The PESH deli – how extraorder, we're all in pig

[Muser]

We smacked our ovaries and sent them to Madame Bovary, and now we're in pig. MSDP ends here, just waiting for the MAD lot to join us.

BESH BAYBEES
dontrythisathome, girl born March 25.
Cheggers, twinz girlz, born April
FannyPriceless, boy, born June 8
CurlyCasper, girl, born June 24
CUNextTuesday, boy, born June 29
Skihorse, boy, born 1 July
Carrots, boy, born July
IggyPiggy, girl, born July

UPDIFFED
Cosmosis, the baybee that is never going to come out, due August 22
backinthebox, thinking of inventive uses for courgettes, due September 6
skatergrrrl, the one that overtook the rest, September 1
VAG, lives in De Nile, due 19 September
silversky, the biggest farter, due 18 October (first baybee)
Honeymoo, 3 wees a night, due October 31 (boy)
okiecokie, self-confessed control freak, due November 6
SomethingSuitablyWitty, benelux babe, due November 14
ReginaMonologue, knows when all the sales are, due November 20 (boy)
maswera, jungle hottie - due December 11
PollyPoo, wants to name her baybee after the dog, The New Messiah is due December 25
ChoChoSan "and Lo! The lord did resurrect her petrified womb" due 31 January
CluckyKate, hatching an egg - due February 2
Perfect Dromedary, defied medical science - due February 24
Ginhag, reckless cake-carrier, due 28th Feb
Muser, I threw up behind a tree - due February 27
Medee, finally over the Haribo craving, due March 12
Casserole living on hula hoops - due April 10
MrsFC, joining whether she wants to or not

Can we just put them all on a prison island for a bit as ski suggests? Perhaps we could whoosh past in speedboats throwing stuff at them? Would cheer me up anyway....

cho I has felt baybee too. so much earlier this time, was past 20 weeks last time round. It has taken me a while to be sure due to flatulence issues after the evil stomach bug, but am pretty sure now

drom at the start it is a bit of a 'hang on, did I feel...' kind of fingertips tapping inside your belly type thing, but it is not that long after that you start feeling like someone is actually trying to climb out of your stomach/ribcage etc. Which can be hilarious/heartwarming/painful/annoying depending on your mood and time of day. I have one little patch of stretch marks on my tummy as mooch used to try and stretch his leg out full length.

meds good news re scan...

Now, does anyone want to come and play on my mood swings? :)

Cheers box!!! sounds like a great birth, if a little hard on the undercarriage...

I haven't looked at the link yet. Am worried my head might explode.

Gin I too have the lovely strach marks right in the middle of my tum tum. Nice.

Mine is just a wee patch on the right hand side. I have realised it is getting more noticeable as I expand again this time, which is a big pile of arse.

Lalala, am not listening to tales of never being able to wear snazzy shoes again [Imelda Marcos Face]

I wear nearly always wear flat heels because I like being a midget and comfortable, but I would rather walk barefoot over rocks in the snow than wear Crocs (for example). There's no excuse for that. There's Lesbian Pasty Shoes and then there's Crocs.

PS Fanks, Lozza! Liking the look of the place, are you

Top grammar in the middle para, there

I have a maze of them towards my nether regions from last time - thought I'd got away with it until I looked in the mirror & could see under the bump [harumph]

I have a husband who can join the others on the desert island - is everyone sending the kids too???

Thanks Box - have contacted the hospital & they have e-mailed the form through aready & say they have got the notes ready to post - v. efficient at Amazingstoke records dept.

Hmmm gin not only are mine more noticeable but I have more of the fuckers. Never mind shoes being a no no, I will NEVER wear a bikini on holiday again. Bio Oil hasn't seemed to work either.

right, am off on holidays now, so see you all in a week or so.

I'd gladly have a generic name book, CC if it is still available when I get back and have time to message you.

Byeee!

I have spent my entire pregnancy having to avoid the temptation of Birkenstocks. Not that they are that bad per se, but I fear a slippery slope might ensue. I bought a fabulous pair of flat knee high riding boots to wear throughout preggy state with skinny maternity jeans. Tres yummy I thought naively. Sad fact is that I can't get the fuckers on or off due to not being able to bend over. Ditto with any other pretty sandals that don't slip on. ARRRGGGHHHHH.

Pleeze to tell when do the stretchmarks arrive normally? My belly looks like a chip pan before bedtime and so far nuffink. Maybe this is cos there is still fat to stretch into IYSWIM. My belly button still an inny, so maybe I will get away with it????????? Please tell me that.

If you want to put husbands on an island, please include mine. He is a grumpy fuck after drinking too much belgian beer last night. He is now under 'major stress' because I have asked him to move a few babygros out of the baby's room. JEsus.

Happy holibobs, Meddler! Have a lovely time

Lesbian pasty shoes??? scorps what of these? they sound horrific. Do they make your feet look like pasties?

Can I send TG to the island too? He is now sleeping the baybee's room on the futon and will probably do so until Shrimp is ready to move in there. He says it is because he just can't get decent sleep with me. Apparently if he touches me, even by accident, I lash out in my sleep. . Apparently my snoring is now so bad it can be heard 3 rooms away. It is all lies obviously - I fall asleep and stay in same posish all night, so how can I be disturbing him? I am not the one who has to get up to wee in the night. He wears earplugs too... I know his game - he just wants to get caned every night and knows he can't unless he sleeps away from me.

We had a row last night before bed because he said he hates me being pregnant. The fucker. So much for a lovely bonding experience.... He says I am better this time around (not v hormonal/crying etc), but I am still arsey and I ignore him too much. He reckons he just has to bite his tongue all the time as there is no point in pointing out how unreasonable I am as I can't help it - it is the hormones. I'm no fucking different than I am non-pregnant, I swear! His main problem, if he was going to be honest about it is that he is no longer centre of my universe. FFS. He never was! Honestly, tis like dealing with a child, only worse.

Does anyone have any practical advice/info on homebirthing? I saw midwife on Weds - I swear she is in denial that I am having HB as she does not want to even think about coming out to me on xmas day. Cow. I asked her if there was anything I needed to do/prepare/buy etc for HB and she just said 'erm..... No'. That was it, end of conversation. Very fucking informative. I kept asking, and in the end all she could say is that it hasn't been decided yet whether I can have a HB - usually midwife will visit at home and do thorough assessment to make sure I am fit/able etc. She couldn't even tell me when roughly that would happen. She really was all enthusiastic and thrilled about HB until she worked out due date. Getting The Rage now just thinking about it. Will go and test my apple and blackberry crumble instead.

Congrats on better care and HB for Ginsters. Are IMs terribly expensive? Got our hippo birthing session tomorrow, looking forward to that.

Cho congrats on baybee moving! It is so AMAZE isn't it? Saying that, I am currently receiving kicks to the cunt and it really does feel like a foot is about to fall out of my foof. Is a rather strange and unpleasant feeling I must admit. I think I prefer the finger tips or toes wedged under my hip bone.

polly they are fuckers. Husbands and lazy midwives. My doula has told me that should they CANNOT legally refuse to send someone out to you. There's a legal phrase you only have to utter on the phone to delivery suite when you go into labour and they have to find someone. Not necessarily how you want it to happen but depends how strongly you feel about not going into hospital. I would be VERY emphatic to your MW that you won't be going into hosp unless it becomes medically necessary during the labour. Stupid cow.

Mr Moo also kindly told me during a similar argument the other night that my entire pregnancy has been spent on the internet which is why he is not involved as much as I'd like. Nice. So despite talking to him endlessly and buying books and begging him to read them, it is of course MY FAULT. And yours too :)

Erm Polly - politely inform her that the decision has been made. Since when is it up to her???

According to my book you may need :
Large plastic sheet
Portable mirror to watch birth
Angle-poise lamp
Old towels or sheets
Celebratory drink

There's loads of other stuff on the list but you would need it in hospital too so haven't listed. And, as Box will testify you don't need to be prepared with any of this stuff for a HB.

Nicky Wesson's Homebirth book comes highly recommended and has a whole chapter on getting your homebirth.

honey I didn't get any stretchmarks and my bellybutton didn't pop - however I put this down to podge... happy all the same. On the other hand - my c-section scar is minging - but I wear this with pride, because it gave me Bear. [lentil-eating grin]

polly My health insurance company sent me a box containing (from memory): Maternity pads, plastic sheet for bed, bed protectors (like puppy pads), various swabs & dressings, umbilical clip, saline solution, huge bag of cotton wool. Then I was supposed to get legs to make the bed higher so the mw didn't break her back bending over. I was supposed to have a torch, hot water & leccy obviously.

Champagne was in fridge.

rots will know for sure what you need.

Honey I also spent most of first pregnancy trying to engage TG, to no avail. All books went unread, despite him being a massive geek and book whore - if he is interested in something he will read everything he can get his hands on and become 'expert'. That was what I expected first time round. I could only conclude that he just wasn't fucking interested. I was vey hurt and disappointed as he is a very emotional person, but he mainly preferred to have head in sand until BOo actually arrived. This time around, I expected no different, have not tried to engage him, am generally stremely laid back, but apparently I am still a nightmare. If he wants a nightmare he only has to cast his mind back to 2 years of ttc - now THAT made me insane! This bit should be a breeze. And I agree - they are fuckers.

Thanks for tips Clucky, and I will go check out that book in a mo. I was rather at midwife - so much for every mother's choice eh? I wanted to point out that actually it WAS my choice, and if I so chose I could go and birth in a fucking field on my own*, but managed to stop myself. Nothing on this earth (barring of course medical emergency) could induce me to go into that shitty hospital again. So as long as I am healthy and baybee is fine, we WILL be aiming for a home birth.

*Not that I actually want to do that of course, but ykwim.

Pols My mate who HB'd in North London (I only mention this because North London is very posh, and things may be different elsewhere) said the midwives came round with all the HB equipment a couple of weeks before her due date...I don't think they bought anything special at all.

Polly apparently my independent midwife has attended not one, but 2 births in a foaling box. Same woman, couple of years apart, who thought if it was good enough for her horses it was good enough for her. IMs are about £3 - 3.5K, depending on where you are. It seems like a lot of money, but we paid in installments and I can say it is some of the best money I have ever spent. The difference between DD and DS's births are worlds apart, and even if I had had a CS with DS I would have had a much greater level of support.

Cluck and therein lies the difference between Hossie A and Hossie B, eh? One wants to help and give you what you need, and the other is frankly a place to go to die.

It would seem you don't need anything to actually have a baby at home (I had nothing ready at all.) My MW was fab and had all sorts of things, but she would have liked a bit more light. She ended up with a headlamp strapped to her forehead, as the only lighting we had available was a dim bedside lamp and a bit of borrowed light from the bathroom. Made it all lovely and cosy and private, but she struggled a bit when she needed to be able to see where all the blood was gushing from (that's not a normal part of HB btw. I just bleed a lot.)

poopy yes, they are very expensive. Mr gin was somewhat taken aback. However one of the blokes who works for us recommended our IM to us and I kept saying things along the line of 'well, HE obviously thought that HIS WIFE was worth it' etc :)

He does really understand why I want this this time though. It's the continuity of care as much as anything...my last pg I virtually never saw the same mw twice at antenatal appts, most of my nhs classes were cancelled and the change of shifts of mws when I was in hops to have mooch (obv I hadn't met either of them before either) caused a couple of problems....

Mr gin actually managed to say some v supportive and thoughtful stuff at our meeting with the ims, which took me by surprise as he is still at the hilarious comedy 'do I really need to be there, you'll be fine' stage...

I am struggling with the idea of moving house now I have got the hb thing straight in my head [hormonal insecurity emoticon]

Ooo mine is cheaper than that (just)

When do you think you'll move, Gin?

Don't actually know if we are...but mr gin is a bit smitten with a place and has gone all a bit 'grand designs' again (I think it's his nesting instinct, this happened last time too...)

It is a lovely house n has potential to be amazing...and has a garden...

If we decide after next viewing (with my dad who can advise on building work) then it could all happen v fast, although we will be doing scary things financially for a bit.

Aaah, packing your life up and living on a building site when pregnant it's such fun, we seem to want to do it again! :)

Yes, IMs are brilliant with OHs too. My OH was left in a hospital corridor wearing surgical scrubs after birth of DD. DD had been born blue and not breathing and was rushed up to SCBU and I was open and bleeding on an operating theatre table with a spinal block wearing off and the anaesthetist telling the surgeon she needed to DO SOMETHING and was eventually given a general to finish the job off. OH was shoved out of the room and noone told him what was going on. He's a big strong bloke but gets upset a lot at this memory and our IM spent time to make sure he was happier this time, and reassured him that whatever happened he wouldn't be left in the dark with her around.

Isn't it tragic the number of people who employ an IM to ensure continuity of care - why the hell isn't the NHS able to provide anything that might be even vaguely described as this?

Gin you are mad. We didn't have electricity or running water in the house when DD was born. Never again!

One which happy note - we have just got our planning permission through for our fanfuckingtastic 2 bedroom + en-suite bathroom extension with the most humungous open plan kitchen/dining room/ living room ever! Ya-boo sucks to our miserable next door neighbours who decided to welcome us home last Tuesday not with a 'congratulations on your new baby' card but a really whiny letter complaining to the council why our extension to our tiny 2 bedroom hovel will spoil the setting of their 8 bedroom manor. Arsewipes. (If they are lucky they will get away with me just mentioning to my friend on the parish council planning committee about the fact they have put up stables without planning permission. If they are unlucky I will point out all of their failures to comply with planning rules.)