feb 2011 - waving those pom poms

[slowangels1]

just to start a new (and possibly last) ante natal thread - come on knitta

angels my ex cat scratched my leather sofa years ago,its so bloody annoying.I gave her away when ex left me as i felt i had enough with 4 kids,mine was a killer too so i got up to dead things every morning not a great start to my day.DD1 would love one but i resist.

Ponyo hubbard posted on another thread,poor thing.Widow sounds like a proper nutter.
My ds's cat keeps trying to get into D's car seat when i go there.A kick up the arse helps her not to

Slept ok thanks,dh said d woke at 4 and didnt settle till 6am,cant get my head around this at all are any of the other feb babies doing this or has anyone got any ideas?Was going to try the dream feed but she didnt settle until 10 so couldnt really.
Dont really want my day to start at 4am.
Have got my boys and their gf for tea tonight and ella has her school disco-big social event-my dil is going to stay so i have some company tomorrow.Dh has been late in every night this week i dont think it helps my mood tbh,very isolating and hard work as not in from ballet etc untill 7 sometimes so tea is late etc. Roll on easier babies for us all.

My friends still not been in touch,im obviously far too boring now.

40 i think you jsut list your symptoms tbh,i am still not convinced,i just think if you have a difficult baby an older child a house to run and an f'ing dh who is never here then its not surprising to feel pissed off a little down.
Has anyone felt a bit [shocked] when they think about returning to work?I have a yr if i can afford it but at the moment i dont even get time to eat never mind work.

Afternoon ladies,

angels I'm here and OK!

I have had a bit of a sabbatical whilst I sorted out my mashed up head for a bit. I know all you lovely ladies said it was fine to come and post my cr@p here but sometimes even that seemed like a huge effort, and likely to make me cry more.

However, I am pleased to report that whilst things are not perfect, I think I have turned a corner with regards to my mental/emotional state. I never filled the prescription for the anti-depressants as I felt it was too soon to know if this was real PND or not. As it turns out, I think it is probably not, and I kind of wish the Dr had been a bit more open to discussing the possible other solutions apart from flinging a script at me, but hey ho.

I have turned a corner though, I feel like I've moved beyond thinking about my old life, and wishing I had never had DD, to accepting that this is my life now, and whilst I don't totally love it, I just have to get on with it. Since starting to accept that, I am enjoying it more. Am still emotional and still worry about being a bad Mum, and never being able to do anything fun again, but I am no longer thinking this is the most horrendous mistake I have ever made, and am coming round to the idea that I might actually be starting to 'love' her (or at least have moments when I do!), which I really didn't to start with.

DD is actually pretty good really, she does have a windy/gripey tummy quite a lot which is frustrating for us and of course for her, but I know it will pass - check me out being all philosophical.

I just want to say thanks for the support you lovely ladies provided. I know my posts were very me me me, I was just in an odd headspace for a while. If you'll have me back though, I will hopefully be on more now, and who knows, I may be able to provide support to others!

Take care ladies
Dx

How is everyone and there little babies doing? How old are your little ones now and how much do they weigh? My little man is 3 months old on the 5th and he now weighs 11lb 11oz. Hes started sleeping 5-6 hours at night which is great because hes gone from waking every 1-2 hours in the night.

Aha, I can now respond to somebody's question!

cler my DD is now 6 weeks old (can't believe you're at 3 months already) and is still only 8lb (she was 6lb9 to start with but went down to 5lb11 in the first week, so 8lb feels great for us!).

She's doing good really, she is going down well in the evening usually, and sleeps all night apart from a short feed between 3-4am (only takes 10 minutes and she goes straight back down). She has slept through to 7am 4 times but only randomly I think, not a trend or anything yet. Daytimes are a bit harder to fathom at the moment, I'm still learning!

Dx

Wow Cler, three months old already! Noah is 6 weeks on Sunday and weighed 11lb, 7oz when he weighed Tuesday. He did really well with his feeds last night. Dh dream fed him at 11pm then he woke at 4.30am for another feed. Not bad, just a very noisy sleeper, so even when he's sleeping he's disturbing us!
Delia, good to hear from you. Was only thinking about you yesterday and hoping you were ok.
Yes meltdowns are to be expected. Just had my friend round who has two children. She admitted that when she had her second she used to cry when her husband went to work in the morning. I think motherhood is extremely overwhelming whether we've had one baby or ten!

And for anyone wondering about whether to talk to GP re PND, I did, and got a prescription, which I didn't collect as decided I was getting on better. I got a 'diagnosis' of PND but I don't really know if it is/was or not, as things have improved dramatically, although I accept I will probably struggle with this for a bit longer.

But as for what to say, I would say it depends on the Dr. Mine was a bit rubbish, as I was hoping for more discussion than 'here's some anti-depressants it's a 6 month course see you in 4 weeks'.

However, there is a scoring tool they use to assess how you are feeling, and to track progress over the months if you do decide on any treatment (drugs or otherwise). It has statements like 'I have no appetite/I eat all the time', and 'I am tired all the time/I can't sleep', and 'I feel irritable', 'I feel anxious', 'I feel guilty', 'I feel I am a bad parent', 'I cry for no reason' etc. and you have to say whether you think you have that feeling every day, most days, some days or not at all. So then they can re-check in a few weeks if there has been any improvement. I would say I ticked 'almost every day' for most of those 3 weeks ago, and now I would say some of them would be 'some days' (tired, who isn't?) and some would be 'not very often', so I guess I made the right decision not to take the meds as things have improved dramatically on their own.

Dx

good to hear from you d and glad things are a little better - it's such a hard adjustment period and you're doing really well even if you doin't feel like it at the minute.

ledkr i think a high maintenance lo is bound to be more stressful/tiring/harder to deal with - you are doing amazingly when you think to all the troubles you've had with the cleft/feeding/jaundice/csec infec/pils etc etc etc - it would be hard for anyone to deal with and it's a shame you're rl friends arn't being supportive as this i presume is the time when you need them.

cler alice usually sleeps from about 11 - 6 with one feed in the middle. she's 5 weeks today and weighed 9lbs 10. we've just been sitting doing big smiles to each other but every time i get the camera out she stops!

i hope knitternottwitter is getting along ok with her pg - must do some lurking

d what do you do with a windy baby? we have kingsize wind/painful poo issues but hv told us just to pat LO on the back and cuddle them - have you found anything more useful?

H|i Bensmum , I was thinking of you too as I know you were going through similar things but I just couldn't come on here for a bit as 'talking' about it made it worse sometimes (although helped other times!). Hope you're doing better or getting the help you need.

Re other random things, are there things that people do that they don't even want to admit? Things you swore you wouldn't do? Can we have a non-judgey amnesty? My terrible confession is that DD is in her own room already . She's also been for her first sleepover at her (very loving, extremely capable) aunty's house already . Anyone else got anything terrible to confess?

D

Delia, Ben was in his own room at 9 weeks cos he was such a noisy sleeper! We were thinking of putting Noah in his own room but as it's next to Bens we were worried he'd wake Ben in the night. Might try it out on the weekend as Ben is staying at the in laws Sat and Sun night!l
I'd love to find someone to have Noah overnight! Don't think there are any takers though!

angels aren't HVs a bit useless sometimes? We have a team of two, one of whom said don't wake C for her 3am feed anymore (which has resulted in 4 nights sleeping through to 7am which was weird) and the other said we absolutely must! These two women share an office!

For wind, we started on Infacol at about 2 weeks, and it initially seemed to help, and now seems to be waning a bit. Apparently, it makes all the little bubbles into one big one which is easier to burp. However, if they don't burp it then they have to pass it out the other end which is more uncomfortable. DD isn't a great burper and lots of her wind ends up comign out the other end, as well as painful poo like you said, so maybe the Infacol isn't the best thing for that...I have started on gripe water yesterday which has resulted in some spectacular burps (one where DD flung her arms back so violently her scratch mits flew off!), but still waiting to see how it will work generally as it might have been a coincidence.

I am also going to try variflow teats but that's obviously not helpful to BFers!

We started off with all the patting/rubbing etc. but honestly find DD does better if we just sit her upright and wait for her to do it herself.

I sometimes lie her on her side or even her tummy for day naps if I'm around (as if I would be off getting my nails done or something!), and she seems to like it much more than on her back. She's totally fine in the evening/night though as I think she feeds less greedily when she's sleepy so doesn't gulp as much air.

So err...not really any useful advice, just trying anything at the moment, every day is different.

Dx

Bensmum DD is a noisy sleeper too, she is really quite mucussy (is that a word) and just rattles and snuffles all night. She's quite happy, we were less so!

D

thanks d . we have one bottle for the night feed dh does and we've just started using dr browns bottle to see if that helps. we also find sometimes that when she's in pain if she lies on her back and we move her legs up towards her tummy and down and round a bit like she was on a bicycle that can ease the pain a bit, and, holind her legs up in the air when she's lying down a bit like you do when wiping the bum when you change a nappy can sometimes encourage the wind out (DH discoverd this one when she would fart in his face every time he changed her nappy ). We've tried the infacol too - not sure how well it works for us though. Hv told me she met with the manufacturers and they say you ahve to use it at every feed and it takes 2 - 3 weeks to work so any improvement before then she claims is just coincidence. Lol at the super big mit flinging off burp

Delia DS went into his own room at 4 weeks as he chunters for Britain alllll night!

By the way, DS had hideous colic for about 18 out of every 24 hours. We tried changing the bottles, using Infacol, Dentinox etc... and have this week started him on Aptamil Comfort which has completely transformed him. He now sleeps for up to 3 hours at a time with no screaming and writhing and just gets what I would call normal wind after feeding. The difference is incredible. Of course, it's the most expensive bloomin' milk available, but he's so much happier and I am getting some sleep at last. Might be worth a try if you haven't already.

D great to hear from you x I also lie Anna for naps on her side if she's really grumpy, it seems to settle her much quicker. Dd1 slept on her tummy from she was able to roll over herself.

Had Anna at HV today for her 6 week check, hadn't had her weighed since she was about 2 weeks old, she is now 10lb11oz, the HV said that she would have expected her to be heavier, she was 8lb8 at birth. She feeds regularly, isn't sick etc, I know that its not a problem, especially when thinking about some of the challenges other babies on this thread are dealing with but it has made me a bit panicky , someone come and give me a telling off, bit of a shake please

ledkr meant to ask, what about dh and the unsociable hours, any progress? Apologies if you've said in an earlier post, can't remember and having issues flicking between previous pages!!!

Pack it in wiggles! No I don't blame, you, I worry at the slightest thing for dd and have been to the docs with her more since she was born than for myself in the past 5 years probably!

Today was a bit of a nightmare, when dp got in from work I went out in the car to Sainsburys (very exciting) just because dd has been crying for most of the day and only sleeping on me. Think she has a bit of tummy ache orf something but I needed a break! Hope tonight isn't a bad one, I'm so tired.

oneof4 we're on 'normal' aptamil and found dd brings her burps up better with it too, glad you've found something that works for you.

cler dd is 6 weeks and weighs 8lbs 11oz :) 3 months though, wow!

delia I feel I shoud namechange for this but I have sworn at dd - muttered "shut the fuck up" or something similar. Told dp expecting him to tell me off but he actually looked relieved, probably because he's felt like doing it himself! I also put dd on her side to sleep in the day (swaddle at night) - she seems much comfier (except for today ).

ledkr I can't imagine going to work - however I am at risk of redundancy at the mo and if I do go back it will be for a different service as the one I work has been decomissioned this month I don't want to work for a different service! So nbot thinkin about it at the moment.

Long post, its been nice to catch up with other peoples posts.

Ponyo Many thanks for requested telling off, appreciate you being so gentle with me .

Mr W finally has a weekend off, so hopefully with be able to relax and have him do some of the running around. Planning on taking the girls somewhere nice tomorrow, they are hoping for the zoo, well dd1 would make do with a trip to the gift shop, what can I say she's a girl after my own heart!!

Meant to say there were times with dd1 when I did just put her safely in her moses basket/cot, close the door, leave her to cry and had a sneaky smoke shower, put a wash on etc, do whatever was annoying me most in the house and she was a really easy baby

Hi ladies

I am new to all of this and my friend recommended that I join this discussion group as you all had babies at the same time as me.

I had my baby girl on the 10th Feb, after being induced due to the hospital being concerned with my BP being high (not that it was ever actually over the high mark) I had a pretty horrible birth and ended up having an emergency c section.

Has anyone else had a c section? I am feeling really down about actually not giving birth naturally, felt like I had failed in a way. The recovery process has been long and horrible too, my stitches have not dissolved properly so my body is pushing them out to the surface and this is opening my scar up in little areas, which then get infected, the nurse actually pulled some of the stitches out last week and now its happening again. I just want for it all to be over so I can get on with things as normal rather than having to go back and forth to the GP's.

Im feeling like a single mum at the moment, my husband works shifts and very rarely helps out with the late night and early morning feed due to him having to get his sleep due to his job, if he isnt at work he is going out to play his sports and to see friends, I am left at home with the baby the whole time.

I am so sorry to go on, just need to know that I am not the only one feeling like I am going mad!!

Hi and welcome Noodles! What's your baby girls name? How are you finding it all?
I think a lot of us have found our dh's less than helpful at times! Im quite lucky with mine in that we share the night feeds, but he still can be quite selfish at times! And would never dream of helping with any housework.
Maybe you could talk to your dh and arrange for you to have some me time too
Sorry about your c section and wound not healing well. I imagine is quite natural to feeldown about not having the birth you wanted. Have you spoken to anyone about it?

Hi noodles lots of us had sections on here,mine was my 4th.I found the infection in my scar was helped by lots of baths and taping a panty liner onto it to keep it clean and dry. I also have a dh who works lots of shifts and lsst week and the week before was alone every evening for 4days each time,my dd1 is 9 and has a lot of ballet commitments so am doing those with dd2 in tow which is alot of getting in and out of the house/car/pram then getting in late and having to do tea and bath/bedtimes,i ended up very down last week so dh has managed to change some shifts and i feel instantly better.Can you talk to dh about cutting down his sports or have a break yourself when he is there?I am a feisty cow and have left dh with the girls a few times so he can see how hard it is for me,that seemed to work really well
Also you are early days yet,i had dd2 at the end of jan and yeterday is the first time i have felt i am coping with things,i have been helped by the baby whisperer book everyone,its helped me to relax a bit and ive stopped responding to d's needs with feeding which seems to be helping her reflux.We've even been out for a walk today and we were all dressed and fed.

Delia i remember leaning into dd1's pram in town and hissing "shut up" in a psycho way before carrying on my way looking perfect I also confess to storming out of the bedroom in the night shouting to dh "gosh im sooooo pleased i ahad a baby" obviously sarcastically.
I also left dd overnight with my sis at 3 weeks to see neyo in Brum and when i went racing,dil also stayed here last night and had d in with her,i love my kids but have never struggled with me time as long as they are happy i am.

Hello noodles glad you found us , Mr W works shifts as well, pain in the bum, if he works nights, he needs to sleep during the day, if he works days, he needs to leave the house at 6am and the other shift is until midnight or 3am so he's not about much either, I swear that dd1s school thinks I've made him up!! Agree with ledkr (you'll find I often do ) I have no problem with spending time on my own if dds are well cared for!! Yes I'm going to utter those fateful words - Happy Mummy = Happy Baby

Well went to zoo, zoo here is built on a really steep hill, so we are all exhausted, Anna was a bit unimpressed but managed to keep quiet about it for a few hours. It was the first time dd2 had been out somewhere that required huge amounts of walking without her buggy, lets just say she made her feelings very clear - not happy . Ledkr glad you are having a good day, you deserve it.

wiggles did you read the bit about the shifts,ta for asking btw.The inspector has said he can be flexible.I instantly felt better so it was bothering me loads i think.I can even think about going back to work but not untill her surgery is over. No confessions from you?or are you too perfect?
My ds3 wouldnt walk anywhere he was a lazy toad,i even pushed him to and from school when he started.
I had my first period thurs and its still horrendous,i have never ever had heavy ones i hope this isnt the start of it.Anyone else had this?

ledkr ha,ha posted earlier, I feel absolute guilt-free about leaving dds when they are babies to scream cry in a safe place while I had a shower, made the bed, hung washing up etc. Have also been known to mutter various sarcastic phrases underneath my breath when dealing with any 3 of my delightful offspring apart from that my halo is untarnished - great news re shift flexibility. I remember with dd1 when my periods came back the first few months they were heavier and more painful, but settled down by about 4 months.

Urk, angels, sorry about the sofa.

ledkr I also feel a bit [shocked] when thinking about returning to work. I recieved a letter telling me my ML ended on December 28th and cried...WTF!

Delia So lovely to hear that you are feeling brighter. It's a shame the doctor didn't spend more time with you, instead of handing you a prescription.

cler wow, 3 months already. My LO is 7weeks, 6lb6 when born, and was 10lb3 at last weigh in at 6 weeks. Lucky you with the sleep stretches, we are still up a lot during the night.

Hubbard How are you holding up? Your wicked step mother sounds vile, ignore ignore ignore, she is talking crap to hurt you probably because she feels guilty. Sending a hug your way.

Noodle Glad you found us. Were you induced early? It's a bit of a shock having to be induced for medical reasons. I had my LO on Feb 9th by induction as my high BP turned into pre eclampsia. I'm so sorry you didn't get the labour experience youd hoped for, but glad you are both safe and well. What's your baby girls name?

Has anyone heard from PDR? I hope her and LO are doing well, I remember she was having a few problems. Also, where did prof vanish to again??

My confession is LO tends to need to bf to sleep and has no bedtime what so ever, as it's easier to cluster feed until 11pm when we go to bed. Makes no difference though as he still wakes at 1.30, 4, 6 and up for 8. Oh and we stuck fingers up to the MIL and called him Zachary, which we both love. Not the Danish name she wanted though, of course it's all my fault his name is "too British" and she "hates it".

Is it time we moved over to the other side (postnatal)? I think we all have our lovely bundles now.