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The CBFM Graduates Vol 1

869 replies

StormBird · 21/02/2011 19:55

We have got to know each other pretty well during our TTC journey's so have created this thread on Chocciechips advice (hope she doesn't mind!!) so we can all contintue to support one another through our pregnancies.

Welcome................ Smile

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
boba82 · 22/03/2011 18:36

keziah I agree with everything choccie said, it only takes the one. FX for you hun. x

Anytime sounds like the best plan eh?! Smile

Keziahhopes · 22/03/2011 22:26

Thanks Choccie and Boba - it feels wrong to have posted what I did on your happy thread... but I didn't know how to delete it. I think I am just so very sad that my other embryos have died, if that makes sense. I am crying for them. And I feel misled about how they were doing, down to the senior Dr everyone raves about being in theatre, signed the form for having collected my eggs but actually he never touched me it was the one whose name I have never heard of, a new locum! Yes, my head is full of negatives, which I don't understand .... everyone said I would not cope with the treatment and I did, I sailed through the hormonal injections etc. Now I just look at the odds, that other people have frosties, better grade embryos etc - my blastocyst was behind where it should have been, it only just made it to blastocyst as such they couldn't grade it.

Never thought the 2ww would be my low time Sad My dh has snapped at me tonight, doesn't seem to care we have no frosties, has left me alone all day and most of tonight and it feels so horrible!! just dont' know how to put all the positive stuff in my head, got the "I am old, don't feel it will work, am not good enough to be a Mummy, never been pregnant or miscarried a natural bfp before, so why would this work" thoughts.,...

A sticky bean will be good xx

Look forward to the photos Harry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chocciechip · 22/03/2011 23:06

keziah I always found the 2ww very hard. For me there was always a 'downer feeling' that I'd tried all I could and there was nothing more I could do for that month. I always wished there was a bit more I could do and waiting felt passive. Maybe you're going through a bit of that...? With IVF you've been trying so hard - maybe doing nothing but waiting now is so much harder than ever before. We're all thinking of you. x

chocciechip · 23/03/2011 14:31

Ladies, I've just had the most horrific news. My friend was scheduled for an emergency c-section today but apparently the baby died before they could go ahead. She now has to be induced to deliver her dead baby. She was 27 weeks. I looked up stats this morning before she was having her c-section and saw somewhere that her child had a 90% of survival at 27 weeks so I really thought they had a good chance. This came as such a shock. I'm totally flipped out by this - my worst nightmare in the world.

I also don't know how I'm going to be able to tell them I'm pregnant. When I heard their news before Christmas last year it was like a knife in my heart hearing yet another person had got a BFP after our MCs. So I can't even begin to imagine the pain they'll feel hearing our news after this. We've still not even told my DHs family and I'm nearly 15 weeks. How on earth do we deal with this because we're going to have to start telling people (even though I don't want to) at some point soon.

boba82 · 23/03/2011 15:38

Shit choccie I'm really sorry that has happened. Was this her first baby?

I've never been in this situation but from the other person's point of view I'm sure she'd much rather hear the news from you than someone else. However I don't know what the appropriate amount of time to wait is. I'm sure the last thing she wants is people pussy footing around her. I hated people telling me they were pregnant and that they'd been dreading telling me etc. Of course it hurts but it's not your fault either. Is she aware of the hard time you've been through to get this far? Obviously she'll be devastated at her loss but maybe you could tell her in a few weeks? Maybe it would be easier writing her a letter? If she's a friend I'm sure she'll understand. Nothing is going to change what has happened to her all you can do is be there for her. Thoughts are with them and you x

AnytimeNOW · 23/03/2011 15:39

Oh no Chocciechip that is the sadest news, at 27 weeks you just cannot imagine a loss so late, and as you say statistically the baby usually has a good chance of living. I understand how this must be affecting you too...honestly it has shocked me also...I think after having mc's before the fear never goes away, but at 27 weeks that is just terrible, I have no idea how you start to deal with that, and I'm sure everybody is different.
All you can do is be there for your friend in whatever way she needs/wants...I doubt she will know for a while, my heart goes out to your friend and to you X

chocciechip · 23/03/2011 16:58

It was their first baby. We are closer to her husband, to be honest, than her - only got to know her after they got married last year. But I do like her a lot although I think she finds me a bit intimidating. My DH was in tears earlier when he phoned me with the news. When we heard 'Joe' (not his real name) and his wife were going through this, DH has been texting them and calling to send support and messages. I'm pretty sure they must be a bit surprised by the extent of his concern because they haven't a clue what we've gone through or what their experience would trigger in us. I doubt any of our other friends would appreciate how serious their predicament is the way we have.

Earlier this year DH said to me he couldn't believe the way 'Joe' was going on about the baby. Buying stuff, preparing the nursery etc, talking about it. For us, after our experiences, that's just something we can't do and my DH was in a 'oh my God, if the worst happens to them, they are going to be side-swipped' frame of mind. And now its happened.

DH is preoccupied now with how totally devastated Joe and his wife must be because it seems, from their joy and planing and openness, that this was the last thing they were expecting (whereas, as you guys know me by now, its something I almost think WILL happen to us because crap things seem to always happen). I remember my shock and devastation after my first MC and think it must be multiplied by a trillion for them.

I know what you mean boba about not wanting people to pussyfoot around you. We didn't tell a soul about our MCs - including Joe etc - preceisely because we wanted to avoid pity and unhelpful comments. I have a mental list of things I would say to support a friend if they ever have Mcs in my mind (because I am determioned to be a different kind of friend in those circumstances), but nothing I would say there prepares me for this.

I genuinely don't know how to address this. I've told my DH Joe needs to hear our news before anyone else does; he needs to be told what we've gone through; he needs to be told we know that our news will make him feel like shit and that we want him to understand we know exactly why and understand it. And he needs to be told this face to face. I think two years of hell will pour out of my DH and he'll be the one sobbing when he tells Joe this. I don't think we can risk our news reaching them via other sources - I want them to know upfront that they don't have to pretend to be happy for us or feign interest in our pregnancy, and that we know not to take it personally.

To be honest, I still don't know if the above is the right thing to do or if it could make things worse. Maybe like us they'd just rather be left alone. It really upsets me that we will always be a reminder of their grief - I know it would be that way for me if I were in their shoes. I'm rambling - just can't stop thinking about it.

Missyraines · 24/03/2011 09:26

Chocciechip That is awful. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like. Sending hugs to you as you sound like you need it.

Keziah I've everything crossed. Time just seems to stand still, doesn't it?

I still don't have any actual signs yet. I'm a bit hotter than usual and seem to be producing a lot more saliva but nothing else. I almost want there to be signs to make it real. I went to my GP yesterday and have been registered with a midwife. She will call me at around 8 weeks apparently. So I guess I just have to wait until then.

I want to shout it from the roof tops and have a neat bump to show everyone. In time I will but God it's dragging!

Rant over!

boba82 · 27/03/2011 15:40

bump

Keziahhopes · 27/03/2011 16:54

Choccie - that is awful and so sad.
However, it doesn't mean that it will happen to many people, or to them again - what a nightmare! Hope you can relax and enjoy your pregnancy a bit more despite what happens to others. I guess others will guess soon when you have a bump .... with telling others and this friend - unless people are very open I doubt most people will know what ttc journeys people have; yes some get their bfp when they hope for, easy pregnancy etc - but not everyone does as we know here.

Halfway through 2ww - have the swollen stomach, from EC, though going down more now, but no symptoms ... dreading finding out it not worked next week.

Harry2007 · 28/03/2011 09:29

Choccie - so sorry to hear your news Sad

I can't say that I've caught up properly on the thread over the last few days. Didn't have a signal in the hospital at all so wasn't able to update.

DS2, aka Taliesin, was born on Thursday 24th March at 2.35pm weighing in at 7lbs 3oz.

He is gorgeous, if not a little greedy!

I'll give you the full story as soon as I can get little Tal to leave my boob alone for longer than 20 minutes at a time Grin.

AnytimeNOW · 28/03/2011 09:54

Oh congratulations Harry thats lovely news, so pleased all is well with you and your boy!...will look forward to all the details Smile...X

boba82 · 28/03/2011 10:25

Oh well done Harry, congratulations! Grin What an unusual name, how do you pronounce it? x x x

chocciechip · 28/03/2011 13:30

Congrats Harry! Looking foward to hearing all your news when you have a moment. Smile

Keziahhopes · 28/03/2011 13:50

Congrats Harry - he sounds very happy with all his mlk Grin

StormBird · 29/03/2011 13:02

So sorry choccie to hear your friends sad news.

Harry Massive congrats to you and your family. can;t wait to hear all about the goings on.

Hope you are all well. Keziah hope your ok and managing with the 2WW well.

I ended up at the MAU yesterday afternoon as I couldn't recall feeling baby kick at all over the weekend. All is well though, it took the midwife a little while to find the heartbeat but its there and is strong as ever (she described it to have good acceleration!?!?!?!?) It seems that baby has simply moved around to a different position. It did make me worry though, I'd got so used to him having a little routine.

Anyway, thats all from me. Only 15 weeks to go. SCARY!!

OP posts:
boba82 · 29/03/2011 14:41

God Storm I can't believe that's all you have left!

Keziahhopes · 29/03/2011 16:11

Hi - don't think will be joining you. Have pink blood 6 days before OTD and no longer have the physical symptoms I have. At 36 am beginning to realise this past week might have been my only time to have life inside me (never had a natural bfp).

boba82 · 30/03/2011 10:36

Please don't give up just yet Keziah Think of everything you've been through this far if this cycle turns out to be unsuccessful I know you are strong enough to try a second. I truly believe this will happen for you honey. x x

boba82 · 30/03/2011 10:40

keziah sorry I didn't realise NHS only funded one cycle for you Blush Please try and stay positive though. I meant what I said above. x

chocciechip · 30/03/2011 11:34

keziah I went through a phase in my cycles when I started bleeding several days before my cycle started, and I was scanned to get this checked out. The consultant said there was nothing wrong with me, and nor did it mean I was starting my cycle early (I had assumed I had a serious luteal phase defect!) Apparantly the lining between the cervix and uterous bits etc is very thin and sensitive. Mid-cycle bleeding is apparently often irritation caused to this. In my case, although I was bleeding, the scan showed zero blood coming from my womb. You've had an invasive procedure; it could be irritation to your cervix causing this. I don't want to give you false hope, but a bit of bleeding half way through LP can also be an implantation bleed (I never had one of these but lots of women do).

All I'm saying is its way to early to assume its all over; there are other explanations

On the PG side of things, I have never had a positive test before 14 days after ovulation; and symptom spotting didn't ever give me conclusive answers either. As painful as this uncertainty is, you'll only know its over if AF arrives full flow AND if you get a BFN on your test day, and another BFN two days after your test day as well. There is no way you can know its over before then.

Whatever you do, do not test early!

Thinking of you and still hoping! Hang on in there.x

boba82 · 30/03/2011 14:10

Good advice Choccie

How's things with your friend?

MissLolita · 30/03/2011 16:24

Harry, fantastic news! Congratulations!
Keziah, I have everything crossed for you - don't test early! xxx

Keziahhopes · 30/03/2011 23:29

Sadly red blood, lots more of it - and the lovely nhs here do not want to scan me or see me so got no chance of knowing what is going on. My test date is mothering sunday ... made dh but cards and gifts and post today as I couldn't cope with it. My sore veiny boobs and swollen stomach are now normal. Yes, went through so much to get this, last week felt pregnant and now it hurts so much - was so hopeful, so was dh. He is devastated, so having to support him and keep seeing blood at same time. My colleague I work closely with just announced her 2nd pregnancy - and can't cope seeing her bump 4 days a week (have to work with her, no choice there!) .... no point testing early now MissLolita, it would be a waste as it is full flow now - or as much as I ever get.

AnytimeNOW · 31/03/2011 07:32

Sorry Keziahhopes thinking of you, take care, and be kind to yourself X