April 2011 - back to back sex and other mysteries

[ILikeToMoveItMoveIt]

Here we go ladies, a brand new sparkly thread that should see us all into our 2nd trimester

Many thanks for the warm welcomes

I've felt lots of movements this evening, I was sitting in quite a twisted position which is why I think I felt it so much.

Don't apologise Architien, dunno about anyone else having work problems but that post was a great comfort to me :@)

Hello Ladies! Very interesting topic ML :o

I got my MATB1 last week and intend on leaving work around the second week in March. I had intended to take holidays first, but I'm still waiting to find out if I need to use holidays for my snow days over the last few weeks. I have already mentioned to my boss that I was thinking of using my holidays to go part time for the last few weeks before my ML starts. work part time for the second week in March then start ML on the 3rd week. She seemed to think that might not be possible . Erm ok then I'll just start my ML the second week in March.

TBH I'm the first person my boss has had to deal with maternity so she doesn't really know whats she is talking about!

Bonus for me is work changed their policy about a month ago so I now qualify for 6 months full pay 3 months on SMP and another 3 months unpaid if I want. Before I was only getting SMP, so the difference it has made to us is huge!

Anyway, I'm off sick again. Hubby generously gave me the D&V bug he had last week. Hoping to be back to work tomorrow, but I've got to go see the doctor tomorrow as MW was a bit concerned last week that my BP was higher and with my wee trip to hospital with the unknown pains the week before. I've been so so tired and getting to sleep at night has been (pardon the pun) a nightmare. I've been getting pelvic pain if i lie too long in the same position, but it's agony if I need to move. I actually feel like I'm falling to bits. A friend of mine said women either bloom or wilt, I think I'm a wilter :(

Sorry for the offload, I'm feeling very sorry for myself at the minute.

How far on are you LisMcA I don't think I get my MATB1 til January, not sure how I'm going to work it all out cus I'm on annual leave at the time of my next appt so will probably have to go into work on my time off!

I get same ML as you but only choosing to take the 6 months paid and 2 months SMP and going to use my years AL entitlement for the rest (7 weeks and 2 days worth - on full pay!) So 9 and a half months in total, couldn't afford to take the whole year so happier doing it this way.

I'm planning to start ML on 11th April, wasn't sure when to go off as some people are telling me to work as late as possible but I do want to have sometime to myself before baby comes so planning to go off at 38 weeks.

Yep I'm back, for 2 more days. Done tonnes of shopping! I really recommend a company called Babylist - I had an appointment with them last week and they were just fab: knowledgeable, patient(!) and really helpful. So anyone feeling overwhelmed by shopping call them up and book an appointment!

Sorry to hear of your aches and pains Lis. I know what you mean about not being able to get comfy at night. Dread to think how bad it'll get!

That's really good advice architien and the kind of stuff first timers like me don't know about. Anyone any more pearls of wisdom? I haven't even officially told work yet although 2 of my departmental colleagues know.

I'm going off on ML at the earliest possible opportunity (11 weeks before EDD!). I know I might regret it but I did offer to stay at work longer if I could work from home and they said no. End of financial year at work is manic and I have a commute as well (although not a massive one). I'm taking 12 months off plus my annual leave tagged on the end. Sounds crazy that I won't be back at work until March 2012!

I only get 3 months paid (then SMP) so it will be a struggle financially but we'll see. You can always give notice to come back sooner if necessary, and I can decide after Christmas that I actually want to stay another month and go off at end of Feb which might be better. Due 19/4.

Following on from post few pages back... still no movement. Am going mad! Sometimes feel something that is a bit like a heartbeat in my stomach... does that make sense?! Just a sort of pulsing feeling. Getting a bit paranoid and even thinking of getting one of those monitor things to hear the baby!

Yeah the pulsing feeling is exactly how I would have described initially chessy :)

LisMcA don't worry I'm feeling the lack of quality sleep and pelvic pain too. I'm looking on the bright side, means our hips are getting ready to give us a nice easy birth.

Cyclebump and anyone else who may think their employer needs a refresher in terms of what the basic rights are for maternity. You mentioned that the HR dept in your company hasn't really developed as quickly as the rest, you could diplomaticly send your line manager (and copy in anyone else who may be handling your maternity e.g. the person doing payroll)this government link which covers most topics to do with work under the heading of "This is a really useful government link to browse. Did you know that as a company we can claim back a high percentage of the basic SMP financial value? As you know I like to plan ahead and thought I'd highlight it so we can make sure the maternity is covered for the company". That way you get them to realise where you all stand on issues such as the problem you had with the midwife appointments vs press day without having to cause any argument plus you're being diligent in finding financial support for the company to cover your maternity.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Moneyandworkentitlements/WorkAndFamilies/Pregnancyandmaternityrights/index.htm

Just a thought.

If you get into any issues about arguing how much maternity pay you are due there's a handy online HMRC calculator for that too:

www.hmrc.gov.uk/paye/employees/statutory-pay/smp-calc.htm

If it were me I'd be forwarding both links and making a note in my diary. If they have any sense and are just being difficult through not knowing the rules then your hasstle will come to a nice diplomatic end and you'll have nothing more to worry about.

I'm 22+3, policy here for MATB1 is to give youit the first appointment after your 20 week scan. I think if you ask your MW you can pick it up earlier if you need it beofre you go on hols Mrs Wajs.

I've actually got another scan at the "too much cake" clinic on Thursday to check Busters growth. It'll be nice to see him again!

architien nice way to think about it, but when I'm climbing the stairs one at a time because my legs wont open far enough I do wonder how on earth a baby is going to get out!

Ooh also for those of you due before 19th April (sorry girls if you are not) remember to get your health in pregnancy form from your MW as soon as you are 24+1. My MW is just leaving it for me at the surgery desk to pick up between christmas and new year.

Thanks MrsW

Now I'm thinking about it I might extend my leaving date to 1st March - would still give me 6/7 weeks off before EDD...

My SIL is due with her 2nd, was due 9th Dec and still no sign! Don't want to spend too much time sitting at home waiting if it means I have to come back when new baby is only 10 months old sounds horrible!

Is anybody planning on being a SAHM after the baby (or is already if this isn't your 1st)? Would luuuuurve to... bank manager may not be so keen though!

LisaMcA - can you believe I miss out on the health in pregnancy thing by one day!! Did mention to midwife but she seemed to think it might be a bit unprofessional to change my due date just so I get the grant...

Aw Chessy I'm sorry :(

We have decided that I need to go back to work, but only part time. Because we are away from friends and family we will need to have paid for child care. The hypothetical plan before we moved was my mum was going to go part time and take the baby for us to allow me to work full time (i had a really good job with a oil company and was "on the ladder"). But since we moved for DH's job my career has taken a back seat (my choice though, at the end of the day I one day may be able to be a lady who lunches SAHM because DH is climbing his ladder and has the better prospects)

The main thing is deciding if I go back to my current job PT or find something that works round DH working (ie evenings and weekends) that will cut down on child care costs. I cannot believe how much it is to put a baby into nursery full time .

You don't think of any of this when you are TTC, well I didn't as I thought it was tempting fate.

Thanks for the tip Architien.

Was in need of a boost, boss embarrassed me at work Xmas do last night by loudly demanding to know whether I was coming back after my maternity leave in front of an outside contractor. Was humiliating, see here.

I though about childcare and did the costing for a nanny before, which we breaks us pretty much even on whether I work or not but time out of academia this early is effectively career suicide so I go back. I do 3 days a week at the moment so it's not too bad and they're short days.

Plus we'd need some form of support anyway if DH were posted and I want another English mother tongue influence besides me so it all works out in the end.

Missed your message cycle what an insensitive twat! Have replied in more moderate tones on your other thread but honestly it's disgraceful what people say when you're pregnant. No-one would question whether a man was coming back after paternity.

I know, but oh well. Was worried I was being ridiculous but sounds like the consensus is that it was a very silly thing for him to do.

Anyhoo, focusing on baby will make it all better.

at Moob (giggle) Cyclebump.

as you said on the other thread he could have been meaning to be complimentary, however with the experience you have had so far with your maternity issues I dodn't think you are being unreasonable to read it the way you did initially. I really find it awful that women are made to feel guilty about having children in this day and age. I am by no means a high flyer now (one step up from the dregs in my current job) and even they are making me feel awkward.I'm not getting access to a new system thats coming in next month or training on an update to another because "it's not worth it because we'll just have to retrain you when you come back after the baby . I'm pretty sure thats not quite legal. Boss's boss didn't even congratualte me until I was 20 weeks (she thought it was still a secret when everyone had know since I was 10 weeks! But as I've said before she lives in a "career woman" bubble.

On a lighter note, mail has started to filter through to us once more! Just received Christmas card from a cousin I've barely seen for years. It's one of those photo jobs where she her Dh and DS all happy. I had to burst out laughing! Relations between me and her have been frosty since she organised her "shotgun" (literly, she was 3 months gone) wedding for a month before mine. Invites for mine had already gone out when she annouced it then made her poor mother ring round everyone to say they weren't invited as it was a small affair (her parents and his parents only). I though fair enough and let it go. Only to go into work the Monday after her wedding to a girl i worked with showing off the photos of a wedding she had been bridesmaid at over the weekend. Yep cousins "small affair" turned out to be over 100 people at a lochside hotel in the highlands with fireworks and boat trips. The only family that weren't there were my dads family! Anyway, they look ridiculous in the photo and I just wanted to rant share!!

I'm feeling slightly less sorry formyself now ladies! I like having you lot it's like therapy!

Hahahahaha, your cousin sounds dreadful! Well done for laughing it all off.

I too feel like it's been therapy.

I would have been angry cyclebump! It was your boss' job to reassure the contractor of the continued working relationship, and not yours surely!?!

Petalouda Am seriously impressed by your stats. Please keep on!

Architen Your expertise is great.

I work in the public sector and have also risen quickly in a specialist field. I was told by my line manager that I was leaving at an unfortunate time (all the cuts) and that it wouldn't be possible to cover my post (too specialised - and no money to do it anyway). And that this could put my post in danger. As, she said, if I wasn't covered then senior managers might decide I wasn't needed. It's harsh as I'm not in a position to apply for the posts they want to keep. (ML etc).

Off the subject - I was fortunate to be able to reduce my working hours after having my first child. This has worked out brilliantly. However, after having her I was desperate to be a SAHM. DH couldn't entertain the idea and pushed me to return. (Lots of resentment but I'm over it). Two more pg later and I'm really glad I did return. It has meant that I still have a career that has surprisingly still included two promotions. This meant that we could afford for me to work less. I don't know what the future holds now though. But it does mean that I have an up to date cv. I have friends who did leave completely and have had to start from scratch after 5-7 years. (Not at all easy). I doubt I would have regreted being a SAHM though...

So back to pram talk - I accosted a random woman in Boots today to ask her about her pram. This should worry me on some level, but it doesn't....

I did that to a lady with a fab looking sling!

Oooh slings. I have already and I keep looking round for more... I don't need more, do I?!

Ooh slings - I have one of these on order. Can't wait to use it! I'm thinking all earth mother barefoot with flowers in my hair secretly breastfeeding my baby with no one noticing. I'm tempted to buy in a few colours to co-ordinate with different outfits :o

Can I bring weddings up again? yes? Great! DH phoned the bride of this wedding we have in June. She politely said that the only children "allowed" at her wedding were her nephews . DH said ok fine thank you. He thinks we will still go and leave DS with my mum as we previously planned, before I actually thought about the logistics of it all. So I'm slightly sulking that bride doesn't want my PFB at her wedding.

Lis - another bride just not thinking things through, a tiny baby is really no problem (unless it has colic!).

Slings - oops i have loads!
Ring sling
Moby wrap
Baby Bjorn (not technically a sling i know)
some other band type sling
something else i'm sure that i can't think of right now!

Used the wrap first, then it got too hot, then the ring sling.
Never got round to some of the others, must try harder this time!

I have a natya ring and a wrap (and have tried them both with a teddy bear in!).

Weddings....weddings....I would say she's being pretty unreasonable but I banned children at my wedding (mostly to cut out my really noxious cousins because my uncle's wife is a cow and we were rather hoping she wouldn't come if the kids weren't allowed) so it would be rather hypocritical of me. If you don't want to leave your little one I think I know a couple of nannies in Inverness (that was where you were going, right?) who babysit if you'd rather but then it's a tough call between using someone you don't know and leaving them for what feels like a long time.

There's no movement on my sister's wedding. Am keeping what I'm hoping is a dignified silence on the whole topic.

On slings, I quite fancy a Kari-Me.