to have an op for bladder cancer, which was diagnosed last week :( Sure puts everything into perspective. They are moving into an annex of our new house, and I'm so relieved given what's happened. He is ok but when he gets sad it's because he wants to see his beloved gs grow up. God, when he said that I was in bits!

So manda I was so sorry to hear you have had a difficult & upsetting conversation with DH - but I think we can't underestimate the power of these pregnancy hormones & instincts. We need to know we are safe and secure in our nests. Think your DH needs to digest & start listening...

Hi to newbies! Congratulations! Are you thrilled to have March dates? I think it steels like such a hopeful time of year to be born :)

Who mentioned a Sunday roast? Mmmmmm....

*feels not steels. Sigh. Some things never change...

Tiddley that's awful news. Have they said what his prognosis is?

Hello All, Can I join you? I got my BFP on Thursday morning, think I am due 28th March.

I'm a bit of a stress head as have had an early mc and a mmc this year and have had a little bit of brown cm for the last 3 days. I am normally too scared / superstitious to join these threads but it didnt do me any good the last 2 times so I figured I would jump in and hope for the best!!

Sorry to hear about your DF tiddley - fingers crossed his op goes well.

Of course you can join welcome to the thread. I hope it's lucky for you, after everything that's happened before.

Evening all :) its taken me until now to recover from the 'morning' sickness today. OH has promised to have words with his baby tomorrow to ensure we don't have a repeat performance!
manda are you actually thinking about leaving your husband or are these just general concerns? If they're concerns is he aware of this or does he think you're planning to run off with his baby and half of everything else?? That could be a concern for him!!
It might be worth hitting the pause button for a couple of days and have a set day/evening when you start discussing it again (that he agrees to aswell).
I recently divorced my ex (after 6 years of separation) and that was a 'we want nothing from each other, we have nothing to give each other, we have no children together' and it still took 9 months!!!

I'm off to devour an entire roast chicken, potatoes, carrots and broccoli. I'm sure I can handle 2000 calories in one sitting!!

Hi everyone can I join in ? Have been stalking u for the past week or so. This is my first and my edd is 8th march.
Feeling pretty rubbish at the mo morning sickness has kicked in with avengence, sea bands don't seem to be working either ! Hey ho back to work tomorrow !

mandasand you poor thing. What a conversation to have when you're feeling so vulnerable. I know how you feel, I think when you look into the future and the upheaval of a new baby, it can be scary. You start thinking about how much your life is going to have to change. I'm still thinking a bit like that with number 2 on it's way.

tiddley so sorry to hear about your dad. I hope the op goes smoothly. A worrying time for you all.

nursey, JoJo, Tay and all the others with 'morning' sickness. You have my sympathies - it's horrible.
I'm 6 weeks today and the nausea has begun. Burst into tears at lunchtime because if it's like my pregnancy with my DD, I know what's coming. At least 8 weeks of feeling utterly miserable. Went to the GP last time and got meds and will do the same this time. Feels like I have an inflatable beach ball in my tummy at the moment - and a wind situation which would be the envy of teenage boys ?. Hoping to go for an early scan at the end of the week because of my m/c history.

Hope if your down South you're enjoying the sunshine!

hey nursey, welcome! you too, chuckle, and waiting! I promise I'm not normally as miserable as I have been on the thread today

nice to hear from you tiddley but I'm sorry to hear about your DF's diagnosis and operation. GOOD they are moving so quickly, though, and good also that parents are moving into your annex. I know you'll need to draw on your extra reserves of strength to handle this added stress and worry, on top of everything else, but I know you can do it. Thanks for words re DH and it's really helpful to hear that you think he needs to listen, too!

Thanks to you too, sheldonella. I too am a bit 'obsessively practical', as you put it. I like to work things out to the nth degree and then I can relax. Sorry you've a bit awash with hormones too! They come out of nowhere, don't they?! One moment fine, the next ? ! With childcare, is it usual for both to share the costs or does it come out of the woman's salary?

Thanks, knicky (and really hoping the nausea isn't as bad as last time for you!) I feel a whole heap better for the sympathy! Sometimes DH's reactions make me feel utterly unreasonable :-( I'm terrified about the upheaval and how I'm going to cope. I've just had to look after myself for 37 years and my work has been a major part of what makes me 'me'; I also think I've been able to lead quite a selfish life till now. Finances are only one thing I need to sort out before the baby comes!

JoJo, no intention of leaving husband! I just come from a heavily divorced family so know that things can easily go wrong despite the best of intentions and I feel vulnerable because having children is definitely going to impact on my earnings, my earning potential, and the contribution I can make to the mortgage. He does know these are general concerns but he just doesn't get how vulnerable I feel or why. There's no talking to him - he just shuts down. Thanks for your advice. I think you're right that we need to sit down and thrash this out and I'm thinking of suggesting couples counselling. As a typical northern bloke (speaking as a northern woman) I know he will run a mile! But there's a lot of emotion mixed in with these practicalities and he is not opening up nor accepting my side of things. It's an impasse we've been at before, and it keeps coming back.

Thanks, count, nice to hear from you x

Am sitting munching on cola bottles. Purely medicinal... keeping the nausea at bay and all that. Hehe...

tiddley & manda big hugs, sounds like you both have difficult situations on your plate. tiddley I hope the operation goes smoothly & your df is ensconced in the annexe as soon as possible, making a good recovery.

I'm feeling miserable but for much more shallow reasons - nausea every morning and evening, not coping with my commute & work, and also feeling utterly huge. Between weight gain and bloating half my clothes don't fit, my boobs are enormous & seem to have dropped two inches, I have no waist & feel like a cow :-( my mother had hormonal probs with her pg & went from a size 8 to 18, she's only losing the weight post retirement with a five days a week gym habit. I know I am pg not fat but the fact is I look fat, and the nausea eating/hubby feeding me up doesn't help. Nor do the friends who know & lost weight during pregnancy :-(
Sorry to whine but I just feel hideous & like a frump!

Hi all and hello to the new ladies!

tiddley hope everything goes well with your DF, must be a worrying time.
mandasand can totally sympathise. Hope you can get your DH to open up a bit, he's maybe just feeling a bit overwhelmed too.

We've had a lovely day, been to a friends garden party type do and the sun was beaming down on us. I was the designated driver (and fingers crossed, no doubt for the next nine months I will be) so when I got back I have treated myself with s bottle of becks blue. The crazy life I lead!
Currently watching a film about boxing robots, the things we do for our DHs!

Finding it so hard not being able to tell anyone, but defo best for us to wait til after scan after last time. Just keeping everything crossed for a good result. Hope those of you already in the full grips of MS are coping. Thinking of you and praying I don't end up with it!!