Due in October 2012 - Part 5

[Kyyria]

Just starting us off on a new thread

32, 23+2, 1st

Went back to work today, after speaking the GP yesterday and saying I felt alright. She advised that I ask for more breaks and maybe look at leaving at 4/4.30 rather than 5.

So I turn up today and I am the only doctor on the unit (there should be 4 of us, 2 were on nights, one was sick) and work flat out till 2pm when I have an hours mandatory training so at least get to sit down and wolf down a sandwich, go back to ward, do my best, have to hand over 7 unseen patients at 6pm feeling like a dickhead (though not my fault)

Called medical staffing who as usual act oblivious and don't bother to find any other cover

Not all days are like this, but a lot of days are like this.

I don't mean to whinge, I just... I feel bad... I don't want to be off work, but work is so full-throttle and I don't know how to find any middle ground.

Incidentally, despite working 9hours flat out I was "on strike" today as I don't agree with the changes being made to doctors pensions, according to the media we all earn £110K for working part time and are demanding even more money and are all putting patients at risk for this strike, whereas every doctor I know was at work as usual because we are all talk and can't possibly not treat sick patients. Also no one earns that much. Also I am treated as a part-timer for having been cut down to 40 hours/week (which usually works out as 50). Also the pensions are entirely paid by doctors (NOT the taxpayer) and the pot is in surplus (as doctors all die young with stress - not joking!) and the tories are just dipping their filthy fingers in as usual. I'm sure no one cares about this, but the media are bald-faced liars.

I got home and drank wine

^ sorry if that sounded arsey. I just hate the news and I'm very tired...

Hi everyone!
Good luck with the scan loopy, will be thinking of you and looking forward to hering how it goes!
I havent had any racy dreams at all, in fact completely lacking a sex drive (sorry if tmi), kind of feels weird now that I can feel the baby kicking and wriggling so much, almost like somebody would be watching! I know that sounds mad but fortunately seems like dh feels similarly so we are enjoying lots of cuddles for now.
Kyrria I think worrying about bonding is completely and utterly normal....if its any help I'm not sure I really bonded with dd1 until she was a few months old but she is now the absolute centre of my life. It will happen. And pregnancy is also just all about worry!
Squid, can you talk to your consultant? Really they should be helping you out if needed. I hope you get some better days soon (tomorrow would be good!). Couldn't agree more about the media and industrial action day, I too was working as normal today (hospice so effectively all urgent care) but definitely support the strike. Not sure people realise tht lots of doctors who support industrial action and were just providing urgent care today spent the day at work but won't be paid as they were taking industrial action. Also wishing that I got paid "an average of £110000" as I heard on the radio today.
Anyone else getting lots of weepiness and mood swings? Yesterday evening I cried at a wildlife programme, today I feel anxious but not about anything in particular. Early night needed I think.

(wine) for all those with work/flat selling or moving/feeling unwell dramas. Congrats on the latest scans, ladies :) I hope the wine pic works; i have never tried to do anything more adventurous than a smiley face on here before.

Have been enjoying visible tummy movements the last couple of nights and daddy got a big kick when he said hello to baby when i got home from work today :)

So, bump was 98 cm yesterday morning and grew 4.5 cm to tripple figures, 102.5 cm by bedtime! People at work i only see occasionally are still not sure if i'm pregnant or have just eaten too many pies, which is annoying. I got told today i looked small for 5 months and then that someone else told me they thought i must have been 6 or 7. Goodness knows what 'normal' looks like :) I was most annoyed to meet a lady recently who is only a week behing me and i couldn't even tell she was preggers - made me feel HUGE! I guess people just make comments because they think you mustn't feel self-conscious about your size because your preggers, but i still do sometimes!

oh no, the wine didn't work :(

Was going to log on to say "grr, I wrote a long whingy post yesterday then my connection went down and it never posted and I lost it all", but then decided that my post was long, whingy and boring and I was glad it hadn't posted as it was just all negative. But then when I got here, there it was. So... sorry for such a long, whingy and boring post. I'm a nobber, again! Might have to change my username.

Happy birthday kyyria, lol at smorgs's close encounter with a kitten and congratulations someone on the good midwife's appointment - sorry, I've lot the page it was on. I got my MATB1 sorted - after all that drama, it was an A5 form that took the midwife (who happened to be at the GPs when I popped in to collect the form that they hadn't done for me) 30 second to fill out. Anticlimax or what?

squid, I feel your pension woes - teachers are the same boat. New agreement hashed out a few years ago was deemed sustainable, and was all paid for by teachers. Then a few months ago the government changed it again as it was "unsustainable in the long term" but they couldn't produce figures to prove this. No public sympathy for strikes as media and politicians spun it very negatively and public perception of teaching is that you work 9-3 and have 13 weeks holiday a year. In actuality, my hours are usually 7-5:30 or 6, then some more at home on average 2 nights a week, I do a day's work 3 weekends out of 4, sometimes more, and work most of my holidays to prepare for the next half term or catch up from the one before. Then there are parents evenings (6 a year), performances, concerts, fund raising fairs etc. I went on strike over pension changes. Teaching is great, I'm not knocking it, I love my job but it doesn't seem right to have to pay more money in over a longer period for less at the end when the pensions were already sustainable, and I can't see myself being able to keep summoning up the energy every day in the classroom until I'm nearly 70 FGS, it's ridiculous.But I do have a job that pays OK and I'm grateful for that, and I know that all pensions have had to suffer.

In good news though, got some tickets to see Michael MacIntyre in August, hurray, and off to Bath this weekend to visit a good friend. And tomorrow it's Friday. And my maths set appear to be doing quite well so far in their end of year tests, and my class did well in their reading tests and OK in their writing assessments so I can't be too useless.

Oh god, I'm boring myself. Sorry. Had cheese and biscuits for dinner, think it's turned me into some moany boring person. I'm going now :(

Yomping, 37 and very boring, 24+6.

beccus, use square brackets like these: [] for the little pictures. Go on, have another go, you'll get it.

Yomping I know and you have my sympathies. my brother and sister are both teachers and they work really hard. the media is so full of spite and hate. I try not to read it.

going to bed now, i think tomorrow is going to be worse! but I have the weekend off, so i'll be alright

So get this. (major major rant coming sorry!!!)
My manager at work has been there for four years- contracted to 39 hours a week. For the entire four years I have worked there I would say he has actually completed about.. 12-16 weeks at full contracted hours. The most he manages a week is 10...15hours average maybe? He still gets paid for 39 hours a week illegal? i think so! (and manages to make it look like he has done overtime), still gets his half yearly bonus, still gets all the praise when things are done right.
Since I have been pregnant I have not called in sick once. I have left my shifts early maybe three or four times in the last 20 weeks, once because I had a huge row with my so-called-grandmother, once or twice because I just felt rough and once because I had to go to a&e. I did my risk assessment last week with our administrator/senior duty manager, and asked to be taken down to two evenings a week as I was starting to struggle with the late finishes. Which was fine. All agreed- not a problem whatsoever. Everyone understood, she understood, manager understood, not a problem.
Today was my one evening shift I had been put on this week. My manager was also supposed to work until 10 with me tonight. He is supposed to work until 10 once a week. He has never, ever, ever, worked until 10pm, in the entire four years he has been there. Never.
He worked yesterday on his day off, and I realised that he would probably not come in today, leaving me with one other colleague from 3 until 6pm- we have three tills to cover. Two of us. The maths doesnt quite work. So I rang him to ask wether he would be there today, as it was just us two and it would be difficult, customers moaning about queueing, etc, etc. So he said yes- he would come in to help with the afternoon.
I get to work today (after working my arse off yesterday, so was understandably a little bit worn out) and find out he has made our senior duty manager come back and do a 4-10 today- he left at 4 pm. After arriving at 2pm.
He returned at 6.30. After I was told that he would not allow me to work evenings anymore. Which on one hand, is great. On the other hand, is not fair on everyone else, and makes me look a complete idiot/invalid when I am not. I asked why I was not allowed to do evenings anymore. He called me "unreliable".

Excuse me?
I worked three evenings a week for god knows how long whilst pregnant, delivery days, with minimal staff, never once moaned, managed to get everything done.
Now i'm further along in pregnancy and tire more easily- I am now unreliable. He can't rely on me to get things done. I am also not allowed to tell people when I am struggling.

He denied saying this to my senior duty manager. She believes me, obviously, because (did I add this?) He was drunk. He actually came into work, drunk.

I feel a major formal complaint coming on. Anyone else agree? Or am I taking this too personally?

loopy, if it helps, we?ve nicknamed the transvaginal scan the ?Amsterdam scan? in my family as it looks like the kind of thing you?d buy over there. I now get the giggles every time I see it and am over the embarrassment. Also, I think we have to get used to a bit of indignity as what?s coming ain?t exactly dignified or delicate? Good luck with the scan though.

Kyrria I?ve not bonded yet either and my eldest sister told me she didn?t fall in love when the baby was born either ? it took some time. But now she is absolutely smitten. So I think it happens at different speeds for everyone. You?ll be grand.

Smorgs I wouldn?t worry about the cat. My boyf has a cat (which I live with, but still very much think of as HIS cat as am not really a fan) and though it?s jogged over me whilst I?ve been doing yoga and whilst I?ve been asleep, it?s all well, so think the risks are absolutely tiny. PS JEALOUS of your 30oC. Here it?s raining. Again (or should that be ?still?.

squid that sounds like a horribly stressful day and you?re entitled to rant. Blasted HR and blasted media GRR.

smiley I?m with you on the total lack of sex drive. Too bloody tired all the time! Poor DF.

Beccus that?s great growing skills. A friend of mine who?s 12 weeks has a bump that?s 98cm (mine was 93 I think at 20 wks) so you?re right, no such thing as a ?normal? bump. I have a v.long torso which I think means I?m less sticky-outy.

I?ve had a relaxing-ish evening of some baking and some studying so feeling less frantic. Hurrah for that. Sleep well everyone.

Sorry for such a miserable post. I feel a bit better now ive had cuddles with DP and the doggy. Squid glad you are feeling better now- and i hear you on the strike situation. If you ask me (having been under the care of alot of doctors) i dont think many of them earn enough. They work ridiculous hours and ultimately save lives. I owe my sanity to the doctors/surgeons i have had- i dont think i wouldve coped without them.

I also wouldnt worry about the cat thing too much- i live with satan's cat, a one eyed, flea infested, sick, evil 20yr old cat and im fine. The baby has been really really active today so i take it it is also okay too :-)

20, tired of working for underappreciative manager, 20 weeks- (my god, half way today when did that happen?!?!), child numver 1.

mickey your current boss sounds very much like my old one! He was contracted to 37hr week (same as me). In the 5 years I've worked there have never seen him work a full week. Either off sick, "nipping out" for 3hr lunch breaks, or on holiday using all the "overtime" he used to accrue. What a nobber (love that phrase).

Well, it's 2:35am and I'm wide awake and staring at the ceiling. Have been like this for the last week. Am hoping it's baby/bladder related but have a horrible feelingthat it's work/stress related. Don't want to go back on antidepressants whilst preg if I can avoid it but place is driving me crackers. After having annual leave cancelled and made to go in am really peed off after having a day where I really didn't need to be there at all.

Can't wait for mat leave.

32, 21+4, #1, wide awake

I'm wide awake at 4am too Kyrria. Do you have any other annual leave coming up? I'm so sorry you had to go in, if I had got it into my head I was due a day off I'm pretty sure that would have made me burst into tears. Just going to try some stretches for a little bit then try to sleep again. Pretty sure my insomnia is work/stress related too, I feel completely wired and fretting about how busy tomorrow is going to be and whether I'm going to fall over. I know a very junior doctor who blatantly fancies me so I may shamelessly bleep him mid-morning and see if he can come down to bring me food and moral support for a few minutes!

26+3 and wishing it was 36+3

Wide awake here too. Slept on and off all night but keep having weird and slightly unpleasant dreams about work and about dd1s delivery. Given up on sleeping now and come downstairs instead.
mickey your manager sounds a complete dick! Absolutely appalled by him. Hope something will be done, especially now he's made it obvious what a dick he is to others by turning up drunk. Definitely dont think a formal complaint is over-reacting.
kyrria sympathy on the insomnia front, just wondering, if you think you might be getting a bit low /stressed again is it worth you giving GP or midwife a ring in the morning to have a bit of a chat about it? Maybe a little bit of time signed off would be a good idea? Just a thought but do take care of you.
Hope everyone has a happy Friday.

Morning all

Thanks for your concerns squid and smiley . I don't feel like I did last time (back then was dreading Monday morning on a Thursday evening, and used to feel sick and teary on a morning going in) but that said I know I'm still generally teary at the moment - but only when I get stressed or have to talk about nobber of an ex-boss and his impact. That said, got stressed out on Tuesday to the point of having a panic attack at work, but this time felt I could carry on, whereas the first time that happened was what got me signed off work for 3 months.

Stopped anti-ds when I found out I was preg as by that point I was feeling brighter and main stressor (boss) was becoming an ex-boss. Am starting to wonder if re-starting them would reduce risk of me stressing the bean out. Also worried that if I got signed off sick that work would then force me to go on mat leave - and I don't want to lose out on time with the bean.

Got up at 3am after having spent an hour and a quarter staring at the ceiling. Toddled up to bed at 4:45am and managed about an hours sleep before the alarm went off. Thankfully off work today so may have tactical snooze on sofa

32, 21+5, #1

Blimey there was a fair bit of insomnia about last night. I was also plagued by bizarre dreams but managed to resist grabbing the phone or I would have joined you with your nocturnal gathering.

kyria don't think you can be made to take may leave this early if your condition not related to pregnancy. And yours is pre existing so arguably nothing to do with pregnancy. Maybe do as Smiley says an just take a week off. Put yourself first and don't worry about others. X

And he does sound a right nobber love saying nobber. Nobber, nobber, nobber.

Me too midget - NOBBER!

Nobber nobber nobber :o (Just cos I can)

Obviously something in the air last night, I was awake at 4 before DH's alarm went off for early flight, fell asleep and woke at 5 with bladder on verge of exploding, then dozed fitfully for the rest of the night, having a parade of bizarre and saucy dreams

Now going on a school trip to an outdoors centre in a frikkin' monsoon. Hurrah!

Sympathy to all with nobber bosses, have to say this week my boss has been fab and the complete opposite of a nobber (a rebbon?) and it made such a difference. Pregnancy is tough enough without the nobbers!

Proper catch up later, have a good day ladies x

Morning...
Re: people commenting on bump size

I get the run of the... Oh yoyu are tiny to the oh my you are already big, you are going to be huge! But yesterday one of the ladies at work made the perfect comment, and I just thought I would share... She tsaid to me "your bump is looking beautiful today"

So to all you ladies out there, I hope you are enjoying your beautiful bumps!

Mickey complain complain complain!!! To quote the others what a total nobber!! He is discriminating against you just because you're pg,it's not on & may be illegal!! Take the stupid pissed up incompetant twat to the cleaners!!!
Really dont envy you ladies dealing with nobhead bosses I've had a few over the years!Fortunately I dont need to deal with them being self employed,however,there are all manner of other things to deal with when pg so just depends where you are as there always seems to be something to worry about

Nothing much else to report,tiddler is rummaging away quite happily today not sat quite as low as yesterday as dont feel like he's going to fall out today!!!

wow today was so busy. i'm shattered, haven't stopped for a second. it seems kind of ironic that chat i had with my GP about pacing myself more and taking breaks. mostly on my own again today just saw as many patients as I could. had a brief sit down at 4. left hour and a half late. it's just so busy. it's not easy to say no when people are sick.
boy is cooking salmon and rice, mmm
it's nice now that when I tell people Im pregnant instead of being surprised they just sort of smile in a "thought so" way... am showing quite a bit more I think, though not yet to the point where anyone has outright asked me or mentioned it. one of the consultants who knows I'm pregnant told me not to get involved when there was an arrest today (there were plenty of other doctors, they all turn up when the crash alarm goes off) I appreciated that, I am tired and a bit vulnerable and don't really feel up for chest compressions and shouting.

I was told I was having palpitations and getting breathless and had that bleed because I was going too fast and to slow down so I don't know how I feel about these last two days. I'm glad I went back because our unit was so understaffed, but.

no plans for the weekend except 2 mates coming to see me tomorrow and going out for nice meal. not stressful. boy wants to clean the house and has decided I am not allowed to do housework. ok by me.

Thanks for the support girls- i'm loving the word nobber right now!! Also laughing at Angelico's Rebbon comment- Love it!

Well I'm in the process of speaking to various friends/managers of their own businesses about what constitutes discrimination and the like and I think I really can take him to the cleaners for this one.
I've always sat back and done nothing when things get shit, i just keep my head down and brush it off my shoulders. If I'm being honest I love working there, as much as we all whinge about work- it keeps me sane, it keeps me going.
But unreliable is one thing I'm not. I pride myself on being reliable, this has hurt me so much. Usually I can take critiscm even if I know its not true, but I adapt and I improve. But when I actually know I'm not unreliable (Got the hours sheets to prove it) it makes me sick to think that he feels like that. It has really affected me. To the point where I considered pulling a sickie today. (I don't pull sickies. I just don't) But I didn't. Because I care about my workmates too much and I know it would have left them right in the shit. Currently deciding if I should go in tomorrow; but then I know that I'll be leaving more workmates in the shit. I have never felt so crap about going to work. Never. Ugh :( anyway. I'm going to write my statement/write my points and make my manager friend write it for me...

In positive news; my little bean who is not so little has been SO active today!!! Kicking me all day long :) It's nice having company all the time :D
xxxxxxxxx

Oop cross-posted Squid. It's hard to take it easy when you know what needs to be done... especially when you are so used to just doing it.
Take it easy this weekend- we're having pork and marmite sausages for tea- cue doggy dentures omnomnomnomnom advert!!!!