February 2011 - still some left to pop, surely not...

[ZeroMinusZero]

Took it upon myself to start a new thread. Everyone's popping right now!

PS: Sorry for the awful rhyme, it was all I could think of

ponyo I use a baby bjorn but not many people on MN seem to like them, people talk about wrap slings a lot? I was given mine when I had DD1 and it suited us then and S seems to have taken to it too. Does make my back ache a bit though if I have it on for too long. But it is invaluable for baking cakes with DD1/ cleaning up the house/ doing washing/ emptying dishwasher etc etc.

zero been thinking of you- couldn't remember if you'd popped or not so very glad to hear your news! Sophia is DD1's middle name too!!

Morning ladies. I've not been on in an age and so am very behind on what has been happening.

jane I have no words that seem even remotely adequate to express what I felt when I read your sad news, so I'm not going to try, other than to say I am so very sorry, and will be thinking of you.

Dx

Wanted to start another post as it didn't seem appropriate to just continue from there.

Congrats to the newly delivered ladies, it sounds like we are almost all there now.

I've been very up and down. Claudia was back in hosp after 1 week due to failure to gain weight. We're now off BF and just FF, and whilst I feel like a bit of a failure, we are all much more settled.

We had a few really hard days last week, very little daytime settled time, and lots of colicky evening crying. However, we are now dosing up with Infacol and have had two more civilised evenings, so fingers crossed the colic is either managed better now, or it at least won't be every night for the next 3 months.

I'm not sure I'm doing OK MH wise. Sometimes I love Claudia to bits, and sometimes I just need a break from her, and yearn to be my pre-preg self planning holidays and fun things. I was so relieved when MIL took her out in the pram for 2 hours on Sat, but I then felt terrible for even thinking that. I expect the good bits will get more frequent and the bad bits less so. It's still early days for us - will be 3 weeks on Wed, and people seem to say up to about 6 weeks is really hard, so am crossing my fingers I will start to feel more positive in the next couple of weeks.

Anyone have any thoughts about where baby should be for daytime sleeps? At the moment she is just in the basket in the living room with me, but it means I sit in a silent semi-darkened room a lot. Is anyone else putting baby in another room to sleep? I don't mind if this is what I have to do, but am curious to see how others are handling it.

I don't really know what else to say, I'm finding this really hard and not all that enjoyable yet , but I assume that will change as my hormones settle, and we find our groove. I am so not a natural at this. DH is being amazing though, I just still feel alone, even though I am lucky enough to have lots of support (family close by). I think there is such a pressure to be glowing in the the throes of new motherhood, and everybody talks about the instant bond and oh my God the love, etc. but I think I'm taking a little longer to get there, which makes me feel like a freak.

D

delia oh my god your not a freak!! I spent first 2 weeks crying, wanting to go bk to the days when my responsibility wasn't intense, even though i wouldn't change DD for the world. But your hormones settle and so do you.

I have hard days, but more like hard nights as she just screams at the moment, but you feel more like you after the first few weeks so can handle it better, do talk to someone though. I constantly rang people up crying...don't bottle!!

I had DD in moses basket downstairs for first week but now i either pop her in her bouncy chair or on sofa surrounded with cushions. If i were you, keep daytime light and bright, that way she will start to know the difference between day and night. Plus you need light too my lovely.....your life doesnt end here either.

We are all going through the same so don't ever feel alone xx

D I love it when I'm given a break from dcs and I'm an old hand at it Don't feel at all bad, guilty etc about needing a break from children, Mr Wiggles watched Anna one day last week while I went out for a few hours with my sister and when I had some shopping to do, actually just meandered around Tescos looking at books but still I enjoyed it. I remember with dd1 I loved her and knew I had to take care of her etc but it wasn't until she was about 5-6 weeks old, that I felt that big pow of love hitting me. I was carrying her down the stairs and almost dropped her !!

I put Anna in moses basket downstairs to sleep during the day but I don't darken the room etc, all our downstairs is open plan, so can't put her in a different room. She just sleeps in the light, noise of dd2, tv, dog barking , bloody annoying noisy toys etc. I know that some people swear by using darkened room etc to get babies used to night and day but I'm very lax, if they're tired enough they will sleep, with dd2 she would only sleep in her pram, so I used to lie her down flat in it to sleep and put washing machine on, it used to send her to sleep!

Jane you are being so brave. Still thinking of you x

Delia You are not a freak! I'm finding it difficult too and never seem to achieve anything, I have no idea how some of you find time to bake! I find fitting in a shower hard most days! Day sleeps he has in his pram lift in the sittingroom with the tv/music on and people around and chatting - he evensleeps through the Hoover. I think the more noise they get used to now all the better later on. My aunt is able to switch the light on and Hoover my cousins rooms at night time even now and they stay sound asleep.

Can I swap someone for a nice MIL please? Poor baby still doesn't have a name as every name she spits her dummy out! She is being horrible about me now because the newest name is too British and I must be controlling OH. He doesn't care about his family, only when he wants help, not true, but even if it was, whats that to do with a name? He is 4 weeks today and lots of people do not know he exists as I wanted to announce all at once - starting to get depressed about it :(. What do i do? Im tempted to seen the email out saying still no name due to bloody families!
She is also blackmailing him about getting him christened, telling him half the family will disown baby and OH over it. Though not sure this is true at all.

I thought this was meant to be a happy time?! Well the last 4 weeks have been ruined by his family and I've no escape since im living in their country with none of my family for support.

I meant to also ask..are you all putting babies down awake? Mine will only fall asleep on someone and often wakes when put down. I'm not sure what to do! It doesnt help that he is colicy.

Tarlia Big hugs for you, maybe a stiff drink . Tough love time , pick a name you want, OH can have a little say . Start as you mean to go on, tell Mil the name, its her grandson, she will come round, or if she doesn't she can seethe quietly!! Don't worry about the christening, if you can't face the row, tell her you're putting it off for a while, can your family come over for some support, (sorry can't remember where you live). We aren't getting Anna baptised until the beginning of May, we had huge priest issues, finally got it sorted, but has left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth (no inappropriate jokes please ). No-one is going to disown a lovely little baby because they haven't been christened, or if they do, they don't deserve to see them!!

Re: putting baby down awake, I'm trying, sometimes A will go down awake, she just has!! but sometimes she just wants to be held. I am trying to persevere, dd1 always went down awake, but dd2 didn't, Mr Wiggles has better luck putting her down without wakening her, reckon she just doesn't want to leave Mum

sbf huge congratulations!!!! hope you're doing well and feeling better now.

delia you're really not alone, i sighed with a teary relief reading your post as it was exactly how i felt a week ago and i still feel like it on and off. i don't know what the answer is but it does help to talk to someone about it. i've been lucky in that i feel okay telling oh these things but please don't bottle it up. the same as you, my mum has just taken b out for a few hours to give me a break and i am so relieved, i have completely cleaned the flat and had a bath and feel almost human. everyone needs a break so try not to feel guilty about it (easier said than done i know). are you eating properly? remember you need lots of vitamins to help you recover at the moment so if you're not then at least have a multi vit tablet.

i'm having a few problems getting b to sleep in the day as he wants to be held all the time (especially in the evenings) but he will occasionally sleep in his crib. i don't dim the lights or be quiet though.

tarlia i agree with wiggles, in fact i can't think of anytihng to add except stay strong and go with your instincts.

how did mums exist before infacol????

oh, and hoping knitta is okay!

damn, meant congratulations zero not sbf, so sorry, was a looong night

Im so sorry, I missed your announcement! Many congratulations on your little girl. I just love the name Sophia.

Thank you wiggles and needto, it's not that I'm anti religion at all, but I'm from a catholic family and OH Christian, so the way I deal with that is waiting until baby is old enough to decide himself. As for name, she keeps translating names into Danish, which is not what we want, we have been very careful to choose a name that works in both languages and sounds the same.

I'm so glad that both of your babies prefer to be cuddles and held too. It's amazing how you can suddenly feel like a failure.

To Delia and everyone else feeling down, the demands of a new baby are relentless arent they, and the sleep deprivation really starts to affect you when it has built up over a few days or weeks.

do make sure you eat properly and take multivitamins etc. it does make a difference I promise.

sorry but Im going to have my moan now. I am fed up of being stuck in the house - dont know how it is for FF mums but as all mine have been EBF, I just feel "chained to them" at this stage. Its difficult to plan anything, go anywhere or do anything without them as you dont get enough time between feeds! Its not that I mind feeding in public particularly but it can take DD up to an hour to have a feed at the moment which is not really practical on a day trip with the other kids.

Another reason Ive not been out and about much is because my bleeding kept stopping and starting, so the Mw said I was overdoing it and had to rest. but this didnt stop the bleeding so the GP has now prescribed me antibiotics for a possible womb infection (yuk).

I feel like I've got nothing done today, and now its nearly time to think about getting the older ones from school! I am just sitting here feeling depressed by all the little annoying jobs that I need to do or get someone to do and cant be bothered. ok its off my chest now really must go and try to do something more positive instead of moaning.

Thank you for the lovely replies to my blue post. Whilst I wish other people didn't feel like this, it helps to know you do! DH is being great and I am talking to him about it so I'm not on my own and am really lucky in lots of ways.

Sorry for those of you who have family politics / in laws from hell, that must be a nightmare. MIL has been a bit of a lifesaver for me actually and on the positive side this has been a bonding time for us LOL.

Interesting other people talking about baptism/christening as well. We went to see OH's priest the other day and have earmarked late May as the rough time to do that.

I think I will take people's advice re daytime sleeps and not bother so much with the quiet/dim lighting, like you say so day is always different from night. Already thinking ahead to potentially wakeful baby through the long summer days and very short nights, blackout blind already installed!

Today is actually turning out alright, ironically. HV came this morning and we talked a lot about me as well as about baby so I feel like less of a freak now (plus all your lovely posts have really helped).

I am going to go get some sleep now, sorry for being so me me me and not replying properly to other people, I just wanted to say thank you.

Dx

Tarlia meant to say, we are a bit hit and miss with putting DD down awake, sometimes she will, sometimes she won't. I think DH has a better touch with this. I suspect though in my very tired moments, she picks up on my tension re 'you neeeeeeed to go to sleep now so I can' so that tends to backfire. DH is much more relaxed with her.

D

jane you are so brave and strong. You may not feel like it but you are doing amazingly. The bear factory idea is beautiful. Will you let us know when you have a date for the ceramony so we can all send our thoughts your way?

tarlia if it were me I'd pick the name I wanted and then tell everyone/get it registered then it would be too late for MIL to change it . Family can be odd can't they (esp in laws). My granny told my mum she has already picked out her outfit to wear for turtles christening - when we haven't even mentioned to her if we are getting her christened or not !

D I feel the same too - last night was a bad one with turtle as she had lots of lots of painful wind etc (as I write this there are some distinctly loud noises coming from her still ). I'm so tired my eyes can't open properly...sometimes I feel like this is all great and other times I just feel like a failure and can't take not getting anything done etc. The rigorous feeding schedule imposed by mw due to turtle losing weight really hasn't helped (although I know it's helping turtle).

delia we put Nate in our room with the blinds down. Like u we had him in the moses basket in the living too but were reduced to whispers & inaudible tv level..find he sleeps s bit longer now (only half hour) but means we can get on with things downstairs & have a conversation! He comes down for a few hours when we have visitors...first lot due today!

Jane ur being so brave....hope u get strength from each other during this difficult time.

delia phew I have to admit to feeling relieved when I read your post! You are most definitely not a freak, I still sometimes have sort of 'panicky' moments when I think "oh my god, no more spur of the moment nights out with dp, no more lie ins, no more full nights sleep..." and all sorts of other (trivial, I know) things, the responsibility of it all hits me and it scares* the crap^ out of me. My dd is 3 weeks tomorrow and sometimes I feel really guilty because I feel like I'm wishing her life away just waiting to get to the 6 week mark, like you say I've heard its meant to get easier then. And of course feeling guilty doesn't help at all. I love my dd so much but tbh I think the rush of love could still hit me...
Oh, dd sleeps in the lounge in the day, tv on, lights on, am hoping it will help her distinguish between night and day, fingers crossed!
Hope you are feeling a bit reassured you're not on your own anyway :)

tarlia my dd goes down pretty well in the day for sleep, however at nighttime trying to put her in her moses basket is a nightmare! She'll ususally wake up after 5 mins of putting her down - just as I've got into bed and got comfy I also have the same thing as delia - my dp seems better at putting her down (probably for the same reasons). And you pick the name you want and stick to it! Good luck.

pinkelephant I am ff but still feel a bit chained to the house - dd takes a long time to feed and be winded afterwards so can sympathise, I don't really feel brave enough to go out on my own yet.

back soom to finish posting dd needs feeding...

Ponyo I think we all have the panicky moments and exhaustion is a big factor in causing anxiety. Its quite understandable to look forward to a time when you will get more sleep and it does not mean you are wishing away her babyhood.

make sure you take lots of photos though and video too maybe, because she will change SO quickly. you will look back and be amazed in a few months' time! (and hopefully you will have forgotten the sleep deprivation by then)

I am feeling much better after going for a walk with the pram and seeing a few people on the school run, it just shows what a difference it makes getting out of the sodding house!

Hi all,what alot of moany heads we are arent we? I soooo sympathise with the low trapped feeling,last week when i found out dh shifts had changed i had a rant about me being single with one dd and about to move to spain and then i met him and now i am a drudge blah blah,i even mentioned "constant f'ing visitors"-pil !!!! I seem to spend all my time smelly with no make up and bushy hair,i remember it from last time,you do start to find time as they get bigger tho.
DD sleeps in her pram in the day with full noise and light-she is partial to a bit of classic fm and funky house-she goes up to my room in her basket at 8 it is dark but we do wack on the lamps and the wire when we go up.She is awake most of the day and if she does sleep its on me and then wakes when i put her down and then the whole feed cycle begins again.She seems permanantly hungry so yes i too find it hard to leave the house.
I went to pick Ella up from school to find it was parents evening,i just wandered in as if i had remembered all along

All your posts seem a bit alien to me, sorry have nothing to add!!!

Congratulation zero, Sophia was my no. 1 name for girls.

Nothing from me yet, went for the longest walk, with lots of stairs included and have been nipple-tweaking non-stop, much to dhs amusement... dancing since last night, etc. have another monitoring tomorrow and will probably book induction for Thursday.

Thinking of you takingforeverkid, just think baby should be here by end of week/weekend. Try the cinema, go and see something loud and mindless!! xx

Re: taking photos,couldn't agree more with pinkelephant Anna has changed in the past 3 weeks, I do detect a hint of ginger creeping in to her hair and am not so sure that her eyes are going to go as dark as the other two.

This is the first day in about 2 weeks that I haven't been out of the house, apart from the school runs. Have taken dd2 and dd3!! out most days - usually for a walk round town, quick trip to M&S etc. I ff, and Anna sleeps in the car or in her pram, she is also quite a quick feeder, she has been known to drain a bottle in the car waiting to pick Sofia up from school

at us being moaners and also at spending all your time smelly with no make up - thats me just with greasy hair!

Btw ledkr the docs was interesting, had to see different doctor cos the one we saw on fri wasn't in today, she was reluctant to give anything as "they don't like to give small babies lots of medicine" at which point my dp agreed with her Maybe we should have discussed it more before we went eh! She did give us prescription for infacol though which is good as I spilled the new one we bought all over the bedroom carpet .
Anyway am going to see how we go - today has been a bit better - and go back and see same doc as fri at the end of the week if needed.

Yes to taking lots of photos! Iam making a real effort as I'm usually rubbish taking pics :)

Its also really interesting reading about everyones sleep routines etc.

takingforeverkid you're definitely living up to your name - really hope you don't have to wait til thurs and things kick off before then.

Just wanted to say jane I agree with what everyone has said on here, you are amazing and you, your dp and Zoe are in my thoughts. I'll be keeping an eye out for any posts from you if/when you feel up to it xxx

Delia you are not alone as at least the first 6 weeks are crazy with hormones, lack of sleep and a total adjustment to your new way of life. I would suggest that sitting in a darkened, quiet room while the baby sleeps will not be helping your MH. Ds2 sleeps in a baby chair in the living room while dd and ds1 maraud around being pre-schoolers. He seems to be ok with that even as ds1 keeps pulling his blanket off at the moment! Don't be too hard on yourself and lower your expectations with regards to housework for the first couple of months. If you all get fed and have clean clothes, then that is an achievement, and anything else is a bonus.

Tarlia there are lots of names that sound good in Danish and English. Thomas, Martin (Martin Laursen, yum!). You have to stick to your guns as he's your son. Good luck.

Wishing happy vibes to everyone who needs a break and some sleep. I'm with everyone on that!

ponyo i did exactly the same thing with the infacol, ended up all over the chair and my pj bottoms so ended up sitting in my knickers feeding b which amused oh

i'm also part of the smelly, no make up brigade unless oh has a day off!

wiggles anna sounds brilliant!!!! b takes forever to feed and screams when i burp him before boob change so i'm not fond of feeding in public, have done it a few times now though.

angels LOVE the name alice! hope you're doing okay

needtosleep Anna is great at the minute (see how I'm not tempting fate by saying "at the minute" She will have a bottle and sleep for 2-3 hours at a time during the day, have a bit of a play, nosy at the girls, dog etc, go back to sleep. She is the same at night, sometimes you can get away with only one feed during the night and sometimes she takes 2-3 feeds!!

But just to agree with tadjennyp I do not do vast amounts of housework, run the vacuum over the ground floor, cheat and use some kitchen/bathroom wipes to freshen the place up a bit and thats it. I also do no cooking (to be honest didn't do much before Anna or other dds, Mr Wiggles didn't marry me for my culinary skills ) I'm more of a heater uper!! Its also easier with Mr Wiggles not being here for meals most of the time, don't have any guilt about feeding girls then having porridge for my dinner or toast!! (or a sneaky Easter egg that I bought to put away )