Ante-Natal Depression - Support Each Other

[flamesparrow]

I've seen it mentioned on a few other threads, and thought that some kind of support thread might help (sorry if there is already one going somewhere... I tried to search but am useless at it ).

Thought it went well as a "club"

Antenatal depression is much more common than people seem to realise. There are so many things going on, that it is not surprising that we get overwhelmed, and sometimes that can spiral into a real depression.

For all those who are worrying (as far as I have been able to read up) - there is no link between antenatal depression and PND, so if you are very low now, please don't panic and assume it will continue when you have your baby... a whole new set of feelings and hormones kick in then

Soooo... if you are pregnant and feeling low, come here, have a rant, a cry, and hopefully we can help eachother through it.

My story...

I was very very bad with DD - HG plus problems at work made me drop, and I never seemed to pick myself up properly again. I was miserable for the whole pregnancy, and felt cheated because I had spent all my life wanting to be pregnant.

When I fell pregnant again, I was most scared of the sickness, having assumed it was that that made me so miserable last time. Sickness has been better, but I still get very very low days. I have now realised that for me, it is an iron deficiency - if my iron levels drop too low, then my mood gets worse with it, until I get to the "whats the point?" stage, want to hide from the world and curl up in bed.

I am my own worst enemy though... I don't like taking the iron when I am feeling good (I have no idea why, some stupid mental block), and when I am low, I am too stubborn to admit that that is the problem!!! It normally takes a family member to make me do it .

Today... I'm doing ok. I do need to take some iron (I was bad yesterday), I'm just trying to get the umph to do it!!!

Thanks for this thread Flame, sometimes I want a moan but feel 'guilty' because we have wanted this so much and it makes you feel undeserving if you feel so low and complain about it. This is my first pg and I thought I would love being pregnant. I got an easy ride of it at the beginning, was only sick a few times (I have a huge vomit phobia) but as the weeks have gone on my hormones are all over the place. One day I can wake up and literally feel like I don't want to face the world, I want to bite everyone's head off and I just want a normal tummy again and then the following day I am happy and loving being pg - it just doesn't make sense .

I have suffered terribly with my back over the past 7/8 weeks and have been prescribed anti-inflammatories, like you Flame I take them when my back flares up, they help, so I stop taking them and go back to square one so I am really doing myself no favours

I have heard so much about PND but not much about how crap you can feel emotionally whilst pg. This place is a great insite to know you are not alone.

I asked my Gp about this the other day because to be hoest I feel evil sad and upset most of the time she said there was no such thing that it was my imagination I am sure I had it with my other pregnancys as well cause turn into a right bitch!

thanks for this topic reading the title made me feel better knowing other people are feeling like this too

Argh @ your GP!!! Mine didn't seem to know of its existence last time too . I haven't actually seen my GP this pregnancy (they are anti-homebirth, so I am just seeing the midwife), the midwife is lovely though, and she has been really supportive.

You might be able to get more support from your midwife if you have a decent one. The iron really does help me, but I get the feeling that that could be unique to me. Mine has been really nice, I was worried that they might treat me strangely, like I was a danger to the baby or something, but she has just told me to make an appointment to see her (regardless of if I'm due one) if I need to, and really that they will just keep it at the back of their minds that I am low.

Argh @ your GP!!! Mine didn't seem to know of its existence last time too . I haven't actually seen my GP this pregnancy (they are anti-homebirth, so I am just seeing the midwife), the midwife is lovely though, and she has been really supportive.

You might be able to get more support from your midwife if you have a decent one. The iron really does help me, but I get the feeling that that could be unique to me. Mine has been really nice, I was worried that they might treat me strangely, like I was a danger to the baby or something, but she has just told me to make an appointment to see her (regardless of if I'm due one) if I need to, and really that they will just keep it at the back of their minds that I am low.

I don't belong on this thread - anymore! Hurrah! But I did for most of this year.

I was signed off sick at 26 weeks and didn't go back to work. I broke down, basically. I went in one morning, couldn't make eye contact, couldn't talk. So I went home, and went to my GP who signed me off. For the first 6 weeks or so I got up each morning, took ds1 to nursery, then came home and went to bed until midday. Then I'd read or knit and go to bed early.

It took 6 weeks to even be able to talk to people again, and then another 6 weeks for the ADs to kick in. But after that I was fine. I was fine for the birth, and not even baby blues, let alone PND.

I can remember how horrible it was, and I can reassure you that it finishes once you have the baby - as long as you look after yourself and keep on going to your hv/mw/gp.

I feel like changing my name to Seesaw. Thats how I feel a lot of the time, up and down.

A big part of the problem is worrying about this pregnancy because of previous miscarriage ( 15 weeks), and also have been sick with sinus infection which refuses to go away.

I get upset over the slightest thing and feel I have no control over my emotions sometimes.

I am also a bit concerned that this constant fear of losing the baby will lead onto me not being bond properly with the baby and worry this might lead onto PND. I dont think I am actually depressed, just in constant state of stress and anxiety really.

I am a bit like you Cori after 2 early miscarriages, you constantly think the worst all the time. I have begun to relax a bit now that I am 27 weeks but I still start panicking from time to time. I don't feel 'depressed' like you say either but sometimes I just don't know why I do feel so low, the only way I can describe it is like when I used to get bad PMT - where you know you are out of order and unecessarily snappy but you can't stop it and you refuse to apologise because of it.

I'm having a good day today though, which is surprising considering it is Monday!

Cori I had a mc for my first baby and bleed in all of my pregnancys since
I panic to every time I go anywhere where I havn't been to the loo for a bit!!! I am now 12 weeks pregnant with my third baby and I am also this scared again but I have never suffered from PND and have always bonded with the baby if anything after all the worrying its a relief and I love them more if you know what I mean. I dont feel depressed as such more constantly anxious and scared either

I hope you feel better soon but I dont think just because you are feeling this way now means you will have PND all my love

I have had the lowest weekend so far. I finally cried all over DH and told him exactly how I was feeling - how scared I was by depression (and that I would probably be sticking with just 2 babies as I don't want to feel this low again), how when i'm feeling that low I am a horrible mummy and hate being left alone with DD, and pretty much everything that was going through my mind.

I think it helped both me to get it out in the open with him, and him to finally have an answer as to why I was so tearful, and not all the petty arguements that I've been giving him

A lot of tears and a good night's sleep later, and I am feeling much brighter today. I am still on the verge of tears a lot, but just basic hormonal tears rather than I can't cope with the world tears.

I talked to my mum about it a bit today too - she said that her problem is that she can see I'm low, and she's not sure if she should be trying to lift me out of it, or be a shoulder to cry on. I was feeling like she just didn't care that I was soggy lots, but at least now I know what the reasoning is!!!

Coming on this thread for a big moan and release. I am having 'one of those days' today. I have no idea why one minute I can feel fine and ready to grab the bull by the horns and the next minute I just feel like locking myself away and having a good old cry. I had a really good nights sleep last night and didn't wake up tired which is always a good sign. I did then, however, start with the worst abdominal/ligament pains which actually made me cry (I don't normally cry at pain) they did ease so I got up and have come into work. I already had 2 days off work last week with generally feeling run down and low and juts feel like I shouldn't have come in today either becuase I am just about ready for biting people's heads off for no reason at all. The sound of the phone is making me want to scream.

Problem is work are very unsympathetic about things and I am already getting the odd comment about time off/appointments etc, said in jest but I know what they are thinking so the option of me going home is pretty minimal. I just want to cry. Why can we one day feel fine and the next just feel so emotional.

Ahhhhhh, feel better for that now, sorry to rant but then I guess this is what you created this thread for Flame

I sobbed all over my midwife on Tuesday - she is worried about me, and wants to keep an eye on my moods. Last night I completely broke down, and told DH exactly how I was feeling (I have always skirted round the edges before). He is worried, but I think he is relieved to now have a full picture, and can at least try to understand.

My mum hadn't heard me use the word "depression" before, she had been just thinking I was tearful and hormonal. Again, she seems happier to know just how low I am feeling, so that she can be more supportive.

It really does help to be honest and say how you are feeling.

I have spoken to DH about sometimes feeling really low etc and other times feeling fine, he is good when I am feeling shitty and often buys me little pressies or does nice things to try and perk me up which I really appreciate but just recently I seem to be in loads of discomfort all the time with my back pains and ligament pains. He has a cold and a bit of back ache too which he does make known to me but if I mention pains now he just shakes his head or laughs in a kind of 'bloody hell here we go with the exaggeration again'. He just presumes I have a very low pain threshold, which maybe I do, I don't really know, but I'd love to swop places with him just for a day - I'd give anything for his cold and backache compared to what I feel at the moment. I don't particularly want sympathy from him but neither do I want the rolled eyes etc. If I am in pain and don't say anything then he moans at me for not mentioning it, sometimes I can't win!

I don't feel depressed just uncomfortable and tired which can make you feel so pants at times.

I'm really glad to see this on here! It means that this very serious condition is getting the attention it deserves and maybe so many women would not feel quite so alone. My story is here , perhaps some of you can support the original poster too.

It does pass, it really does. I had hormonal treatment after the birth of my two and for me it made a difference, perhaps even avoided me having PND. You are not bad people for having these feelings and you will start to feel 'normal' once more.

When does normal pregnancy hormonl moodiness become depression?

Ican't cope with any stress at all. I cry all the time. My kids are getting so used to seeing me cry, they just give me tissues and carry on.
When dp is being supportive I feel worse - at least when he's no use I can blame him. otherwise its just me

I really don't remember feeling this bad with my first two

I really don't remember feeling this bad with my first two

For me, it is when I feel like I'm in a big black hole - there doesn't seem any point in anything, and everything I do seems to be wrong.

I feel that pretty much everything I do is wrong; but maybe that't because it is.

I suspect that the girls are keeping me afloat. I have to get up and put on my happy face, and do all the things they are used to doing. if I didn't have that routine, i would be in a big black hole.

I do believe that faking it (happiness, normal life) helps. If you get good at it, you start to really feel it.

I hope that those for whom faking it doesn't work, can talk to someone about it.

Rhubarb, I read your story. TBH, I have never heard of anything like it before.
I know you were upset about your first pregnancy, so do you think that trigger the intense delusions you had, or was it the hormones. How did the medics deal with it during your second pregnancy.

As I have said most of my stress is related to fear of miscarriage, which preventing me from bonding with this pregnancy. I feel a bit better today, as I am now offically past the dates where I lost my last baby. 16 weeks. But I still feel on the edge of losing it, almost started to cry at work when two people didnt turn up for my visits.

Jasnem, I feel similar in that I feel that I am not good at anything, and cant do any right as well. So just dont want to bother.

Hi Cori, changed my name, this is my Christmas name, good innit?

To answer your question, yes I do feel that the way I felt about the pregnancy influenced my depression. But my history goes back a bit, I had severe depression whilst on the Pill, it stopped abruptly when I came off it, but then of course I fell pregnant! But my unhappiness at the time just developed into something worse, and it's so hard to spot because it's so gradual, and just like when men say that you have PMT that month, you are outraged at the sugguestion that you are suffering from depression and you deny it every time.

With the second I was actually looking forward to a 'normal' pregnancy, I wondered what it would be like to be 'blooming' and to be happy with the pregnancy. But when I went for my 12 week scan I knew something was wrong, I felt absolutely nothing for the image on the screen, it was as if someone had turned the tap off. Dh said he knew before that I was not right, but again I was in denial. I went to my GP who knew my history and she got me referred to a CPN as an emergency case, they in turn referred me to the Family Unit at the Hospital. I went there for therapy sessions, to be assessed by the psychiatrist, they did various blood tests (they were as curious as anyone as to what was causing this) and I saw my CPN every week. I also had an emergency number to call. I could have taken anti-depressants but I chose not to. With their help and support, and dh's, I managed to pull through and of course I had past experience to help me. At least this time I knew that it was an actual live baby inside of me!

I also opted for a home birth, it was my way of taking back control. With the first pregnancy I felt that everything had been taken from me, my body and my mind. This time I wanted to feel more in control and this was just one of the ways I wanted to do that. I didn't want to be the helpless wreck sobbing in the corner anymore.

Hope this answers your questions.

Cool name. Wish I could think of one.
Thanks for telling me more about your story. Did they ever find out what caused it exactly. I wouldnt be surprised if your case has be written up in medical journals.

How is everyone else doing?

Hi Cori I think the Medical Profession were quite taken aback my my ante-natal depression. One GP even said to me that yu don't normally get people of my intelligence suffering from such an over-powering depression! It just goes to show that there are still many stigmas to be challenged about mental health.

They finally concluded that it was a hormonal imbalance because I responded so well to hormonal treatment. I'm also prone to this depression because of my background. So both these things were against me.

Things fine now though. We're stopping with two because the depression with my last pregnancy affected dd too, so I don't want to put the kid's mental health at risk by subjecting them to mine! It also puts a huge strain on the marriage too.

Thinking of everyone on here. Take each day at a time, don't try to think too deeply about anything, keep yourselves busy.

@ the doctor's intelligence comment!!!! To my mind depression is caused by an imbalance in you - be it hormone related, brain chemical or what... how would intelligence relate to that???

I've been doing much better the past few days - a bit down today, but I'm exhausted so its not surprising.

Hope everyone else is doing ok

xxx