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So frightened of telling parents

198 replies

needahugbug · 27/06/2016 10:38

Hi I'm looking for some advise. I know it's pathetic but I'm petrified of telling my parents about my pregnancy as they are quite old fashioned. I feel I've let them down as I'm not married and don't currently live with my partner. I know it's pathetic I just don't know what to do or how to tell them :(

OP posts:
WeekendAway · 29/06/2016 07:22

They said why didn't you wait until you were 40? ShockHmm well that's just about the worst advice ever and I'm amazed anyone would be stupid enough to give it, never mind the potential grandparents!

WeekendAway · 29/06/2016 07:23

Christ, I can't believe these people. Sad

MunchCrunch01 · 29/06/2016 07:50

Well that is a mad reaction on their part - mad. You've told them, 34 is certainly not early for a baby. Distance yourself and look forward to it yourself, if they can't behave they're being wallies. Why are you letting this get you down so much? You're 34 not 14, you're having a lovely little baby and 95% of the rational world would be thrilled for you. You must manage your stress for your baby they are being odd and it's not fair but ultimately it's not that important - you are going to be a mummy so go out and make some baby related happy plans and move on.

needahugbug · 29/06/2016 08:00

I lay awake from 3am this morning thinking about everything. All my parents want for me is the best and they know my relationship with my partner isn't the most solid it could be. They know he has 2 kids from before and maybe they are just concerned for me that he isn't the best choice. It hurts me I've made this mess and upset the people who love me. And maybe that's why I was also scared of telling them because I felt I had let them down :(

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 29/06/2016 08:22

I think you need some RL help to sort through your feelings and how you deal with all this. Would you see your GP to discuss what is available in your area?

needahugbug · 29/06/2016 08:40

Thank you everyone for you advice. I am truly grateful. I think this has highlighted a lot of weakness both in myself and my relationship with my family but also in my relationship. I am going to make an appointment with my gp and see what options I have. Thank you everyone I am so glad i posted on here.

OP posts:
Solasum · 29/06/2016 11:16

? What options you have? Are you now considering getting rid of the baby because of your parents' reaction? The baby you were happy to be having? That is a recipe for a lifetime of regret for you. You can't live your life to make other people happy OP. Hang on in there. Flowers

MunchCrunch01 · 29/06/2016 11:17

oh need, at our age (i'm about 2 years older) if you want the baby, it won't be a total disaster and your parents are wrong to think in those terms, I certainly wouldn't, yes perhaps it's not a dream situation but plenty of parents don't stay together throughout parenting, and I've got a lot of friends with dc from different relationships who've been together ages now. My mum had 2 DC from a previous marriage before she had me, my parents are still together 37 years later! And I wouldn't ever regret having my DC, whatever happened with my dh!

Maybenot321 · 29/06/2016 12:28

Hopefully OP means counselling? As per Pacific' s post?

needahugbug · 29/06/2016 12:29

When I say what option I mean is there medication suitable for my anxiety or depression, talking therapy, Counselling for my partner and I etc.

OP posts:
knowler · 29/06/2016 12:30

need What do you mean about seeing about your options with your GP? I hope I am not jumping the gun horribly here, but are you considering a termination because of how your parents have reacted? If so, please talk to your partner and try to think clearly about this. I thought up-thread that you were blowing this out of proportion a bit, but I am now worried about you that there is something deeper going on here, that at the age of 34 you would base a decision like this on the reaction of your mum and dad.

Please try to think about yourself and your pregnancy and make any decisions based on what you want and think. Flowers

knowler · 29/06/2016 12:31

Gosh, i've just seen your reply. I'm sorry I misunderstood. I'd delete my post if I could.

I'm glad - there should be options open to you about this. I took citalopram throughout my 2nd pregnancy and it was fine. This might not be right for you, but just saying there are things you can do. Best of luck!!

Solasum · 29/06/2016 12:38

So glad I misunderstood Flowers

PerspicaciaTick · 29/06/2016 15:06

OP, so far in life you have been living primarily as the child of your parents. Now you are pregnant the kaleidoscope has turned and the pieces are falling into a new, beautiful pattern in which you will live primarily as the mother of your child. From now on you need to live to make your child proud, not your parents. Most normal parents would be proud to watch their child mature into a mother and raise their grandchild, if your's aren't then that is because they are damaged not you.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 29/06/2016 18:26

In pregnancy, relaxation and meditation might be a really good option for your anxiety as it will also help during the birth.

As your midwife about what is on offer becauae tgere is usually something.

needahugbug · 29/06/2016 18:45

I've signed up some antnatal yoga so I'm hoping that will help destress me about. I'm going to speak to my partner and explain the things that I feel need resolving in the relationship. I would just hate for 6 months down the line it all to fall apart and then sadden my parents even more. They are only looking out for me

OP posts:
Maybenot321 · 29/06/2016 18:53

Good idea OP, look after yourself and your LO xx

Geoff0409 · 30/06/2016 08:10

Hi needahug
That actually happened to my Grandmother - my Great Grandparents telling her that she had thrown her career away (she was pregnant with my Mum at the time) - and that was nearly 60 years ago, so old fashioned for your own parents is an understatement.
Of course I understand their worries and concerns, particularly if your relationship with your DP isn't that strong, but you've done the right thing, and I hope your DP reassures them of this when he sees them next. Good luck and well done on telling them.

LeonoraFlorence · 02/07/2016 13:22

How are you feeling now, OP? Flowers

needahugbug · 02/07/2016 13:53

I'm pretty gutted but it was to be expected I guess. Still need to talk with partner about some issues I'm not totally happy with but just taking it day by day xx

OP posts:
AnneElliott · 02/07/2016 14:09

I know how you feel op. I used to be terrified of my parents and their approval ( or lack of) was massive.

You do have to detach yourself from what they think, which is much easier said than done- perhaps some counselling might help?

I only realised how shit my parents were when I had DS though. I knew at once I could never treat him as badly as I had been treated, and that did damage our relationship irretrievably.

However, you know you'll ever treat your child like you have been treated. I would advise contacting and seeing them less, and building up a support network with good friends.

memyselfandaye · 02/07/2016 16:51

I agree with Anne

Good, decent and loving supportive parents wouldn't cause that much angst.

Once you have a child of your own you will realise how crap your own parents are, and make no mistake, they are not coming accross as good parents.

You have'nt murdered, raped or robbed anyone, you are having a baby, a grandchild, making you feel unhappy about it is an awful thing for them to do.

MohammedLover · 09/11/2016 20:22

How are you feeling now?

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