Nov 2011 - almost time to push!

[TerrysNo2]

Last thread was full so thought I would just start this one off - hope you don't mind as I know I've not been a regular but god forbid you guys having nowhere to chat ;)

Right, caz what's happening, I am stalking you all over the shop and need more news :)

Stace thanks for letting me know about the movements. Phew! I was beginning to worry a little.
TJuice you are absolutely right. It doesn?t matter what we do, somebody will complain. I am planning to ignore and do my own thing
Re: Facebook group...message cep with your name and she will add you
mama cause you are pregnant...means you are fertile. Some men?s instincts are very ... erm ... basic..?
MrsA hand-expressing you?!
cali don?t beat yourself up. You aren?t failing at all! YOu are doing fantastically well


I hate the guilt that we perceive, that is directed at us, all of it! I ff my son, he is now 5'8, healthy as a erm healthy thing, less likely to get colds etc than his bf fed sister. I was never once made to feel guilty for any of the choices I made. I decided after a while I wanted to ff my dd. If I decide I want to ff this dd then I will. End of. I will do what is best for me, my baby and my family! Just like others have said, you have to make a decision based on what works best for you and all at the time!

Cali please do not allow yourself to think that you have failed or anything like that. I always think 1st step of being a parent is accepting that things do not go the way we want/prefer/expect. If you want to keep trying then keep trying. Get the OH to stand up and be bolshy on your behalf. There is a thread on the bf/ff thread about feeding babies when you are slightly larger in the boob department. Might be useful?

Eee ladies we have had some experiences in our time eh!

Sorry if any of what I have said is ranty! Or anyone takes it the wrong way, it certainly isnt meant that way :)

Saw the bf consultant and after a weepy talk and honest confession, DP and I decided to change to formula with bf as a free, non-pressure option. I'm also upping my medication back to pre-pregnancy levels, as the anxiety and lack of control has sent me over the line of "OK crying" a few times.
I'm still expressing for the moment, but I feel oddly relieved. I know I tried.
My biggest fear is having my daughter back to crying with hunger for 8 hours without me knowing why, because HCP's missed that she wasn't feeding properly. That has left me so emotionally scarred - now when she cries I know it will stop, and I can comfort/feed/nappy change as appropriate.

Thank you for all the support, guys, and come on - more babies!

One of the reasons I joined mumsnet was to get info from experienced mums. It helped me see both sides to feeding and that baby blues was normal.

I had really wanted to bf, but when DD was born she was very sleepy and alot of mucous so she didn't feel hungry (apparently common but was not told about this at nct). Out of our 9nct mums, 4 had to ff or combine feed for varying reasons, low milk supply, no milk, baby not putting on enough weight. I thought it would be easy and straight forward but hadn't comprehended that it was a skill that both baby and mum had to learn.

Most of my friends bf which I found hard a first but gradually learnt to feel less guilty. I did notice some differences in bf and ff babies but won't put them here as it leans more to ff pros (I needed these to help feel less guilty).

I'm going to try bf again but pretty sure will have same issues but will try. And mrsA I was also hand expressed by mw as I couldn't do technique, and DD feed from syringe. Bizarrely I had one boob that was twice as productive as the other.

X-post Cali sounds like you've found your answer. I decided my sanity came before bf DD. Sounds harsh but stress-free mummy meant happy baby.

One of my friends (who struggled as had low milk supply), said she felt so relieved when the mw said she should move to ff as her milk was not enough for her baby to gain weight on. I did too, when I made my decision.

Here's to you enjoying your newborn. I spent hours just staring at DD and her facial expressions and noises. Have some and x

Ooooo so didn't mean my post to sound in favour of one type of feeding over another! Sorry if it's come across that way to anyone, literally just saying that there should be no guilt when faced with such a choice!

Pregnancy brain entirely engaged clearly!

Cali, be kind to yourself, having a baby is an earth shattering experience. You are doing brilliantly.

I want to go home, I don't want to come back in tomorrow!

Cali I wish I could talk to you face to face and give you a cuddle. We had a similar experience with a poorly baby and I topped up FF with whatever I could express. I know it is breaking your heart but please be kind to yourself.

I was saved from my own guilt only by the wise words from one Dr. Mums who care about trying breast feeding are usually those who also care about cuddles, kisses and nurturing their babies which they do regardless of they can/can't BF. We still did loads of skin to breast bottle feeding, sleeping etc.

It's the guilt you are feeling which can feel like a barrier. I was so lucky to see that GP who took away my need to beat myself up all the time.

PND is another matter and I would hate anyone who suffered from this to read that i somehow think it is avoidable, that isn't at all what I am saying.

I am hoping this time for a baby who can already do it to show me what to do.

You are been supermum to Abigail. Trust your instincts Xxx

caz. I have no clue why suddenly breast shields are bad. 3/6 of my NCT class could only feed because they existed. They were the first thing most BF advisors recommended to try!!!!!!

mrsarch perhaps we can hold each others hands this time as we plunge back in???? I have to admit it's BFing that scares me more than birth!

Ah do u know I never got advised about nipple shields! Am so going to invest in some this time round!!

Just wanting to add my two pence worth and urge Cali not to feel guilty about any decisions made with the best interests of you and your baby in mind. YOU are the Mommy here, not the MW. I agree with Ali that breast feeding should be encouraged and supported as a first option by hospitals (as the benefits are well known) but if it is not working out and you are clearly struggling / getting upset or stressed then surely the wellbeing of the mother is equally as important as the health benefits of BFing.

Rant over from me too!

I really hope I can breast feed and at the moment, I am all geared up to make sure I am in the right frame of mind to not give up if it is difficult. I am expecting it to take a few weeks to settle down, but am also open minded enough to 'see how it goes' as I've really no idea what to expect! My sister was totally determined to breast feed and ended up moving to formula after a couple of week as she struggled so much. I do think with hindsight that this contributed to her PND as she was made to feel guilty by her HV.

Anyhow, one more day left at work - eek! Actually it's not even a full day as I'm being taken out for afternoon tea by my team. I've had lunches 3/4 days this week with colleagues so am doing well for my last week. I am more chilled out than I thought about handing over and am surprisingly on top of things, more than I had expected to be! Am still not entirely sure what I will do with myself for the next 3 weeks if the baby waits until 40 (or more?!) weeks to arrive. I do have all of the 'Steps reunion' programmes to watch, plus a couple of Blu Ray box sets to work through. I have arranged more house hunting for Tuesday so that will keep me occupied and I suppose once we have engaged a removals firm I can start packing.......

voodoo plan something for tomorrow night so that every minute you are in work you are nearer a treat. (Yes I can't live without treats) I was promised a relaxing bath, light touch massage from OH and then out for a meal. It was so fab having that special time waiting for me at the end of the last day. It made the last hectic days easier.

I prob should have said after the disaster of trying to BF DS with all the guilt & stress that it involved DD took to it like a duck to water. No idea why, elective CS so no contractions, same massive boobs, another small baby ( 10oz). It wasn't easy for the first couple of weeks but it was doable & then it became very easy & I fed her for 12 months. So there is hope for those who struggled 1st time - I was astonished it worked for me!

Well done Cali you've made a tough decision but a happy mum is much more important to Abigail.

Cali don't feel guilty,you really have tried; you have to look after yourself too. You really need to be happy. I completely understand though from the guilts perspective, on our last night in hospital the MWS took our wee boy away from me for a couple of hours as he wouldn't settle and cried all night, came back to say he was dehydrated as my milk hadn't come in and could they give him formula top up-I agreed and then howled for about an hour. I howled a lot in hospital.

To be honest breastfeeding is one of the hardest things I've ever done- I think a mixture of being too hard on self, guilt that A wasn't getting enough before my milk came in and just that overwhelming sense of responsbility for all his nutritional needs can be a total head fuck. Some times are easier than others and no rhyme nor reason to it apart from during the long hours overnight it always seems harder.I keep going though and we're still learning about each other.

First post in a while...

Chip's card

So sorry that chip monkey's card is getting to her 'late' big thanks to pam for taking over, I posted her the card to send off. Hope you all weren't pissed off about it. I was fretting about it. Really going into labour so early was a real shock to the system. Good thing was that everyone rallied round and bought, built furniture for baby's room and mums both took away all our washing and baby's washings to do so came out of hospital more organised that went in.

We're still mostly hanging about in the house. Have been out to register his birth, and to pop in to family but that's it. Obviously haven't mastered bf discreetly so spending a fair bit of time half nekkid on the sofa with baps out and blinds drawn! A is feeding all during the night and then wants to be held and not go down into his moses but then going for 3 hour spells during the day, wish he'd flip that right round. Masterchef Australia is getting me through but it is so so hard.

No one told me how much general noise babies make though either- on the few times he has slept in crib beside bed i can't get a wink anyway listening out to all his snuffles and sighs and squeaks!

I love staring at him though- can never tire of it.

missed you guys x

folic don't worry about the card, so glad everything is going well. he sounds lovely. The noises can be a bit odd, but you do get used to them.

cali i'm sorry you had to make such a difficult decision, but glad you feel better because of it.

sorry i've forgotten everything i've read. hope you're all ok.

folic you've just described X's general day/night time behaviour too!

He's been co sleeping a lot, DH has been on sofa (although it sometimes feels like he is opting out!) but we are slowly getting him in his moses for part the night now. He happily sleeps in it downstairs all day between feeds! I find it bizzare!

Although poor boy had an awful night last night, his first really bad one, so still can't complain (which of course means I had an awful night too, DH full night on sofa because calling him is a waste of my breath. God I swear an earthquake wouldn't wake that man!) awake 2-5.45, lots of sick, not settling. He didn't cry very much, was just fussing and very unsettled!

I'm sure when he did finally settle was because of pure exhaustion, poor little man. hoping for a teeny bit more sleep tonight!

I also can't master this discreet feeding at all, X is fed in car when we've ventured out so far! Wondering if I'll ever get the confidence to go anymore public than that!

Sending love cali xx

folic don't worry about the card, you were brilliant to start it off and even managed to arrange pam to take over for you.

I LOVE master chef Australia. Watch it in the eve with husband and DD (before her bedtime).

Forgot how much noise DD made in first month. Sounded like a zoo party in the Moses basket each night.

caz you've probably tried this but getting DD to sleep in Moses we used to put under sheet and blanket in airing cupboard, sit on it, or down my top before putting DD down in Moses at night. We also have a touch light and used to have it on lowest setting all night so not completely dark.

Inhale a feeling none of these things will work for new baby

Evening all, just wanted to say that Jacob Craig Marshall Hector was delivered at 16.18 yesterday weighing 8lbs 14 ozs by emcs following full day of labour which started at 5am that morning, hard work! Haven't slept much in last three days and haven't read thread yet but should be home on the weekend and will catch up then

Congrats TwoJacks - love the name & great weight too! Shame about CS - do as little as you possibly can for the first couple of weeks

Congrats TwoJacks and welcome to the world Jacob Look forward to hearing all about it!

Cali whatever you decide re breastfeeding, just remember happy mum = happy baby, so you take care of yourself and do what is right for you and Abigail will feel the benefit. There is far too much guilt tripping about over breastfeeding. Of course its a good thing (and free!) but breastfeeding is not more important than your well being. Sending lots of love your way.

Congratulations twojacks and welcome little
Jacob :)

inhale? should be I have bloody predictive text.

two jacks congratulations on the birth of Jacob. Here's to that champagne at the weekend!

Welcome to the world Jacob, a noble name indeed :) Congratulations 2jacks

So now we have 3 Elephant House* babies - how exciting.

*Elephant House was theplace the Edinburgh, Fife, and Angus ladies met way back when before everyone started having their babas!

Congratulations twojacks! Well done. Hope you get some nice easy bonding time now.
Thought i'd weigh in on the breastfeeeding thing briefly as on phone, but i was so motivated to breastfeed. I really do think i am evidence that almost anyone can do it with enough persistence. But thatpersistence cost me a massive breast abscess, the hole from whih, after surgery, took over 4 months to fill in, i got really ill and my mental health was shite. Now, i think some of thaat would have happened anyway. I also had a bartholins abscess and pre existing shite mental health, but still. I am so glad i persevered, we fed for 14 months, but even though i'm glaad, i still dont know that it was the right deciision, far from it, i kind of doubt it was. Its not a clear cut picture at all, and its, for people who want to do it nyway, such a rollercoster when things dont go smoothly. Which they rarely do. But i went the opposite way to a lot of women, persisting against advice and seeing it through when it was ctually much more than normally problematic, and i just wanted to say, coming from that slightly different end of the experience, i STILL dont know it was the right thing to do. I hope this time around i'll have learnt to be more reasonable and keep some perspective. Finally, before i go to bed, i used nipple shields for a while though was quite active in getting him sucing getting the nipple pulled out, then whipping them out and trying to get him to just carry on on the nipple. Thi was in fact how we managed to get started. And also, that he was given the 'bottle or hospital' ultimatum and had a couple of days of formula att the beginning (no one even told me ik could express). And finally finally, please, where your having problems feeding, have tthem checked for tongue tie. Ds wasnt and he literally couldnt suckle from me until a random work shadowing midwife pointed it out as soon as she walked in, and we went and waved the nice guidance in the gps face and got it snipped.
That wasnt so brief afterall.

Congratulations TwoJack! Welcome to the world Jacob

Congrats twojacks! Welcome Jacob! Lovely news. Rest up after your cs twojacks.
Folic good to hear from you as well :) hopefully you will get more settled nights. Caz, you as well! My OH could sleep through ww3 as well so am not looking forward to that either. I know how much it will annoy me before we even get there!
Last day at work..... Can't say am excited. Felt really odd at work yesterday, baby must have been moving right down as I honestly felt like everything was going to fall out! I actually wouldn't get up out of my chair just in case! Had to get OH to meet me at work so he could drive home.
Cali hope things are a bit easier x

twojacks congratulations hon, fab news.

voodoo i'll give a little cheer for your last day (waahoo) at least you can relax when you've finished. Hope it goes well.