Due in October 2012 - Part 5

[Kyyria]

Just starting us off on a new thread

Really appreciated the advice gucci - just been giving myself a bit of downtime

My little one has got an awkward streak a mile wide - apart from being upsidedown and refusing to move for scans he is now kicking like mad...until I get DH to sit down and put his hand on my tummy and then he stops!

kyria DD did that through my entire pregnancy. DH rarely got to feel anything. This DC is more cooperative. .

I know I'm a bit behind but wrt GF, I would strongly argue that you avoid it. I'm usually an "each to there own" sort of person but there is strong evidence that leaving a baby to scream is damaging for their brain development. I'm not scaremongering either if that sounds OTT.

This approach does create quiet babies, but quiet does not equal content and happy. They just learn that crying doesn't work, and as crying is all they have, you would effectively be taking away your babies voice.

Look into the Thrive approach if your interested (or not, I realise I am a nerd when it comes to child development ).

There is also plenty of anacdotal evidence that GF is emotionally damaging for Mummy too!

Kyria my baby is the same. Moves all day and then DH puts his hand on my belly and she stops! Yesturday she kicked so hard that I jumped out skin!

I'm feeling exhausted all the time atm and this is supposed to be the blooming stage (yeah, right), so I went and had a blood test yesturday to see if I'm anemic (was in last pregnancy) and had a Guiness last night.

Hi All

I'm STILL sick, grrrrr! Usually I pop pills and get back to work but not this time. I'm less congested/coughing, etc but I felt better this morning so got ready for work, travelled part of the way in and then returned home as I was drenched - literally drenched - in sweat Gross. So off to the doctors in a bit to make sure everything's nomal-ish.

I'm not one for going to doctors and taking time off work but I guess pregnancy means taking care of someone else now, not just me. And it would be good to get advice & just make sure I'm taking care of myself properly.

Smorgs/DameFlat I?ve put on at least a stone & a half. I eat healthily and walk regularly but guess I?m eating too much of everything ? I worry about it but if I?m genuinely tummy rumbling hungry then I?m going to eat and will have to look at losing weight after I give birth.

smileyhappy I wish I hadn?t weighed myself, you are a far wiser person than I

huffle I've also bought a dres in preparation for a wedding in August and praying to the pregnancy gods that I won't resemble a hippo in drag by then!!

squid I will post bump pics after my doctors appointment but I warn you, they ain?t small

35, 22+4, dc#1

loopy get well soon. I also feel terrible with cough and cold and congestion and have stayed home from work. Do let me know please if doc has any good advice about things we can actually take (other than paracetemol).

londonlivvy get well soon yourself

Lovely lady doctor (she was the one who listened to all my nagging about trying for a baby & putting me forward for lots of tests & things) listened to my heart & chest, took temp & checked my throat. She said it sounded like I have a cold & other virus combined and I was fine to keep taking paracetamol, drink plenty of fluids & rest, rest, rest. No work til at least Monday. She didn't suggest anything else but did say that I was right to get checked out, etc. If you can get an appt, I'd do the same londonlivvy even just for peace of mind?

Take care

Get well soon london and loopy! Get lots of rest.

I dreamt last night that I was trying to breastfeed a small chimpanzee with really sharp teeth. I kept saying 'I don't think this is our baby', but my husband was adamant. It was weird.

Londonmrs, I had jst about the same dream last week. Was breast feeding gorillas and one if the mom gorillas had my human baby... So good news is I think this is normal!

Either that, or we're both a bit abnormal!

I've just remembered that in the dream, I was sitting on a till in my local branch of Asda.

My latest dream (of a long and horribly vivid series in recent weeks) was about giving birth in a glass box (like 'the Cube' on TV) and suddenly realising people could see in. Not nice.

Kyrria keep resting! This baby is developing quite a personality too - s/he gave the doc a proper thump last night when she put the listening device to my tum - I don't think s/he likes being interfered with by medical people! S/he will at least kick for DH, which is lovely, although we've now had a couple of well-aimed kicks to his kidneys when I've tried to snuggle close at night and he's less keen on that...

Hope London and loopy feel better soon, get lots of rest and fluids. This weather is a nightmare, it's not so much that I feel hot, just feel really faint.

Thanks everyone. Slept for four hours this afternoon and still feel shattered. Must have needed it. DF is out drinking tonight which isn't ideal as I'd like looking after but in all honesty I'm not great company and down for an early night!

I feel v.guilty about not being at work, particularly as I was off a couple of weeks ago with the abdominal pains, but trying to focus on the most important thing right now : Pepe. And I need to stay well to look after her. (sorry about the waffle, I'm trying to convince myself!).

Chuckling re your random dreams, ladies.

Oh and last night I watched a couple of One Born Every Minute. I'm not sure why people say pregnant ladies shouldn't watch it - I think it's actually quite reassuring to see that, though painful, (and sometimes needing assistance) these women are all getting through it. It's also interesting to see how much of a role the men have - a really supportive cheerleader can be vital and a useless temperamental bloke can really be worse than no-one. Not saying that DF is useless - he's been fab - but when we've been at the hospital he's been feeling a little like a spare part and wondering what he's supposed to do on the day itself.

londonlivvy about models - hah, that does make me feel better. Not surprising at all when I think about all the airbrushing etc that goes on, but somehow never occurred to me they'd be that shameless.

Kyyria it's good to hear you more relaxed. GOOD!

Ah lisbethsopposite and WantanOrange thanks for all your wise words on crying and books and so on. They do sound pretty stressful, those prescriptive ideas. I am keen to just.. go with the flow a bit. Lots of cuddles and feeds. lisbeth make me feel better cutting down to 3 days a week too (though I know you already have a little one) ... I'm down to 9-5 and have cleared it with my consultant that I can go home at 4 if there's enough other staff on and I feel a bit judged for it still :(

loopyla and londonlivvy feel better soon. xxxx

Well, my news for the day is not one but two people asked me if I was pregnant today - first time! Guess all the others have just been thinking I was scoffing doughnuts! For some reason it made me go bright red both times and feel all shy.

It is hot and thunderstormy and I feel exhausted. I miss exercising, I'm going hiking this weekend.

Oh dear I've had a very bad day. Long day at work, where it was between 28 & 30 degrees inside, in a heavy polyester uniform. Nearly passed out several times, must've lost pints in sweat, but had so many patients to see I just had to keep trudging. Totally exhausted (really suffering with hayfever atm, which is wiping me out completely), and at the end had to get into (black) car which has no a/c and was in bright sun all day.

Got to childminder where she had completely fluffed DS's routine. He was so exhausted by lunchtime he didn't want to eat, so she put him down for a nap instead of lunch By the time I arrived to pick him up, he was beyond exhausted and starving. And hot. He had epic tantrums all the way home and more once home. I was so tired I was beyond coping....forced him into his highchair where he ate a bit but threw food all over the dining room.

The evening ended with him red faced and screaming blue murder in the bath while I washed him as quickly as possible, and after that he wouldn't let me touch him or come anywhere near him DH, who was luckily home by then, put him to bed while I lay on our bed and sobbed . Once I started crying I couldn't stop - DH thinks I've lost the plot.

I'm so tired, my back is killing me, everything aches and itches, and I'm an awful mother. I can't face tomorrow

There is a kind of thread of guilt going through a lot of our posts. Guilty for being at work - is it too much? guilty for not being at work - am I overreacting?
I think guilt is part of parenting, that starts in pregnancy. Should I BF? Why wont he/she eat veg? Why are they biting at creche?
The good news is I think you become guilt saturated. You look at your wonderful baby and they are going fine, so you must be doing something right.
I am doing my best and that is GOOD ENOUGH!

Bringing a new person into the world is a fantastically big deal (with lots of boring and uncomfortable bits)

Squidkid wait 'til your colleagues have walked a mile in your shoes. They are probably childless themselves ( I don't mean to sound cruel). In my health I love to work and get through loads - I really do. But recently, I have a much smaller battery and need to mind myself a bit - and I'm now over that. All of my colleagues have children and are supportive, as will you be when you're the healthy one and you have a sickly bean oven working beside you.

Don't know what my bean was sitting on today, but almost 10 trips to the loo to produce an egg cup of wee each time. Had a lovely lunch with a girlfriend and cooked a nice supper for family this evening - lovely day.

I saw a rerun of a OBEM episode with premmie babies, born at the early 20 something weeks recently. As we are about that time, I bawled and it put the fear of God in me.

Has anyone any book recommendations for a pregnant brain? You know what I mean - easy to follow

loopyla !!!!! Hippo in drag, wetting myself laughing, oh no!!!! May we look at least SLIGHTLY more elegant than that!!!!!!

Dameflat crossed post - you poor poor thing.
Can you stay home tomorrow? You are not an awful mother FFS. You did all but leap a tall building today - what else do you expect from yourself???
What a day. I'd have skipped the bath (sometimes I think the creche will notice DS is in the same vest for days but after a day's work it is just too much).
When I am overtired I don't want to cuddle. I want no physical stimulation and it sounds like that for DS. You are the center of his world and he will wake in the morning delighted to see you. Glad DH is doing his best too.

YOU DID GREAT TODAY

Dameflat your not an awful mother! Your Childminder cocked up and you had to suffer the consequences. Give yourself a break, you did everything you could today. Maybe your DS is coming down with a cold which would explain why he didn't want to eat and then was so rotten all day (or maybe he was just being a toddler...).

DameFlat, sending and hugs. You are human, you get tired, it happens. Hayfever and heat is hard to deal with. And don'ty get me started on people not sticking to routines when you are actually paying for them to do this . Nothing to beat yourself up about. Being a mother is exhausting, I can tell that and I'm not even a proper one yet. I'm sure today will be a new day.

WantanOrange, thanks for the balanced view on the crying books - I looked at Thrive - seems more focussed towards older children but it directed me towards some more websites that suggest that ignoring crying can have long term damaging effects. Am at that, I didn't know. Not that I was planning on ignoring crying at all but I gather that's the advice I'll find from Gina Ford. Makes sense when you read about the psychology of it. I have amazoned another couple of books, will have so many, with so much conflicting advice, I will probably end up burning the lot and go with gut instinct .

Loopy and London, hope you are both feeling better. Lol at the chimpanzee and gorilla dreams, LondonMrs and Beeblebear, they sound freaky but apparently very normal.

Squid, I am missing exercise too, and dancing like a loon to bouncy indie music. Feel like I have done nothing but work and be tired for months. Roll on the summer holiday when I cna fit exercise in more easily. I ordered these exercise cards from Amazon and they arrived yesterday - they look like a good way of doing a bit more without having to find too much time.

Today I am mostly feeling excited and paranoid. Excited because it hit me yesterday that the baby growing inside me is actually mine and DH's child - not just a baby, but a different baby from all the other babies that have ever existed - and we will get to meet him/her in a couple of months and hold him/her in our arms and it will be the most emotional, amazing thing. A brand new human being! . It's hard not to see it as a miracle, even for a cynical, down-to-earth scientisty type like me!

But also feeling paranoid that I might have pissed people off by being overly grumpy, or writing posts that are too long (like this one ), or too ranty, or just too self-absorbed, because (cue lower lip wobble and pathetic voice and speaking in a rush because it's embarrassing to say), no-one has responded to things I have said for ages. (want to run away and hide behind a sofa now). If it is because I have been an idiot, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, and please talk to me again . I love this forum, it really helps and I'd hate to think I have annoyed people and they don't want to talk to me or read me anymore . Work has been very, very full on, demanding and stressful recently and that has affected my outlook. I am valued there and treated well and I am grateful for that, but it is still an enormous mental and physical workload and that gets me down sometimes and I lose my sense of humour and my perspective and that comes out in ranty, self-indulgent posts. I put a truly awful one on a thread about teacher presents, which I almost want to ask to be removed, but I think it should stay there to remind me that sometimes I should just shut the fuck up and be grateful for what I have and remember what's important in life and how I can come across when I'm in a bad mood, ie like a complete and utter selfish fuckwit.

Anyway. If I've annoyed you and made you not want to respond to my posts, or am doing so now, please accept my apologies? Or tell me, so I know what to do differently next time. If I am talking out of my arse, please also tell me.

Paranoid Yomping 37, 26 weeks today.

Yomping don't be a nobber. We still love you even if that was the longest post in the world. Release your inner paranoia, it's the hormones talking. holds hand

yomping don't worry. I promise that from my point of view there's been no specific avoiding of your posts. I tend to read on my phone much of the time which makes referencing harder.

But absolutely agree that this thread has been a world of essential reassurance for me over the last few months. Thanks everyone.

In other news am still horribly snotty and with v sore cough. Not impressed.

YompingJo Thrive has so far been used mostly for primary aged children and a treatment for emotional problems, but us Early Years workers are now being trained up to use it as a preventative measure, so the kids don't have those problems in the first place. It's based on a theory of building blocks of emotional development, starting at birth (which include being responded to when you cry). It's pretty solid scientifically from what I can see, based on nueroscience and brain scans. I find it fascinating!

Definately not avoiding posts on purpose, though I am lazy and tend to skim read......

Yomping - don't be daft! I love coming on here and reading everyone's posts - it's lovely knowing that I'm not the only one feeling like I am, that there is a lovely group of fantastic and individual ladies who you can share laughs and concerns with, and that everyone is entitled to a rant! I have enjoyed being able to come on here and get support - even if this is by way of reading various long posts that may or may not be ranty that make me appreciate how I'm feeling and how special pregnancy is and that however much we want it to be fantastic and rosy it can be a lot tougher than we all think - but it's all very reassuring.

Don't feel that by voicing how you feel that you're upsetting anyone or being overly grumpy.

I'm like a lot of people in that I tend to access this via my phone and replying can be tricky.

I love reading everyone's posts on here

32, 22+5, #1

Yomping I get paranoid too when people don't respond to my posts We're a funny old lot aren't we. I always enjoy (don't take that the wrong way!) reading your posts, so don't stop posting! I usually sit down to post at the end of a long day when I'm so tired that nothing stays in my mind. I mention people who've said something that triggers a response in me at that moment. I find you often verbalise more eloquently what I'm feeling/thinking - keep at it!

Thank you for your kind comments, too lisbeth, wantanorange and yomping, they made me well up a bit! I just got so cross with DS last night and was on the verge of hysterical tears, I felt so guilty and like I'd changed the way he sees me. More paranoia.... Sometimes when I'm exhausted and he really pushes my buttons (tends to happen at mealtimes and nappy changes) I lose the plot a bit and get really angry. I'm terrified he'll be learning awful behaviours from me, and with a long family history of mental illness down my mother's side, I'm double paranoid. I'm also wondering what I'm doing having another baby when I am barely coping with one. Totally irresponsible?

Today is a non-work day for me so I'm going to see the doctor this afternoon for my hayfever in the hopes there's something I can take. I'm sure it's contributing to my irritability and tiredness - i've never experienced anything like it before!

Long self-indulgent post here! DS is napping (cue hallelujah chorus) so I need to find my happy place in preparation for lunch and the nappy change after.

On a random side-note - we've had problems with slugs getting into our dining room and leaving trails all over it (YUCK). I FOUND one in there this morning, panicked, remembered they don't like salt, and tipped a whole pack of salt on its head. I don't know if anyone watches True Blood, but salting a slug seems to be like staking a vampire (although they die a bit more slowly ). Holy crap the mess was epic. I was retching uncontrollably whilst scooping up stringy slug mess. Feel ill thinking about it.

Just adding sympathies to londonlivvy and others suffering with the evil summer cold that's going around - I had that for a week a couple of weeks ago. The cough is sticking around a bit longer, and I get left sided pain near the bottom of my ribs now when I cough So don't cough too hard!!! And get better soon!