Congratulations miko - April is such a lovely name. Sorry you didn't get the birth you wanted, and I hope you are recovering well.
SES, sorry to hear things are potentially a bit rushed for you! DH's take on the situation seems pretty sensible under the circumstances, sounds like a bit of a star.
I seem to be having a bit of a nesting energy burst, though having only got four hours sleep last night for one reason and another, it might be about to come to an abrupt end! Have done loads of sorting of papers and filing, quite satisfying to bin loads of stuff (and I found several credit / store / loyalty cards I'd never activated!).
Gigantic rant coming - please don't read it if you don't want to, but I just need to vent!!!!!! My parents are doing my head in. My mother was incredibly rude and unpleasant to me at Christmas, finally really overstepped the mark (I have tolerated years of bitchy comments/tantrums/bitterness about one thing or another, lots of it very nasty, none of it ever apologised for. I have put up with it in the name of respecting my parents and keeping the peace). This time she stepped up her game by trying to get to me using my DDs, which was totally out of order. After about 3 attacks from my mother, I finally answered back, telling her that I'd done as she wanted for most of my life, and now she doesn't get to call the shots any more - I was pretty polite under the circs. My father and brother just stood by and offered no support, while she yelled at me in front of my children. I was 18 weeks pg at the time, and had had a mc in june, a cp in august, I also had a very bad cold at the time, and the stress gave me stomach cramps which scared the life out of me. I spent most of Christmas day crying in our bedroom. Nice! Without boring you with the details, this was because DH and I are atheists (not that we go on about it all the time or anything, we are respectful of others rights to their own beliefs), and had not gone to church on Christmas day (we don't want to confuse the DDs, and don't feel comfortable attending church with my parents, and I had told them 2 weeks before Christmas that we wouldn't be going). We ended up leaving first thing on boxing day, rather than staying a couple of days after Christmas. We used the excuse of my cold, but they would be incredibly stupid not to realise why we were leaving.
I haven't really spoken to them that much since Christmas, but just before they went on holiday at easter I had told them I was waiting for a date for my ELCS, and that it would most likely be on 14th or 21st May. They offered to come down to "help" with the DDs, but I was noncommital about it, and didn't accept the offer. I just said we couldn't make any plans until we had the date.
I should explain that when I had DD2, we did accept their offer of help, and they were the biggest pain! Their "help" was to take DD1 to nursery (which was useful) when I had the CS, and afterwards. After DH went back to work, they used to hold DD2 a bit when she was crying, and then take DD2 over to the cottage they were staying in on a couple of occasions (I suspect to get away from DD2 crying!), but only in between meals - they never fed her, I still had to do that, they never changed any nappies, and I had to supervise all baths, provide 6 pages of written instructions of what to do with DD1 (down to what she should be wearing!!!!) etc. Every bit of "help" was really laboured, and followed by lots of comments about how tired they were, how they had loads to do at home etc. After DH went back to work (2 weeks after the CS) I was also expected to cook their dinner, and there was sighing and whinging when it wasn't done till after DD1's bedtime. We had to put our cats in the cattery, as my dad is allergic to them, which ended up costing us £500, and he still sat there sniffing and complaining about his allergy (he refuses to take antihistamines, and says they don't agree with him or work - even though there are loads of different varieties of antihistamine, and they always work on my allergies...). We took them out for a meal and bought them presents to thank them for coming, despite being secretly glad when they went home.
This time we had been trying to sort out an alternative solution to getting the DDs to nursery on the day of the CS, and had in fact nearly sorted this out with one of my friends, when my mother phoned on Monday. They have booked into a cottage down here on the 28th (my EDD), despite (according to my mother) her telling my dad that that was not when I would be having the baby. Also despite not having been invited down here, or told that we did want their help. I told her I now had the date for the ELCS (21st), and that we had had other offers of help I could work with. My mother went into full steamroller mode, and started bustling about how it was important they be there, and she was "determined" they would be here, and how they have bought a camcorder... She then phoned me again yesterday, and they have booked to come down here the evening of the 20th, until the wednesday that week. They haven't cancelled the trip the following week, which turns out to be for a full week, with my brother in tow (who would have had to book the time off work), and taking in 3 plays at Stratford Upon Avon as well, with someone booked to take over my mothers writing the church newsletter that week. Somehow, they would have me believe that they organised all this between their return from Tenerife on Friday last week, and them phoning me on Monday... I don't believe them. I told my mother that DH had 3 weeks off - 1 paternity leave, 2 holiday - and that as such, we had wanted to spend a lot of the time as quiet family time together, doing what we wanted and not having to make plans or entertain. I pointed out we couldn't really make plans, because so much depends on how things go once the baby is here. She went a bit huffy and started going on about how they could still "pop in", were "at our mercy", and how it was important for them and especially my brother (a 42 year old, single, not very child friendly man, who my mother still refers to as "poor kid" and generally treats like an 8 year old, and who she refuses to accept is gay despite him telling her this 20 years ago, and who she thinks "just needs to meet the right girl") to "get to know this baby".
I personally think it is more important for me to avoid stress after a major operation, for the DDs, DH and me to get to know our baby and adjust to a major life change, without unwanted intrusions from judgemental relatives. After a really traumatic birth with DD1 (failed 3 day induction and EMCS) and a nice but still stressful birth with DD2 (failure to progress, foetal distress, another EMCS) part of the reason I have gone for an ELCS this time is to avoid stress, and try to have a calm and pleasant experience this time. DH is none too pleased about all this (he is really sensible, tolerant, and not afraid to tell me when he thinks I'm wrong, but he is completely in agreement about all the above) but says we'll think of something, and not let them impose.
Rant over - thanks to anyone who stuck with me through all that, and sorry for the mammoth page hogging me, me, me post!!!!!!!