Is it me, or was this deeply inappropriate?

[Cyclebump]

Last night was the Christmas party at work. Am 24 weeks pg so was on the orange juice.

At about 8.30pm, the owner of the company, lets call him 'Moob', engaged me in conversation to introduce me to one of our outside contractors whose work is connected to mine. I greeted him politely and we talked about work. On being asked if I would like to visit his company's premises, I said I would and when we talked about when I could go I said it would have to be before March as that's when I'm off on maternity leave. He congratulated me and asked when the baby was due. At this point Moob interrupted and said very loudly 'You will come back after your maternity leave won't you?!'

I was embarrassed and, in an attempt to avoid discussing the matter in front of an outside contractor said 'Hopefully, haha? and tried to change the subject. The contractor also looked embarrassed said 'You know she can't answer that, it's one of those legal things isn't it, haha'. Moob then turned to me again and said quite aggressively 'Come on, can you give a commitment?'. I attempted to laugh the question off, said goodbye to the contractor, made my excuses and left.

This is not the first time I've been made to feel uncomfortable about my pregnancy but I was really embarrassed and am quite upset. Am I being silly or was this really inappropriate?

Erm... I don't think I would have been offended by that. Not sure of the legalities of it. I would have smiled and said "yup, that's the plan" and not thought anything else about it.

Yes, completely inappropriate. How big is the company? I would be arranging for 'Moob' to get a copy of legislation and advice to employers regarding maternity leave, and also go and say to him that you are under no obligation to discuss your plans post-maternity leave until legally obliged (was 4 weeks before returning but may have changed now), and you would prefer personal matters not to be discussed in either a public forum or with external people around.

Don't feel silly, that's probably the pregnancy hormones! - he was definitely at fault.

He was clumsy.
He was probably trying to show the contractor that there would be an ongoing dialogue between you and hi, so worth his while chatting to yu, AND trying toshow how much you are valued / needed / wanted in the workplace.
But it was clumsy.
Doesn't mean he hates or resents you or your pg.

I think it's because I've had quite a few other issues: HR not responding to my emails hen I have time-sensitive queries; line manager ticking me off for having an appointment on a press day even though I'd told him I was unable to move it and had contingency planned; the fact they're refusing to hire in a replacement to cover my work.

Sounds like he was trying to get an answer out of you, joking or not.

Highly inappropriate.

Moob sounds like a bit of a dinosaur.

But it seems Moob made an arse of himself in front of a contractor, so he shot himself in the foot there.

I think you need stock answers - like 'well I can't go into that right now, let's schedule a meeting on x, so we can both have a word with HR/colleagues/HR/other bosses/HR/my solicitor/H farking R etc before you speak. Oh did I say 'you'. Of course I meant 'we'. And by 'we', to be clear, I mean YOU.'

Then you choose how to phrase what you have to say. Or keep it to email if possible - far better to keep an e/paper trail.

x posts

ignore HR bit if they're crap

But he could've been trying to be nice/show you you're valued etc - but yup, Frank Spencer clumsy in doing it.

Hadn't thought about the fact he might have been trying to be complimentary...

Complimentary or not the way he said it was inappropriate. Do you feel you can tackle him about it?

He may honestly not realize and it would save him putting his foot in it/hassling you again. Or he was being a twat.

Don't let other issues cloud this one.

HR being rubbish is separate, your line manager being inflexible is separate, and how they choose to cover your maternity leave is up to them and not something you should be concerned about.

It's not necessarily unreasonable of Moob to ask you whether you are coming back, but it was an inappropriate occasion to do so, and you shouldn't feel under any pressure to answer.

Can you have a word with him? Say you appreciate they are keen to have you back and at the moment you have no plans not to return so they should proceed as if you are, however you weren't comfortable being asked in front of someone else, especially someone external so wanted to let him know that.

He's out of the office a lot. If he brings it up again I'll explain as suggested.