January 2012 - Thread 4

[shonnomanom]

Can believe we are on Thread 4 already! We must chat too much

ghost anterior placentas suck. If at all worried still, phone MW. They can always tell you to bugger of if they think you're being hysterical! I was reasuured that I'd feel more and more as baby got bigger than the area of the placenta...so in theory you'll start to feel the micro-nerfings more the further on you are.

I'm not allowing myself to get a doppler as I'd be worried about over reacting to not finding a barking dog alien baby heart beat. That and if Abi didn't furiously nerf the doppler like she usually does I'd probably be in bits.

Abi goes VERY quiet if I'm on my feet, though I am finding my kick counter wrist band thingy very helpful as I'm often forgetting when she's nerfing. A quick glance at it reassures me there has been some squiggles in the last few hours.

I am keeping a little book too. Mainly just to see that she IS moving and to record how 'stressful' I'm finding days, and thus how much moving she's doing.

Anyway, if I'm gonna go swimming (thanks to a cold, and a poorly cat I've not been for yonks) I'd better start preparing...

Hi ladies,

Gosh, so sorry to hear so many of you have been ill/had lousy weekends! Hope you're all feeling better soon, and that any non-wriggling babies wake up and have a good kick (including my own - strangely quiet for the past 2 days.)

nanny I've pretty much made up my mind to have a home birth, but a friend reminded me on Saturday that the sister of a friend lost her 3rd baby during a home birth, which made me rethink a bit. I don't know the ins and outs, and what the situation was, so I'm trying to focus on the fact that we're only 10 mins from hospital if there are any problems, so I still think the pros outweigh the cons.

Next door had a "party" yesterday, which we couldn't make until the evening when there were 2 other people there, clearly trying to plot their escape. Anyway, on the plus side, turns out the guy was a chef, and he had made the most amazing icecream, including a chocolate sorbet (I almost cried it was so good). Unfortunately I then remembered halfway through the pistachio one that that would contain raw egg. Ooops. Been fretting a bit about it since, and hoping to avoid salmonella symptoms. Gah!

Laters, ladies!

I'm currently being kicked in the liver...def. feels like kicks and not punches/Glasgow kisses... Funny wee blighter.

I'm sure you'll be fine fryn. Though it was the first thing that crossed my mind when I read 'chef' and then 'icecream'. How paranoid is that?! Still, if you're UK based (can't remember who is and who isn't) salmonella is hugely unlikely as most eggs used (something like 85% of all eggs consumed) are "lion marked" and thus the hens have been vaccinated against it. I'm still too mentally weedy to eat a runny yolk though...

oiesha - ahh, that's just Abi showing how much she loves you, nothing shows it quite like a good wallop in the liver.
Yep, UK based, and currently no sign of any symptoms, so I'll trust his eggs were ok! Apparently salmonella will only make me really ill rather than have any effect on G2, so that's a bit less of a worry (obviously I won't be thinking that when I'm hooked up to drips and cursing my gluttony.)

fryn i really wouldn't worry about the egg. You'll be fine. I'm always eating runny egg. I even had pate yesterday

ghost I'm sorry to hear you so worried, i'm sure everything is fine. I know what you mean about this forum being a source of reassurance. What a lovely bunch we are, it was such a great help to have you guys around during my week of stress last week. i'm hoping I can pass some of the good stuff back along the line now things are calmer.

Just a quick question:
Mum has a penchant for the melodramatic and all that business last week was a little uncessary, threatening to leave my dad, saying her life was a pile of shit and threatening to jump out of the window. I was very upset as you know.

Since she went back home she has now basically shut off all communication and is not talking to me about how the situation is progressing. i know that my DH "told her off" he basically said to her that both her daughters were coming into thier last trimester and anything she was going through was not thier responsibilty and her told her to "suck it up" for the next few months. I'm pretty sure she's feeling pretty bad about it. DH did the right thing, i'm glad he defended me but i also don't want my mum cutting off all communication about the situ-i'm worried she is declining mentally and i dont actually trust her a great deal at mo. I hate to think of her being upset about all this still and now not talking to me just becasue i'm pregnant. I don't know what to do about it-any ideas?

fishandlilacs - I am so sorry to hear about your mum. Wanted to tell you about dh's mum when her husband died. I appreciate your mum is in a different situation but it sounds like she is grieving. When dh'd dad died we had hre to stay and then she came for supper most evening for about 2 yrs. I found it really stressful as I was having to deal with it all while dh was at work. However now she is over the worst and has her own life and we hardly see her. What I am trying to say is that she will probably be very upset then angry and so forth while she works her way through the emotions of lose of her former life. Though dh telling her to suck it up I would also suggest she go and get counseling and maybe visit the doctors to. I just tried to call regularly and reminded myself how lost she was. I also tried to involve her in family life where available and appropriate. Helping her to plan things to get her mind off it all. It really isn't great timing for you going through this at this time so don't forget to talk to good friend's I know I couldn't get through being what became her carrer for 2 yrs with out talking to others. You have gone through a bereavement of sorts as it is your parents and I guess feel sad about what has happened to. Sending you some hugs.

ghosteditor - Please don't feel guilty about asking for reassurance I felt like that more so as there seems to be less antenatal care than a few yrs ago. I think people assume that if you have a had a couple of baby's you stop worrying, but often it is the other way as you know more of what can go wrong. I felt really worried till 21 weeks as Elliot hadn't felt him kick ( yes that little beans name da da!) it worried me.

nanny Good name!

fish Your DH was 100% right to put you first. Your Mum will come to you if it gets too much, don't worry. But, you are entitled to tell her you're worried and suggest she goes to the doctor and gets counselling. Tell her you're there for her, she will appreciate it. Like nanny says, try and get her to be proactive, positive with things with you, rather than you being a crutch for her when she's low. I get mine to plan things for me like faffing with my John Lewis baby list...
...might work, you never know...

Thanks guys, she has nothing to grieve though- she hasn't left my father. they were fine with each other by friday.

I really wish she would be positve and plan weekends/activities. The only things she wants to do are spa days and eating out which none of us can seldom afford. She does nothing. She's been overweight for 20 years and the diabetes is now slowly killing her but she refuses to follow the diet. She refuses to drive because she is too anxious even though she is perfectly capable, shes terrified of everything, my dd slipping on our tiles, my nephew having learning difficuties (because he has to wear glasses and he's an energetic 2.5 yr old with a bit of a temper=ADHD in her head) She cant walk because her legs are bad so she does nothing with her week. My dad works long hours to keep them afloat but this means mum is on her own and stews. She is only 55 with the mentality of a 85 yr old. She will tell you she's depressed but she refuses to see a doc about it or take pills. "oh i can't function on antidepressants" (one and only experience of them when i was baby-I am now 37) or "i'm on too many pills already". She hates me talking to my own psychiatric team because she's terrified they will take my children off me-she has such an outdated attitude to mental health. I have had nothing but support from them and i keep telling her that. SS have never even been to my house.

argh-i'm sounding a bit obsessive, i am sorry to go on about this-it's not relevant to this lovely thread. I just don't know who else to talk to. My RL freinds who know my mum have all written her off as impossible, my dad is simply ignorant and puts his head in the sand, and my sis as as pregnant as me and a lot like my dad-shrugs it off. Dh understands but doesn't have any sympathy for her. She has been and can be very selfish at at times.

Sis and I have talked about getting her a dog, she misses having one dearly after hers died a few years ago, it's extra responsibilty and extra cost but it's also company, a reason for living and a reason to walk!

ghost glad baby has been giving you plenty of reassurance today

fish Well done your dad for sticking up for you and your sister. How about giving your mum a project? Something like knitting, cross-stitch, crochet(sp?). Get her to make something personal for the babies from her, it will fill her time and she wont need to be out and about to fulfil it. Just an idea. The dog is a good idea.

nanny lovely name

Its official. My bump has reached the stage where people ask how long I have left. Gone are the days of confused looks before either ignoring the belly or being brave enough to question how far gone I am.

I hope the afflicted are feeling much better - there's nothing worse than trying to puke away the germs when your stomach muscles aren't working. I'm getting slightly obsessed with handwashing to try and avoid it and have gel and baby wipes on my desk. When I had it at 8 months dd got very quiet but they said that was normal. I hope you're doing ok Ghost and not worrying - the obs unit usually hook you up to check the heartbeat if you call in, it's what they're there for too.
Thanks for the reminder re the flu jab, I had my letter and had forgotten about it. This new school run business with dd is taking soooo much energy.

I went for a steam generator iron and it's faster than my old iron but there must be a way of using it without the steam facial too. My clumsiness endures and I broke the light switch in the bathroom this morning. I'm trying to decide whether to not mention it and let dh think he did it when he gets home tonight. He's out for leaving drinks and is a lightweight so chances are he'll think he's done it. Is that mean?! I'm fed up of breaking stuff and it will be nice not to be the clumsy one for a change. Luckily my lovely uncle is a sparks and he's coming over on Sunday to do some jobs.
My MW was up for trying a hb despite shoulder dystocia last time but dh iss absolutely sure I'll die a messy death in the front room and I can't convince him otherwise. Of course it might be because he's nearly finished decorating in there!

Nanny - same here and I seem to wake up each time I turn over at night - we need to invent some sort of winch system to take the strain! Higs Boson (love it!) at night doesn't help either.

Right, off to make packed lunch - doing them in the morning rush isn't good I've decided.

I seem to keep missing bits when I reply, sorry Fish, prattling on when you need a big . A new project is a great idea Sho, you could even try and book her onto a local adult ed class. We did that for MIL and she had to go and then really enjoyed it and it seemed to drag her back from the edge of miserableness. It was calligraphy for her but there might be something similar for your mum, especially if no choice involved?

Also I've come to the conclusion with my sis that we have to be a little bit hard as we all have our own choices to make in life and you're not responsible for the way others feel. It took me a bit to figure it out (divorcing my horrible ex years ago gave me the time to figure it as well as coping with our mum) but no-one can make you feel something, you do it yourself and so of course does your mum and dad. I hope that makes sense. Either way, you're not her mum, so whilst you can't switch off caring and trying, I'm really glad your dh has the detachment to talk straight as it were. She knows you love her, keep trying but don't do yourself in in the process. Big hug again x

Twasn't My dad shonno was my husband. My dad would never have the gumption to say anything like that to Mum.

She's facebooked tonight that "after 40 years together living apart is on the cards" if that isn't attention seeking I don't know what is. This is before she has discussed any of this with me or my sister. I give up.

Parents hey..............who would have them! I sometimes wonder who is the Parent in my relationship with both of mine. They have been divorced 20 years so totally different issues to yours fish Mine are both on self destruct, Mother through smoking, so bad she can't even leave the house now, and Father through depression which he absolutely refuses to get any help with, coupled with alcohol.
They are both slipping away before my eyes and won't be stopped. I fully expect to be parentless within the next 3 years.
You know what the advise is when kids are attention seeking fish ...............to ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good, if you DM is acting like a child treat her like one!!! and have a wormy hug. (your DH sounds ace)

worm :)

I see myself motherless in 5 years too. Cest la vie-can't solve thier problems for them can you. Just learn from thier mistakes and not repeat them yourself.

Hope everyone has a good day today. I have my 26 week antenatal with the the GP today. I still haven't heard babies heartbeat but i doubt very much he'll do it today. Trying to rebook my gtt-had the appointment through for a tuesday, called and explained Tuesdays is the one morning a week I can't do and Lo yesterday I get another appointment through and it's ta da daaaah on a tuesday. :) Bloody rubbish.

hello all. Feeling much better today, just really tired, but that's to be expected. Wasn;t sick at all yesterday, so at least my system has some food to work on, but I found it very hard to get comfy last night and Sproglet doing the Macarena till after midnight didn;t help, reassuring as it was!

Today I decided to forget about work stuff, as it's all a bit much for me and get on with the patchwork quilt I'm making. Still haven;t decided yet whether to have it as a quilt or as a playmat - it's lovely bright colours, so would be good for tummy time stimulation. Perhaps I could post a pic when I've pieced the front and you can all give me your opinions whether to put snuggly fleece on the back or nice waterproof PUL!

Have booked my 25 week appt with the GP for next week - what does it involve? Just a check up of pee sugars and protein type thing? I intend to quiz her about the pros and cons of a flu jab as well - why not when I have her attention?!

Now to find some graph paper so I can make a quick template for the border patches! (Gosh - that came out a lot more energetically in type than I feel in person!)

hey ladies, sorry to hear about family issues for so many of you, and get well soon to those of you with pesky germs and bugs! I'm still not quite on top form but am doing ok - like you knittekitty I'm developing a bit of handwashing affliction! I think I may need to get some antibac wipes for my keyboard and mouse at work as the cleaner only comes along on Fridays and she doesn't use antibac, only polish.

I'm much more content with the little one's flailing/kicking patterns over the last 24 hours, as there's been quite a lot. Scared myself silly reading the count the kicks website yesterday, but it is important to know and will help me make more sensible decisions in future if I'm properly worried. DH finally felt a proper kick this week - while he was giving me a hug, not one of the many times in which I've called him over because pamplemousse is kicking and then immediately stops!

Am a bit overwhelmed with work at the moment but it's all in the cause of the big book fair, and that'll be over by mid October (at least the fair will be, if not the work!). Must keep that in mind!

Finally, got an email late last night from NCT saying that they've cancelled my course in November because only one other couple signed up. Am actually gutted. It was really local and I wanted to meet people who live near here. But I suppose I'd be a bit gutted at the time if my rent-a-friend class only had one other expectant mum! Unfortunately DH really struggles to guarantee his time as the RAF could send him away at almost any point, and we don't want to use up his refusals before Jan/Feb/March. He'd already booked time for these classes and they were going to work out well - who knows if he'll be able to come along to the next set. I spent quite a lot of time being awake feeling frustrated last night, but it's not really the NCT's fault. It just feels sort of early to cancel the class, but then I'd much rather know now while there's a faint hope of finding an alternative class. The one they've suggested is not good for us, as it's quite far away and not in a good part of the city. [puts snob hat on].

Aww, sorry to hear about your class ghost. Totally understand your frustration. Does the NCT run any free coffee morning type things? Or could you ask them to give your contact details to this other couple so you could at least meet up with one other expectant couple (and w/o having to fork out nearly 200 quid)?

Hope you find something to replace it. The local PACT has been really good for me to meet other mums to be - is Witney close enough to you to be helpful? They have a couple of other branches too, but I wasn;t sure whether any of them were useful.
website is here

Oh - I forgot to thank you all for your participation in my unofficial poll last week - I have another myth to bust this week: if you're expecting a boy your leg hair will be lush and prolific like a pedigree dog, if you're expecting a girl then you'll barely need to shave at all.

All I can say is that this one is completely wrong for me, but am curious to know if I'm the only one!

I really should proof read fish, it should have said dh not dad.

Sorry about your nct class ghost

I sat down for 5mins over an hour ago. Really should move as rather hungry now

645 posts in 20 days...not bad going for us eh!

ghost I feel your pain re: NCT. I really wanted to go, but from the offset was told by the NCT coordinator it probably wasn't going to happen, and it isn't. Not really all that shocking if that's the advice she gave to every enquirer (along with not being able to tell me the price or the content).

cakes I can dispel that hairy leg romour. So much hair everywhere it's not funny, am seriously thinking about just getting waxed form my nipples down. I'm waiting for my DH to utter the phrase "Just let the Wookiee win" to someone...

Just testing something ...it won't work, but worth a try....

From what I can tell (from purple book of joy and my other book) of 25wks it involves measuring your bump with a tape (fundal height measurements on your notes I think) measure (seriously, how can this be an effective guide to baby's development?!), dipping your urine for signs of sugars and proteins and checking for signs of pre eclampsia. May well poke baby a lot try and determine baby's presentation at this stage. They'll want to firm up your birthing choices probably and your BP. It does say in the purple book of joy that "[Your MW will] ...listen to your baby?s heartbeat if you want them to". They should also be dishing out information about classes at this point I think.

Ergh, lost weight again this week. Only by 1.5lb but still, that means I've lost more if baby's gaining 0.5 - 0.7lb a week then, ergh, that means a 2lb loss at best. Getting more and more paranoid. Must mention it to MW next week. Most people I try and talk to tell me I'm really lucky...and maybe I am, but I've dropped below pre-pg weight again now. Need to stop worrying. Abi will be ruthlessly stealing taking all she needs.

OH! FYI, most surgeries are dishing out the flu vaccine already for those that want it. We're all 'high risk' so it might be worth getting it booked now! (You;ll get more choice of times etc).

Time to do some ironing

WOOOHOOOO!!! It worked . FYI: [ bear]

My MiL just doesn't get it.
My DH's niece has a lovely white blanket that MiL knitted for her. I admired it and said that if she wanted to get sproglet anything, then we'd really appreciate something similar as I really loved handmade gifts.

Today I got a message from her saying that she's found a yellow blanket that's very similar so she's got us that.

I don't WANT stuff - I want them to give a stuff about my baby.

I don't know why I bother. They're just from a different planet. And yes, I get the message. Your DD's DD is more important than any child of ours. Message received.

MakesCakes- I get where you are coming from. I didn't get any thing for our last baby infact baby no. 3 and 4 didn't get much at all. My parents got the pushchair last time and all I got was have't you got one already. I have nowt for this baby and expect nothing a thought or a present for this one.

"I don't WANT stuff - I want them to give a stuff about my baby" I hear that sentiment it is sad but true but some people do differentiate. My mother in law made a big effort after a while for our first child but did nothing and now is ignoring us. I would tell her not to bother as you were hoping that she might want to make one for your baby there again that might fall on deaf ears.

As for us we need lots of things but will be holding of on getting a cot till baby needs it as we have a crib and I will buy a carrier and use that and wait for the new 2012 pushchairs as quinny are bringing out new ones and so is Baby jogger who are bringing 2 new models. I think I really would like a light weight one.

Makes cakes I'm also making a quilt I wasn't going to put fleece on the back (hadnt even thought about it) but now you've said it, I'm going to be sad if mine hasnt! Are you making the pattern yourself? I've bought one, but its so simple i probably didnt need it, but it does have the pattern for the bumper and hanging tidy as well.

How annoying wrt the nct class.

Had mw app this morning dd was listening intently to babys hb, then she started dancing to it! so cute.

Hope your all having good days

cakes Thats very unfortunate about your MIL-they can be so weird. Thankfully my MIL is mostly lovely-if it's not one side it's the other huh?

I know nothing of the hairy leg rumour but i do know that I shaved my legs myself for what will probably be the last time this pregnancy. I almost couldn't reach. I'll have to get DH on service, he did a grand job last time, He's good with things like that.

Not to mention the daily perineal massage he did for me last time . It sounds like it might be fun, you'd think you can almost work it into a bit of love play. But no, it's the most unromantic unsexy thing a DH/partner can do. Not bothering this time as I'm hoping my perineum wont be involved if it's c section. Just for the record though, id did have an episiotomy and it healed very quickly and gave me almost no pain at all.

Is anyone else bloody starving?-i'm so hungry. Today I have already eaten, cereal, toast, apple, banana orange juice and a pear. A cheese salad sandwich, some chocolate fingers (x10....) and now tucking into a massive salad with bacon, tomatoes, potatoes, sweetcorn, cucumber and leaves. It's only 1 o'clock!

fish - stomach is still recovering, so I was proud of myself for managing sme soup and toast! Prior to the bug I was starving too, though, so not that unusual!

addicted - It's just squares, so I made the pattern up myself - very simplistic. I suppose it doesn't need to have the waterproofed back necessarily, I might make it with the fleece/brushed cotton backing and then just put it on a waterproof mat on the floor if it's to be used for playtime! Best of both worlds.

How was the cola cake ghost? I found that it needed slightly longer in the oven than stated, but didn;t necessarily need to be cooked through as slightly runny mix did set after it cooled and gave it a nice, moist centre.