January 2012 - The one with the heartburn, kick counting and bump-gropers losing their hands...

[shonnomanom]

There we go, a nice new thread.

The BIG Question??? Will the first baby arrive during this thread???????

Moobee - hope the guest house is OK - did you get the car sitch sorted? I totally understand what you mean about the birth, btw. As you all may have guessed I am very very close to my mum, but as the time gets closer I find I want that moment to just be shared between DH and I.

Don't know if Mummy is wiser than me and saving me from making a decision, or if she genuinely doesn't want to be there, but she said to me
"I don't have to be 'in at the kill' do I?"

Which I did at that point, but actually far more sensible to have her keeping the home fires burning (feeding cats etc) and just invite her along to the MWLU to be the first to meet the baby as a thanks for helping out (she'd only be 5 mins away)

Am just trying to block out thoughts of any other visitors. Apart from my dad and sister (who won;t be offended if I just tell them to go away because I'm tired) I don't really want to see anyone Fun and games.

It wasn't planned but I had my best friend in the delivery room along with Dh until about an hour before Dd arrived and it was lovely to have her there (we told staff we were sisters). Our families descended the next day and didn't mind that they weren't the first. Do your own thing and don't worry about what anyone else thinks! I wasn't keen on hospital visits because I was leaking from so many places I found it hard to keep track of whether I was presentable or not! Will take many more nighties in this time.
Oeisha & Greenlady (I think, I can't see the thread!) my dietician said that stress does cause the body to release more glucose - fight or flight stuff. My breakfast readings are usually the worst, and possibly due to the pre-school rushing about. The metformin is finally kicking in though and I haven't gone above my levels at all today. Yay!! They said small bananas and 4 or 5 grapes or berries occasionally as very sweet and to stick to fruit that needs chewing like apples, pears and satsumas instead. Hope that helps.

I don't think all mums want to be there tbh. I was talking to my stepmother about it as her daughter had the first grandchild last year. She didn't attend but said that when my step sister called her in labour she actually found it a bit distressing to hear her in any pain. I think she was discharged quite quickly after birth so hospital visiting wasn't even an issue.

That said I don't have an option on that as my mum is no longer around, I wish she was.

Pants. Sorry for being a bit maudlin there. If it's any consolation I just made myself cry on the train and people are staring at the mad pregnant lady

Hi
Just wanted to let others in on what I experienced. With no.1 it was just dh and me at the hospital while I gave birth. However dh's family all turned up at the hospital the next day on mass. There was dh's parents, his grand dad ( then 86), dh'd cousin and wife once removed. Then that evening my parents and my aunt and uncle. All I can say is ds 1 and I didn't have a very restful day. I did feel they were very selfish as they all handled the baby too much and he didn't get a decent feed all afternoon( as I was still learning how to bf him). It never happened again with the other babys born as I think it was the novelty of the first of a new generation syndrome.

However with dd1 my mother asked if she could be there at the birth. I really don't like being on show even with ,my mother( who at the best of times didn't deal with blood sweat and me screaming). It didn't go well when I said it was just going to be dh and I. She booked a holiday to Italy that day for the week I was due for 2 weeks in a huff. What a shame as she could have been over just after as I had a home birth and it wasn't that we wanted to exclude her but she did that.

Back to today's situation neither of our parents have made very little effort for this baby. Dh's mother bought some sheets from Sainsburys ( when she buys for her friends grand children from m&s) and my parents have only just started talking about it now but mum has just booked a 2 week holiday to cuba the week after the due date. I really hope I need no support as it obviously isn't on offer.

My thought if I could do my first time over would be upfront and say what I wanted was not loads of visitors. I could have managed it on day 3 but day 2 was way to much with no. 1. As for guest staying over unless you are happy to share those precious first moments I would send an email and photo and organise it for later. My dh also said he felt every one forgot it was his baby to and didn't want guests so soon after birth. In the end the births have been something special where he loved it that I only wanted him there rather than my mother who would naturally want to be involved.

parsley
In so many ways I feel like I'm being ungrateful, and I'd love to have the sort of relationship with them where I could tell them to bugger off and this wouldn't lead to hystrionics from Mum*. They would never consider themselves as stressful and would be horrified to hear I do find them stressful. I guess Mum thinks she has a very close relationship with me, and she just doesn't (I've told them about the many hospital visits, but she's ubelievably prudish and won't want to talk about piles, aching bits etc) and never has. I guess the issue is that her perception of the relationship isn't what actually is.

I've resolved to speak to the brother that "gets it" and see what he thinks.

*when I say hystrionics, I mean accusations of me "Runing christmas" because the car broke down on 24th December and we couldn't make it to them...her basically not quite (literally only just) yelling and actually sobbing her eyes out in the middle of M&S...they honestly wanted us to pay for a taxi to Manchester (probably £100 at best) and pay for a hire car (that was going to be £500), even offered to pay for it (I was unemployed at the time, no money at all), but I tried and hire company wouldn't let us do it that way...yet it was still my fault and I'd ruined Xmas. Older brother agreed and said we were being "unreasonable" and "selfish", missing the point that this wasn't even possible anyway...

kittie thanks for the information. Thought it might. It was only detected at a '+' so not worried. Still, will be keeping an eye on stress levels. Interesting if it was 'stress'. I obv. find parents more stressful than a mahoosive health and safety audit at work.

I had my mum there for dds birth, but because i wanted her there and have a great relationship with her. She was so supportive and it was really great having her and dh their. She wont be there for bumps birth because I need her to have dd but also she said it was the hardest thing she had to do and just wanted to do it for me rather than just watching.

My consultant appointment was really good, he's booked another scan at 36 weeks to check the size and position of baby.

Sorry to hear about everyones parental issues. I'm not going to comment too much, I lost my mum the year before my Dd was born and my dad a few weeks ago so all I will say is tolerate as much as you can, you never now when it might be too late (I hope that doesn't offend anyone.)

My brain is completely addled today, I had to go to Addenbrookes hospital for an appointment about a genetic condition I probably have, I literally feel like I've sat a biology exam (think mitochondria, genomes, complicated DNA strands...........arghhhh).

Coupled with it being a 5 hour round trip I am shattered and have settled down for a quiet evening

Good to hear about the positive homebirth stories, I'm planning to get a pool from
eBay also.

Have a good evening ladies

Hiya all, it's really interesteing to hear everyones comments on the whole Mum being there thing-I have reread what I wrote earlier and realise that folks may have meant actually being there by the bedside-I never would have had that from my mum, those moments are for your DH and immediate family only

I told her not to even bother coming to Uk from France and that cut her to the quick i think. I was so sure it was all going to be fine and dandy. As soon as I was home I was phoning her up begging her to come, if I had had her around at home or nearby that would have been a lot better.

I simply wanted my mum, my birth experience was dreadful yes and I was in pain, vulnerable, I felt I had been violated and ripped apart.

When Mum arrived immediately after her trip from france. Mum came in, we cuddled and cried, she changed the sheets, ran me a bath, found me a clean nightie, phoned the dr for a home visit to get me more pain killers, made me scrambled eggs on toast, changed the babies nappy, fed DH and then buggered off again for the night. It was perfect and just the kind of help i needed.

giraffe I suspect I'm just being paranoid. And I do love them to bits and I do appreciate everything they do do for me. They only do the things they do because they care, and I do hold on to that a lot.

also for all the genetic stuff. DH did his degree in genetics and it sounds fascinating, but probably not when you're on the recieving end of it all.

fish that's a good Mummy. I'm thinking of asking my bro who lives about 2h from hospital to put them up. That way she's a lot closer and can just spend the day with me/us. I'll know they have something to do and won't just be rattling about waiting to visit me, and they'll have somewhere comfy and known to be (I've already ruled out them staying here. They'd have to share a bed and they won't like that at all).

I see to have got pregnacare lodged in my throat. Luckily I don't really do the cholking 'til I vomit thing, thanks to many years of taking painkillers and the same thing happening, but it's sooo uncomfy.

My mum will be with me (not bedside as that would defo freak her out) but in the house and I am looking forward to it (even though sometimes she does drive me up the wall!!)

Now...how big is your belly????? I am 30 weeks and they measured today and it is 28.5 (at 28 weeks it was measuring 28) and the doc did not seem worried but I just thought the baby might not have grown as much as it should have??? I am just so worried about the GTT test and this and DH is away and I am all alone in this house just worrying ....

Sorry to be a bit soppy...but just feel a bit hopeless!

Parsley sending unmumsnetty hugs your way :(

nanny I think that's the type of experience I'd like to avoid - I'd find the stressful!

Glad to hear your sugar levels are better kitty that must be a big relief. Hope everything goes ok for you on the sugar front greenlady.

The car is now running again cakes thanks for asking :) the garage lent me their courtesy car for free which was excellent! Staying away from home is a pain, but I'm focussing on having a non-mouldy bathroom at the end of this all. Hopefully can move back home tomorrow...

My MIL has told me that she doesn't want to know about the baby until AFTER it is born. It bloody brought a smile to my face!!!!! As well meaning as she is, I don't feel comfortable pushing and screaming with the in-laws 'just outside' and dare I say it 'popping their head around the door'. My own DM has had to put it in writing that she's my birthing partner just so work can let her come down straight away as they don't allow time off during December. She won't be my birth partner - that is reserved for DH although I do think he's burying his head in the sand!

I have strict wishes and instructions that only DH in the room. My folks can stay outside. Also, the idea of visitors coming and going does not impress me (or DH) and people have been told to ring before setting off and not to be offended if we say no.

We're first time parents (and quite private) and want as much time as possible adjusting to our new life 'routines' (ha ha!) and to make a hash of things in private without hoards of advice that contradicts each other and that will make me feel like a failure and an absolute loon!!! We have 'plans' for parents and in-laws to visit, two close friends and that's it!!!! I've upset my 'aunty' (she isn't really - my mum's friend) as I've said NO to her coming down to visit as I know that we'd never be rid. Also, she's never been down before and I hate it when people use the baby as a reason. She's actually freaked my mum out as she's announced that she hates her kids and wishes that me and (estranged) brother belonged to her!!!! This is the same person who back in June was freaking me out because she was getting too close for comfort. My mum is ready to confront her and tell her to 'back off'!!! My mum says she's jealous of me and DH as we are living her 'dream' and her own son has been done for drink-driving for the 2nd time, won't leave home (he's 30), wrecks the house when he has a paddy and their daughter is a lesbian who won't grow up and 'aunty' can't come to terms with it.

I do have a friend who has become very quiet over the past year. She has not ONCE spoken to me since mid-March (just before conceiving) and although she knows about the pregnancy, she's shown no interest. She did mention that she'd be in the vicinity over Christmas and I said being 39 weeks on Christmas Day, I would not be going anywhere so she'd be free to drop in. it went quiet. DH is cross because he thinks I should make the 1 hour drive to see her!!!

I've been watching the American birth programmes on discovery home and health channel and I am gob smacked at the amount of people in the birthing room witnessing the birth!!!! Sometimes their can be up to 5/6 people their!!! it would freak me out knowing my FIL and own DF would be seeing my 'garden area'. There was even one who had their brother and friends and neighbours. AND on top of that, they have hoards of visitors within an hour of arriving home!!!! One couple had TWENTY FIVE people visiting and another had her mum, sisters, and cousins turn up at 10:30pm!!!!!!

Each to their own!!

Had MW appointment yesterday. All is fine. Baby is now a 'girl' according to HB whereas last four visits baby has been a 'boy'. Measurement is spot on (33 weeks) and BP down to 100/62. No protein detected. MW putting last 3 weeks down to a virus I had.

2 weeks tomorrow and I finish. I have an afternoon off (Tuesday) of next week for my last 3 hours in lieu of Opera North and 'strike day' on Wednesday 30th, although I'm not striking. I'm tempted and feel 'forced to' by some colleagues but I'm not a strike person (I hate causing bother for others) and I have my 35 week appointment that morning so I'll be out anyhow and my replacement is in and I need all the time I can get with her to pass over.

Sorry giraffe I crossed posted due to very slow typing. I'd like to offer to you too.

greenlady I've measured a week and a half ahead each time but I'm sure that's due to my pre-pregnancy tum. I think sugar issues would cause more growth rather than less so I don't think you need to worry - particularly if the doctor said it was ok (but I'm not a medic). Could you ring your midwife to ask? I occasionally ask odd questions and they are able to reassure me by phone which semi puts my mind at ease. :)

DH is cross because he thinks I should make the 1 hour drive to see her!!!

Sorry - DH thinks she thinks I should make the 1 hour drive to see her!!!

oh my goodness my mum is not coming anywhere NEAR me while I give birth. I only want my husband, and at a push, the doula.

I'm sorry for you guys who have lost your parents and wish they were around, I can understand that must be really hard. But my mum is a nightmare and always will be, after years of therapy and family nonsense she really hasn't changed much, and I don't expect much any more. I tolerate her as best I can, and I'm sure she'll be a great grandmother, but I want at least 24hours on my own with husband and piglet.

by the way i am having a possible waterbirth at home and am happy to discuss anything with anybody, nearer the time if necessary, about what to have around and how to prepare - I have no idea at all but if we can all help each other and suggest ideas that would be great! Maybe we could set up a separate homebirth/waterbirth thread if this one gets too hijacked. don't want to piss anyone off by boring their tits off about homebirth!!

green at Wed prodding, officially 31wks, I was measuring just under 31. So, on trend for her centile. Have you got a chart in your files? I have one that shows the curve, with the 10th, 50th and 90th centile. If you;ve measurements. I'm guessing as long as they're not worried, then you shoudn't be! Though I do understand the DH being away, ruminating about stuff thing. Not easy...

redheadbedhead - I'm planning my 3/5 homebirth. I had no pain relief last time thats why I'm considering the pool as anything is better than nothing.

Oeisha hope you can sort the relatives out to your satisfaction. I have still to lay down the rules for my parents. will be doing that soon as though I anticipate to have this baby at home I will need to have my parents on call to take the 4 kids and see to their needs if I needed to go to hospital or they wake up (though this has never happened).

ladies can i ask your advice - my friend who is a few weeks behind us due in feb has been told she's put on 2 stone and has to go in for GTT. i haven't been weighed since my first antenatal and have no idea how much I've put on.

is 2 stone a lot? average? normal? if no-one minds can i have a general consensus of weight gained? don't worry if you don't want to, just thought I'd try and put her mind at rest a bit, she seems a bit worried, particularly about having to be induced on her due date if it comes to it.

I am seeing a NHS weight management lady about once a month-it's a pilot scheme in this area for fat Mama's like me.

1.5-2 stone is about the max you'd want to gain throughout according to her.

But I have heard it's not uncommon to gain more-they worry more about lots of weight gain in women who were not big to start with so it depends on your friends BMI before she started.

I've put on about a stone so far but I've been fairly static on that for a few weeks. My weight seems to go up in spurts.

Grr awake at 4.30 again, this is becoming a bit of a habit.

Needed a wee, then hungry, then weird crampy feelings which made me want to get out of bed and move. Still there, think it's just braxtons but feels very low like period cramps.

Sorry red - noone's weighed me either, which I intially thought I'd be glad about (was scared it'd trigger food issues from my past) but am actually wishing I knew so I could be more aware of whether I should be eating less cake more careful with my diet.

Big hugs for giraffe - it must be so hard trying to deal with grieving whilst expecting your little one. I hope you have lots of RL support from friends and other family members.

My mum found out she was expecting me a week after her mum died. She won't talk about how she felt, so I know it must have been hard.

Ugh - I made lemon crunch squares (lemon sponge with crunchy icing) for DH's Children in Need 'bake sale' at work and they haven't risen properly. I have no idea why, I remembered the baking powder and everything! Oh well, too late now, they'll just have to eat it anyway.

Wow ladies
I am not brave enough to get on the scales, I know I have put weight on my bum and thighs and obviously baby weight, but I know how depressed it will make me to actually know in cold hard pounds how much I have put on so the scales are firmly out of action!! The not being weighed at anti-natal any more is the only positive change I can see since I had the DC's.

I know I will be putting alot of people's noses out of joint when this baby is born. I will be having ELCS after having 2 EMCS, with DS I was so sick afterwards and one of my aunties and cousin turned up while I was still in recovery. I was being very sick, and couldn't even sit up to do it properly. It was really humiliating. They also had arrived before DD, as DH had gone home to fetch her. No seree is that happening again. Also I am hoping to BF this time and do not want anyone around while I learn to do this. The pressure of been seen to not know what I am doing would make me turn to the formula and I am determined feed this baby myself and ease the failure I feel for not being able to give birth vaginally. I only want DH and the DC's
to visit while I am in hospital. Maybe I should keep the date to myself hmmmmmmmmm. I also need to broach the situation with the in-laws, they live 6 hours away and I get the feeling they are planning to come up and park their camper van outside our house for a week oh god!!!!!

I finished work yesterday and was thrown a surprise baby shower, it was so lovely and I was overwhelmed and a bit tearful. We were given so much lovely stuff, handknitted jackets and booties, toiletry hampers, more baby gro's than i can count, teddies etc, it was just lovely!

Worm - definitely don't tell anyone when you're going into labour! What a horrible situation for you. You really shouldn't feel guilt about the C section thing, if you've had 2 emergency ones then the situation must have merited it and it's probably not really safe for you to have a VBAC after 2 sections, so cut yourself a break, OK? I'm sure an ELCS is a lot less traumatic and you will find breastfeeding lots easier than you are expecting. Just take care of yourself
xx