Due in Nov - Part VIII - Not long now, surely?!

[rodeo1]

Right, Here we go, sorry about the pants title!

First baby on this thread do you reckon??

x x x

BoB, DH has a few issues with his family too and has been in therapy for at least the last 5 years about it. I get on quite well with his mum though and we've asked her to come and stay for a week or two when DH has to go back to work, to help out. My family aren't really available to help out so it's good to know DH's mum is around for some relief duties.

DH tries to be sympathetic but is now driving me crazy by asking me if I'm alright all the time. He also gets a bit scared when I try to explain how I'm feeling as he's had problems with depression in the past.

Sharon, just re-read your message to see that you've just got up! I always feel like going back to bed in the morning after sorting the cats out but have managed to resist so far. Feel like I spend most of the night turning over or getting up to go to the loo, but worry that if I sleep more during the day then I'll be even more restless at night.

Chacha and Twinkle, it must be so horrible being sick again. I thank my lucky stars every day that it hasn't come back so far for me. How does that work with your fasting Chacha?

sorry for those feeling sick.. I would have hoped that phase was long gone now..but I can see how it all being so squashed might cause it.
Nova- I really feel for you, it's bad having family issues to think through and contend with when you are trying to get used to the idea of establishing your own. I have had feelings like you. I miss buying a shocking new outfit and going out for a night without a care in the world, and it's hard to adjust to the idea that such activities will now be severely limited, if possible at all.
DP also has problems with depression in his family, i think that is why he can sometimes be cruel and tell me just to 'cheer up' , as he has seen his mum go through some nasty stuff before, and i think he's also anxious it may happen to me.

Been frantically busy at work so haven't had a chance to catch up on all the posts.

Nova - sorry you're feeling blue. Families always make things interesting and can be very difficult at times. My father, who I was very close to, died accidentally just over two years ago and left his estate in a big mess and left my brother and me to deal with a pretty crazy, greedy, but occasionally amusing step-mother. I've been struggling to figure out what kind of relationship I want to have with her, let alone what relationship she'll have with my child. My DH is completely opposed to her having any part of our lives and I think would be inclined not to even tell her when the baby is born. On DH's side he's never met his dad and we're completely estranged from his mother (and plan on staying that way for good reason), but his sister still has contact with her and so I'm sure she knows all about the baby. Fortunately she lives in States and so hopefully won't try and get involved at all.

On the positive side, my Mum is very excited about being a granny and although she lives in the States is being very supportive, and I have a fab brother in London and a lovely extended family who are mostly in the Midlands who will fill in as surrogate grandparents.

Part of the reason we waited so long to have children (we've been married 8 years) is that we both have very disfunctional families and wanted to provide our kids with a stable and happy home, but there are never any guarantees and you can only do you very best to make sure your kids grow up happy and healthy - whatever surprises life brings you.

Not sure if this helps at all, but just wanted to let you know that no family is perfect and I'm sure you'll make wonderful parents and will build a great family life together.

J

What a great post, Lil!

Families! My mum and dad split up after 19 yrs of marriage when I was 17, and me & my sis have always struggled to get on with their new partners although we do try . Poor dp's dad died in a car crash when he was only 2 and his mum had just had his little sister, baby no 6 I don't think anyone has a perfect family but we love them all the same!

Beks still hasn't posted? Has anyone got her e-mail?

Just had my hair cut BTW, looks better, although just a boring trim. MIL looked horrified and said before I went 'You're not having much off are you?!' What has it got to do with you what I do with my hair, woman!!

Must calm down. Is rescue remedy safe to take while pg? I think it is isn't it? Might go and take a few drops....

Isecond that..lilj summed up entirely what it unfortunately appears loads of us are contending with.
Atleast we have this place to vent..I personally wouldn't feel comfortable talking to any of my family or friends as they allknow dp's family and I wouldn't want it to skew their opinion of them.
just trying to work up the enrgy for a trip to the supermarket.how bad is that! I haven't done anything else all day..

Nova - I agree with LilJ. Every family has its ups and downs and I do not believe that the 'perfect family' exists. I do believe however, that our own experiences in life (if looked at positively) can help shape our future and that of future generations.
After years of being on a road to self destruction as a result of many things I found a path in life that offered me sanity, peace and well being and a reason. I was able to lay everything out in the front of my mind and de-clutter as it were. What was harming me got dealt with (family relations/abuse/loss etc..) and what was good I built on. I've learnt a lot about relationships and people but i've managed to put the bulk behind me and start again.
Sorry if i've gone on on a tangent or just gotten away from the point but I feel what you're saying I'm just not great at expressing myself. LilJ's words of wisdom are great.
I think it's important to talk though..I wrote a LOT of poetry when I had 'family issues' - I couldn't speak to anyone at the time but it helped me a lot. Anyway...nuff said.
And when I was 6 ..... (LOL, only kidding)!!

Oh and good question! The school of thought that I follow states that I can continue to fast if i've been sick as long as 1) I didn't vomit intentionally (like stick fingers down my throat) 2) I don't swallow it. In saying that I woke up, prayed, meditated, had breakfast and went back to bed (fasting now) only to be sick on waking and decided I wasn't up for it today. Just too sick!

Right, sorry if i've gone on forever, it is getting late and i still haven't prepared the soup. Shall go and chat with some onions xx

Rodeo

Chacha..again words of wisdom..very inspiring!
Wish I had the stregth to rise above all this crap right now, but it's hard.. maybe I am too young/emotional/ clueless!?...
I want to vent again..sorry.. esp. to Nova as I'm sure you want to come on here and see positivity ..but nowhere else to go and maybe unleashing might help...
DP's mum 'came across' a reminder letter for our phone bill when she last stayed, and called and paid it before we got up.
DP especially was really annoyed, as we had informed the company we would pay in fiull when he got paid. we put the money back into her account once he was.
I have now been told by dp's dad that she has used this as a means of making him feel guilty (they are going through a very messy divorce) and as she paid DP's uni fees and now they are divorcing is expecting his dad to repay half to her she said this would be an 'additional cost to him'..what the hell? we never asked for it, and it was so annoying she rooted through our things and ttok it upon herself to pay it..and we repaid it within two weeks.
He has said we are 'irresponsible' and shouldn't be relying on others as we are about to be a family on our own..as if we don't know it!
Fair enough, last month my mum paid our council tax, but I asked her and will repay and she understands we are struggling until my mat. allowance comes through.
when either of them use our finacial struggles to attack each other, or us, I can't help but remember that they had dp when they were both 23, and lived in a flat paid by for their parents, were at uni on and off until the age of 30 (and never worked..not even part time).. the whole time living on an income from their parents..grr..his dad complains that he has a pension shortfall, but thats because his parents paid for him to live until he was 30 years old..not like he was hard done by...
I am not saying they owe us anything,,but I resent being called irresponsible when me and dp worry and stress about our income all the time and he is working long hours in a hideous job just to provide for us.
Damn..very long, ranty post..I have edited as far as I can but I'm sure it will still be a bit too long..apologies girls!

Sorry you are so down Nova. So much good advice here..... I think I am freaking out my DH a bit too with all the strong emotions. Like you I've been crying , cant ever remember what starts it.....then i just get so distraught and feel like I'm a cr8p mother & cant even cope with the two kids I have, let alone another etc etc. And its all his fault of course.I think its impossible for our partners to understand, its not just you who cant explain, honest.

IMHO the pregnancy bit is just exhausting & weird, with touches of gross and the very occasional good bit ( like feeling the baby move).

The birth is frightening for most of us ( sorry Karma, I know you are looking forward to it!!!!) & we all worry if our babies will be OK. I dont think our partners really get all this - they just think that we've done it before so it will be ok or women have done it for years or we both wanted this baby so much so whats the problem........

I know its no consolation but you sound like a totally normal 8 month pregnant woman . Either that or most of us are as crazy as you......

Bob - dont apologise, thats what we're here for - to come and moan. IMHO I think your MIL sounds very manipulative - pretending she is doing something to "help" you but using it to try and get control over you and guilt trip you and play money games with her ex. Not very nice. Especially when you are working so hard to sort out your money problems.

Its not like there is some correct time in your life to have a baby.There are always stresses or problems - money, work, housing , health , other kids, aging or crazy parents - you've read it all here on this list!!!!!!!

is it ok to have a rant????
Im blo*y fed up,im going to have to pay the council 141.00 for the pleasure of them inspecting my garage conversion, and im sure they will find something that they want us to change B!!@@##*ds!!!
Sorry,
i cant stop throwing up, the window co. wants a huge amount of cash to fit the window and build a wall(which we dont really have).The kids have lots of homework, i miss home,i feel fat, the car insurance is due, and i need to win the lottery!!!!!!!!
Ok sorry about that,just feel like crying at the min,but by the sounds of it we are all having a bad day.
twinkle
32+6

sorry twinkle, dont knwo what to say. unless i was Bobs MIL i would say you were irresponsible for having an baby when your life isnt perfect. Unlike mine. i am such a good mum i am here on the PC while my kids are glued to cbeebies. there is no tea on yet and i havent done a bit of housework today. My house is a tip.Even though I am on mat leave

£141 to inspect the garage???? they are taking the pi**???????

Kristina..thanks!..I try to get along with her but it's so hard..and dp is so far from being able to have a civil conversation with her it's untrue.
It's really sad ,as you'd expect them to be excited and supportive about the baby but it really isn't the case,
I thnk it's just the 'toxic' traits that come out with depression..I shouldn't judge, but if it is regularly upsetting me and dp then why not...
as for the money issues..I cannot stress enough that we never asked them for help..we do ask my parents (who are far less able financially) but thats only because we know they just see it as helping us out in the short term and would never throw it back in our faces.
And yes, I know everyone on here has some kind of stress..if not several..don't want to whine too much...

Crossed posts..
twinkle..sounds like we are having similar issues..it's mainly about money, which is an awful thing to be upset about..hope you feel okay!
As Kristina said, who is ever at the perfect stage and ready in all aspects of life to have a baby, let alone if you have kids already!..
It will all be good for all of us..I am sure...
odd how everyone is having a bad time today for some reason or another..though i am waiting for Enthusia to come bounding on with a ray of sunshine about her great day and lift everyones mood!hehheh

babyonboard,I agree
We already have two kids,and there is no such thing as "the perfect time" to have kids you never have enough money, time etc etc you just have to get on with it!! things generally work out
Im sure its just my hormones,Dh informs me i always loose the plot at this stage!!! My mum just phoned to say she will have the kids up to stay for two-three days in the hols later this month so i can have a rest.Yeahhh and she will drive them back down to me
I am going to decorate the nursery tommorow and im sure i will be happier when that is done.Sat is looking up as well as im singing at the royal college of northern music, so that should cheer me up
well must go before i incinerate the kids tea!!
twinkle
32+6

Evening ladies, I'm back! Sorry to have worried everyone, I have been here but just lurking with nothing to add, so have stayed quiet, very unlike me I know but have been feeling a bit insular this week - bloody hormones drive you mad.

Rodeo, thanks for your concern hun, I really appreciate it, but no you can definitely keep the role of first baby born at the moment. Glad you got the clothes washed! Have been thinking about you alot this week, have you got your head around everything now? I'm sure you'll breeze back on here next week telling us all how great it is and make us jealous that we've still got to wait!

Sounds like everyone is going through the mill at the moment, hugs to those of you who are being sick, I remember this from last time, not pleasant and Hugs to you guys who are struggling with your families, it's not what any of you need at this stage. I hope they can all setttle down and give you the support you need when bump puts in an appearance, but needless to say the rest of us in cyberspace will be here for support in the middle of the night when you need it.

Things with us are fine although Ben is behaving very strangely at the moment and causing me some concern. He cries whenever I leave him at his little clubs although he seems fine at school and told me that he thinks I am going to get rid of him or make him stay in the garden when the baby comes as I won't want him any more. Needless to say we've tried reassuring him but he's not having any of it and I've lost count of how many times I've burst in to tears over it - like now!

That's part of what has kept me away since the weekend as have been trying to do more things with him, although playing on the floor is a nightmare as my hips are really painful and I've managed to get myself stranded or stuck several times lately. I can't believe how guilty I feel about introducing a sibling into the family - stupid isn't it!!!

Bump is doing it's best to drive me nuts too, as it remains breech, has been since last Thursday and it seems to find it amusing to sink down into my pelvis and push my hips out - ouch! Have got the mw tomorrow, so hopefully she'll be able to suggest something.

After that long post I bet you wish you hadn't asked where I'd gone, I'll speak to you all tomorrow Beks (34+3)

beks,
glad u r ok.Sorry ds is upset,my ds sam was 2yrs and 3months when i had dd he was very stressed out before i had her.he had lots of tantrums and was generaly out of sorts very worrying however after i had dd when he came to the hosp we had bought him a pressy from the baby and he never really looked back and was fine from then??? try not to worry too much,im sure he will settle back down when you have had the baby.
twinkle
32+6

Oh Beks your Ds sounds a lovely wee boy, so sensitive. i'm sure he will be a great brother, once he reaslises you still love him too.

Twinkle - your mums sounds lovely - would she like another two kids that weeked as i have some going spare.... Sadly our two grannies are not interesested in our kids so no babysitting there. MIL has never even seen DS1 who is 17 months.But we have nice siblings ( four each!!) to make up for it.

Can I ask a boring question about C sections? I know some of you are sceduled to go in quite early for your but noticed on the NICE guidelines that they recommend no earlier than 39 weeks for elective CS. i was reading up coz baby is transverse and GP is getting nervous. However DS turned very late ( cant remember exactly, about week 39) so I'm planning to hold out NOT to have ECV at 36 weeks. What do you think? Seems silly to put baby at risk at 36 weeks when he coudl go back or turn himself later.

kristina,
c/sections that r planned are normally done at 38+weeks as the baby is considered mature.However if there is a pressing medical need it would be done sooner.They dont like to leave it too late in case you go into labour.With a transverse lie they would def do a section if it did not move.If im honest ecv is not a plesant procedure and has a high failure rate I would not have one but if baby dosen't move they would not leave you to long before section as there is a risk of cord prolapse.
hope this helps
twinkle
32+6

Twinkle - that is very helpful. Is there is risk of cord prolaspe if my waters break or i go into labour on my own? I'm only about 30 mins from the hospital. You will understand that after 2 vaginal deliveries & a baby of 16 montsh I dont want a Cs unless I have to.

If I refuse teh ECV how long woudl they let me just wait to see if teh baby turned? last time ( after he turned) i went to term +13, then gave into pressure for induction. And it was horrid

So sorry that so many people seem to be having such a hard time. I hope the ability to rant on here, and the lovely words of wisdom from a variety of people help. Sometimes just knowing you are not on your own can help too.

Know what you are going through Beks re adding another baby into Ben's perfect world. I can't help looking at Tessa when she's asleep and wondering if I am about to ruin her life! Although she is younger than Ben and seems quite excited about a new baby she has started waking up at 5am in tears and I wonder if its connected. A hug usually settles her but its not something she has done before.

As for the lack of breath and inability to eat more than a few mouthfuls - all I can say is that the end is in sight. My baby has decided to drop and is now engaged and ready for action at 35 weeks! This relieves the above symptoms but leaves you wanting the toilet all the time and feels like you have a bowling ball between your legs Think I prefer it this way though, at least I can get back to eating for England

novadandypowder -How come you had a growth scan, did they have some concerns about the size?
wow 5 1/2lbs!! mine is probably 6 1/2lbs by now!
sorry to hear your having a tough time at the moment ((((((hugs)))))) families eh!

ds was up again this morning at 5am im beginning to worry that its because he senses something is imminent???

Keep having thoughts of "oh Cr*p,why am I doing this again????"

buggy still hasnt arrived and havent heard anything so am starting to get a little concerned as to when its going to be in stock!

feel really sick this morning, baby keeps stretching out and can feel it pressing against what i imagen is my cervix and right under my ribs ughhh

L 33+5

Twinkle - 'ECV has a high failure rate'? First time I've heard that they can't get the baby out with a CS!

Busy - where did you order you buggy from?

morning all,
golden yeah ecv often does not work,they often abandon the procedure half way through or the baby just flips straight back again.With a transverse baby it is undeliverable vaginally,so they always use a c/section to get babe out.
twinkle
33

kristina,
if your waters break while baby is transverse there is a chance of cord prolapse.If you were to see the cord or feel somrthing pulsating in your vagina (sorry if this is tmi) you should go on all fours and stick your bum in the air and call an ambulance.By sticking your bum in air it stops any pressure on the cord so your baby continues to get 02 etc.As for how long they would let u continue it does vary between consultants but they would def be thinking of it by around 38weeks,cos they dont want u to go into labour/waters break with a transverse lie
I understand why you would not want a c/section with a 16 month old.From personal experience i have found my previous 2 c/sections not too bad was only in hosp for two days with both,but everyone is different.I hope this helps and does not scare you
twinkle

Morning all

So sorry to hear so many of us are having a crappy time. I take it now is not the moment to say what a fab time I had yesterday, how great I feel today and how I am looking forward to the next few weeks and the birth? I am feeling sickeningly postive at the moment, sorry

As for families, on my side we only have my Mum and Dad and one uncle - rest of family are disowned or dead. But my folks are absolutely excellent just a bit of a pain they are in Spain! As for DH's side very complicated, haven't spoken to his parents or his brother now for 6 years, and his sister comes and goes and can be very manipulative. We are thinking of doing the mature thing and writing a letter to his parents to inform them of the impending birth, and then afterwards offering them a meeting on nuetral territory to see there first grandchild. Not something I am looking forward to, but it is the grown-up thing to do!

And as for pg, I am feeling great, no sickness or heartburn - although apparently my earache is my form of heartburn! And I actually slept last night. Feel really sorry for all of you still being sick, that is not nice.

As I am feeling so good do you think it is all being saved up and I am going to be struck one morning with all 3rd trimester pg symptoms in one go? I can just see myself camping out in the bathroom for the rest of pg being sick, crying, worrying, not sleeping and not being able to move!!!! Hope not!

Nova - it is great to have you back, please rant and get it off your chest, I find once I have written on here (or other threads) about my problems I feel so much better and they go away or get resolved quicker. Sometimes it is much easier venting on here than to partners, there is no guilt or trying to explain yourself involved. Also feels that it makes the problems much clearer in your mind so you can talk about them more succinctly. I know that after I have spilled all on here I can explain things to DH much clearer with less emotional clouding so that he can understand and help! My DH is excellent and knows me very well (after 10 years and growing up together he bloody well should) but he does finding picking his way through the emotional undergrowth to get to the real issue a little hard at times, so can say the wrong thing!

Beks - Glad you are well and back, Ben sounds great, are you getting him a present, from the baby, when your little bundle arrives. I always remember my DH saying he loved his little sister so much when she arrived because, somehow, she had managed to pop to the shops and hide a much dreamed of dumper truck inside mummy. Aaaaaahhhhh wasn't he sweet? For me no Bothers or sisters so no help there!

BoB - Your Mil sounds like she could have her own comedy show. I can imagine millions of viewers watching her antics, they would be in hysterics - she sounds like a complete nutter! Can you distance yourself from her for a while?

ChaCha - Hope sickness dies down today and you can have a lovely time and relax, I hate being sick!!!

Right bubs is now pushing with all his might against my side, is obviously hungry!!!! So breakfast calls.

Spending today in, sorting photos, packing my hospital bags at last and all those kind of things! So will lurk later.

Hope you all have a better day

34+6