January 2012 - Thread 4

[shonnomanom]

Can believe we are on Thread 4 already! We must chat too much

My sister and I are only a week apart in due dates, so it's hardly fair on her either, in many ways she has it better than me (bigger house, bil on better income etc) but in many more ways she doesn't (BIL is a very unsupportive tosser at times and certainly doesn't do his share at home like my DH)

I live considerably closer to Mum so it was easier for her to come here first. Sis and BIL are on holiday right now til sat anyway-mum is going to a hotel this weekend, she says she wants some time to herself to reflect on things which is fair enough. Then she probably go back to my sisters for a few more days, then she is talking about moving back to france for a couple of months til christmas. I think thats a bit unrealistic, she doesn't drive confidently and certainly not in france, the house is right out in the stix and what will she do for money out there. Fuck knows. I'm really hoping this whole thing is just a big mess and it will blow over in a few days. I may try and talk to dad tomorrow.

i'm so glad you guys are here. Thanks for listening.

Mum2b-I'm prett sure my mum has MH issues too-she is certainly depressed, but i think she may have General Anxiety Disorder too. They too have a flair for the dramatic-but not usually to the level where one leaves.

Sodding parents-I love 'em but i want to bang thier bloody heads together.

Parents eh! Fingers crossed for you fish

Well, ergh. Feel very odd this morning. Very snotty, so am blatantly getting another cold - 3 in 23wks seems unfair. I also appear to have gone totally mental, proper nerurotic BSM...

Abi had another very 'quiet Wednesday' (I wonder if she'll grow up hating Weds, like I do Thurs [thanks to P.E.]). She moved about 1/2-2/3rds as much as she usually does, but it was a long day at work. Ok, so I can deal with that. Only she's done nearly a day's count already today. She had a thrash about at about 2am and has thrashed about a lot between 6 and up until about 8.30. Ended up lying on my back to try an pacify her as sleeping on the dreamgenii seemed to make her thrash more. Now she's very still. Poking my belly does nowt. Poor girl's probably asleep, I know, but then there's the mentalness that worries she was in trouble and I was just irritated and ignored her...

...see BSM...

...I guess having a slightly tender bump isn't helping and neither is the poking thus (thinking mild UTI as it's all very south and the tops fine). Also got a very noisey belly today too, but am usually able to tell the differnce between a hoof and bowls...

Anyway, I hope we're all more mentally stable than me this am.

Can anyone else smell coffee....?

Oh Fish why does it seem that roles are reversed and we have to be the adults for our parents. What on earth happened to bring it to this point. My dad tried retiring but found that all mum wanted him to do was clear the house ( as he hords things not unreasonable ) and she didn't want to do what he wanted and vice versa. I wonder when things will kick of again. Has your dad talked to you or your sis about what his side is. I had both my parents moaning about the other to me a few weeks ago. Dad decided to go back to work again ( allegedly to help my 2 dd's ) but I know from what he said that he was struggling being with mum 24 7. I have said to them to go to relate but neither of them want to is that an option for yours. It's so sad when your parents go through this as I was not aware to the extent of the hostility between my parents. TBH they don't spend alot of time with my DC's apart from dad who turns up at my house to see the kids. Hope they can work it out so that you aren't so stressed. I think your mum wanting to dash of to france is a knee jerk reaction dh's mum when her husband died did all sorts of things. It is all probably a shock and she is probably feeling very scared about the future. Crossing my fingers that things can sort themselves out soon.

Oeisha - just went through this in the previous 48 hours, hopeing that you can go to bed and drink plenty of water. I spent the last 48 hrs asleep just starting to feel better this morning and just waiting for dh to take me out for breakfast. Slept 10 hrs last night so feel pretty good try and rest if you can.

The parent-adult-child ratios are very screwed up with me and my parents too..., though my Dad's soo bloody tollerant he'll put up with anything mum throws at him.
My Mum tries so har to be the adult in the relationship with me, but basically isn't and massively fucks it up when she does try (like "it's good that your still losing weight whilst pg, you don't want to be getting fat and getting diebeties"... or "You dont' drive and your house is messy, baby will fallover and really hurt itself might die because you won't be able to drive it to hospital" ). I'm trying to be less like a parent towards her and more like an adult and it is slowly working, mostly. It does mean doing awkward things like ponting out the rational stuff ("You think I should be driving my critically ill baby to hospital and not calling an ambulance then?") or just plain telling her when she's overstepping, and it's getting better (lets see if I can ruin xmas again this year and see how I feel then). Have a look at this stuff on transactional analysis. Helped me lots in understanding and dealing with Mum.

I guess, well, hang in there to those with mental parents trying parents. As you all keep telling me prioritise you. Be honest with them and tell them to back off if needed (or get DH to, it's why they were invented I swear). Stress is not good for baby.

Abi's given me a string booting so am a little less BSM right now. Only 5h of work today and I fully intend on putting me first (very helpful discussion with "Number One" yesterday).

Must shower, eat and get myself on the bus...

Sorry to hear your added stress fish with all these hassles going on we should be growing super resilient babies.

CM-RD appears to be in training for the olympics, me and dh laid in bed last night watching my tummy jump about in all directions for a good hour, then he/she was still going at it when I woke up this morning and hasn't slowed down yet.

Going swimming later so maybe that will calm him/her

Glad your starting to feel better nanny
oiesha we had a quiet Wednesday in the bump department too.

Sorry fish I forgot your sisters edd was soo close to yours. I hope things start to calm and the stress is reduced for your family. Big hugs x

We get to de-dog the flat today as woof goes back home after 2 weeks shaking his fur all over the place. Twice a day we need to hoover - twice a day! Dd is really not happy at him going home, she reads him stories every morning.

Hope everyone is healthy and happy x

Gosh, sorry to hear about your parental troubles ladies. fish I hope your mum's able to sort herself out, and your dad actually faces the issue. It's really not something you expect to have to deal with when you're an adult yourself, is it?

mum2be that's really sad about your brother. Would it make a difference if he knew you're pregnant, do you think?

nanny you need to send your parents out to do charity work! My parents have barely seen each other since they retired 10 years ago - my mum works at CAB 3 days a week and my dad's involved with a disabled sailing club twice a week - driving the safety boat. My dad's always been a lousy drive, and add to that now being 71, I can think of nothing more terrifying than him coming at you to "rescue" you!

makescakes thanks for the recipe - I shall have a go. DD's obsessed with chocolate cake at the moment, so I'll be interested to see the double caffeine effect on her!

shonno - twice a day?? makes me glad I have hamsters!

Interested to see that sling article - although my first reaction was "tsk, Australians"! Oops - don't know where that came from.

Sorry to all thoes feeling down today, hopefully things will start looking up soon.

The nesting thing has well and truely kicked in I've cleaned every room (apart from the bathroom) today and I'm about to go and buy food to make more frozen meals.

Sorry to hear about your parents Fish, that sounds awful, I hope things get resolved soon. Hope everyone else having stressful times feels better soon too.

I'm just poppping in briefly as work is crazy busy. I'm looking forward to Wednesday when things should be easier. I ended up crying last night during dinner - goodness knows why - just too tired and stressed I guess. It's quite rare for me to cry. I had done a 15 hour day the day before coming home from Geneva and I have several important immovable deadlines approaching. Probably connected.

Sorry to all - you have my sympathy for mental parents, I have mental in-laws, but luckily my mum is a sweetie (now she's pulled out of a very worrying 3 year downer that made her incredibly difficult to deal with. Suspect it was empty nest related.)

Anyway, apologies I can;t say something relevant to each of you, but so fricking tired today, lots of fun stuff to do (supermarket, heaving the cats to the car to get them to the vets, hoovering etc) and I'm worried about DH who has been suffering with post viral fatigue and sinus issues since a bad episode of sinusitis/ear infection in fucking APRIL and he just doesn't seem to be getting any better and one the one hand I'm worried about him because he's so miserable and suffering and on the other I'm worried about me and sproglet, because we really need him to be functioning 100%, especially with my energy flagging etc etc.

Don;t honestly know what to do - the GPs have been no use. I'm trying to persuade him to go for Manual Lymphatic Drainage to see if it can relieve some of the pressue on his sinuses at least, but other than that I'm stumped. Any suggestions?

I don;t know what I'd do without you lot to talk to and it's nice to hear that some of you have struggles too, because sometimes I feel like I should be all Pollyanna-ish and 'everythings fine' when it just isn't and I'm so glad I'm not the only one.

x

Why is it when you start to clear things off the To Do list you end up adding more on?!?!
So far this week iv had to add Painting dd's room and buying a new curtain rail for the living room. The bloody thing fell off the wall today, the thing snapped and fell. How does that happen?
Anyway, I'm also pissed at my boss who has lost her bank card and can't pay me the money she owes me. Said money was to pay for dinner tonight. [Petted lip emocon]

Rant over x

shonnomanom - I feel for you as we all need to be paid on time.
My list always gets added to before I have even finished it. Have given up and paying someone to help me clean tomorrow if she doesn't freak when she sees the house after being ill for most of this week.

Fryn - charity work dad hasn't heard about that and neither my mum. I can't even get them to baby sit let alone helping a stranger.

Oeisha- My mums says things like that to and so does MIL . The best comment I had from my mum was aren't you getting to old ( yes I am 38) for having a baby.

Please tell me I won't turn in to my mother or father when I get to their age, they are ok but have views that are almost as if they have been stuck in their own bubble for the last 20 yrs. Dh's mum is worse less said the better.

Nanny, my mums mum makes comments like that and has done for all of my mums life. Shes made a concious effort not to andbas a result i have a great relationship with her. So no you wont necessarily turn into her especially as you are aware of the issue and can stop yourself.

Gah - £90 on cat jabs, over £90 on uber mega shop (why do all household goods run out at once? Foil, baking paper, laundry detergent, kitchen roll etc etc etc) thank GOD that one of my clients have met an outstanding invoice (3 months bloody outstanding) and I had a £300 tax rebate from last year's 'emergency' tax payments. We're now marginally better off than we were... until the car tax comes due next month. Huff.

Ah bollocks. Need to self-thingy. Must remember. All for infact no money...

cakes Kitties can be heckspensive, but they need jabbing if you ever want then in a cattery. Bo-Bar's dental cost £150 and we've still got to take him back for his post-op. That's actually very reasonable though.
I suspect they have, but has your GP though about ME? It's very common to get CFS/ME after a virus.

nanny we won't turn into our parents...we have insight and the ability to adjust...

Hehe, Abi's havin a right thrash about. Bless her.

god please don't let me turn into my mother, she's a totally manipulative cruel and bitter woman who has nothing good to say about anyone else! after my sister stopped speaking to her 7 or so yrs ago we've just all been tolerating her as far as possible to keep the peace!

I've been through so much counseling and read so many books in order not to repeat the patterns of her behaviour with my own Piglet, I hope it works out that way, and for all you guys with mental parents! seems like there's a lot of us!

My mum always said 'if I ever start acting like your gran then slap me'. Was always said in jest but she got a fright one day when I slapped her!
They are as bad as each other but not in a terrible way. More like annoying. Ie holding your hand to cross the road, yes my 85yo gran insists on holding my 61yo mums hand to cross the road, for my mums safety lol
I think its safe to say that my gran and my mum are as stubborn as each other and very determined that what they want happens. But always try to make it your idea, Dp reckons im just as bad and Dd has most definately inherited my stubborn streak.

I do agree though about making changes in your life to ensure certain things dont happen with yourself. Learn from others experiences.

hello all, things are ticking along-mum is still here right now but dad has at least phoned her and told her that he doesn't want to be apart. So theres progress.
Mum said that she thinks it will be resolved when they have stopped yelling at each other. She is being a fantastic house guest-sorted dd's room from top to bottom today, did all my laundry, picked dd up from school and cooked evening meal this evening when I got back from work. I worked all day today at my old place-they have offered me a further 2 weeks so that relieves some of the cash pressure and mum has given me some money "for keep". Her idea to get a hotel is out of the window because it's the Malvern Autumn show this weekend and all the local hotels are booked up so she's staying til Monday and Dad has said he will pick her up monday if she wants to come home.

I'm trying not to mind that the weekend will be out of the window but I can't really do much else.

I hope everyone is ok-i'll catch up properly next week when things are calmer.

That all sounds very positive Fish. :) how nice having such a good houseguest too - I could do with help with my laundry.

I'm interviewing for my own job today - think one major bit of stress will pass by this afternoon...

Oh gawd, parent troubles - I truly sympathise. Luckily mine are happily divorced and I don't have much to do with my father (the man who ran off from my Mum after two affairs and became a vicar [ROFFFFLE], and living in another country from my mum helps with distance. I can cope with her for a week (especially since she is a superb GM) but then things start to get itchy. Don't get me started on the ILs, however...

The kicks and wriggles are really ratcheting up now, aren't they? Oeisha I don't know how you manage to count them - I'd never be doing anything else! I feel them most when I'm sitting very slightly leaned back, so in my computer chair (as I work at the computer that's a lot) and driving (a lot more).

Was a bit pissed off - got to the cafe where my sling workshop was due to be held on Weds only to find it had been cancelled (well, postponed). But the owner was so mortified she hadn't been able to let me know that she gave me a cup of coffee on the house, and with the extra time I went to see a friend who has 16-mth-old twins (respect!), so a successful day after all. And the workshop is in 2 weeks.

I am also impatiently waiting to be paid for a very big job... The worst of it is, though, that by the time they get round to paying it, so much debt/bills and vital shopping will have mounted up that within a week it will all be gone and there will be nothing to show for it. GAH! The kids both need new shoes and autumn/winter coats so that will take a huge chunk...

Moobee good luck with the interview!

Oh I'm so relieved to here things are in the up fish, what a relief.

Shonno thanks for that link, haven't managed to find those sachets online but will keep looking. I'd made a curry the other day and then left it in the slow cooker overnight but it ended up tasting quite bitter unfortunately. I later read that normal ground spices can become bitter in the slow cooking process so it's better to use whole spices.

I finally succumbed to buying a dream genii pillow after not sleeping properly for months, I can't quite believe how well I slept last night! Even DH's snoring didn't wake we or needing to go to the loo a million times. I'm amazed. I hope it lasts as bump keeps growing at a shocking pace!

Snow for January, not surprised I'm afraid :( I have told DH to buy wells and a sledge to transport me with on the big day!!! At least this weekend will be sunny so we better enjoy it while it lasts.

fish - oh that's a relief. I hope it all works out. And, er, as you've given her such a good review, if she'd like to come and clean stay at ours for a bit...

moobee - eurgh. it's such a rubbish thing to have to do, but good luck!

butterfly - I shouldn't laugh about your dad, but that's one heck of a sitcom story!

fish yeah, how much does your Mum charge by the hour? Shoudl see the state of our 'nursery' at the moment...

moobee good luck...though as you're already doing it I'm sure it's just a pointless waste of everyones time and money hoop to jump through.

butterfly I have one of the "Counbt the Kicks" campaigns counters. Abi's mainly very quiet when I'm on my feet at work, and have the counter attatched to my key-sproinger so can even do it then if she does wriggle. I'm not counting every little thing, just periods of movement or very definite hoovings, though she did reach 77 yesterday...no wonders I'm feeling a bit sensitive. She must have just felt like boxing yesterday.

choca Dreamgenii's are wonderful things, aren't they...though sometimes my body's hell bent on not sleeping at all and the dreamgenii just end up on my face. On the plus side, the cats love it and I've even had a few cuddles with Gizzard wedged between bump and pillow (he purrrs so loudly, it seems to calm Abi).

Anyone else's LO reacted to music yet? Abi went mental to some Dylan ("Subterranean Homesick Blues")...much to her Grandfather's delight when we told him.
She's not yet reacted to Alice Cooper's new album, [humm]

Just had a protracted vommiting session. Loverly. Mainly I think, thanks to a Bo-Bar generated dangle-berry. Think he's still suffering from the anesthetic, though dangle-berrys don't usually get to me. Hoping it's a one off....

As for snow..it's NOT happening. Not at all. Nope, no, no. Though I do live 2mins from a (currently running, but probably not in Jan, but the community MWs will be based there) MW led unit, so I think I'll be ok. Plus, I've only now seen 3 bellies in Buxton...and one of them was a Dec not a Jan...one of them's my branch manager's twins and she's not due 'til end Feb.