December 2010, where we waft about in mat gear eating icecream

[Miffster]

Yo December 2010 ladies, here we go - the mid-point of our pregnancies...and beyond!

Morning. I'm just off the weight I was before I got pregnant now, but then I lost a lot at the beginning.

DF we're managing, no choice tbh but I'm not happy about it at all and waiting for my solicitor to call me back this morning to see what we can do, if anything. I don't know what would happen if I didn't make them available for contact but I don't think I can put them through it again. I really don't know what to do.

Hope everyone's well.

C & G you have to comply with your court order. (I do too, and its terrible shit)

But if you believe that it is having adverse reactions on your childrens help - then go to your GP, social services, cafcass too (do you have a family assistance order?) any one... and take the matter back to court for review.

why has the midwife stuck an amnio report in my maternity folder with a note on it saying it contains the sex of the baby? arrgggghhhhh!

onlywantsone you are due same time as me! :-) I darent weigh myself thats too scary! midwife has told me Im measuring the right size, bang on the line for the number of weeks though

me too larenamium - I had an appt last week and was bang on 25 weeks.

Has your baby quietened down the kicks at all? Mine is active in the evening but I dont feel as many flutters and kicks as I used to from weeks 18 - 24 - I was just thinking there must be less room?

I can feel firm kicks in my ribs and some times I spose he/she is stretching out as huge pressure in bladder and ribs at same time.

MW told me that baby was head down in the right position, hope it stays that way!!!!!!

OWO no she kicks and spins ALL the time, but before it was only in the evenings that I would feel her. Now its constant through the day when Im running around (little flutters and kicks) and as soon as I sit down she starts kicking hard but by nighttime she has tired herself out and I get a decent nights sleep! I really hope this happens when she is born!!

bugger, mine is awake between 9 and 11... everynight

Oh dear! Is there any research that says the patterns carry on from when they are born do you know?

well my DD1 was exactly the same - probably because thats when I would sit down for first time all day (about 8.30 - 9pm) and when she was born, she was awake at those times too, and would have her last feed whilst I watched 10pm news and sleep throguh til 6 am at about 6 weeks

wow thats really good! A bit of positive thinking and a lot of luck and I might have a nighttime sleeper haha (I'll keep dreaming :) )

how many times have you seen your MW?

DF - Did you open it? temptation would be killing me

I have a full house of Italian family guests, as expected they all told me I had a fat arse. I had specifically told DP to encourage them all to lie to me and tell me how wonderful I look. I have 2 weeks of this! Help!

KittyBump - TBH I would stop using the meds as you're not happy about it and go back to the doctor. It was irresponsible of them to prescribe them without discussing it properly with you first. Possibly they were unaware of the risks but if that was the case they shouldn't have just said "yes". Don't panic though - it looks like the risks are mainly in the 1st trimester anyway, and that's only going from animal studies where extreme overdoses were used, so a normal dose might be absolutely fine whenever.

But the doctor should definitely have discussed it more with you, even if just to say that in their opinion, the risk is so insignificant and unlikely to be relevant that the benefit outweighs the risk. It's your right to go in and ask to talk about whether there are other options you could use.

OnlyWantsOne - I'm finding that baby's position really affects how much I feel the kicks. If your LO is in the right position already then it'll be kicking your back (and possibly the placenta) making it harder to feel the kicks.

Has anyone else had their baby try kicking the hell out of their cervix? Oweeee! I had to get on all fours and give the bump a real wiggle to get her to move as it was so uncomfortable! Move away from the exit baby!

I've seen 1 MW for my booking in and then my regular MW once for my 18 week appointment. I then saw a registrar and a hospital MW at 22 weeks (was referred to consultant care) and my GP this week for my 25 week appointment (though it was early, at 23+5). I'm seeing my MW again at 26 weeks for what should be my 28 week appointment, but first us then the MW are on holiday so we brought it forward.

DF - are you choosing not to know the sex? I couldn't resist the temptation to peek, but then I didn't want to wait past 20 weeks either!

laurenamium - it is normal for babies to wake for a feed at about 11pm, but I think they tend to have slightly different waking patterns after birth because they have to keep feeding, so only sleep for a few hours at a time at first.

Lavitabellissima - are your relatives being blunt/rude or could it partly be down to different attitudes of curvy when pregnant = very good?

Im finding the feeling of being kicked in the ribs / back quite painful! and If i sit at my desk slumped, the baby protests!!!!

I definitely don't want to know the sex

Japhrimel DP assures me they mean it in a nice way as you put it but I'm sure, even Italian women don't like being told they have a fat bum .

There was lots of talk earlier about house guests when the babies are born and honestly after less than 24 hours, I want my house back they are so not coming at Christmas!

I really like my own space and always feel like they are judging me. I've already got the "you won't go back to work!" I know I want to be a completely different kind of parent and am already worried about them not respecting that I want to do things my way. In Italy kids stay up till midnight, my nieces are 5 & 7 and they still cut up their food for them . They are generally very mollycoddled and I was brought up in a more independant fashion. Each to there own and I don't say anything, just let out my judgypants on here sorry for the moan!

Hi lilmamma - how exciting and how wonderful to be part of it for your daughter - is it your first grandchild? I do hope your daughter has a dream pregnancy.

DuelingF - I am also due Dec 11th!! but have to work up to Nov 30th as got married last year and had to use some of this years' holiday entitlement to pad out my honeymoon - luckily my manager is being quite cool and has said if need be in the latter stages we can look at staggering my work hours so I can avoid rush hour and or work from home so hope to manage ok.

Today is a mixed bag - I had my 24 week appointment with the MW and heard the heart and she said I was the perfect size and the baby's heart sounded really strong - in fact whenshe first put the dopppler on my belly he/she tried to kick it off - it was magic and I know its silly as who could know but MW said I had a a very happy baby and I was estactic by that.

Also handed in my Mat B1 into HR today.

However on the other hand my friend's baby is being cremated today - she was lost at 21 weeks when the anomaly scan discovered she had developed spina bifida/brain damage.

The specialist who did the autopsy has advised my friend that she shouldnt have the expectation it would happen again and she is currently debating if she should ttc now or wait a while (I think now).

Anyway I sent her flowers today to say we were thinking of them but am anxious I didnt make a mistake doing that.

Anyway, am looking forward to the long weekend as getting tired very quickly nowadays!

re the list people have out up I have about 10 little outfits and have started buying the odd bits and pieces such probably needed like a box to keep baby toiletries in like cotton wool etc in and some random like a birth certificate holder (!? ) but we have also ordered the pushchair (Quinny Buzz), the cot (Izziwotnot Bailey cot bed in oak)and a lovely chest of drawers plus have started loking at colours to paint the spare room.

I go from being really nervous about making arrangements to feeling I should be bold and believe in my baby.

We start NCT classes on 9th Sept!!

Last thought - am convinced the baby will come early eg in Nov - for no reason other then both DH and I were early!

SpanishLady - one issue to consider for your friend is whether waiting would mean she would be more able to cope if she had a miscarriage. I know that I was glad that I didn't get pregnant straight away after my 1st MC as I then had another and if it'd been right after the first I wouldn't have coped at all!

DH got paid today so am thinking of ordering some of the more expensive bits from Morthercare with the 20% voucher tonight!

ooo whats the 20 % vouchee?

spanish as one who has lost a baby, it be very difficult to know what do however as they have the 'all clear' they don't have to wait if they don't want to. The urge to have a baby is still strong even though you are grieving your loss at the same time. Some people prefer to wait, others can't. We had decided before even leaving maternity that we would try again straight away, we just never expected it to take so long this time (2 years compared to 3 months last time).

Living with the loss of a baby is something you do for life, the only thing I can say about having (had to) wait is that the raw grief has passed and I am having a fairly calm pregnany. On the flip side being unable to get pregnant for so long caused its own pain. Please pass on my heartfelt sympathies onto your friend, it is a deep and painful grief to bear.

spanish sorry about the slightly random typing! To let them know you have thought about them today is a wonderful thing and aboslutely the right thing to do . Too quickly people move on and forget, we angel mums never do.

SpanishLady we are due date and pushchair twins, I have the Quinny Buzz too and just won a carrycot on ebay for a great price :)

I am sure that your friend will appreciate the flowers and that you are thinking of them.

My NCT classes aren't until early November, I hope I haven't left it too late.

I am jealous of everyone with their spot on sized bumps, I just hope the midwife has measured mine wrong!

Heard from my SIL today and she says she has spoken to someone ar ARC RE the nuchal measurement and feels much better. She has her proper nuchal scan tomorrow evening so I am just hoping that they can at least give her a smaller measurement and that the NHS sonographer got it wrong. I still can't believe that she (the sonographer) told her not to bother with the private nuchal :(

Hi

thank you Jo and I am sorry you had the experiences you had but congratulations and heartfelt best wishes for this pregnancy.

sorry I slipped my friend into a generally rambling posting and did not give her the full respect really she deserved.

We talked last week and I told her that I was firstly worried about saying the wrong thing or saying nothing and that also being wrong and secondly about my only other experience similar-ish to her which was my ex-boyfriend whose brother (as a young man) died - similar in so much as I remember his mother saying that one of the hardest things for her was how quickly after her son died people made her feel that it would be better if she didnt talk about it or not to be too emotional as it made others feel uncomfortable - I basically told my friend that it didnt matter that her baby had died so young - I expected her to never not be grieving and to want to remember her even given the so very short time she had with her and that was fine with me - whenever and however we could talk.

She responded that this was indeed her experience and even her partner seemed to want to change the subject when the baby was brought up.

about trying for another baby - well I took the view that if it happened again I am not so sure there being a gap between the children would matter in the big scheme of things, the sadness and loss woudl still be there - though of course I was anxious that by encouraging her and something going wrong again I would have caused her more pain and also I am worried about her ability to be emotionally strong enough to handle another lost baby.

I also considered our age (we are both 36 and indeed she turns 37 in December) and like you mentioned while both of us in fact conceived this time quickly that doesnt mean it will be so quick next time (something I do acknowledge about myself given it would be lovely to have 2 children so if I want a second I have to make a decision sooner rather then later about when I might try - and then I get anxious about imaging another baby when I am only 24 weeks & 5 days with this my first).

Ultimately as many can attest losing one baby does not mean losing another and if ultimately she wishes to be a mother given circumstances I think she needs to consider trying again sooner then she might were she younger for example - though am not sure that is fair.

I guess I am thinking (perhaps wrongly) that were she to have a baby in her arms or on its way by the time the anniversary of her first baby's death comes around she will have something positive to offset her sadness and pain - its not about replacing her daughter of course but havign somethign affirming.

Hi Dueling

I do enjoy your posts as sometimes you are eerily similar to me - eg my husband is also convinced its a boy though mine annoys me by saying 'if its a girl we can still keep it' like its the funniest thing he's ever said and though I know he will be mush in her hands if we had a girl.

I am also (hope I balance this right) a mixture of first mum nerves and being abit cautious about turning into some kind of 'yummy mummy' - who I secretly am abit distainful of - nothing like someone trying to ridicuously negotiate with a very small/tired/fed up child in Tescos to annoy me - like 'Tarquin, would you like apple, orange, pineapple, peach or papaya juice?' - I want to scream - give a choice of 2, they have a right to some choice and independence but they are small people and you are throwing too many choices at them - be the parent will you!!

Anyway! We are going for the Quinny in rebel red which we debated as grey or black is probably better. Havent looked at car seat or carrycot yet but agree need to try and see where I can get a good deal - my mum is addicted to ebay so need to get her on the case!!

dont worry about your bump size (easier said then done) bet you its just healthy baby or lots of fluid - to be honest I think I look small and the MW only vaguely prodded around briefly (didnt measure me) so I am not 100% convinced but suppose I should trust her.

spanish you are absolutely spot on in how your friend feels - what a lovely friend you are. And I would say that men and women do grieve differently so no surprise her DP is not wanting to discuss it/show his feelings. I have 2 friends who also lost full term and they were both pregnant within 6 months and the 1st anniversary was easier in some respects for them, but for one the 2nd anniversary was much harder as she now had a baby and knew what she was missing. I was 37 a month after we lost our DS2 so time played a part in ttc immediately but to be honest I would have still felt the same even if I was younger.

Onto more positive things I am wondering how so many people are having MW appointments and I'm not! The last time I saw one was for my dating scan! Next one will be 28 weeks when I go for my GTT, which it seems everyone gets over here. I have no idea if I'm growing as I should, definite bump there mind you, I just know I'm shattered and my hips are generally aching in the morning! Ho Hum . LOL at 'Tarquin'.

We have a red buggy as people can see you when you're walking!

DF Hopefully your SIL will get some 'proper' answers tomorrow from someone who does actually know what they are talking about rather than making throwaway comments. Dreadful that she has had to resort to talking to ARC to get some peace of mind. Keep us posted.